Being Really, Really Good in Bed | Girls Chase

Being Really, Really Good in Bed

Chase Amante

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I’m writing this article not as a “how to” on being a good lover, but rather to explain the rationale behind why I think you ought to be one. I may get around to giving specific insight on technique at some point [UPDATE: see the end of this article for links]; like seduction in general, there’s a lot of advice on the topic but the actual good information is spread out quite far and there’s a lot of nonsense out there. But that’s for another time. Anyway, on with our post…

There are two reasons that nearly every woman I get together with falls very quickly and very deeply in love with me. One of them is that I give a woman a mental and emotional experience like no other man does – I make her feel good, and special, and accepted, but also empowered, emboldened, and ambitious, in ways that probably no one else ever has. I am a motivator, an encourager, and I truly, genuinely want a woman who comes into my life to leave feeling like the world is within her grasp and anything she wants she can reach, with enough determination and perseverance. Women know very quickly that I am one of those rare few people in life who will truly believe in them, and be on their side 100% of the way.

The other reason women fall for me so hard is that I give them better sex than anyone ever has, or likely ever will.

Chase AmanteAbout the Author: Chase Amante

Chase woke up one day in 2004 tired of being alone. So, he set to work and read every book he could find, studied every teacher he could meet, and talked to every girl he could talk to to figure out dating. After four years, scads of lays, and many great girlfriends (plus plenty of failures along the way), he launched this website. He will teach you everything he knows about girls in one single program in his One Date System.

GET CHASE’S ONE DATE SYSTEM

Comments

lachstar's picture

Hi Chase!

Quick question - I am above average in bed, and I'm thinking about taking it to the next level and becoming truly good in bed (so I'm looking forward to your next article on the subject!).

However when I think about it I wonder if any girl that I'm with will take the time to reciprocate and become better in bed with me... whether its really worth it, given the entitlement complex most western women have (and most of the ones I date have it).

I suppose it will give me extra value and allow me to retain more girls, but I'm wondering - whats the spoken or unspoken price behind you giving your considerable gift to these girls? It sounds like a fuck-ton of work making some girls orgasm and nothing really comes for free.

Best wishes, I love your site and am a regular reader.

Lachstar

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Lachstar! Hey man, of course, yeah I remember you! A guy always remembers his first commenter ;) It's been a while, brother. Way cool to see you still come around these parts two years later, makes me feel like I'm doing something right.

I haven't posted on it here, as it's one of those hazy gray area things that can be used sometimes not in the best interest of a woman, but there's a seduction / relationship technology out there called "Sexual Power Reversal" you might want to look into for using good sex to get women chasing you and doing lots of things for you. Forget if it was Sebastian Drake's or Vin DiCarlo's idea originally or if they authored it jointly. If I think there's a good way of structuring it in a way that will discourage ill-intentioned folks from using it in detrimental ways, I'll maybe post on it in the future, but right now it's more-or-less one of those "black book" things that's better kept out of the public eye.

That said, there are things you can do just to encourage women to step up their game in the bedroom. One I particularly always enjoy using with girls I'm seeing is, following them doing something I enjoy in bed, I give them a burst of more powerful, more passionate lovemaking, that generally sends them squirming and going wild. They start doing it more and more, and I continue rewarding them, and it becomes a default part of their sexual repertoire.

You can also directly tell girls what to do, then make sure to reward them. So if you want a woman to moan more, you might tell her, "Let me hear how much you enjoy me, baby." Then tell her, "Oh, you sound so good," and step up the power of your thrusts to reward her. Or if you want her to hold you more tightly, you could tell her, "Wrap your legs around me," and then tell her, "It feels so good when we're so close together," and start gently biting her neck or earlobes.

Generally being experimental as well can help women become more well-versed and more adventurous / put more effort into their performance in the bedroom. I have a full color photograph-illustrated copy of the Kama Sutra on my computer that I'll pull up and go through with women, and we'll pick out interesting positions to try. It's a lot of fun, and it gets them more excited and more passionate -- which you can then reinforce with rewarding, to encourage them being that way even when you're not doing kinky stuff ;)

Cheers Lachstar, and thanks for the kind words!

Chase

lachstar's picture

Haha, dude, you're doing so much right. You teach this stuff in such a chill, accessible way - I've learnt so much from you! And I seriously appreciate it, I am looking forward to your book.

Thanks for the reply. Those are some really good techniques - I will use that to mould and shape my future girls.

I suppose I am looking too much to take and not enough to give. After all, being better in bed is a great way to increase retention and probably helps in getting high quality girls ;) I just got out of an LTR with a selfish girl and I guess this is coloring my thinking.

Cheers mate,

Lach

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Lach, you're very welcome, brother. You hit the nail on the head; being a great lover is its own reward. It's one of those things where you just knock a girl's socks off in bed, and don't expect anything for it later, and you'll get loyalty and devotion and all kinds of good emotions and connections and other things from her if she is the appreciative sort.

And if she isn't the appreciative sort, she probably isn't the sort you actually want to have a relationship with ;)

I have definitely seen high quality women ambling from man to man, not quite knowing what they wanted, but knowing they weren't satisfied with mediocre men who gave them mediocre sex. So you might even look at it as an essential to building strong, healthy relationships.

Chase

Insurgent's picture

Truly great article, Chase! So much stuff covered here that I've personally encountered when I did things right and suffered when I didn't.

To me, your article on sexiness actually goes hand in hand with this one because so much of what being sexy is to me, has to do with the ability to be in a sexual mode. To have that fire built and emanate from inside you.

And this is what really makes a difference in my game. The times when I can really get horny and could just tear a girl up from the moment we start the interaction, that seems to come through in my demeanor and behavior and infects the girls with burning desire.

But this is still not as consistent as I'd like it to be. Yesterday I had a lay where I knocked over a table and stained a very expensive carpet right as the girl was going to blow me and I completely lost my mojo. Ended up getting really pissed about the stain and couldn't relax or enjoy myself. Busted about 15 seconds into a fantastic blowjob, and never could get really into the sex in spite the gorgeous girl being really into it. I guess my distracted demeanor eventually turned her off. I actually stopped it after fifteen minutes to check the stain again (LOL), came back and fingered her to orgasm because I was soft, and she left afterwards with a hug and kiss on the cheek. Ugh.

Casual frame all along, no big deal. But subtext reading of this goodbye is not good either. I know most of it is just in my head and I made it seem much worse than it was. Besides the bizarre (truly uncommon) PE, our boning was good even though I only gave maybe 20 percent of what I could've because of everything that happened. I noticed when I showered later that my balls and sheets were drenched, so maybe my own distraction made me underestimate her enjoyment, or maybe not.

How would you approach a situation where you know that given a mulligan, you'd fuck her brains out, but you have botched that first lay?

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Howdy, Insurgent! Yes, you're dead on – like that old Mae West quote, if a man "has fire, women will like him."

Ultimately, what you want to be able to do is to learn so well how you act when you're actually aroused that you make that your default behavior even when you're utterly at ease. That way, you learn to be sexy outside regardless how you feel inside. Success becomes a lot more routine and a lot less subject to the caprices of fate (and whether you had a day conducive to feeling sexy – like getting plenty of sleep, having high protein meals, having a number of victories, and getting a hard workout done – or not).

When you have it programmed as your default personality regardless of how you feel, that's when you start getting consistency.

For your situation with the girl, just assume that everything was fine and act as you would had nothing out-of-the-ordinary occurred and that she had a great experience with you. If she brings up anything about the stain or compulsive stain-checking behavior, or a less-than-satisfactory roll in the hay, or anything like that, just be casual about it and move on. e.g.:

Her: "Sorry about your rug the other day, but what was up with the stopping-to-check-the-stain thing?"

You: "Oh yeah, my bad on that one. Just really liked that rug so got a little worked up about it turning purple. Guess that's what happens to things you stretch across the floor sometimes though. What've you been up to the past couple of days?"

Don't make it a big deal, and she likely won't either. Then, of course, get physical with her the next time you see her as soon as possible to make sure you cement things and don't have any of that, "So, are we going to have sex again, or…?" weirdness in place ;)

Cheers,
Chase

Vinny's picture

Mr.Chase, I have been told by numerous women that I am the best lay they have ever had in bed. I am amazing at going down on a women and just basically knowing how to get them off comes so easy for me. But here is my problem..I lack the game or knowledge to convince a girl to even come home with me and see how amazing I am. For someone who is so conifdent in bed I am that not confident in picking up a beautiful girl. How can I become better at this as I know for sure if I can get them home with me they will always come back for more.

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Vinny, first off, props on being great in bed! A lot of men don't put in the effort... I'm not really sure why. It's great both for giving women amazing, memorable experiences, and for your retention rates if you want to keep seeing a girl after that first time together.

Something I've noticed a lot of guys struggle with is a core of feeling of whether they're "good enough" for various women. So what you might actually do -- ah, the more comments I reply to, the more I'm missing stuff on the site here -- I don't have stuff up yet about visualizations on here, but you might spend about ten minutes a day clearing your head and focusing on seeing in your mind's eye how happy those women were with you, and feeling the emotions you felt then.

Visualizations like that strengthen the neural pathways you have to those memories and train your brain to realize that women get a lot out of being with you, which makes you feel you have a great deal to offer women, and gives you a big confidence boost when meeting girls where you're basically conveying, "Hey -- I know I'm going to be the best thing that ever happens to you. I'm not saying it, I just know it." Women pick up on that vibe, and doing some visualizations to reinforce to yourself mentally how much you have to offer women goes a long way toward getting you there.

Aside from that, I have a page up on the site here called "How to Get a Girl" that lays out pretty clearly the big things you should focus on getting down to start having more success with women. Depending on where you are with your skill set right now, there are a number of links to posts on there that should help provide some direction and get you started improving.

Chase

Anonymous's picture

Read your article and must agree. The funny thing is im not a skinny guy but every girl i have had sex with falls for me, granted im lucky also i am thicker than most and know how to use it plus mastering everything that is entailed for good sex. Not to mention i know how to talk to women and this to me is the easiest part because really all you have to do is let them do the talking because they love to gab about what they want and what is going on in there life and they love to to talk about there ex's being assholes. I recently met a hottie who i never thought i would have ever have a chance with. She has guys begging to get with her and ex's who want her back. But she had never had been given an orgasm and told me most guys she got with usually just got theirs and thats it. She even went to the doctor to find out why she couldnt orgasm she told me. The first time we got together she came close. But the second time i gave her 4 orgasms in one night. And she has very strong feelings for me as i do for her and i know allot of it is do to the great sex and orgasms and listening to her and in this order. She told me the sex was mind blowing and was suprised that no one has taken me yet and i was thinking to myself because i never met anyone who was hot as she was and as fun to be around. Its only been close to 2 weeks and she has strong feelings for me already, she wants to say so she loves me but is scared because of how soon she is having these feelings.

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Hey Anon, yeah, pretty crazy how much good sex kicks up strong feelings in women, huh? It releases a heavy cocktail of endorphins, dopamine, and oxytocin in a girl's brain that the majority of women haven't (or rarely have) experienced with a man before. Even tough, independent women who are used to lots of male attention (like yours) fall hard for guys who perform well in the sack. Amazing that more men don't try to train themselves up in that department, huh?

Chase

Woman's picture

Well, Chase, here's a woman's comment: you are SO right. :) I turned 30 before meeting one of those guys. Until I did meet him, I thought it was virtually impossible for me to climax in penetrative sex. After that... Well, to use your words:

"loud, powerful, earth-shattering climaxes that went on and on and on"
"a woman who is helplessly climaxing because you’re just that good in bed, and who lies there after looking at you in amazement because no other man has given her what you just gave her"

Bingo.

And guess what it did to me? I'm a changed woman. He's not around anymore but my orgasms are changed for good, being more powerful and much easier to achieve. No problem about climaxing anymore. It's like I'm a totally different person, now I come easily, it's ridiculous how easy it is for me. I, who thought I'd never make it. So, not only did this man give me the time of my life, he also made me learn something. I think this makes me a better lover too, for I know that many men enjoy seing a woman enjoy, and it's easier for me to give them that pleasure. :)

Whoah. Just tell me where to get some more... Please?

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Hi Woman (I'm assuming that isn't your real name ;),

Yeah, it's pretty incredible how that works, huh? I've also noticed that there seems to be this "wall" that women have to achieving intense penetrative orgasms, and once you break through that wall, their ability to climax is forever changed.

That has mixed implications for a long-term relationship (a woman you've taught to climax hard gets both a lot more emotionally attached to you, but she's also a lot more likely to use cheating as revenge when she's angry because sex becomes something very powerful to her), but ultimately I think it's more good than anything. Nothing quite like giving a girl an experience unlike any she's had before...!

Chase

Alex's picture

Which products/resources will help us understand(in detail) how we can also do this: " Make her feel good, and special, and accepted, but also empowered, emboldened, and ambitious, in ways that probably no one else ever has. I am a motivator, an encourager, and I truly, genuinely want a woman who comes into my life to leave feeling like the world is within her grasp and anything she wants she can reach, with enough determination and perseverance".

meier's picture

This would be the only site which is so complete that includes subtext. That is something i always trip on. I'm self aware most of the times, but when i know my subtext, absolutely no girl has a chance to reject me.

Anonymous's picture

Hey Chase man I came across your site for the first time and I gotta say Im already about 8-9 articles in, your a genius man. I usually go to sleep around 1 a.m. and got on your cite and next thing I knew it was 5:30 a.m. Anyways I need some advice from you man. I have been talking to this girl now for a couple of months and things were good at first we hit it off and we are really into each other. The deal is most women I have been with have been multi-orgasmic and I've never had a problem pleasing them. This girl is different in that when we have sex sometimes she will climax and then says she knows she cant again so will pretty much let me climax and that's that. Other times though she is not even able to reach orgasm before I climax, because trust me she def. knows what she is doing...like no girl I've had before as far as getting me to climax quickly sometimes. Also, when she does reach orgasm its not like a steady build up with her, its like we are going at it then all the sudden she just screams for like 10 seconds and shes done. My deal is I am more of the type of the man that would rather please my woman, rather than myself being pleased so those times when she doesn't climax and the fact the she thinks she can only climax once and be done drives me crazy because I mean I wanna try and make her orgasm multiple times every time we have intercourse. Also, the whole thing with me reaching orgasm quickly with her sometimes also drives me nuts because I've never really had a problem with stamina with other girls, like I said she knows how to work it though. I mean I can seriously see myself being with this girl for the long haul so I turned to you Chase to see if you could help me with my stamina issues with her? Also what I can do to prove to her that I can make her multi-orgasmic? I mean in all honesty my Penis size is average about 6 inches, and I get kind of self conscious like I'm not getting deep enough down in her, or if the fact that she has had a kid has anything to do with it? I should mention as well I mean we do foreplay I give her head and get her g-spot and work the clitoris, but I dont think I have found the S-spot or R-spot (cant remember what you called it) the spot right underneath the belly button and the rectum...whats the best way to hit that spot? fingers up or down or twisting or just really deep? I just really like this woman and we are doing fine as far as relationship, I'm just worried if I don't start getting it done right in the bedroom she might look elsewhere. So I can def. use some of your input and if you could answer my questions you would be my savior. keep up the good work Chase, Im bookmarking your site for sure

Me!'s picture

Hey chase!

I'm a woman reading this article, crazy I know! But I was wondering how I can suggest my boyfriend become more enthusiastic in bed. He seems to like it and I do too but he can't seem to get me to orgasm, during foreplay or sex. It's not that I can't I have given myself orgasms before, but were both fairly new to all of this, and while he seemed really interested in giving me one at first, I've had to stop him a couple of times when it became Uncomfortable for me and now he doesn't seem very intent on it. Is there any way I can make him want to be a more passionate lover?

Norma's picture

"A woman is never really “yours” until you’ve given her good, powerful, satisfying sex." Couldn't agree with u more.

Most men i have been with were average in bed but once in a while a girl gets lucky and get that special one.
I have shamelessly chased after a guy who gave me mind blowing sex. Even today when I think back to my encounter with him, I get aroused.
He wasn't even the biggest I'd ever had but it was in the way he kissed so well, took charge, ate the box like a pro, looked at me while he ravished me, taking his time and not rushing to get off.
He didn't look like Brad Pitt either just fit, tall and lots of confidence which is so so sexy. If a guy is confident, it translates to the bedroom too.

Sandra's picture

You know, good sex for a woman is a total experience. It involves a good way of interacting...and sensuality.

Once you are a sensual type of man you´ve got it. You either got it or you don´t. It´s in your blood and you know how to move, what to do with your hands and mouth, how to make this feel natural.

The connection created is so powerful especially when two find a common rhythm. But it takes two....a woman can do this to you and it would be equally mind-blowing...because she knows how to do it.

Ask me...not a professional, but a woman who spots the right type for her.

Axilleas's picture

When I was younger , I was focusing mostly on getting satisfied. That changed a while ago but I wish it would have changed before that, when I was younger. I am a Greek Cypriot and I have had women from various countries. I have found however that british and American women have the most complaints about their men. I am only so happy to make them wonder at me when I finally get them into my bed or they get me into theirs. It is almost a religious experience for some women. It is not really a big secret on how to do this. You have to want to satisfy the woman in every way possible and to give pleasure/orgams countless times. However I notice a "problem" with this. You satisfy a woman like this and it is not so well and easy to move on to another because she will not leave you alone.

H. Xatzixristos

Claudia 's picture

Hi Chase, I'm a woman in a relationship with a man who truly pleasures me in ways i never imagined, you are right on point, but my issue is that i love giving oral, but i feel i lack in the sack, any tips on what guys really like when we are on top.

Franco Lombardi's picture

Claudia,

This question has also been posed by another woman on our forum. Here is the link to that post in case you wanted to check it out:

What Makes a Woman Amazing in Bed?

Hope this helps!

- Franco

Hulo's picture

Hi Chase

I'm having certain doubts

I've done reading the book "No More Mr. Nice guy" and something the author teaches in that book is that the man (a nice guy) focused in pleasing (a) his woman in bed actually causes discomfort for her and actually makes her fake her orgasms, and genuine actual advice in that book is that both members actually focus on making themselves feel good.

Do you have any thoughts on this?

Carlos's picture

Hi Chase, I like your article and lately I been wondering if there is another level I can take my sex skills.
Just abit of my background, I started learning and improving my sex skills 15 years ago when I took a sexuality class back in college, in the next 5 years I improve my skills so much that I became so satisfied with my results that I stop trying to improve my skills, I felt like: Skill + Knowledge + Experience was all I needed, and I didn't need to keep learning new skills.
Just a quick info of my skills on bed:
- Making women have multiple G-Spot Orgasms and make them squirt within minutes (even from anal penetration).
- Making women have Full Body Orgasms where they can not even stand up because their legs are shaking.
- Making women Orgasm/Squirt just by whispering something sexy in their ears or vagina (vaginas can not hear but they can feel your breath).
- Lots of Foreplay with games, food, toys, dancing, erotic massages (like the movie 50 Shades of Grey but without the hitting and pain, just some spanking).
- Good with my fingers, touch, hands, tongue, and I been told that I'm a great kisser.
- Lots of public sex (20+ different locations sometimes in front of public cams, but without us knowing until after) to spice up the boredom of the same place all the time.

So, like I said before after I learn all these skills 9-10 years ago, I stop trying to improve my game thinking that I reach the highest level.
So now my question to you is.... Is there another level, a higher level that I can reach?
I feel that there has to be another level, a new discovery during the last 10 years!
Now one thing I'm lacking is different positions, I had tried at least 10 different positions and I pick 5 that I and my women enjoy the most and I had use them all the time. But I heard kamasutra has like 200+ positions, I never seen a book/poster of all the 200+ kamasutra positions, so maybe that's something that I can improve on my game, do you think it is worth learning this?
By the way I'm happy with my sex life, but I just want to make sure I'm not missing out of something new or a new discovery from the sex science.
I haven't buy any of your books, but if you are teaching something new that I can learn I will definitely buy them.

Jazmin's picture

Fly to El Paso just for a cup of coffee....

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