I’m writing this article not as a “how to” on being a good lover, but rather to explain the rationale behind why I think you ought to be one. I may get around to giving specific insight on technique at some point [UPDATE: see the end of this article for links]; like seduction in general, there’s a lot of advice on the topic but the actual good information is spread out quite far and there’s a lot of nonsense out there. But that’s for another time. Anyway, on with our post…
There are two reasons that nearly every woman I get together with falls very quickly and very deeply in love with me. One of them is that I give a woman a mental and emotional experience like no other man does – I make her feel good, and special, and accepted, but also empowered, emboldened, and ambitious, in ways that probably no one else ever has. I am a motivator, an encourager, and I truly, genuinely want a woman who comes into my life to leave feeling like the world is within her grasp and anything she wants she can reach, with enough determination and perseverance. Women know very quickly that I am one of those rare few people in life who will truly believe in them, and be on their side 100% of the way.
The other reason women fall for me so hard is that I give them better sex than anyone ever has, or likely ever will.
The two girls I was with this past weekend remarked as such – one of them calling me “fantastic” and the other remarking breathlessly that I was “so good” – and this is something I typically get. Even with the ones who don’t say anything, I assume based off the number of times they climax and the potency with which they do so that they’re probably at least thinking it.
One of the girls I was with yesterday – a girl I was parting ways with amicably, after our second weekend together – asked me if all American men were as “strong” in bed as I was. I thought back on my past conversations with American friends when I’d asked them about whether they gave girls lots of orgasms:
I think so, but I’m not really sure, one of them told me.
Honestly, I’m not too concerned with whether the girl gets off or not, I just want to enjoy myself! another said.
Well, I don’t want a girl to enjoy it too much, just enough that she keeps coming back, yet another friend told me.
Lots of women can’t orgasm from sex, right? asked another one a few years ago. I usually just finger them or give them oral. They’re pretty happy with that.
But here’s been my experience: for driving a girl absolutely crazy with lust and satisfaction, nothing beats making her climax like crazy like good old fashioned penetrative intercourse.
“No,” I told the girl yesterday. “Just me. It’s not an ‘American guy’ thing, it’s just a ‘Chase’ thing.”
I thought then of an article I read last week. I wish I could find it because while the article itself was rubbish, the comments section was quite interesting. The article covered research stating that women claimed similar levels of sexual satisfaction the world over, and then it concluded that obviously this meant that the traditions of claiming that Latins and Mediterraneans were more passionate lovers while North Americans, Northern Europeans, and Asians were less so obviously were false.
From everything I’ve seen, and from what most of the commentators to the article stated, those stereotypes are in fact quite valid – and apparently, there are some very good reasons.
Cultures of Lovemaking
My big skepticism about studies like these is that “satisfaction” is too much of a big, catchall term. A woman who says, “Yeah, I guess I’m satisfied,” because she’s never had a good roll in the hay in her life and has no idea what that’s like is going to be lumped into the same category as a woman who says, “Oh yes, I’m very satisfied!” with a big smile on her face because every night her lover makes her scream at the top of her lungs. There’s no qualitative analysis there, and the information it provides isn’t really all that useful.
In things like this where the science hasn’t caught up yet, I find it most useful to rely on a cross-section of anecdotal reports, and what I read in the comments section on that article on lovemaking was quite interesting.
Almost universally, people (the commentators were mostly in North America) were panning dispassionate American lovers and discussing how good their Latin lovers had been (both male and female). This coincides with my own experience as well; while American-born women often are less-than-rambunctious in bed (they tend to enjoy good sex, but not do all that well at providing much of an experience in return, even among some of the more “experienced” women), Latin women tend to be firecrackers in bed.
Still, I didn’t know why, until reading one comment. The author stated that in his travels throughout Latin America, he noted a culture of bravado where men bragged to other men about what good lovers they were and how many times their women climaxed.
In Latin America, it is a point of pride to be a good lover.
This is fascinating if it’s true, and it stands in stark contrast to my American friends, who for the most part, as noted above, could care less about how satisfied their women are. In a quick Google search, I couldn’t find anything else to back up the claim about Latins bragging about skill as lovers, but it’s great food for thought. Most of the women I know who’ve had Latin lovers also claim these men are the best. I did find this interesting poll result:
Only twenty countries were selected to be ranked, leaving a number of Latin and other countries out, but it is as you’d expected: Latin and Mediterranean countries rank the highest, and Northern European and North American countries rank the lowest. Asian and African countries (aside from Russia, Turkey, and South Africa) aren’t ranked.
The comment section on that page isn’t quite as informative as that other article I read the other day, but if you sift through looking for the comments from women who have actual experience with men from multiple countries, the findings bear out (as opposed to the people who are just upset that men of their nationalities have been ranked lower).
The more I read about this, I really think it is the man’s mindset that makes all the difference: does he take pride in his lovemaking ability, as men from Latin and Mediterranean countries apparently do? Or is he only interested in getting off, as most of my countrymen profess to me to be, and as many Northern European men seem to be?
Pride in Your Ability as a Lover
I personally view strength as a lover as one of the defining aspects of a man’s masculinity. A man who cannot give his women an explosive time in the sack will not long hold their interest. I’ve seen a number of studies that bear this out; was just trying vainly to find it on Google, but there’s some research I saw a number of years back that found that women tend to love the scent of their man if he’s a good lover, and feel repulsed by it if he’s a bad one.
A woman is never really “yours” until you’ve given her good, powerful, satisfying sex.
This is something I’ve long personally believed, before I knew how to be a good lover, and even how to get girls in the first place. I did a lot of experimentation early on in bed until I found techniques that could consistently get the kind of results out of women I was looking for: loud, powerful, earth-shattering climaxes that went on and on and on. I was frustrated that I couldn’t achieve those results when I was younger, so I kept playing around until I figured out how to.
I am probably one of the most lazy, dispassionate people on Earth by nature. I get a fair amount of things done, but I have to drag myself into doing almost everything. Just about everyone I meet describes me as “very chill”, and lately I’ve been getting a lot of women telling me, very surprised at how quickly I bedded them, “I thought you were a gentleman!” But I made myself act passionate enough in bed that it eventually became my natural default; now women tell me I’m a very exciting, passionate lover.
You must have pride in your ability as a lover to be a good lover. Of this much I’m certain. I don’t think there’s a man out there who’s talented in the sack and doesn’t care about it.
Honestly, when I meet a man who confesses he’s not really that good in bed, my first thought always is, “I bet I could take your woman.” It’s not a very nice thought, and I certainly wouldn’t do that if the guy was a friend of mine, but I know she isn’t satisfied and that sexual satisfaction is a good 50% or so of a woman’s experience with a man.
I feel it shakes out like this: that a woman’s experience with a man is made up of two equal parts:
- Her emotional satisfaction, and
- Her sexual satisfaction.
Now, I’ll go out on a limb here and admit I think it isn’t just the second one that many men in North America, Northern Europe, and Asia don’t do well with. I think it’s both of them. I think men in these parts of the world just don’t think of “pleasing women” as something that should have to be their responsibility; it’s almost like, “Well, if she isn’t happy with me, that’s her problem!”
Part of the entitlement mentality of the US, I suppose. To be fair, it does seem like it’s both sides of the coin – women in Latin America and the Mediterranean seem more focused on their man’s satisfaction, while women in North America and Northern Europe are less so. Curiously, women in Asia seem to be far more focused on satisfying their men than their men are on satisfying them, but most places in the world it seems there is an equal balance of either concern for pleasing one’s partner, or disinterest in it.
Men from Latin America and the Mediterranean seem to take the approach, “I will make my woman feel amazing in body and mind.” That’s why you see these passionate lovers from those cultures who tell women wonderful things and make women fall so helplessly in love, then sweep them off their feet and blow their minds in bed. Those men are that way because they take pride in their ability to be that way.
When you boil down to it, I think people really are most interested in what the benefits are for themselves, and I think the perceived benefits shake out like this:
- Men who are selfish lovers think, “I’m not going to do any work; I would rather not have to do anything. I just want to be responsible for my own enjoyment and she is responsible for her own enjoyment.”
- Men who are clueless lovers think, “I’m not sure if she’s enjoying herself, but I hope so!”
- Men who are good lovers think, “If I truly want this woman to fall for me and be mine, I must give her an exceptional experience. I will learn how to do so so that it becomes second nature to me and I am naturally a good lover without even having to think of it.”
Selfish lovers think their way is the best because it’s easy. Clueless lovers don’t really know what to think. And good lovers think their way is the best because it drives women wild and makes their interactions with women more passionate and satisfactory.
Personally, I side with the good lovers. If you want to really enjoy your sex life, I recommend becoming a good lover, if you aren’t already. There’s nothing more satisfying in bed than a woman who is helplessly climaxing because you’re just that good in bed, and who lies there after looking at you in amazement because no other man has given her what you just gave her.
The Sex Effect on Pick Up
There’s one other effect worth mentioning, I think, and that’s the effect of knowing you are giving something extremely valuable to a woman. I know that if I bed a girl, she will likely have one of the best nights of her life with me. I know this. And when women are around me these days, it’s very clear that they can almost sense it. They’re very sexual with me, very fast, and they’re hopping into bed with me very quickly recently.
Most of the men I know who are both good in bed and good with women are this way. I have known men who were good in bed but bad at meeting women, and they weren’t able to convey their expertise when meeting new girls; and I have known men who were bad in bed but good at meeting women, but they often seem to be a bit more on-edge and nervy around women, as if they’re afraid perhaps the women they’re meeting will realize they’re trying to get satisfaction but not give it in return.
For this reason, I recommend always striving to improve these two sides of the coin evenly, because they benefit each other synergistically. The better you are at meeting women, the more adeptly you’re able to understand women and provide the emotional cues they need to have a fantastic sexual experience; and the better a lover you are, the more calm and confident you are in your seductions, knowing that what you have to offer is superior to what the other men around you can give women.
These days, I don’t feel like any other man out there is any real competition, and being a good lover is a big part of the reason why I feel this way. And women sense it; they pick up that you feel this way, and they reason that if you feel this way, you must have a good reason for it. It becomes almost a self-fulfilling prophecy; the more you feel like you have to offer compared to other men, the more women sense it and believe it, and the more warm, friendly, and forward they get with you early into meeting them, and the more you begin to believe you have more to offer.
Becoming really good in bed is one of those things that helps you in many ways – seduction included. And needless to say, retention rates go through the roof. Heck, while writing this post, that girl I parted ways with amicably yesterday sent me a text asking if we really can’t see each other anymore.
In taking pride in your ability as a lover and becoming really, really good in bed, you join an elite group of men who give women some of the most amazing experiences of their lives. And, if I may say so, this is one of the few instances of being elite where it really is not lonely at the top!
Yours,
Chase Amante
UPDATE: for the step-by-step mechanics of how to REALLY rock a girl's world in the bedroom, see "How to Be a Good Lover (and Give a Girl Orgasms)" and "Make Her Orgasm Hard from Sex in 8 Minutes or Less."
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