The "I'll Show Her!" Mentality in Dating | Girls Chase

The "I'll Show Her!" Mentality in Dating

Chase Amante

Hey! Chase Amante here.

You've read all the free articles I can offer you for this month.

If you'd like to read more, I've got to ask for your help keeping the lights on at Girls Chase.

Click a plan below to sign up now and get right back to reading. It's only 99¢ the first month.

Already a subscriber? Log in here.

I'll show her
You might tell yourself “I’ll show her!” when a girl is resistant to or uninterested in you. Is there a better way to respond to a resistant or disinterested woman?

There’s a mentality I see a lot from guys. I’ve been guilty of it too, so I won’t claim innocence.

It goes like this: some girl doesn’t give you what you want, or she puts up walls to you, or does something else you do not like. In defiance, you tell yourself, “I’ll show her!” and you end the courtship. She’ll miss you when you’re gone – but now it’s too late for her; her chance with you is blown.

This mentality does indeed have its uses. We’ll talk about them below.

However, much of the time guys use it, it is just puffery. The girl moves on, doesn’t spend more than a few thoughts on you, and meets someone else. You, meanwhile, get to be alone with all your “I sure showed her!” thoughts.

If you do it, should you never do it? And if you don’t do it, what ought you do instead?

Chase AmanteAbout the Author: Chase Amante

Chase woke up one day in 2004 tired of being alone. So, he set to work and read every book he could find, studied every teacher he could meet, and talked to every girl he could talk to to figure out dating. After four years, scads of lays, and many great girlfriends (plus plenty of failures along the way), he launched this website. He will teach you everything he knows about girls in one single program in his Mastery Package.



Anonymous's picture

I've found the "I'll show her" mentality to be one of the biggest stumbling blocks in my dating life. And looking back on my history of dating I've realized that a lot of women have been that way with me too. It's a tough thing to fight off particularly if you've just been through a string of rejections or you're really into someone.

Looking back I've seen the decision to follow through on these sorts of behaviors was motivated by very strong emotions. I consider myself a pretty reasonable and level-headed guy but when the big rejection seems imminent the feelings can be overwhelming. Really crazy stuff.

It's amazing that storming off on someone can feel like the best option in the mating game. It makes me wonder how such a behavior could have ever even been selected for considering how absolutely ineffective and outright destructive it is to our mating lives. You would think those "I'll show you" people would never pass on their genes since it literally kills a courtship instantly. Strange.

I've noticed that storming off is a particularly common trait among the women I've met and it's certainly the most frustrating aspect of dating in my exeperience. I'm pretty sure the "resting bitch face" phenomenon (which I also hate) is related to this too as it seems to result from suppressed resentment and anticipation of disappointment when faced with human relations.

In the world of instant gratification the idea of "working it out" with someone seems to have disappeared. The epidemic of narcissism seems to have eroded our ability to get into other peopeles' heads and understand things from their perspective. "How could they NOT KNOW this is wrong?" is the ever-unanswered yet ever-present question milling about in the dating scene. And as long as the anti-social and passivity trends continue in our culture this will only get worse. As the article rightly suggests, both men and women need to be more active in voicing their frustrations with others and proposing solutions if they expect to get what they want in life.

A life of resentment, doubt, and regret is hell. Speak your mind to women, tell them what you want, and you'll make your life infintely easier and more enjoyable.

Good article, Chase.

Zanardi's picture

You have a very good point. I can relate to that.

Dale's picture

Several times I have been in this place, and I now know it was time to walk away, Most turned out to be attempts to make me jealous, but sounded like you be my beta orbiter who buys me dinner and spends money on me while I look for (or enjoy) an alpha [did not know the words back then, but felt the emotions].

Add new comment

The Latest from