What to Do When She Won't Join You Somewhere | Girls Chase

What to Do When She Won't Join You Somewhere

Chase Amante

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girl won't join you
Girls won’t always agree to move with you, sit with you, or head somewhere else. If you’re not afraid of a little risk, though, you can often change their minds.

Hey, guys. I hope you are all doing well.

And I hope you found my posts on attention seekers useful (part 1; part 2). The first post examined the underlying mechanisms, where we had a quick look at female psychology, and the follow-up discussed the technicalities (how to deal with the issue at hand by using her strong desire for attention against her to generate attraction and compliance).

The techniques covered were mostly based on concepts such as showing mixed signals and taking away the attention from her through disqualification and rapport breaking. Those techniques can be useful in most settings.

Additionally, the techniques covered do have a general “attraction-building effect” on most girls, but they happen to work even better with attention seekers. The more attention seeking, the more dynamite the results, even to the point where her desire for attention reaches new heights, which she would be willing to fulfill through sex.

In this post, I will share a technique that is very simple on paper but may require some calibration. The techniques covered will serve as a resistance buster for whenever you are trying to move her (to isolate her or actually extract her back to your place). This is a form of resistance that is especially common among attention seekers. They resist being isolated with you, because becoming isolated with you results in lower amounts of attention for them (other men will be less likely to hit on an isolated girl and give her the attention she truly seeks). Same thing goes for extraction, which basically means “the attention seeking is over.”

Two notes to make before moving on:

  • Just like in my previous post regarding attention seekers, this technique can be used on most girls, although it will have more effect on attention seekers. It is key to emphasize this.

  • This strategy is fit for night game (bars and clubs). It can also be used at parties (extended social circle). I haven’t really tried this with day game. I didn’t really have to, as usually resistance toward isolation and extraction in day game is more genuine because of a lack of rapport or logistical hoops (she actually has plans to go somewhere). In night game, however (clubs being the sanctuary for attention seekers), there will be many attention seekers, and that’s where this post will come in handy.

Alek RolstadAbout the Author: Alek Rolstad

Alek Rolstad launched his pickup career at age 14, an early starter and seduction savant. His unique style of game focuses on “sex talk”: a way to make sex the primary topic of conversation. Sex talk lets the user excite girls rapidly, and filter for girls open to fast, raunchy, kinky one-night stands and sex. You can learn from Alek, the master and originator of sex talk himself, by booking a 1-hour phone consultation with him.



jdog93's picture

Hey Alek,

Just want to say that I've been on girlschase a while and have always enjoyed your articles. Keep up the great work! I hate to bring up different subjects that don't relate to the article subject but I'm not entirely sure if the writers still receive notification updates for new comments on some of the older articles. Anyway, I particularly love your meticulously crafted articles on choosing the right venue. I've read them all. I know that you had given some examples of venues you like in at least one of these articles but I can't seem to find that list again. Was just wondering if you could post the names of some of your favorite venues here in the comments section. Looking up these places and having concrete visual examples could really be helpful for those still pretty new in implementing all these concepts (me! haha)

Thanks in advance!

Alek Rolstad's picture

Hey Justin, thank you for your kind comment. Of course I can give you some venue names. These are my favourite venues so far.

Here are some venues I happen to like:

Bucharest: Control - this is a venue Hector, Chase and I love. just great. The outdoor area in the summer is GREAT.

Oslo: Elsker - I love this place. Originally a gay club that turned gay friendly after opening 2 more floors. Many rooms, many different worlds, lots of transit areas (like from dancefloor to dancefloor) which are good for approaching. Really cool smoking area on the first floor. Lawo (outdoor) is a nice terrace.

Stockholm: Slakthuset - Just AMAZING - rooftop club with house music... the rooftop is perfect for verbals in the summer. Just GREAT.

Copenhagen: Chateau motel- hard to get in (but insanely many hot girls), has many dancefloors with different crowds, lounges but the best part is the backyard - literally disneyland.

Berlin: zum schmutzigen hobby - gay venue with some girls. Friendly and cool atmosphere. Nextyou have rosis which have a cool smoking lounge upstairs and 2 cool dancefloor and some small lounges. Katerholzig and Suicide Circus are good if you like house/techno places. The backyard at suicide is good, main dancefloor is manly focused on music.

Geneva: halle de l'ile - hot girls, classy, can talk - loungy feeling. Expensiv as fuck.

Budapest: Szimpla Kert: been there 3 times, pulled twice - the venue is nice, with many small rooms, dancefloor which is not too high energy. It also has a huge backyard where you can talk. Always crowded

Yeah and many other venues around europe that i forgot the name off. These are some of the places that I so far prefer - although there are many great venues that I haven't mentioned in many other great countries! Hope this helps.


jdog93's picture

Some of these European venues look incredible! I can't recall if you've mentioned this before but do you have much experience gaming in the United States? I would be curious as to what some good examples here would be.


Alek Rolstad's picture

Heh, they truly are incredible.

My experience with clubbing in the USA is very limited. As I live in Europe it is much easier for me to travel around to different cities - like you can get a flight ticket for 50 bucks and head to another city, which is why I know Europe quite well. Going to the US is a much more complicated project. Chase and Hector has been to Control in Bucharest and both mentioned knowing similare venues in the US. Hector has also been to Oslo and Varoon joined us with Hector to Stockholm, where Varoon Raja joined us - who pointed out that venues like slakthuset reminded him of warehouse clubs in NYC).

Now, to clarify, the venues mentioned above are venues I found to be incredibly good. We also have those flashy loud venues here in Europe (like everywhere else). I tend to kind of dislike those venues as they are too chaotic to run any game (I don't like relying on luck). Now I can do a huge populare venue (Chateau Motel for instance has 4 floors!), but there has to be some lounge area or smoking area and not just one big messy dancefloor. Most of the clubs listed above have those big dancefloors, however I just stick to the lounges and smoking area. I may do some dancefloor stuff, but I usually prefer doing that in smaller dancing venues (big venue = girls being defensive which sucks in a loud crwoded venue because you don't have much playing room).

You may ask Hector, Varoon or Chase when it comes down to US venues, as... they are US citizens :)


Frost's picture

Hey Alek,

First of all thanks for this article. I found it really interesting, even though at the moment I still find it a bit absurd to just leave a woman while you were in a conversation without saying anything. Maybe I should try it sometime.

Also reading your article reminded me of a situation I used to face sometimes (and a friend of mine told me a similar story too): I would be talking to a girl trying to flirt and seduce her, but for some reason she's not baiting, so I wrap it up and leave, no hard feelings. However after leaving, I would, many times, catch the girl looking at me (more like staring) in a completely different way. So you think one should reengage in this kind of situation using some variation of what was presented in the article?

Alek Rolstad's picture

Hey Frost. Thank you for the comment.

The whole idea of not saying anything is key - because it creates a sense of mystery. It also makes her invest mentally into wondering why you left. This is good, because the more she thinks about you when you are gone the more she will invest, the more she invests the more attraction you will build.

HOWEVER I think it is key to remember that the more attraction (the better the hook is) you have before "leaving", the better. She has to care enough to actually invest. If attraction is too low, she would just move on and go for the next guy. I mean you wouldn't care if a girl you weren't into just left out of the blue right? At least you'd care much less than if a girl you had a good vibe with, who you were attracted to and connected with out of the blue left? The latter would hurt and frustrate the crap out of you right? Well this is exactly what we try to accomplish. However if she re-engages, you will be kind to her, because it is VERY important to reward good behaviour, and I see her re-engaging you as a form of good behaviour.

What you describe is EXACTLY what we try to accomplish with this technique. So basically you seem to understand the concept very well, and all you need to do now is systemtically apply it and fine-polish it.

If a girl re-engages, that's a HUGE bonus, but if she doesn't it is still AMAZING - especially if she, as you mentioned, keeps giving you massive signs of interest from distance, such as eye-contact and so on. Just re-engage with what ever. She may ask why you left - this is what happened to me last week end. Just tell her the most banal reason "I had to head to the bathroom".

You do not want to set a "confrontation frame" - i.e. "i left because I am mad and you are such a bitch". Remember, you have to leave, yet maintain the perception of being unaffected by her resistance.

I hope this makes sense. If anything is still unclear, just let me know and I will clarify.

Thank you for your comment,

kalyan's picture

This might be out of the scope of this article, but i havent seen a solid piece addressing this concern.

I understand the non reactive frame- neediness and anger is bad for so many reasons. Your article's main idea is "break rapport to increase attraction". On the other hand, how should one deal with girls who are unwelcoming of approaches/ reject you off the bat?

It's important to make a distinction: your article is about attracting a girl you are already talking to. My question tackles the question of not looking bad in a venue: in front of the staff, her friends, other people... this is especially important in clubs and pubs which arent packed as there is no chaos, so people would be more attentive in general. Attracting the girl you approached is at best a secondary objective, since we know its better to move on to better prospects than to try to "convince" a girl to like you

Alek Rolstad's picture

Hey Kaylan. Yes your questions are somewhat out of the cope of the article. They are still very interesting and legit question.

Your problem is related to:
- Approach shields - i.e. the bitchy vibe a girls gives early on
- And how to hook (so that you can snowball into attraction).

You are welcome to play the numbers game, but you can reduce the odds of rejections by testing the water, triggering approach invitation and approaching smoothly. Those things are covered in the links posted above.

Regarding dealing with different types of venues, including the one you mention, you should check out this article of mine as I think it cover some of your concerns.

I hope this helps. If there is anything you need elaboration on, just feel free to drop me another comment.


Lawliet's picture

Hey Alek,

Your writing is getting much concise, clear, and strong in presentation!
It's sorta becoming a "Chase thing" XD

I'm really glad I started reading your articles again.
Been too busy with life and working on approaching.
Getting more looks from girls but still need to work on emotional cresting so I can pull.

Other than that, I'm here and glad to be greeted by this article.
I really like how you said, "Softer version, doesn't work? Walk away"

This is really powerful stuff and I agree absolutely.
At first, when I read your technique, I was thinking, "Wow, isn't that too harsh?"
Then when I finished your article, it was simply outstanding and perfect.

Most of the time when persistence doesn't work, I walk away.
There isn't much to lose anyway. So very good point!

Hope you had a good thanksgiving, here's to our success with women and writing *cheers*


p.s. question for you
Help on peaking attraction on dates so I can pull with better success rates.

escalating from touching.
I usually use "strategic touching" during dates, leading her by either grabbing her arm or hand on her shoulder and pull if she's about to step on something. etc. And then touching her hand or arm when making a point.

Though it seems to be "platonic".
Despite of these strategic touching, I still get the "I didn't know it was a date" (from one girl), but other times, girls seem to know what the deal is...

I know more sexual touching would be her thighs, or back, or face, or hair, and such.
And I usually avoid these until we are isolated where sex can happen.

Recap in my long comment, what am I asking?

1. Is there anything wrong with my general outline for touch escalation? Anything I could adjust for my touch so she gets the sexy vibe, not friends (in case they're dense)?

2. Also to peak their attraction on dates so we could pull. How do you usually do this?

3. Lastly, how to escalate smoothly when you reach her place?
Here let me clarify:
Chase says make the move within 10 min. So when the time is up, do we just lean over and kiss her neck?
Or do we have to verbally say something flirtatious before the move?

Her: I'm bored
Me: Here, let me help you with that (and pull her in)

It feels off to me if we just stand around and chatting about something else, then out of nowhere, lean in and kiss her neck.
But hey if it's the right thing to do, I'll do it.

I know the solution to question one is sexual vibe. So naturally any touch works and this is the long run solution.
I've been working on my sexual vibe so upon meeting me, girls will know instantly I'm not here for friends, so help focused on touch would be great..


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