How to Kiss Girls in Public and Have It Go Great

Anon-

It's tough to say for sure, since there's a lot of conflicting research, but most of what I've read seems to point to children having two supportive parents in the house being the best equipped to succeed later in life. I'm of the mind from everything I've read (and I've been studying child-rearing almost as long as I've been studying relationships - e.g., ~10 years old or so) that the most important things to the children are:

1. That the parents don't hate each other - it's got to be a little jarring to know that half your genes come from someone who hates the person who provided the other half, and people repeat with very high degrees of fidelity in their own relationships the relationships they witnessed their parents having when growing up;

2. That the children have strong male and female role models to model themselves after - many single-parent families lack a father figure, and from everything I've seen that's clearly detrimental to children; and

3. That the parents invest significantly in their children's early education - read the Harvard Business Review paper The Making of an Expert, or get a copy of Geoff Colvin's Talent is Overrated, which expands very nicely on this paper with many more examples from the storied history of talented people and studies from the annals of research into raising talents - it becomes pretty clear that a child's future success stems to a very large degree on the training his parents provide (or don't provide) for him
   

It's probably tough to get away from at least a short-term stretch of monogamy or near-monogamy, at least during the most formative years of a child's life. If you look at humans' natural instincts, you'll see that women tend to divorce less within a few years of bearing children, and men's infidelity rates stay relatively low until about 7 years of marriage, when they start shooting up. That might imply a natural human cycle of 7 to 10 years of reasonably committed relationships / child-rearing (from the time the couple first gets together until the time they part ways); if you look at politicians and celebrities, breakups tend to happen anywhere from a few years after children are born to right around the time the kids go off to college.

There may also be ways to scale child-rearing if you have the financial means and are thinking outside the box enough; at that point, you're dealing with probably not being with the mother any longer, but still being an active part of the child's life. You run the risk you may be training your children to have similar relationship setups as adults, however, so if you don't want that, you'll have to think on it hard.

Open relationships are another option, though I don't have much insight into how these work with children in the house. Anecdotally, couples in open relationships with children seem to lean more toward swinging, since it's easier to have both people go out at once, meet up with other people, and swap partners, but I don't have any data to confirm that.

Chase

J-

Extremely common problem for guys who are newer or even intermediate - see this article on it:

"Lower Your Standards (and Date Hotter Girls)"

Chase

Ty-

What Anon said - see this article:

"How to Text a Girl"

... and this one:

"What to Text Girls to Get DATES"

Chase

Anon-

The kind of kissing where you're nibbling, taking it slow, building up to it, etc. can be okay if you are alone together with a girl somewhere... I can't think of any situations where I'd suggest using it in public with a girl you haven't slept with yet, though. Using it like you did with a girl standing at your threshold to get her through the door is a good example of when it'd be okay - you're pulling her into your seduction location.

When I say "deep kiss", I'm talking about grabbing a girl firmly, and open mouth kissing her with your face pressed hard against hers, the back of your hand pushing her head into your head (and ideally your other hand against her waist, pulling her body into yours). You might use some tongue here, but I almost never do French kissing anymore, unless a girl is really going nuts trying to shove her tongue down my throat. The tongue is more useful outside her mouth licking her body, than inside it licking her tongue, if you ask me...

Chase

Adam-

See my response to the comment just above yours - Anon had the same question.

Chase

Prince-

Yes, that's something you'll see if you turn your sex appeal on too strongly prior to grabbing a number and leaving. You want it on enough that they're excited / intrigued, but if it's on SO strong that they're ending up with wet panties, and then you take their phone number and promise to meet them later, much of the time they'll tell themselves they'd better stay away from you, OR you make yourself look impotent, for making them feel that way and then not capitalizing on it (i.e., taking them alone somewhere and sleeping with them).

Therefore, you'll usually want to wait to pull out your sexual vibe cannons until you're ready to take a girl home then and there - if you aren't, still be sexually enticing, but dial it back a bit so you don't open the escalation window before you're ready to go through it and end up having it shut on you after you leave.

Chase

Wes-

Yes, back when I was making out with girls in public (mostly 2006), I was doing things like that - grabbing girls' butts, breasts, putting my hands down their panties and under their bras, yanking their hair, etc., all in public and on dance floors. It's all the same - you're essentially commencing sexual escalation. If you have a bathroom nearby, or some other place you can go THEN AND THERE and have sex, this can be okay. If not, you end up looking really impressive to everybody who's watching you, but you usually do not get the girl to actually come home and sleep with you - instead, you get mountains of resistance to accompanying you home, during the entire pull back, and once she's there with you... most of which you can avoid by simply waiting until you've got her alone with you to do this, and turning her on just enough while out with her in public with a sexual vibe and plenty of incidental touch.

Chase

Mark-

See this article by Colt:

"How to Be Charming with Women You Meet (10 Steps)"

Chase

Nick-

Great to hear you've got comfort zone troubles licked, and are making good progress! If you're at the point where you're repeatedly trying to solve public escalation challenges, you're probably almost there.

It's fine saying, "It's far away, in [specific area name]... where's yours?" Just be calm, sexual, and genuinely intrigued in her answer... in fact, sometimes if you say this, you'll have women who are interested enough voluntarily start working on solving logistics themselves and coming up with ideas on how the two of you can get together. A girl won't write you off as an option if she thinks the logistics don't work; in fact, she's more likely to feel disappointed and realize that she WANTS to sleep with you - and then when you suggest alternate logistics a few minutes later, she'll feel the excitement surge again as she realizes that it just might happen after all.

For walking, either say you're going to go to some place - "Let's head to Pete's Waffle House down Mainline Ave," or, "Let's hit up this little dive bar I know where we can talk a little more one-on-one" - or just tell them you want to get some fresh air and go for a stroll.

As for LMR in public when you're escalating, you usually want to counter this by demanding some kind of compliance - e.g., take her hand and say, "Come here," and then move her a little bit to show her something completely non-sexual that is nevertheless interesting - some part of the environment, something with the stars, etc. Then once that's done, resume escalation again.

Chase

Jack-

I don't know Libido, though I read some of Brad's stuff, and he was always pretty fun and creative! The guys whose reports I really dug through the most were:

• A2daMIR
• Lifeguard
• MrSex4uNYC
  
• Razorjack
  
• Trystan

Zan was another big favorite of mine, though I don't recall whether he posted reports; the original Dimitri was a mentor of mine, and I tore through all his stuff as well (there was another guy, named D1mitr1 or something similar, who joined later, and posted a lot of angry "screw women!" type things - not that guy).

Chase

BM-

The problem with competing with someone a girl's in a phone conversation with is that it instantly puts you hard into pursuit mode, and it's also asking a girl to ignore someone she has a close relationship with who isn't aware of this stranger in order to talk to the stranger, who already seems lower value and socially less aware/adept because he's competing with a friend of hers for her attention. So yeah, this one's pretty ugly.

If I want to talk to a girl who's on a phone, what I'll usually do is catch her attention so that we're making eye contact, and then make an exaggerated facial expression (a silly kind of "Hmmmmmmmmm???" look - eyebrows up, smile/frown as if you're about to start laughing) and point to her phone - kind of like, "I was about to talk to you - but is that important maybe?"

She'll then either pause or end the conversation to engage with you (ending it is much better obviously; if she doesn't end it, direct open her and ask her if she has a few minutes to talk to you or if it's really urgent - you want her to hang up on her friend), or she'll wave you off / ignore you, which is the same as if you'd approached and been rejected. Either way, you've got your answer (and if she accepted your approach, you're now in a conversation and she's hung up her phone).

Chase

Anon-

Nope, no worries. One of the things I had to make my peace with to get better with women was adopting more "feminine" characteristics... I was a hardcore "nothing but manly" guy in my early 20s, and everyone was super intimidated by me... including women. And not a good "he's really sexy" kind of intimidation... more a "that guy looks scary and dangerous" kind (though girls who got to know me better would still get crushes on me).

There are certain women who want NOTHING but the most manly men in every single way - the type who think James Bond is girly because he wears suits and gives little half smiles and purses his lips like a sissy - but it's a very small slice of women, and you trade these in for a much broader appeal when you introduce a bit of femininity. It was just something I realized after being around a lot of very successful with women men... even guys with big muscles or masculine careers (manual labor, IT, etc.) had these distinct feminine auras about them that made women consistently gravitate to and connect to them and treat me like I was an extraterrestrial wrapped in alien masculinity. Eventually I just adopted the traces of the feminine these guys had and I started getting the same reception from women.

Perceived physical dominance is one of the biggest short-term attraction triggers, but it isn't necessarily correlated with manliness. I've seen very effete gay men who've nonetheless been very clearly physically dominant - most straight guys would be physically intimidated by them. It isn't even necessarily tied to body size - I've watched thin guys push around fat and/or muscular guys quite confidently (and effectively). Most men think dominance = masculinity, but the two are separate things. Just take note of any dominant women you see, commanding men twice their size, physically pushing them out of the way, etc.

Loudness is another one like this - I'm sure you've seen the super loud but super gay man. You can be as loud as you want, and be masculine, feminine, or something somewhere in between.

Probably the simplest way of thinking about it: the most sexually successful men tend to be bisexual men with hyper sex drives - they have sex with more women on average than a purely straight man does, and they also have sex with men (though usually the ones who are prolific with women are only occasional dabblers with men). Most of my most prolific friends fell or fall into this category - they're mostly pretty manly, but there's a touch of femininity running through them, they've had a few sexual encounters with men, and their sexual magnetism they deploy on both women and men. I constructed my vibe to work similarly to theirs, since I found that this was the most effective vibe I'd found among all the different men I'd been around at getting women. I didn't worry about coming across "gay", either, because I'm still pretty clearly not... only the most socially oblivious women mistake me for gay (or, sometimes, the ones who have gay fantasies and try to project these on me... always a little trippy), and no gay men ever do, though they still flirt anyway... and if some straight guy wonders if I am, well, that doesn't impact my life in any meaningful way. It's just something you accept - that you have to be a bit more feminine, and sort of vaguely bisexual in how you present yourself - if you want to maximize your reception with the opposite sex. You don't HAVE to, but you get maximal results if you do.

Formula for optimal vibe: masculine core with streaks of femininity showing through. Why women like this most, I believe is because men who are 100% masculine are just too alien to the female mind and cannot be related to - the streaks of femininity give them something to grasp onto and connect with, while the underlying masculinity sexually excites them.

Chase

M-

Johnny's advice on facial hair is what I'd recommend too. Try growing some out and maybe take fully bald for a spin and see what kind of a reception you get.

As for men with a bald spot at the top - I do know a guy, in fact - Ricardus has a bald spot like this. He worried about it for a while, and even took Propecia to fend it off and regrow his hair, but ended up deciding the side effects weren't worth it, and quit the drug. According to him, the bald spot's barely had an impact.

Chase

Anon-

I think I'd probably just flake on that date, and then reschedule for something a bit more casual. You wouldn't even have to blow it off completely - just flake on it, then get back in touch a few days later to grab lunch / drinks and do something more low key. If she asks about it, just say yeah, I still want to do that - then simply just don't set a date for it.

Chase

M-

I don't know how long your hair is, and this my vary by length, but for me with medium-length hair, I wash my hair usually just with water, and only shampoo every 3 weeks to a month or so. Back when I used to shampoo more regularly and started cutting back, that left my hair REALLY oily for the first 2 weeks or so; I shampooed at the end of that 2 weeks (rinsed and repeated something like 3 times to get it all out), and then after that I was fine shampooing just once every 3 weeks to a month - basically, if I get in a shower and start wetting my hair and I can SMELL it, it's time to shampoo. Otherwise, water is enough.

What ends up happening is you have just enough of your natural oils in your hair that it looks quite good, and your scalp adapts to produce less oil (since it's compensating for the oil regular shampooing robs you of by shifting into oil production overdrive if you shampoo too often). When you wash with just plain water, that keeps your head clean, but leaves your natural oils in place. Makes styling much easier too - I used to use hair product to get my hair to do what I wanted it to do, but no longer need it.

Chase

Gem-

Varies by the girl. When you're very interested in human psychology and mating dynamics and all this, it inevitably bleeds through into your conversations, and women tend to be quite interested in it too.

I've had girlfriends who would attempt to shame any effort to talk about men getting better with women ("It's so easy! You just go out to a club and talk to some SLUT and then you're having SEX!"), and you can construct convincing-enough arguments to change her mind, but it's annoying and not really worth delving into those subjects because what's the point, it's just going to be some shame battle where you're forced to fight on every single point just to not lose respect in the relationship.

Conversely, I've had extremely rational girlfriends who loved to talk about these sorts of things... they'd still have SOME resistance to certain topics, but with an argument that's constructed rationally enough, you will get the point across and they'll see it (as always, clear examples are a must). These kinds of girlfriends are lots of fun, because the really smart ones will point out nuances to you you'd been blind to or hadn't picked up on - at least a few of the articles on this site came as a result of some of those conversations I've had with women. That's usually with the less emotional women who aren't as in love with you - the ones who are more emotionally attached to you have more of an agenda in enforcing traditional thought about sex and mating.

Chase

Anon-

That's correct - a lot of Asian women (especially East Asian women - China, Korea, Japan) are not very well versed at all in communicating their interest in men verbally or nonverbally - many of them aren't even in touch with their own emotions / sex drives enough to be fully conscious of when they're interested or not. They tend to operate on a more detached plane than women from most other parts of the world.

Japanese women in particular suppress their emotions and expect you to more or less read their minds. One of the reasons Japanese women are very easy for Western men is because if you are persistent, they will invariably comply - e.g., the hard push is especially effective with them. That can be confusing when you first encounter them, but once you've cracked that nut, you can sleep with a lot of Japanese women very quickly by simply being persistent and smoothly and charmingly insisting that the night go on.

The best way to know if an Asian girl is interested is the same as the best way to know if any girl is interested, really - try moving her or using any form of compliance testing, all the way up to moving her home and escalating. And persist a little if she at first says no - many times she's just waiting for you to invite her several times in a row.

Chase