Escalation

Two steps forward, one step back. It’s the magic technique that lets you bypass almost all of her resistance… And it’s not hard to do.

One of the more enduring seduction strategies, and one you’ve seen discussed on this site plenty before (especially in some of Alek’s articles), is that of “two steps forward, one step back.”

You may call it push-pull or fractionation. Or you might call it the zigzag path to victory (victory here being, needless to say, a new lay or new girlfriend). Two steps forward, one step back is, on the surface, a crystal clear, simple system:

1. First, a bold move forward (e.g., you place your hand on her lower back)

2. Then, a partial retreat back (to, say, your hand on her upper arm)

3. Wash, rinse, repeat: go bolder still next time... then another partial retreat. Then again. And again

With this method, you may gradually acclimate a girl to touch, proximity, innuendo, or just about anything else. Yet as simple as it sounds, it is a major mindset shift. To use it well, you must shift from the typical mindset of “gain a toehold, then hang onto it for dear life.”

To help you do this, today we’ll talk about the method, and introduce you to the psychology.

Then, we’ll load you up with examples till you’re plum happy.

Sometimes, you’ll have met a girl and be talking with her, or you’ll be on a date with her, and you’re at that point with things where you would (normally) move to the next step.

Only, you try to go to that next step with her, but she’s not going.

She’s not ready for the courtship or the seduction to escalate to the next stage, and, thus, refuses.

Maybe you’re having a great conversation with her at the bar, and you suggest the two of you grab seats. Nah, she says, she’s got to stay at the bar.

Perhaps you’ve had a wonderful conversation on a date with her, and you want to take her home. Only, you make the invite, and she tells you she’d rather spend some more time at the café you’re at.

Or, you’ve met this girl on the street and walked all over town with her, but she simply won’t grab food with you or accompany you anywhere else... even though it feels like she ought to be ready to.

What do you do when it’s time to escalate... but she’s not ready?

If you read the articles on here (and especially if you read Alek’s articles – he discusses this one regularly), you’ve no doubt come across the tactic of isolation.

The word isolation describes the act or state of being cut off or removed from others. That might sound like something nefarious, but its use here is far more practical:

Isolation is the art of getting a girl away from her friends, from people who know her, or from people in general, so that you and her can get to know one another more privately and ramp up the connection between you.

This is obviously most applicable in social venues (bars and nightclubs, parties, barbecues, girls you meet on vacation, etc.), however you’ll sometimes find yourself needing to isolate in traditionally non-social places (for instance, say you meet a girl in a crowded airport terminal, or in a busy café).

Assuming you are isolating women who find you attractive (and you will have an outlandishly hard time isolating women who do not), they want this too, enjoy this, and before you do it often will be hoping that, somehow, they end up somewhere one-on-one with you without their friends, much as they adore them, sticking their noses in or craning their necks around to hear what you are saying better.

Today’s article is all about isolation: how to isolate a girl, different ways you can generate isolation scenarios, and what you can do in the case where for whatever reason you can’t pull her off somewhere more private just yet, but you’re nonetheless at the deadline to create some one-on-one time with her.

Howdy all,

Today I decided to take the time to answer a question related to escalation (being physical or verbal), and more in particular about calibration – calibrating escalation to the girl and the situation.

In other words, the readers were curious how one can escalate while limiting their chances of facing resistance.

Many students of seduction struggle when it comes to escalation, because they lack calibration and can easily blow things off if they do things wrong. Now, being perfectly calibrated is impossible, but great calibration skills come from experience.

However, in this post I will give you some tools that will make things easier for you.

Now onto the questions:

A reader who posted as Anonymous asked the following:

“I was thinking, what’s the difference between sleazy guy who talks about sex, using sexual frames, and escalating vs. sexy guy who talks about sex, using sexual frames and escalating.

And I read your sequence in “Physical escalation in Public” What happens when we escalate at the wrong sequence (too much)? thanks alek ;)”

In addition, Lawliet asked this:

“Nice article bro!

Anonymous said something interesting. Got me thinking.

Just wondering what happens when we escalate too much too early or in the wrong order and what we can do to recover afterwards?

Best regards,

Lawliet”

Both are very good questions and as they are both more or less related I decided to answer them in detail in this post.

Howdy gents,

The fellas over at EatSleepGrowRepeat.com have posted their second podcast interview with me, this one covering topics including the following (and a whole bunch more):

Today, let's talk making progress with women, and the kinds of progressions you can go through: passive and active.

There is a difference between passive and active progression. Passive progression is predictable, boring, and obligatory (not fun); active progression feels as if it can go places and change.

It is this difference and the fact that women NEED a man who is always actively progressing (yes, always!) that is why we need to "escalate" to just keep up. In order to progress in a relationship you must perceive a woman's desires and lead the situation to get to those areas.

Typically the most obvious form of active progression or escalation is physical or sexual, but there is actually more to it than this if you are truly paying attention.

Escalation is not just about physical intimacy increasing over time; it actually can include approaching ANY desirable context for a woman that requires your effort or participation to achieve. Things like:

• Open dialogues on important topics
• Showing a greater tendency to forgive or accept behaviors
• Showing a greater ability to perceive her desires and goals
• More time and generous attention
• More interesting dynamics

It is not merely about sexuality but in fact it's about the need to contribute to achieve mutual goals that will not just magically happen on their own.

One topic I’ve found coming up a lot recently in discussions with guys on the boards and in real life is that of avoiding what I call ‘over-gaming’... when a guy just spends too much time trying to convince a girl he is attractive enough, or that she should come with him, instead of just leading and making it happen.

If you’ve fully internalized some of the basic concepts on here already, like:

• Move faster
• Be attainable
• Dial down the value
  
• Hit escalation windows
• You’re the man, you must lead
  

... there won’t be much new for you in this post.

However, if you’re still not firing 100% on all cylinders, this’ll give you another perspective at looking at an issue that guys in the intermediate level on up run into quite commonly.