Dating

You want a girl to do something. So what do you do – suggest she do it, request her to do it, or command her to do it? Each can have very different outcomes.

It feels manly to order people around and command their compliance. Women respect and admire a man who can order others around. Even if doing so is not always the most tactful of moves, it’s the more dominant move, since it is the most effortless. You are not visibly considering the feelings of others or trying to avoid conflict; you are asserting your power plainly and without fear.

Given the popularity of egalitarianism in our modern societies, the rough, commanding element of traditional masculinity has been demonized.

However, this is a trick. You’ve been sold the idea that people don’t like order and being ordered.

This is both true and false.

It is true that people would rather be in charge – if they could be. Everyone wants to be at the top – if it was easy.

But it’s not, so most people choose a different tactic: trick people into not even fighting each other. Dominate through convincing others that domination is shameful, brutal, and archaic.

Machiavellian tactics at their finest.

Surely, you won’t be as proportionally liked as you would if you were more commanding and dominant, but you would be more respected and get what you want more often. Also, you would, if you became legendary, be liked more by sheer quantity than if you were to stay in your lane. This is the trade-off. You’re more likely to be liked if you’re soft, but this is only because you don’t pose a threat.

This is what was behind my series on self-respect and the ego/self. Those who shame or criticize the self and ego are nothing more than misguided softies at best, and wolves convincing you to don sheep-wool at worst.

However, the vast majority of humanity being soft, compliant, and submissive indicates that people do like order, or at least prefer it over other real-world alternatives.

Allow me to put it bluntly – if someone keeps doing something, he prefers it. I don’t care how harmful, unhealthy, or disturbing the behavior, if someone keeps doing it, he likes it more than whatever else is available. If someone is lazy, fat, and unambitious, he prefers to be that way, because the prospect of being driven, in-shape, and prideful sounds harsher than the occasional shortness of breath, erectile dysfunction, lack of financial independence, and TGIF mentality.

Social concerns are very powerful drivers of preference. The scariest consequence for most people is that others won’t like them.

You talk to a girl on a street somewhere and you reach that ‘moment’. She smiles, you smile. She looks at you with expectation.

Invite her to do something!

You’re with a girl in a bar and it reaches that lull where it hasn’t gone bad but has grown stale. And now the pressure on you to entertain or interest her begins to mount.

Don’t entertain her; invite her to do something!

You meet a group of cool people at a party and hit it off. There’s a cool guy and some real cute girls in the group. They like to talk to you and you like to talk to them, but it seems like nothing will happen with them.

Stop waiting for them to take charge. Invite them to do something yourself!

Invite her, invite her, invite them. Invite people. If you hit it off with a girl, make invites. If you click with cool people, make invites.

If you want a social or romantic future with any person you meet, make invites.

Hippie and hipster girls might seem a little kooky or out there. But they’re still interested in men, dating, and sex – you just need the right approach.

If there’s any demographic of women I’ve always been good with, it’s hippies and hipsters.

The two categories are quite close to each other, as they’re both non-normative, but they have slightly different ways of demonstrating their alleged non-conformity.

Hippie chicks are more extreme. They tend to travel a lot and rarely have stable jobs, or they often work low-end retail jobs to satisfy the need to socialize without too much work. They can drift for weeks or months on end. They also might eschew normal feminine habits, like wearing makeup, shaving, etc. One hippie chick I slept with, who had both hairy armpits and a full bush, told me her most recent job was making mermaid tails and selling them. She was surprisingly pretty, had a great body, and the sex was very, very nice.

Hipsters are the less-extreme version of hippies. Instead of completely dismissing society, they tend to express their rebelliousness in the following ways:

• Tattoos

• Dyed hair

• Lots of piercings – the bigger and more grotesque, the more rebellious she is (the bull ring is the black belt of a hipster or alternative girl)

• Alternative music

• Active in the EDM (electronic dance music) scene

• Music festivals

• Extreme sexual liberation

• Hang out at “alternative” venues (not super-popular spots)

• More masculine than your average girl (does boxing, MMA, CrossFit, etc.)

• Smoking weed and usually doing lots of party drugs like Molly

None of these traits in particular make a girl “alternative,” but having enough of them makes it very clear she’s trying to express to the world that she doesn’t “abide by its rules.”

The big point here is that she’s trying to be vocal about her rebellion. She wants everyone to know how she feels about the world around her.

What you may notice quickly through experience or contemplation is that they’re not really so different from any other girl; they just have some unique hobbies and characteristics.

In the end, however, they’re still girls.

And they like men, even men who are not anything like them – sometimes, especially if they’re not like them – since many of the men in their cliques can be quite effeminate and submissive because of their ideologies, though that can be said of most men in most social circles.

I think the biggest factor that keeps guys from sleeping with pretty and hot hippies and hipsters is simply that they don’t hang out where these women do. And I assume that if they do come in contact with these wild creatures, they tend to auto-reject these women because they’re from vastly different worlds.

Some people say relationships are about compromise.

I say that it can oftentimes kill her attraction for you and rob you of a satisfying relationship. The simple question is "Why would anyone compromise their desires for another person?"

Follow the journey of a young man from shy and dateless, to improving with women, to living the dream… and what happens after.

Dan trudges off to his Thursday morning class, another long day in an endless sea of them ahead. The sole bright spot for him is the girl with brown hair and glasses. She will be there. She’s always in his Thursday morning class.

When he gets there, he grabs a seat, then looks around, waiting for her to show up. She hasn’t shown up yet. The class slowly fills. Some kid takes the empty seat to his left. Damn, he thinks. I hoped it’d stay empty until she gets here. Close to class start time, he sees the girl with brown hair and glasses walk in. He stares at her; her eyes search the room, looking for seats, then briefly meet his. He thinks he sees her smile, but she quickly looks down. She hurries off to a far corner of the room to take one of the few remaining empty seats.

All class, Dan thinks about her. He waits at the end of class, packing his books up slowly. He glances over toward her – it seems like she’s packing up slowly too. At last, after most of the class has filtered out, Dan makes for the exit, and so does the girl with brown hair and glasses. He lets her get right in front of him. She doesn’t look at him, but she glances down and wipes her hair back over one ear. He can’t tell, but he thinks she might be smiling. He feels like he should say something – this is his chance! – but he doesn’t know what to say. The both file out of the classroom; she heads off in one direction. Dan’s headed the other. He slowly walks away from her.

He doesn’t feel bad though. He feels even more certain she might like him now. And next class – he knows – will be the one he makes it happen in.

The semester passes this way. Many days the girl with brown hair and glasses doesn’t notice him or give him any signs, and he thinks she’s lost interest. Sometimes she gives him some little look, or plays with her hair while almost glancing in his direction, and he thinks she must like him still.

Once she sits two seats over from him, and he almost says something to her. He spends the entire class full of nerves, pushing himself to say something. In the end, he tells himself it’d be too awkward trying to talk over two seats – he’ll wait for a better opportunity. Next class, he’ll get a better opportunity.

As summer turns to autumn, then autumn to winter, the semester draws to a close. The fallen leaves on the ground are covered by a light dusting of snow. Finals are over, and it’s time for the students to head home for the holidays.

“Maybe the girl with brown hair and glasses will be in one of my classes next semester,” Dan tells himself.

Disrespect can be direct – but often it’s cloaked. This article walks you through the many types of disrespect… and shows you how to recognize them.

In the first article of this series, we learned that the love of self is your greatest ally with women and socializing.

Then, in Part II, we tackled the three biggest myths others use to convince you that pride is bad.

If you haven’t read the other two articles yet, they’re not absolutely required reading for this part; it functions fine as a standalone article too. But I recommend you give them a read if you want the full picture we’ve been painting on respect.

In today’s article, Part III, we’ll get into how to recognize disrespectful behavior. We’ll also cover a few ways to tackle such behavior, though next time, in Part IV, we’ll really get into the details on how to deal with it.

On with Part III: what is and is not disrespect?

You won’t always be a girl’s first choice. Yet there are distinct advantages to being her first choice guy – and drawbacks when you aren’t it.

Sometime back, in “Attraction is Either There, or It Isn’t”, we talked about two sorts of attraction. The first was what I called ‘fascination’, where a woman is attracted to you from the get-go; a kind of instinctive, unconscious attraction that is simply there. The second was excitement: a degree of liking, intrigue, attachment, or arousal you build up with time, even if fascination isn’t there at the outset.

Today’s article is related to this, though slightly different. We’ll talk about a girl’s first choice guy... versus her second choice guy or her third choice guy.

The first choice guy will usually be a guy she starts off with fascination-type attraction for. When you are her first choice, some aspect of you strikes her. You rocket to the top of her list of men she’d like something to happen with: could be a hookup, could be a fling, could be a long-term relationship. She knows she’d like something to occur.

Most of the time, with most women you encounter, you’ll be a second or third choice guy (or lower). This is just how it works – you won’t have insta-compatibility with most women, just like most women won’t have insta-compatibility with you. As your fundamentals get tighter and you get better at talking to women and making things happen with them, you’ll have more smoother interactions and will meet both more ‘first choice’ girls as well as do better with more ‘second choice’ and ‘third choice’ girls.

It’s less important to be her first choice when you’re on the prowl for flings. That said, if you have your pick of women, it’ll almost always go easier and be more fun with girls you’re a first choice for. It’s more important to be her first choice guy when it comes to choosing women for relationships... for a variety of respect, compatibility, and fidelity reasons.