Dating

Women you meet in nightclubs can be super flakey. Why do they flake so much later – and what can you do to reduce their ghosting/flaking?

Spend any amount of time in nightlife, and you fast learn a rule: don’t go for phone numbers; go for same-night lays.

I did much of my early approaching in nightclubs, and took plenty of phone numbers from them. Yet time and again, the numbers that panned out were almost all from the minority of approaches I did outside the club – in transit, on the street, via social circle.

Even if I met a girl who liked to party and club on the street or in transit, I was still a lot more likely to get a date with her that way than had I met her in the club.

There were exceptions, of course. I took phone numbers from girls I met in nightclubs and bars and managed to sleep with them sometimes. But it was so infrequent it stood out.

Yet eventually, I fixed it. After enough years in the game, I reached the point where phone numbers from nightclubs are almost as reliable as phone numbers from girls from other places. How to fix the club-flake problem is the subject of this post.

A woman senses you only want to hook up with her, and closes herself off to you. Why’d it happen – and how do you prevent this ‘closing off’?

On an article from about half a year ago, Art commented:

“Has anyone noticed how women can sense if you don’t foresee a future relationship and put their guard up/ auto-reject? And then the women you DO want to become intimate with can sense a ‘strings-attached’ neediness, causing an imbalance? I’d love to get some insight on balancing attainability when being handsome yet shy. I get all kinds of signs from women that I’m excited to unlock, yet they can tell if it’s “real” or not very quickly and move on if the vibe isn’t real.”

It's a common scenario. A girl who liked you before, who realizes you don't want her for what she wants or might want with you, and auto-rejects.

Odds are you've seen this plenty. You start to talk to a girl, she's into you, but you realize you don't want anything long-term with her. All of a sudden it's as if she read your mind, and she grows frigid. The magic fades, and she makes her exit.

This is frustrating when you're on a notch hunt. You want to get more women in bed, raise your experience level, and have fun... but you don't necessarily want to commit to every girl who finds her way into your bed.

Yet girls keep realizing it, and keep going cold to you. Is there a way to stop this happening?

If a girl likes you but withholds sex past a few dates, an investment-attainability double bind may be the culprit.

Have you ever gone on a first date with a girl and things went well with both of you seemingly enjoying each other… then found yourself struggling to take her home and shag her, and instead of doing so, you agree to meet once again for yet another date?

Have you then found yourself going on multiple dates with that woman – some of them quite intensive and creative – and yet, she still refuses to go home with you. Or if she does go home with you, she shies away from having sex? Has this gone on for over five meets?

Today, we’re going to talk about one of the most common double-bind situations in courtship, where a girl’s desire to get a guy to commit to her results in additional investment-seeking – in the form of deferring sex.

This draws out the courtship and causes her to lose interest in him, and they never get together or have sex. Instead, both the man and woman just waste a bunch of time and leave the situation unhappy, not getting what they wanted.

One minute, she’s into you; the next, she’s gone cold. Why does this happen? Well, because if you’re not climbing a ladder, you’re sliding down a chute.

I like video game analogies for explaining social situations, but there is one element to a video game that sadly does not apply to real life.

When it comes to women, there are no save points and no pausing.

Take the Dark Souls games – although you get save points, there is no pausing. If you go into the menu during the game, it continues without you. Enemies can still attack you. Think of life this way.

Or more accurately, you may be old enough to remember the board game Chutes and Ladders, a modern take on the ancient Indian game Snakes and Ladders.

You roll the dice. If the roll brings you to a ladder, you climb up the board. But if you roll onto a snake, you slide back down to the snake’s tail. This can happen even if you’re only steps away from winning the game.

Seduction and relationships are like this. There are ladders, and there are chutes.

Truly hot women are scarce in the world of online dating apps. If you want to meet them, give your swiping finger a rest and focus on your in-real-life game.

Throughout 2017, I’ve noticed two strong trends that have put questions in my mind about the future direction of teaching and practicing social arts.

1. The increasing reliance of men on Tinder and dating apps as their main resource to meet women; many of these men are frustrated with their results on the app

2. The simultaneous frustration in women who meet men using dating apps like Tinder

The conclusion I’ve derived from both observations is that Tinder is now well on its way out of the limelight, and guys are far better off in the long term if they learn to meet, date, and sleep with women without using these apps.

Now, I’m not saying Tinder doesn’t have any utility. We have posted some great guides on Girls Chase on how to use Tinder. I’ve even used them myself, meeting, dating, and having sex with girls using the methods described therein. I’ve seen it work for men around me, too.

So the crux of this article is not to argue that you should never use Tinder, because it definitely has its uses, particularly for guys who just want to get laid without spending the time necessary to meet women elsewhere. If Tinder and similar apps get you everything you want with the quality of women you desire, great.

My point with this post is that guys can get better-quality women if they take the time to learn to meet them in person rather than relying solely on online and app-based dating systems. In short, when you get good at meeting girls in person, there’s little reason to use Tinder to meet them.

When it comes to dating and seduction, most guys understand value. Be as valuable as you can. Become smooth, cool, learn game, get cool clothes, a nice haircut, and get in shape. But what most guys miss is that attainability loses you a lot more girls than you think.

In this video, I go over the three types of attainability problems that lose you girls, how to recognize them, and how to fix them.

When she texts you “maybe” or “we’ll see”, what does it mean? Why do women text this? There are ways to reduce this happening – as well as ways to deal with it once it happens.

A reader named Daniel writes in:

“Hey guys,

I have been gaming for a few years now, and I notice a theme. When I ask a girl to hangout via text, there are certain responses that women commonly give- and I consider them all to be negative. We’ll be texting each other, and when I ask her to hangout or suggest it she will either say: “We’ll see”; “I’ll let you know “; “maybe ; or go silent. Obviously, I get some positive responses, but any variation of these 4 tends to be the common negative ones. Any tips on how to respond to each? Or better yet, could you write an article on girls responding negatively or questionably when u ask them to hangout via text?”

Ooh, yeah. That’s an ugly message to get:

• “Maybe”
• “I’ll let you know”
• “We’ll see”

These texts always suck. They suck for one major reason: the girl implies she holds all the cards.

This is not a gracious message. When she texts you “maybe” or she texts you “we’ll see” it is an “I’m-going-to-tell-you-how-it-will-be-and-you-will-be-waiting” message. Each of the above responses implies you want something, and she will decide later whether you will get the thing you want or not.

In this article, we’ll talk about some firefighting tactics you can use if you get this. But more importantly, we’ll talk about why women send this message in the first place, and the ways you can avoid ever even getting this message (most of the time).