Confidence

The big mantra in the West is “Find your passion”. Every person is constantly telling you that if you don’t live and work passionately then you will never have a truly fulfilling life. However, living a passionate life can be harder than it seems.

People who live with passion seem to have some sort of secret to vivacious living that other people do not.

But rather than this being a post on how to find the work you’re meant to do, we will instead be examining why passion is so highly valued to begin with. It’ll answer the question: why does everyone laud passion and passionate people to such a high level?

And after that we will outline how to be passionate in every area of life – especially with women.

Before I begin, it is necessary for me to clarify what type of guy this article is intended for.

There are those on the path of wanting to learn Game to find their ideal girlfriend or wives.

Then there are those on the path of wanting to enjoy many women over the course of their lives, maybe upgrading a few to “relationship” status as time goes on.

This article is for the latter; guys with a high sex-drive who wish to indulge fully in as much sexual variety as their circumstances and skill levels allow. This won’t be about how to pick up girls in terms of things to say or do or what to wear. Rather, this is an exploration of the beliefs of the successful player: what’s going through his mind – the foundation on which rests his entire approach to seduction.

After my last article about what it means to be a Man in our society, many of you indicated that you’d like to delve deeper into that concept – that concept of reclaiming our lost masculinity. Well, part of being a Man is thinking like a Man, and successful Men share similar beliefs.

These are in no particular order, as they are each as important as all the others. Here we go…

I was just browsing a website where I came across young, sexually inexperienced men lecturing other men on how “lucky” they were to have a girl to wake up next to, and how, if they were in those men’s shoes, they would basically walk on water for such girls and do anything the girl could possibly want or ask... if they could get them.

In response, the men who actually got laid and had girlfriends laughed at them and responded with things along the lines of, “And that’s why you don’t have a girlfriend.”

In business, you find it’s of vital importance to be aware of the relative strength (or weakness) of your position walking into a negotiation – any negotiation.

Ideally, you’ll walk into a negotiation where both parties are negotiating from strong positions – you are strong, and the other party is strong. In this case, you stand the best chance at having a fair outcome for both parties (a win-win) because neither side will compromise on things that are important to them.

Also possible – but far less likely – are negotiations where both parties are weak. These will also tend to be “fair” negotiations, as they are alliances of convenience; however, they don’t happen so much because everyone wants to ally himself with someone strong, and this is especially true for the weak.

Lastly, you will encounter negotiations that are weak-strong (or strong-weak), where one party negotiates from a position of relative weakness, and the other negotiates from a position of relative strength. These negotiations tend toward being extraordinarily one-sided in their outcomes the vast majority of the time – they are net value transfers from the weak party to the strong party.

That’s because the weak party inevitably compromises far too much – he knows he has little to offer, and doesn’t know when he’ll get another shot at a deal with a stronger party, so he becomes willing to trade anything simply just to keep the stronger party around and, hopefully, give himself the chance to “prove himself” to said stronger party as someone worthy getting access to even the littlest piece of value back.

Yet these dynamics are not unique to business – they happen with people, too. And the easiest place to see them in action? “Nice guys” trying to get dates and girlfriends.

Men are supposed to be natural born leaders. They are supposed to voluntarily run into the throes of danger, protect all those who they hold dear, and, most of all, make sound decisions on a consistent basis whenever a challenge or dilemma presents itself.

But if this is what men are supposed to do naturally, why do so many men find it so hard to be good decision-makers? Shouldn’t it just come to them like second nature? Although some people may believe that decision making for a man is easy, all men know that it can be hard to make a decision – not because of the act itself – but more because we fear bringing about a negative outcome or not making the best decision we can in a given situation.

Most of the time when you ask people for advice on decision-making they just say things like: “Just do it!” But this isn’t really advice. Nor is it really useful unless you’re already decisive.

So how can we make ourselves more effective decision makers? That’s what I’m going to talk about today. I’m going to outline some important mindsets and techniques in order to make you stronger and more confident in your decisions and, more importantly, your decision process.

Note from Chase: this article was written by Alek in response to questions from several commenters. It is a clarification by Alek on his style; on why his material is angled the way it is; and on the difference between his advanced material and the motivation behind it from material geared more toward beginners and intermediates. Onward.

Learning to open girls, having some conversation skills, and being able to seduce a girl with your touch and eye contact and then lead her to a seduction location and close the deal is the blueprint to getting laid. It works fine and people get results from it (including me). These basics are all you really need in order to attract and seduce women. You don’t really need advanced techniques to get laid.

Some of the writers here at Girls Chase are only discussing the basics – as that is all they apply infield. For example, our dear Halvor Jannike has a more than satisfactory sex life, and when he goes out he only uses basic seduction techniques. He is not very talkative, so his seduction skills are mostly nonverbal. His style, his touch, and his eye contact are his tools. He knows how to lead an interaction from social to sexual. There’s nothing fancy about his style, but it works for what he’s looking for.

You can never work enough on your fundamentals, and that is why we will never stop posting about basic seduction concepts here, as they are your foundation. However, if you have goals that go beyond the usual, advanced techniques are often required.

In both the seduction community and the Manosphere, the term “beta male” is the diametrical opposite of the “alpha male”. He is also a contagious meme in the popular culture, but he is, contrary to the “alpha male”, usually referred to by folk terminology.

He is known as a “nice guy”.

As discussed in the previous article about “alpha male” and “sigma male” strategies, the term “beta male” is used in an imprecise way in the seduction community and the Manosphere, and I will thus not use it in the rest of this article. However, the almost synonymous concept of a “nice guy” is used in a rather consistent sense in contemporary society and it thus makes sense to discuss what characterizes him.

While there is much advice around on how socially dominant men behave and how to become more socially dominant, there is the problem that the advice usually only attempts to fix superficial behavior patterns of such “nice guys” and does not treat the underlying psychological conditionings that created the “nice guy” in the first place.

This is problematic because it causes incongruence, usually in the form of dominant behavior patterns that are in conflict with the underlying “nice guy” belief system.

There is also an incongruence problem in that a player lifestyle will generate reference experiences that are often deemed as negative in the “nice guy’s” belief system. This article will discuss how the “nice guy” has been conditioned and how the “nice guy” can recondition himself on multiple levels in order to become more socially successful. But first we will discuss why all these “nice guys” are around in the first place.

In “Locating Good Low Competition Sexual Markets", a reader writes in asking about the desire to show off:

“Hey, Chase,

I would like to see your article on desire to show off. I have such problem in me that usually I want to be seen as awesome and seek for approval, but it is something that really fucks up with my goals, because I forget my stuff to do and chase approval of peers and girls instead. Such situation where I get flaky girls not responding, or rejections actually bothers me a lot and is extremely painful and I feel so stuck in seeking validation, so I’m insecure and this off putting, I know. Any thoughts?”

The desire to be impressive; it’s one that almost every man has to some degree or another.

Some of us have it on a grand scale, while others only have a tiny drop of it; but if no one cared about being powerful and letting all the world know it, action movies (and tales and stories) where the guy gets to save the day wouldn’t be nearly so popular in our time and times past, and dreams of becoming a star or celebrity would be far less common dreams to dream.

Yet, the desire to be impressive can lead us to some pretty ignominious ends:

• Crippling approach anxiety because we fear looking the opposite of impressive if we approach her and come off poorly or are rejected

• Inaction when we should take action, because we don’t want to risk making the wrong move, looking bad, and messing it all up, all of this leading to missed escalation windows and expired attraction

• A tendency for a great many men to require liquid courage before they’re even ready to start approaching, and a much easier time approaching anonymously in dark, crowded nightclubs (where it’s harder, the competition is fiercer, and the overall quality is lower) than on the street in broad daylight (where it’s easier, the competition is nil, and the overall quality is great)

• Valuing reactions over results, because buddies or disciples are far more impressed by hopped up antics that get girls clapping and screaming than they are by subdued conversation... even if that latter is more likely to lead to a girl in your bed
  

Plus all number of other success saboteurs.

How do we deal with being a showoff then – do we suppress it, or can we use it?