Confidence

Ever feel like everyone out there wants to take advantage of you and use you for their own ends?

It isn’t the case that everyone does... unfortunately, if you have a certain kind of history, sometimes you may not be able to tell the people who will be good influences in your life with good intentions for you from the people who will be bad influences and only want to take things from you it will not benefit you to give them.

In life, you start off at a disadvantage. You are dependent on others to rear you into adulthood, and usually that goes “okay”; but sometimes it goes in some messed up directions, and sometimes it’s the world’s doing, while other times it is your own ignorance that’s responsible.

This dual possibility leaves a lot of people playing it so safe, or so close to the chest that whether they are harming themselves in the line of fire from forces beyond them, or are getting by “okay”, and so they choose the same path they’ve always been on to get them into adulthood.

Those suffering abuse often take a lot more of it before they see that the source isn’t them and it’s some other weirdo deceiving them and gas-lighting them. Those suffering under their own ignorance cocoon themselves in paranoia and take up vindictive mindsets. Those who get reared “okay” are usually roped into their parent’s troubled relationships or attempts to appear like an unquestionable authority to their child.

No matter which way you spin it, you always end up to some degree dazed and confused, wondering how the hell you got here, and why you couldn’t have just had a no strings attached rearing into adulthood, and a nice introduction into the world upfront.

As I’m packing my things for a four-day music festival, I remember all the crazy stuff from the past events – pure, unadulterated fun. Well, at least the parts I can remember. For some reason, many of us have no trouble letting go and having fun during vacations, music festivals, or camping trips, but fail to do the same when we’re at a local bar, looking to meet someone new.

And this is what this article is going to be about – having fun. Essentially, I’ll try to convince you in about 2000 words to do something that comes natural to every child, and something that should be completely obvious to every adult.

Yet for too many this simple act doesn’t come naturally – we’re too invested in forcing a particular outcome and planning every single step, as if we can prepare for dynamic social interactions in the same way we prepare for a weekend road trip.

And while we’re sitting there, pondering what line to use as an opener to get that girl into bed (yeah, as if it works that way) or mindlessly grind approaches telling the same damn lines and analyzing the night’s results (wait, was it 33 or 34 approaches?) life is happening in the background.

With the corner of your eye you catch a glimpse of a random group of people laughing and telling jokes over drinks. You think that they sound fun, but there’s no time for fun – you’re here to get women.

Unsurprisingly, for many guys, seduction and meeting women becomes a chore; something that they need to dedicate blocks of time to every week and just work through like a bad case of paperwork.

I've talked a lot on Girls Chase about having foundations, thinking things through, and addressing your ego, and now that I have done that it is time to talk about the real issues men face when trying to learn how to meet girls clubbing.

In my experience, most guys that are going out to clubs trying to figure girls out are en masse coming at the whole issue from the wrong angle. I can't pinpoint or classify the error of the approach precisely, but it always ends the same way - guys taking everything very seriously and getting very stern and upset about the wrong things.

I get why guys going out at night end up frustrated and saddened by the experience, and I would completely feel the same way if I was back in that grind again myself.

However, the big problem here is that guys are aiming for "big wins", and not being patient and accepting enough about "a good process" and improvements coming from within.

You’re at a night school class you share with a pretty girl you’ve had your eye on. The semester’s only halfway through, yet you have a feeling this girl likes you, and you like her too. You’ve chatted a few times, and sometimes you sit near her or next to her, but not always.

One evening, your class lets out and she takes a long time to gather her belongings. Coincidentally (or not), two of you head out at the same time. You strike up a conversation with her on the way out, and she’s responsive, but the conversation quickly stalls out. She seems happy but nervous. You feel like she’s waiting for something. Then you think how awkward it would be if you asked her out and she said no, and now you’ve got to keep coming back to this class and it’d really suck if there was an awkward vibe between you and this girl you like.

So, you tell her well, anyway, you guess you’d better get going, and you peel off and head to your car. On the way home, you kick yourself for not asking her out.

There are some men out there this kind of thing never happens to – if they get a shot with a girl, they take it. They can’t even understand why this would even be a problem for guys.

For most guys though, this is something they’ve had happen once or twice (or thrice... or four times... or more times).

The difference between the man this doesn’t happen to, and the man it does, quite often, comes down to a difference in their general and specific social aptitudes.

When looking back at all my experience with girls, there are a couple of events that still haunt me. Not because I got rejected, not because I bombed out, but because I was so close and failed.

The failure wasn’t due to there being poor logistics, nor was it a rogue friend that pulled her away. These failures were the result of me not standing up at the right moment and being a dominant man. I either pushed off the responsibility on one of my wingmen or the girl. Well, in life and in game, no one is going to do the work for you. This is why I have adopted the mantra “If they won’t, I will.”

This post is going to be set up a little different from my other posts. I am going to bring up two instances where I failed to stand up and take responsibility. I hope the lessons from my nightmares can help your dreams come true.

Among men studying the social arts, women’s ultimate goal is often misinterpreted as the pursuit of sex.

In this article I will describe their real goal and how it is often distorted by those in some form of a scarcity mindset. We will also go much deeper than this, as we will be looking at your real goal as well as women’s.

To begin this subject, I can’t really delay introducing you to the ultimate goal, so, in the spirit of openness, here it is. But before you make your judgement upon it, read the rest of the article and see how your view of it changes.

The ultimate goal (of women AND men) is to free oneself from becoming frozen in fear of judgement… and to do this without hurting or taking advantage of others for one’s own comfort and ease.

I am an underwhelming 5 feet 9 inches tall. In the US and the UK, this is about four inches under the ideal height for a guy. I have girls tell me that I am too short, yet they still ended up coming home with me that night.

When you begin your journey dating as a short guy, you want to stack the odds in your favor. It’s easy to get disheartened and lose steam, and that’s why I have come up with this framework for shorter guys to game more efficiently at the beginning of their journey, so they can build their core confidence and have a long career of picking up women.