If She Does Not Meet Your Needs, Fix It, Tell Her, or Cut Bait | Girls Chase

If She Does Not Meet Your Needs, Fix It, Tell Her, or Cut Bait

I see a lot of guys in relationships where they just aren’t getting their needs met:

she doesn't meet your needs

... and I always say to myself, “That seems silly, why don’t they just either fix the situation or get out?”

It seems straightforward enough: if she does not meet your needs, then you either

  • Fix the situation,
  • Make HER fix the situation, or
  • Replace her

Yet, human emotion is not so simple, and once a guy’s is invested in a girl, it’s often hard to pull himself away, even if the situation is not ideal.

So, that in mind, I want to take a look at how men end up in these unsatisfactory positions... and I want to give you some advice on what to do, should you find yourself stuck in a similar pit of tar, unable to get free and sinking ever downward.

Chase AmanteAbout the Author: Chase Amante

Chase woke up one day in 2004 tired of being alone. So, he set to work and read every book he could find, studied every teacher he could meet, and talked to every girl he could talk to to figure out dating. After four years, scads of lays, and many great girlfriends (plus plenty of failures along the way), he launched this website. He will teach you everything he knows about girls in one single program in his Mastery Package.

GET CHASE’S MASTERY PACKAGE

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Comments

nolimits's picture

Chase, great article. I have a more social than dating question here though.
I ve noticed that high status guys often times make jokes about other people or at least attack them. One thing is a challenge, one thing is a joke. How do i respond to jokes ( for example '' you suck/ you re gay/ you re the playboy , said sarcastically) ? I'm more and more convinced that the way to go is to attack them first ( joke before they do so that the attention is on them , not on you) with a calm tonality and a control over your emotions , but would love your opinion.

You re the man!!!!!!!

Author
Chase Amante's picture

No Limits-

Check out these articles, on exactly your topic (guys trying to tool you):

(particularly the third article)

You'll need comebacks to a certain extent with hostile insults (i.e., not playful ones). Just follow the prescription in the third article, mixed with a low effort retort. Like:

Him: Dude, you're such a fag. [said in a hostile way]

You: Not interested, bro. [said in a strong, dismissive way]

Be careful not to destroy a guy too thoroughly if he was just being playful. If he's just joshing with you, it should look more like this:

Him: Dude, you're such a fag. [said in a playful way]

You: [either give him the bored look or if it's real playful you can flash your eyebrows at him and say, "Better be careful, you might wake up with a tender anus"]

Important to decide if you're playing along, giving him the bored look, or grounding him into the Earth before you make your call on how to respond.

Chase

Ej's picture

Hey how fast can you get with women, big picture wise with the help of girlschase? I am literally starting out, having finished the newbie assignment and now looking for a new structure set of articles to pick up women.. I am sifting through old articles of yours and I would like to know what articles I should be reading

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Ej-

Nice job on your completion of the Newbie Assignment! You're off to a good start.

One of our senior members on the boards just had a 5-minute public sex meet-to-shag last weekend! But I think by big picture you meant overall going from no luck with women to solid success with girls, correct?

The big picture depends on several things:

  • Where you start out at
  • How much work you put in
  • How smart you work

If you start out in good shape and only need a few tweaks, you work your tail off, and you follow the process / structure, you'll progress fast. If you struggle with social calibration, it'll take a little longer. The guys who have the worst time of it are the ones who either don't put in the work, or they focus obsessively on a few areas and ignore the rest.

For your next step, I suggest you either:

The quiz uses Girls Chase articles as a guide to introduce you to several new concepts each day and give you an assignment to integrate them to your knowledge set. The book takes a holistic approach to learning seduction, from first approach to first time in bed with a girl, and gives you assignments to complete for each major step along the way.

I'd suggest you pick the one you want depending on how you prefer learning. If you want deeper nuance and are willing to go for a somewhat slower but deeper approach, take the quiz (and probably start with the Beginner book). If you want to just get to the point as quickly as possible and cover only the most important parts, get How to Make Girls Chase and proceed through it.

Chase

Lawliet's picture

Hey Chase,

Hope all is well with you, bro!

Ever since I started to up my social and learn about cues, calibration and what's accepted, I notice myself phrasing things certain way to make them more "socially acceptable" and not rude.

Things of common courtesy...however, it reminds me your feel good culture in Western society, how everyone wants everyone to feel good! Commence "ism" attacks, and wide acceptance for who you are!

Which is something I do not embrace.
I'm worried now if social conditioning made a crack for couple negative things slip through. I guess it's not surprising. I am allowing myself to pick up things from average (people around) to learn social norm. But that's besides the point.

Feel good culture
A person helped me lately, and there were a couple things I rather do myself and so instead of saying "I prefer this and this," in response to their help, I said that I rather do those myself which "lighten his weight too" as the reason.

I found myself thinking, "He's helping me; I probably shouldn't give any feedback and just thank him..." but the other side of me saying, "No, I need to say my will, otherwise it'll kill me inside" so I masked it as socially as possible.

But I don't want to fall into feel good culture and never give people true direct, cold hard advice...or my perspective, or just outright saying what I mean and fall into a fakery of "let's everyone be happy under pretense" of feel good culture that's present in Western society. With the exception of my example above, a person helping me should probably not get "do this, do that, in this way" response. ;)

What are your thoughts?
Lawliet

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Lawliet-

I grew up hearing not to offend. Which was difficult because I’m a pretty blunt, contrarian, offensive guy by nature. But if you just dump your opinions all over other people, not only do they not like you, but you often become guilty of spewing out half-formed emotional rants without doing the fact checks to see if these are actually valid arguments or if you’re just arguing from your amygdala.

What I have trained myself to do over the years is to figure out how to convey the message I want to convey, but do so in a way that others can understand, even if they do not agree. Anything that sounds like, “Nope, you’re wrong, here’s how it is,” doesn’t work, because it puts the other person on the defensive and ensures you won’t win his respect or logical debate with him (and, as an aside, anyone who tries “Nope, you’re wrong” with me I put away this rule for and just smack them with moral superiority until they’re ready for a rational conversation just to get away from it all).

Check this article out for how I learned how to do that:

Dale Carnegie's Most Life-Changing Piece of Advice

If you have to say “I’m not saying this personally”, that’s okay, but usually means you messed up and made your argument SOUND personal. Do better next time to not trigger defensiveness in your debate partner.

And if someone on your side says something a little silly, just get the “Oh my…” look on your face, where you kind of inhale deeply, smile sheepishly, raise your eyebrows, lower your eyelids, and move your eyes in a slow glance over toward your friend. Or, alternately, look at the guy on the other side and just raise your eyebrows, as if to say, “Hey, he said it, not me.”

Chase

Lawliet's picture

Almost forgot, I notice my friends and I would reassure someone when we're saying something on the edge of being taken the wrong way (your friendly neighborhood - "Feel good culture!") so even if we're giving advice feedback for THEIR sake, we still "And again, I'm not saying this personally" etc.

Is this a good element or not?
What about from the perspective of being a top caliber man (GC!)?
Lawliet

Lawliet's picture

Sorry for the spam, I thought I add this last point to the help related comment above instead of a separate one and having to retype another long comment (equals more spam).

If someone helps us (or in general, does something with the intention of "on our side" or in our benefit), but in the process, they also commit a social faux pas, or an social error, or moral error, or anything really that gives us a "hmm, not exactly" facial expression, what do we do?

Do we throw them under the bus? (faux pas with others present)
Or do we keep quiet?

Wanted to ask this a long time ago but keep forgetting!
Lawliet

ree's picture

exactly what the doctor ordered...this is uncanny ....this is exactly wht i needed right now

SZ's picture

Could you explain to me about the alpha provider? you said you don't care to be one and you like girls with money, so are you saying that the alpha provider is more of the man wanting to be it or the women thinking less of you? because from what I think I read it seemed that she would think less of you if she made the same or more.

Did I read wrong? is it more for the guy just so he can feel alpha and a better provider to make more or does the women who makes more loses respect for the guy?

How do you keep your respect and dominance with the women who make more money than you chase?

Author
Chase Amante's picture

SZ-

No, the woman does not think less of the alpha provider. It is a powerful role, as discussed in my articles here:

I don’t go for that role, at least not too early on, because I do not want sticky women. As you adopt the alpha provider role, women become increasingly dependent on you. Partly because they really do need you for provision, and partly because they use their dependence to make you less likely to leave (i.e., easy to leave if she’s got a job and clearly will be fine without you. Any man with a conscience will feel bad about leaving a girl who’s set her career aside and placed all her trust in him, though).

Girls who make more money than you, who’s more powerful, Paris Hilton or Bill Clinton? Paris Hilton’s worth a lot more money than Bill Clinton. But I think we both know if Bill Clinton dumped Hillary and took up with Paris, Paris would rein herself in and become his little woman fairly fast. Money is one signifier of power, but it’s not the only one. If you lack money, cultivate other forms of power. An impressive mission is the easiest way to do this. If you cannot cultivate ANY power – not mission, not money, not ambition, not connections, not domain expertise, not anything – then you should not go for powerful women. You will not be in charge, and they will only break your heart.

Re: fundamentals, I’ve seen plenty of big, lean, slow guys with fat, ugly girls. Size and definition of muscles, and movement speed, are indeed part of the picture, but they’re a small part. There is a LOT more to fundamentals than just these. Check ou this article:

How Many Attraction Factors are There? Infinite

Also, buy my book. There’s an entire chapter devoted to fundamentals in there. Muscle size/definition and movement speed are only a very small part of that chapter (a couple of lines, I think).

Chase

SZ's picture

Chase, how does one keep working on their fundamentals? I personally Feely fundamentals are very good, I have a muscular frame, I have a deep manly voice, I'm tall, I talk slow and move slow, I dress better than 99% of people that I see and I'm being very honest, I have a lot of good smelling colognes and females have told me this.

But, I think a few comments back you said that I have to have better fundamentals, I forgot why.

I don't mind getting better fundamentals, thing is the only one I can improve more on is getting bigger and leaner, or moving very slow, but my thing is maybe I do need to step my fundamentals up, I don't get approached a lot for just my fundamentals as I used to, but I think it's because of where I am right now, I'm in a different spot with a different demographic, and these girls here aren't approaching like my girls from where I'm from.

maybe I am treated differently because I'm black? all the girls I see like the light skin boys, but I don't give a fuck, I still pull, but want to pull more.

I'm in Florida, do you know anything about how women view black men out here, if it's harder because it's the south or whatever? some of my black friends have luck, but they know most of those girls from social circle.

I know you can't give me an exact answer because you don't know what I look like, but I want to know with what I've given you, what can I do to improve my current fundamentals?

do you think it's my talk game? I won't lie I'm the strong silent type, and maybe that is the one thing. I never had to say much to get girls when I was younger so I never learned.

Thanks Man

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