Relationship Control and Female Domination | Girls Chase

Relationship Control and Female Domination

relationship controlHave you ever noticed that in almost every relationship… sooner or later, but often right from the start or at least very early… one of the two partners is more emotionally involved than the other? And that it's invariably the other of the two who retains the most relationship control?

That one often seems to be more invested, more in love, more interested… that there always seems to be a certain lack of balance?

This phenomenon is what psychologists call a “Passion Trap”, and it has been explained in great detail in Dean C. Delis’s excellent book about the topic, The Passion Trap: Where is Your Relationship Going?, which I think everybody should read in high school… it is THAT important to understanding relationships.

But in the meantime, let me give you a primer… and some insights we “professional seducers” have come to, that psychologists haven’t even written about yet.

Ricardus DominoAbout the Author: Ricardus Domino

Ricardus was one of the most prolific and respected coaches in the men’s dating advice industry. He’s dated some of the planet’s most beautiful women, ranging from a Miss World contestant, to a model for Coca-Cola, to one of “Brazil’s Next Top Models.” His specialty is daytime street stops. He is most remembered for his “Are you single?” opening line. Ricardus is currently retired from the dating advice industry.

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Lance's picture

I asked her out for dinner, she accepted. Then we met up and had a good time with good conversation.
But in the end, I asked her if she needed a ride home (after she refused to go to other places with me), she said no...

In this case, I don't even know whether she likes me or she just views me as her friend...

This kind of things happen quite often to me lately. I didn't push them cause I thought that might get me out of the "law of least effort". Then, nothing happened.

Am I being too much of a provider? What should I do, just not offering rides any more by just saying goodbye and disappear?

Jimbo's picture

Since you keep asking them if they want a ride home, then I'd say, yes, you sound like you're being too much of a provider/useful guy in your dealings with women, and that puts you off of lover territory.

Instead of asking them if they need a ride, just invite them home.

Lucas's picture

Swell blog! I feel like you have a much healthier philosophy than the average pick-up artist fare I've read. I spent a lot of time learning how to impress women, and getting to play the entertainer / court jester -- reactions, but no results.

I've had an intuition this power instability you describe is inevitable. I don't want to accept that, though. There has to be another way; do you have any inkling as to what it might be?

Taking a leaf out of Malcolm Gladwell's book, let's look for "bright spots:" have you ever seen a balanced relationship, or been in one? Were there any distinguishing traits of these relationships?

BW's picture


Read the book mentioned in this article, the passion trap/passion paradox. It offers great insight into creating balanced relationships. I'm still not sure that things won't inevitably end up imbalanced, but it did give me hope for the first time that there was a choice other than the two extremes.

Anonymous's picture

I hate arguments and rationalizations which let women's selfishness and self serving interests off the hook, such as they need to find a good provider because women are primarily interested in the welfare of any future children. Women are interested in their own damn welfare and self interests. If a woman marries and divorces a rock star, wrestling star, or golf star, and then sues for tens or hundreds of millions of dollars in alimony, (*alibi money*), and child support, it is not because she is looking after the welfare of the children, it is naked greed on her part, the child welfare business is just to make her look good in the minds of the ignorant, despite her naked greed and aggression.

Gabe's picture

I really love and appreciate the time, effort and accuracy generally present in your blogs, but im not really sure about the whole "women get one man as a lover and another as her provider" and "gene shopping" concept. That doesnt seem to me like a healthy relationship, and thus an "inherent" part of human evolution. But apart from that, props for the "claim your balls back" part. Really loving it.

Ricardus Domino's picture

Hey Gabe - That's true, unfortunately nature isn't really very concerned with a healthy relationship"... it is more concerned with getting us to carry our genes into the next generation. And that works a lot better when relationships are not balanced... but once we know and understand that, we can work with that knowledge and avoid a lot of unnecessary heart ache and design amazing relationships. And thanks for the compliments!


Remus's picture

Hey Ricardus - Great insight! Quick question. And I promise I'm not being facetious...
Let's assume that a man's goal is to ultimately be in an emotionally fulfilling long term marital relationship, but because he understands and applies many of the concepts you've discussed in this and other articles, he finds himself more often than not in the "one-up" position.
How would you suggest he regain his initial attraction for the woman? How do could he establish a dynamic at the outset that leads to the highest probability of a balanced relationship?
I know how it feels to be the "one down", but I've been fortunate to have consistently maintain "one up" status for the last several years (although this is the first time I've come across these terms). You hit the nail on the head when you said that neither position is emotionally fulfilling. So how does one genuinely in love with a woman without having to either settle or be play the scrub?

Harv's picture

The how to claim your balls back section is confusing You're saying to play games yet that it will hurt trust, which is something I had to find out the hard way recently. It just led to her playing games back and ultimately not responding. Then she never texted or called me for months and would sometimes respond. I didn't like it, and it did make me feel out of control, but she didn't know that. She could have also been wondering what my intentions were or why I waited so long to text. I don't think it really changes any power dynamics, it COULD, but only if the players feel like it has. You also don't address the issue that girls may play hard to get to test you and not to gain any power. The stupid part is when you know the other side is playing games, which could also be looked at during a relationship. Where do you draw the line between unpredictable and boring?

Jakro's picture

It is always a risky play to try to claim your power back in a relationship, and quite often she breaks things off. Best way to keep it together is to never lose the frame to begin with.

Only way she stops replying to you or playing games with you to begin with is because she does not see you as the alpha anyway. So when you dont reply its like whatever. If she truly sees you as THE guy, no way would she just let it fizzle out.

Anonymous's picture

Well I did this, actually by my own instinct, without first reading this post. It didn't go so well for me.. I ignored two of her messages and haven't heard from her in 8 months, haha.

Ryan's picture

Any relationship that is unequal is unhealthy. If you feel like your girlfriend is trying to get the upper hand, talk to her about it honestly. Say, "I feel like you aren't giving me my space" or "I don't think its your intention, but I feel a bit controlled." If she apologizes and realizes the error of her ways, then she is a keeper and trust and communication in the relationship has now evolved to a better place, If she fights back and doesn't think she did anything wrong, then dump her ass. She's a bitch and has issues. That simple.

lucifer's picture

"but they will still sleep with guys of even higher value… "

As Chase also said in a podcast, they can easily also sleep with lower status males.

It doesn't go always upward, though of course it's easier if you're higher up :)

Thepenmaister's picture

Hi man.. you are not only experience but also a smart and an good writer! I live your blog!!

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