Why Did She Pick YOU as a Boyfriend? | Girls Chase

Why Did She Pick YOU as a Boyfriend?

what she wants in a boyfriend
What do girls look for in a boyfriend? Lots: relationship goal fit, value fit, relationship promise, even the first kiss, all matter.

A reader writes in:


You are phenomenal. You and Corey Wayne... Do you know of him? Anyways, I want to look at things from a different perspective. I am dating literally a ten out of ten the most beautiful of all women. Let’s get down to brass tacks. What is it that makes a woman choose a man to be BOYFRIEND material? Especially when she is the best of the best. She must see him as an alpha male the one who sets the current of his own world. I am very curious. Because honestly... Yes she is the best but if she is going to be lame and want to move on(dump me, being I do not make her feel special.and slack on my part.. Or just in general) I am ready to move on and find the next sexiest woman. Let me know. I am interested. I want to know what separates us strong men from the rest. Btw, Thank you for your insights. I accredit you and your team to my success. Best!

It’s a deep and interesting question. And one that’s well worth thinking about.

I’ve recently had the chance to watch a great girl who’s hard on the boyfriend hunt cycle through a number of different options. She’s advertising her desire for a boyfriend like crazy, all while stressing that it’s a quality boyfriend she wants (and lamenting that she may well be alone forever... which usually in my experience means she’ll have a new boyfriend within another week or two).

So I think this is a fun one to tackle. Why does a girl pick the guy she picks to eventually be her man?

Chase AmanteAbout the Author: Chase Amante

Chase woke up one day in 2004 tired of being alone. So, he set to work and read every book he could find, studied every teacher he could meet, and talked to every girl he could talk to to figure out dating. After four years, scads of lays, and many great girlfriends (plus plenty of failures along the way), he launched this website. He will teach you everything he knows about girls in one single program in his Mastery Package.


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Eric hale's picture

Great article Chase but one thing I am confused on though is the boyfriend seeking mode.
What is it? And More importantly how do you spot and address it correctly?

bbh377's picture

I'm joining the question... Also is there a way to "convert" a girl who is looking for a fling? How hard it is to get into a relationship with a girl who is at that state?

Dud's picture

Give her a *really* good time (in the sack) so good she wants to
do it again soon
and again.

By three rapid dates you are in a relationship; early stage and fragile, but a habit is forming.
- which is why you don't do it this way if it's something else you're seeking.


Chase Amante's picture


“Boyfriend seeking mode” is when a girl has decided she would really like a boyfriend and she is over the whole single-thing (for now). She’s grown to feel disgusted with being single, hooking up, etc., and now she just wants a mate.

Signs of it are genuine displeasure at the idea of hookups (“Ugh, the hookup scene”) or telling you she’s over it (“I don’t do that anymore”), her probing into your boyfriend qualities a lot more (e.g., she seems interested in your job, stability, social circle, etc.), trying to bring you along on group activities but without friend zoning you (you get the sense her friends are evaluating you to see if you measure up to their standards for whom she should date), friends of hers telling you they’ve heard “all about you”, or her even telling you outright she’s lonely or has been single too long or making jokes about it (“Ha! I’m going to be alone forever”).


Check out this more recent article, if you haven’t seen it yet:

How to Take Girls Off Their “Scripts”


Anonymous 's picture

You mention most girls have the experience of starting a relationship only to find that the guy no longer is passionate about it. I recently went through this and I'm wondering why does that happen ?

Mr. Shark's picture


the guy most likely has too high expectations in the early courting stage and invests a lot, so once he gets the girl, the reality does not match his expectations, he gets disappointed and disconnected and the chemistry takes a hit, because his emotions drop.

Chase Amante's picture

Couldn’t have put it any better!

Expectations really are king. If her reality doesn’t match up to what you hoped it was going in, your emotions will naturally fall off.


EvanK's picture

Hey Chase,

You article has perfect timing, as I'm in a situation where this advise has been very helpful.
I have three questions that I was hoping you could clarify for me:

1- All things considered, do women in general prefer to have a bad boy who they'll try to convert to their idea of a secure boyfriend? If so, then we'd want to be a bit more of the bad boy if we want to snag a girlfriend, right?

2- Does being too much of a bad boy and dressing like one have more negative consequences for women in their mid twenties compared to women in their late teens? It seems like younger girls will try their luck with trying to make a bad boy a boyfriend while older women won't. Am I wrong in assuming this? And if so, would that mean it's better not to go the bad boy route for women in the mid-twenties and upwards? (I notice that I may be coming off as too much of a bad boy for that age group).

3- If a young girl (late teens) has a father who passed away who she was very close to, how does this in general effect her relationships with men?
Thanks a lot Chase. I always look forward to your words of wisdom.


Chase Amante's picture


Women want a strong, powerful guy they can then try to make crazy for them. Girls like bad boys because bad boys are often stronger and more powerful than ordinary guys. But it isn’t necessary to be a bad boy to have this effect. There are different kinds of strong, powerful men. But if being the bad boy is a good match for your personality, it definitely helps.

More on some of the different kinds of identities here:

The 9 Male Identities and How They Affect You with Women

Younger girls respond better to more exaggerated types and personalities. The stereotypical bad boy, the overbearing jerk, etc. As women age, they generally come to prefer greater subtlety in their men. The bad boy who snarls more than howls, essentially. Howling is exciting, which younger girls like; snarling is sexy, which older girls dig.

You’ll typically tone down how much of a wild bad boy you are as you get older. Though there are still certain demographics that prefer a clear-cut bad boy. Girls who go for tattooed up bikers, for instance. Still, these men often do better with younger girls than older ones.

As for a close father who then passed away, that’s not a situation I have any real experience with, and would prefer not to speculate. I’ve had a few girls tell me their fathers had just passed away, but I’ve never spent a huge amount of time with girls in that condition so can’t draw any real inferences about them as a group.


Jimbo's picture

It seems to me from your comment that being a bad boy is more akin to adopting a persona, to giving the impression of doing bad things than to actually do bad things like commit crimes. I mean I've been around bikers for more than a few days, they don't do squat in their day except gathering, drinking beer, playing pool, talking hogs, having road trips, going to strip clubs and bars together, and dissing other cliques of bikers--actual violent confrontations are extremely rare, the baddest thing I've seen them do is sniff coke. Which makes me think that "adopting an image" basically makes up 98% of what being a bad boy is about for most.

Jo1100's picture

Hi Chase!
If a girl goes from being rather distant to all of a sudden being very kissy feely and into cuddling way more than before, is this a sign that she may want a boyfriend?

Chase Amante's picture


If you’re already in a sexual relationship, then yes!

If you’re not sexual with her yet, it can be. Or it may just be her trying to prompt you to take action.


Sub-Zero's picture

Chase, what would you recommend for guys with no specific skill set to start their own business?

What are easy businesses for people to start with, and what books should we read?

I can't find a mentor, so imma have to do it myself.

I'm trying to start asap!


Chase Amante's picture


You’re asking the same questions over and over again. See my previous responses to these questions.


SZ's picture

I don't know if you saw this chase, but this is exactly how pretty much all of my interactions with girls go. Mostly club game, some day game.

To keep it short I can get a girl attracted enough to dance with me, interact with me, or give me their number.

it's like they are a different person after I text them.

I'll text them a few hours later telling them it was nice to meet them or whatever.

we might text more, or I don't get a response.

I've talked to girls on the phone and got to know them better, I've moved fast with them and ask them when are they available, they either give me a day or they don't respond.

when the day comes I get a flake or no response.

that is pretty much what I do and that includes some day game girls.

I move fast and it gets me no where, do I have to talk to them longer or something?


with the burnout; emotionally I want to get better with women and sleep with more women. I do approach even though it's at clubs mostly, but I'm not getting results.

could you explain this burn out to me?

it's basically I want to sleep with more girls, but I'm not.


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