How Much Should You Do for a Girlfriend? The Investment Scales | Girls Chase

How Much Should You Do for a Girlfriend? The Investment Scales

do for a girlfriend
What’s the right amount to do for a girl you date? How do you know if you invest too much or too little? Two measures: boredom and neglect.

Commenting on my article “Early Boyfriend Distinction – She Helps You vs. You Help Her”, a reader asks (emphasis added):

Thanks for another insight article especially about how “dynamics” really work and that as long as you can handle situations in the right dynamics, you can break the rules or at least not follow them strictly. Which brings back to a question I have in terms of giving help to a girl. So just a little background, I’m currently dating an au pair, who is considered a foreigner in this country. So I have helped her with a lot of things such as improving her English, help her with application for status extension/change, plus a number of non-fun items, even though after those items we have fun and sleep together as much as I want. So more of an early boyfriend status. So my question is am i doing too much to help her, have you done an article in terms of when offering help to your girlfriend, what is the right amount or how to gauge when to help and when not to help and just let her do it on her own?

Getting the right balance on how much to do for a girlfriend is an issue for more intermediate daters on up. When many men start out, they pay no attention to a girl’s investment in them, and instead throw as much investment as they can at her to try to woo her. Once they realize this hurts them with her instead of helps, they begin to scale it back. Except, here, they often go too far. How do you get the balance of your investment right, so you do not make her feel either over- or undervalued?

First off, if you’re unfamiliar with the concepts of investment/compliance, or you need a refresher, be sure you’ve read these articles:

Also read the article linked to at the start of this installment. It discusses the crucial questions of “who’s doing what for whom” in terms of the pre-sex courtship.

Having read those, though, you’re likely still left with one tangled up question: how do I know when I’ve invested too much or too little in her?

There’s not an easy answer to this question, but I’ll do my best to prune some of the vines off it for you here and give you a formula you can work with.

Chase AmanteAbout the Author: Chase Amante

Chase woke up one day in 2004 tired of being alone. So, he set to work and read every book he could find, studied every teacher he could meet, and talked to every girl he could talk to to figure out dating. After four years, scads of lays, and many great girlfriends (plus plenty of failures along the way), he launched this website. He will teach you everything he knows about girls in one single program in his Mastery Package.


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MasterofAnything's picture

Hey Chase,

Again, great hindsight on relationships, most men don't seem to care or understand that relationships are hard word, and they end up getting dumped, and/or unhappy with the shitty relationship they got themselves into.

Just wanted to point out that the formula should be =

Her investment = 0.85 x your investment
Because otherwise, it is understood as the woman investing 85% of what you are investing.

Just a tiny detail hehe.

Thank you again for a great and concise article.


Chase Amante's picture


I always appreciate corrections!

However, in this case, double check your math - you're asking men to invest 118% what the woman invests!

Formula as stated in the article is what we want: take her investment (100), multiply it by 0.85, and you get your investment (85). Roughly 15% less (roughly - nothing here is directly quantifiable, of course).


Ramon's picture

Any additional thoughts for parents? In both parties, some "investment" appropriately goes to baby, but it leaves less time/energy for the long-term partners themselves.

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