(2) Intermediate

Men don’t always stick around for a relationship after sex. Is this wrong and is there anything bad about it – or not?

On my Friday/Saturday night date post, a female commenter took issue with my advice to a male commenter that he take advantage of rebound sex to get over a harsh relationship he just came out of.

To her point, I was perhaps a little indelicate in how I suggested he do this (it was guy-to-guy talk; this is a men’s site, after all). However, she took the occasion to launch into a moral argument that casual sex hurts women, takes advantage of them, and uses and discards them like unwanted objects. Her comment arguing this is a bit long to quote (you can read her full comment here), so I’ll just quote what is the most important part to me:

“I have had conversations with girlfriends who have told me that a guy won’t go out with them if they don’t sleep with them. Women have been conditioned to feel they have to have sex, much much sooner than they would feel comfortable. We know from studies that men don’t develop the feeling of love until at least 3-6 months into the relationship, even while sleeping with a woman. What they develop are lust emotions.

Most women have given up on the idea of a man protecting them and *actually* loving them. Valor and honor and real love for another is almost absent in most dating. What you describe in your post is not love at all. It is using people for sex, using people for the thrill of feeling desires, of entertainment, but it is not love. You are incredibly insightful with how to manipulate women to get to your ultimate goal. What I am saying is that this is the opposite of what a man of valor would do. He would protect his woman from physical exploitation, not be the one to exploit her. And he is exploiting her, even if it’s with her permission, when he is trying to extract sex from her when he doesn’t even genuinely love her--- care for her best good.

It doesn’t much matter if rebound sex helps a person feel better. That doesn’t make it right. Maybe we can just numb our conscience to the point that it is dead so that we can pursue feelings of lust and pleasure without caring what is actually loving to others?”

First off, her science is wrong. Men are more romantic than women are, heal less completely from breakups than women do, experience love at first sight at nearly double the rate of women... and that immediate in-love love-at-first-sight feeling men get is not infatuation – relationships that spring from immediate in-love feelings are every bit as stable and likely to last as those that develop from slow build-ups.

But that’s beside the point.

Our commenter’s argument is that to sleep with her, then not see her again, or not engage in or want to engage in a long-term committed relationship with her is damaging to her. You hurt her, you injure her, and you just generally make her feel bad.

So is she right? Does sex minus commitment lead to a trail of broken hearts and cynical women?

The answer I’ll give you is “yes, but.” And the ‘but’ is quite important.

But we’re not ready for the ‘but’ yet. Let’s talk about the ‘yes’ first.

The energy you approach a new girl with can make the difference between acceptance and rejection. So should you go in high energy or low?

Hey, guys. Today we will discuss more practical stuff that can have a tremendous effect on your game and your overall interactions with women. Many guys believe that the difference between a good seducer and a bad one is some magical technique – well, usually it is not. The devil is in the details – and the small subtleties.

That is what this post (and last week’s post about using pauses) will help you with. This post focuses more on calibration. Good seducers are smooth and tight, intermediates are less so, and beginners, well, you get the idea.

So this post is about calibration, focusing on the nature and level of “high energy” you should employ when approaching girls. This is a topic with a lot of misleading – and often contradictory – information. Some claim you have to be high energy; others claim low energy is better. They are both right and wrong at the same time – it depends on the context. Either way, this post will cover the pros and cons of each approach and give you guidelines on how to make the tightest approaches.

The following 3 factors build the foundation for calibrating your energy level for an approach:

• The social setting

• The girl(s)

• The phase of the interaction

Let’s begin by discussing the crucial aspects of the social setting.

It’s been a few months, but we’re back again with a new podcast, this time with the insightful and harmonic Daka Guy, of New York City. Daka Guy is a tantra instructor – which is another way to say women pay him to teach them sex. He’s one of the most spiritually and sexually balanced individuals I know, and I have personally attended his classes and been transformed by them.

The Friday night or Saturday night date is one of the best date times you can get. But it’s also tricky to get – she may have plans, or want you to think she does.

You know my usual advice on scheduling your dates... go for midday if you can (11 AM start time), when she’s likely to have the whole day free. Or if you can’t, after 7 PM Monday through Thursday is good.

But avoid Friday and Saturday. Especially Friday and Saturday nights.

Why? Well, most girls are busy then. Or at least they’d like you to think they’re busy then. Any girl who’s read The Rules knows she’s not supposed to agree to a date Friday or Saturday night. Makes her seem too available, after all.

On top of this, you don’t want to seem too available. You’re a single guy. Shouldn’t you be out partying on Friday night? Or maybe hooking up with a friend-with-benefits? Having drinks with the boys? If you’re free on a weekend night – especially if she isn’t – you risk looking a little, well... lame.

However, there’s a catch here. And that catch is that if you can pull off a Friday night or Saturday night date, you get a date during the most sex-primed part of the week. It’s easier to sleep with girls on Friday or Saturday night. And if you get them out one-on-one with you on Friday or Saturday night? Hoo boy.

The art, of course, is how to get girls out for a Friday night date or a Saturday night date, without the seeming like the guy with no plans and no social life. That’s the real trick.

A good comeback can turn enemies into friends – or at least get them off your case. ‘Agree, then mock’ and ‘mock thanks/curiosity’ are two ways to do this.

In a comment on my article about dismantling condescension, Lawliet asked about ball busting, comebacks, and zingers. I’ll save ball busting for its own, separate article (it’s related but different). In this article, I’d like to give you a pair of formulas you can use to build your own comebacks.

When I was in middle school, I was my school’s Comeback King – not because I came back from any down-and-out situation, but because I had a rare talent for lacing together comebacks that stung like an eyeful of salt. I tried to use my powers only for good – purely for defensive purposes – but I always went out of my way to make sure everyone knew any attempt to put Chase down socially was going to lead to a complete, effortless, socially savvy shredding.

There are two primary ways I build comebacks. Most good comebacks the world over follow the same principles, and if you get these principles down, you’ll be able to build your own great comebacks with relative ease.

Comebacks are incredibly useful. You’ll use them with girls when they test you or bust your balls. You’ll use them with men who challenge you. You’ll use them any time someone tries to make you look bad or undermines you.

Comebacks aren’t only to defeat your social foes, either. You will find, quite often, that after you slap someone down with a salty comeback, that person’s respect for you and attraction to you (whether romantic or platonic) goes up. I have comebacked my way into bed with ball-buster girls and had men start who started off busting my balls end up as friends after I laid down a razor-tipped comeback.

There’s only one catch, and it’s the same catch as with all Girls Chase material: you’re going to have to practice this a while before you get very good.

But the good news is, you can start on that practice right away. Because the principles themselves are simple.

Let’s begin with Formula #1 of our two comeback formulas.

Masculinity is good. But a feminine man who is still sexual and dominant offers something uniquely special women just go nuts for.

We focus heavily on becoming masculine here at Girls Chase, because it’s a problem that plagues most men reading this.

You’re probably too feminine.

To define this, allow me to define some feminine behaviors:

• Meek body language: avoiding people’s personal bubbles – if something makes you feel small, it’s feminine body language (e.g., standing with legs close together)

• Words that temper the assertiveness of your assertions (e.g., “It’s just this” or “I was only saying that…”)

• Flamboyant gestures (e.g., rolling your eyes)

• Extravagant clothing (e.g., peacocking)

On that last point, though, strangely, it’s the males of almost every species on earth that “peacock” and display the most colorful coats, feathers, or behaviors to attract women. My argument would be that males are demonstrating their feminine energy to more closely link with women.

This principle, that the feminine attracts the feminine, is the heart of this article.

For a lot of men, though not all, their problem isn’t attracting women. What I’ve noticed, upon reflection, is that I’ve never really had trouble attracting women, even absolute stunners.

What the journey in game, then, seems to be about is:

1. Increasing the frequency and degree of attraction I receive from stunning women (i.e., fundamentals)

2. Learning how to take that attraction and lead it to bed (i.e., game)

Women are, I’d guess, far more attracted to you than you think. I know this because I will go out with guys who are in every sense beginners and immediately spot women who are attracted to them. I tell them to approach, and it goes amazingly well.

The reason they don’t close is because of their game.

Therefore, when I say, for anyone intermediate or below, you’re probably too feminine, I’m saying that you probably attract women you yourself are genuinely attracted to (distinct from doggish horniness), but you lack the male aggression to close the deal. For those who already have that masculine spirit nailed down, we can actually take a journey back into the feminine energy and amplify it to amplify attraction (and also induce chasing).

Feminine behaviors will mostly help with:

1. Tempering your attainability

2. Calming your over-aggression

3. Encouraging women to chase

But before we begin, one note.

The nightlife scene has changed. But it hasn’t necessarily gotten harder to sleep with women at night… It’s only gotten different.

Last week, I shared a post about how the nightlife has changed in most of the Western world (can’t say too much about the world outside of that, as I have not visited it lately). I explained how girls are dropping the club as a hook-up spot for quick sexual satisfaction, and heading for Tinder, an app that allows them to do their business in more or less total secrecy.

For finding quick and available dick, girls have found an alternative to going out – so when you see girls out these days, it’s probably not because they’re hunting dick. Those were the freebies back in the day – girls you would spot (if she didn’t spot you first) who seemed to be available for quick, NSA penetration. They’d sometimes even open you and touch you in provocative ways, or seem very sexually available from get-go. Those were the freebies, and now they are gone from the clubs, only to be found on Tinder.

The nightlife has therefore changed – typical meat market places have died off (they have become sausage fests), and all the girls there have turned into purely status hunters, going out only to have fun, meet “cool” people, and get male attention to validate themselves. Now, this is not necessarily a bad thing, as pointed out, because this means all the girls are more or less stuck at the same places, and the girls in those places are hot. Only these days do I seem to find venues packed with only hot women – those did not truly exist back in the day (except super high-end, invite-only clubs).

But apart from this small positive aspect, my previous post seemed a bit negative, and things were presented as rather pessimistic. Are things really so hopeless these days? Is there any hope for aspiring night-gamers? I would say so.

However, before I get to my reasoning, I think that men these days have a tendency to cry and make excuses and blame external factors for their lack of success instead of trying to figure out how to solve their problems. The nightlife has changed, but in my humble opinion, it hasn’t become that much harder, overall – it has just changed. Some elements have become harder; others have become… easier… way easier. Don’t blame the changes for your lack of success; focus on how to change things up to match the changing environment.