(1) Beginner

Women may resist a man’s romantic advances due to three (3) different causes: low compliance, FSD, or ASC. Identify which your problem is to get things moving again.

Hey guys and welcome back.

Previously I discussed how to persist and calibrate your persistence. You’ve learned how to use the different forms of persistence and when to use them. Today I’ll discuss how you can deal with resistance through persistence by persisting the right way.

You will typically have to persist when dealing with resistance. Persisting is a form of resistance, broken down into:

• Lack of compliance – (or attraction, not to be confused with rejection). See this post for details. It goes over how to tell whether you are dealing with a form of resistance or an outright rejection.

• Anti-Slut Defense (ASD) – her resistance against your sexual move. It’s grounded in her fear of feeling or being perceived by others (you included) as a slut. See this post for more information.

• Female State Control (FSC) – her defense mechanism against getting emotional (aroused) without feeling that this is a good choice for her. See this post.

Ideally, the key is to persist by increasing her compliance toward you. If you are using the passive and the passive-active form of persistence, which involve compliance building tools such as breaking rapport/disqualification and social proof and jealousy plots that deal with the cause of her resistance, you will skyrocket her level of full-blown compliance, making your persisted attempts more likely to work.

But how does one deal with the causes of resistance presented last time? This is what we’ll discuss and clarify here.

I am not going to share anything new or groundbreaking. I am saying this now for transparency.

This post is a recap of previous posts and builds a bridge between different concepts to give you a clear idea of how everything fits together. It’s crucial for full understanding and is often overlooked. Many guys ask me to write posts adding different concepts in context to provide information about how they all fit into the bigger scheme. This is one of those posts.

Today’s post is for players of all levels, although the level of details may make it more suitable for intermediate and advanced players.

So first, a recap.

Women are different from men. They aren’t attracted to the same things men are, and they choose their mates differently than men do.

I spoke with a friend recently about how important preselection is to women's mate choices.

I shared some of the research on it (most of which I've shared in other articles or in One Date) that shows men get a +25% attractiveness boost when women see them with a good-looking girl who is visibly attracted to them... this is a bigger boost in attractiveness than height, good looks, confidence, humor, or anything else women like in men. Having attractive women attracted to you is the single biggest attraction factor there is for men.

My friend noted how he knew this, and in fact it was a big part of his game back in the day, letting women see lots of other good-looking women being very into him. It made hooking up a breeze.

However, he still found it a bit mind-boggling. He's not interested in women with lots of men around at all... it's a bit counterintuitive to a man that women like men who get women.

Recently he tried an experiment, just for the heck of it. He had a couple of average girls who were very into him, yet who he himself was not really attracted to. Just to test it, he told them a few stories about women not wanting him. The result was a complete 180 in their attraction; they lost all interest in him and stopped bothering him.

Imagine a hot girl telling you, "Guys just don't want me." You'd be all over her!

Why's it so totally different with the sex roles reversed?

How come when a girl is really hot, you mess up more, even if you don’t with more average girls? There’s a reason for it – and it happens to almost every guy, too.

I recently received an email from a long-time acquaintance who'd left England to begin traveling through Central and South America and get back to picking up girls again while also working as a yoga instructor.

He'd continued sleeping with average girls from dating apps over the lockdowns, then once his trip started, he bedded a few more average girls from hostels. Assuming all was good with his game, and he must be rust-free, he then proceeded to meet an extremely beautiful Argentinian girl... and it all fell apart.

He says:

I met physically my perfect girl who was working on the tour desks. She’s Argentinian and I’m really into Latin girls.  I suggested she joined me for dinner and it went really well. I deep dived alot and after dinner moved her to a quiet sofa outside by the pool.  She was a little bit tipsy by now from all the Argentinian wine at dinner, and was sitting super close to me.  She also told me what an amazing evening she’d had and hugged me twice for a long time.  It was the obvious escalation window, only I didn’t do anything!

My reasoning was that I’m new here and don’t want to seem like I was taking advantage of her when she was drunk.  I figured I had loads of other opportunities.  It was also late and I had to teach yoga in the morning. So we hugged and went our separate ways. 

That was a big mistake!  She text me the next morning saying how good a night she had. Now all I was thinking about is ‘this is going to be the hottest girl I’ve slept with, when can I get her alone again!’  So I went into full on chasing mode, suggesting she came with me on my weekend trip and suggesting a load of other potential dates. Plus inviting her to come and stay with me in London!

By time we had dinner it was the next week and by then her long distance boyfriend was unexpectedly coming to see her for a day later in the week.  She’d also been offered a job in Tulum and was leaving at the weekend.  This made me think ‘this is my last chance, need to impress her’ so I was way too high energy. Got her back to my room to drink wine on the balcony, but waited way too long to do anything, plus hadn’t been touching her or leading the conversation towards sex.

Also I’d been doing way too much deep diving that it had become an interview.  She was tired so I knew it was my last chance, so tried to kiss her with no setup.  She said she just wanted to keep things as they are as we get on really well and I said nothing to persuade her otherwise!  I just waited a while and tried to escalate a couple more times, which again was chasing and unsuccessful.

I spoke to her a few times around the hostel in the week afterwards, but just casual friendly stuff. Turns out I’ll be in Tulum next weekend, she said let her know, but feel like it would be hard to arrange to see her without it seeming like I’m chasing.  I was so mad with myself the next day! The escalation window had been wide open with a super hot girl, and I decided to walk away! But at least it lead to me re-reading a lot of your stuff!

Now, it wasn't like his game just completely disappeared. Because the very next day this happened:

The next day I had another tinder date with a Mexican girl who didn’t speak English.  As I really didn’t care about her of course my game was great and quickly slept with her and had a great night!

He wraps up by asking:

Would you say there should be no difference between game with 10’s than average tinder date girls? If you haven’t written an article on this I think it’s an interesting topic. And how would you play seeing the Argentinian girl again?

I've written about that in places, in snippets, but I don't think I've ever devoted a complete article to the subject.

So, let's do that now. Let's talk about why guys screw up with really hot girls... and whether you can (and should) approach them exactly the same as more ordinary, average, or cute girls.

You may have friends you feel you need more than they need you. Why does this happen with friends, and what can you do to make it a realer, more equal friendship?

A week ago on the forum one of our members asked me about friends who seemingly value you less than you do them / friends who seem to need you less than you need them.

I'll share part of his post here:

I consider myself a high value guy who’s good with girls , has good conversational skill and a good business he’s built - which does not mean I can’t improve, quite the opposite. Just that I have trouble thinking my problem is value.

but I do struggle with friendships and have a doubt I am not being respected.

How selective should you be with your friends ? How do you build abundance ?

I have about 8-9 people i consider pretty cool that I can go out with 1-2 a month ( some I can see 1-2 a week some I can see once every 2 months).

This feeling that I am more invested in the friendship than they are…

…and that I would like to see them more than they would like to see me bothers the fuck out of me.

I hate this feeling of neediness almost as much as I hated not having abundance with girls.

At the time i discovered that if I hit the streets and bars i only needed 10-20 approaches to bang a cute girl … and that feeling disappeared.

So my question isn’t only how to make new friends but rather, why aren’t all these guys as invested as I am in our ‘ friendship ‘ ?

Is that a respect and value problem ? Or did I target people who don’t go out as much.

First off, let me say I can relate, as I think most people can; unless all your friends are very close, old friendships, you probably have people you're friends with whom you aren't certain value you as highly as you do them.

This feeling is worse when ALL your friends are relatively recent friends.

I didn't stay close friends with anyone I knew before graduating university, and every time I've changed cities I've generally found myself with a bunch of totally new people, going through this same, "Are we valuing this friendship the same amount?" dance.

As our forum member notes, it is due to some degree of neediness, and as with girls it disappears as abundance does. However, like with girls, there are also levels of abundance with friendships too.

So, it can be a little complicated -- but let's talk about the causes and the remedies.

Don’t let friends’ unproductive beliefs about women seep into your skull. Be careful how the friends around you affect the way you think about dating, sex, and romance.

Friends are great assets to your life. They give you companionship, encouragement, and can introduce new ideas and activities to your sphere you might never have encountered on your own.

Friends can push you into great new things... however, the wrong friend can also hold you back.

On our forum, a member named Shawn discusses how a friend of his warped his mindset toward women, making him far less effective with women as a result:

... since I was going through dry-spell, I just believed whatever he used to say so that at least I'll try something different.There are many things but just off the top of my head: not to tease girls cos it'll come across as try hard, should be friends with girls and take it slow, game is all red-pill and that's bad etc etc There are many things [he told me] but just off the top of my head: not to tease girls cos it'll come across as try hard, should be friends with girls and take it slow, game is all red-pill and that's bad etc etc. I can go on for hours about his advices.

He is the first person I saw so closely putting pussy on a pedestal. He is so sure of himself that whenever I tried to tell him that's not the right way to treat chics, he'd get so defensive that it'd make me wonder if what I'm preaching is even right. He had read pickup material for 4 years. So, I thought he at least has enough knowledge theoritically.

Anyway, like I said earlier, it was just my mistake to get into his frame thinking he's "better" and I do much better solo.

You might think Shawn must be a clueless newbie, but he isn't. About his game before this friend twisted his approach all out of shape, he says:

I was always considered a natural since I discovered game only 3 years ago while I was getting laid through cold-approach long before I knew something like game or cold-approach existed.

I don't know how skilled Shawn is, but cold approach itself is a fairly rare skill set that most men will never attempt on their own. The fact that he was doing it himself (and getting laid with it) implies he's far from a total novice.

But the wrong friend still managed to derail him anyway.

If you're not careful, and you're in a vulnerable state (like the dry spell Shawn found himself in), the wrong friend can have that kind of effect on you, too.

Is it possible to attain every girl if you get good enough with women? Or are there limits? A realistic look at the upper echelons of ladykilling skills.

Hey guys.

Today I would like to offer a few words about what is achievable and what we can hope to attain in pickup and seduction. There are two schools of thought on this subject.

The first is the pessimistic view that a girl is either into you or not, and at the first sign of a challenge, you need to consider it a rejection.

And the other is the optimistic view that you can get any girl.

Both these extremes are flawed. I will attempt to show you why and then present my view.

We will approach this by covering both views first and discussing why each is flawed. Then I will give you my perspective, which is a synthesis of both.

If a girl is being snippy or you’ve hit a wall with her, make her chase you with a back turn… or just simply freeze her out.

There are a couple of old seduction community tactics I'd like to talk about today:

Back turns and freeze outs.

These are useful tactics when used correctly.

When used incorrectly they can make you look bitter at times, clownish at others.

The most key element of a successful back turn or freeze out thus is calibration: timing it right, using it correctly, and not doing it too short or too long.