(1) Beginner

Dating girls who only mildly excite you can help you get out of a dry spell with a short-term fling.

Hey guys. I hope you’re all doing great despite the circumstances.

Today I want to answer the question: Should you date girls you don’t feel too excited about?

FunkMaster69 raised this point:

“I've found myself meeting women that I just think are meh. I usually pass on them because I wanna date someone that I like and who excites me. But I've noticed that, as I've been getting older, there have been less and less women around me. Many of them are getting cuffed, and, of the ones left, the quality seems to be getting lower and lower...a lot of single moms too.

The thing is that I think my standards are too high...looking back now, I could have banged or married like 100 different ladies. Seriously, I could have gotten married back in high school to one of the ladies in my honor classes if I wasn't so obsessed with cheerleaders who didn’t think I was their type (skinny little virgin). There aren’t that many women who impress me or blow me away...especially nowadays that I'm not in college anymore. The last one that I met stopped talking to me.

The one in college never even began talking to me. And the one in high school broke up with me. So should I keep waiting until I meet another one, which could take a long time and whom I might not land considering history, or just say screw it and date an average woman who would be delighted to have me? I've always wanted to be with someone that I'm excited to date and brag about...but the thought of dating one of these women who are very excited to date me sounds nice. I figure the relationship would be easy, and it would be a lot easier to get the date in the first place. But deep down, I would know for sure that I settled...idk, both choices seem wrong for some reason.

”

First things first: I wouldn’t commit to anything long-term with a girl who doesn’t excite me. That would be selling myself short and eventually lead to a bad relationship.

However, for:

• Short-term flings (f-buddies)

• One-night stands

Why not?

Over the long-term, you want to move toward finding and getting the women who truly excite you. This is the ultimate goal.

I keep in touch with issues men deal with by answering questions raised in our online discussion forum. Having been around for nearly 15 years, I may have distanced myself a bit from regular guys. Forum posts allow me to catch up.

Were it not for this post, I wouldn’t have reflected on this topic.

Breaking up can pull you through a wringer. How you handle a breakup, and how you manage your emotions and recovery, will determine where you go from there.

When you break up with a girl, it won’t always be an easy process.

Some breakups go down easy. The ones where you weren’t overly attached to the girl, and you part as friends. Or the ones where for whatever reason you never got all that into her.

Those breakups, a lot of the time, can be smooth breakups.

Yet even those can sometimes have hiccups.

The tough breakups (whether it’s expected or not) are the ones where your emotions play games with you post-breakup.

They stretch you around like Silly Putty and break you to pieces like a ceramic pot.

How you handle yourself in the weeks and months after a breakup determine the life you’ll lead following it.

Over the past several decades, men's testosterone has declined by a lot. What's caused this huge drop, and what can you do to save your own t-levels?

A recent study published in the Journal of Sexual Medicine discovered men's testosterone levels fell by 25% between the year 2000 and the year 2015.

The study, conducted by researchers from the University of Miami, the University of Manitoba, and others, adjusted for lifestyle factors, age, and BMI, and still found a decline in testosterone across the board. (the Urology Times has a good non-paywalled write-up on the study here)

The gist:

Between the years 2000 and 2015, men's testosterone fell from 605.39 ng/dL to 451.22 ng/dL.

A man in Year 2015 had 74.5% of the testosterone a man in Year 2000 had.

Yet this decline did not begin in 2000.

An earlier study (from 2007) discovered men's testosterone had fallen 17% in the 17 years between 1987 and 2004.

If you take the 17% drop from 1987 to 2004, and then use the 2004 number (567.44 ng/dL) from the first study and drop it to the 2015 number (451.22 ng/dL), you're looking at a 38.4% overall drop in testosterone for American men between 1987 to 2015.

And what's more, the drop is accelerating.

It only fell 17% from its 1987 numbers in the first 17 years. It then fell 21% from its 2004 numbers over the next 11 years.

The rate of testosterone decline went 33% faster after 2004 than it did before 2004.

Soum Lokeshwar, one of the researchers on the recent study, notes, “We’ve seen that lower values of testosterone have been associated with increased comorbidities and an increase risk for all-cause mortality. This decline specifically, in these young adult men, with increased obesity may lead to an increase in precocious cancer.”

Lokeshwar went on to add that as testosterone falls, men's libido falls too, and men increasingly struggle with erectile dysfunction.

There are problems beyond the rising health issues and collapsing sexual function of low testosterone men, however. A decline in testosterone causes problems at a civilization scale.

But first off: how did we get here, and how do we fix it?

A lot of guys bail out of their interactions with women too soon. How do you stop ejecting from women, and start winning with them?

The worst thing to come out of most guys' mouths when dealing with women is: "Well, it was nice to meet you."

This is the classic bail out ejection line of the beginner. All the way from budding pickup artists to just a guy trying to meet a girl who gave him some eye contact at the bar.

One of the biggest mistakes beginners, intermediates and even advanced guys make is never getting rejected. They reject themselves first.

Can you learn to be social, alone in a room, on your computer or phone? Not really – you must get out into the world and socialize.

A man is not defined by his job, car(s), trophy wife (or wives), luck in the genetic lottery (good looks), muscles, house(s), other expensive toys (airplane(s), yacht(s)) or cashflow. He can have all those things, and still be considered a ruffian. Rough around the edges. People may still generally avoid him outside of what he can provide for them in terms of access to the various resources he commands.

What’s the missing ingredient? What is the feature which one finds to be ubiquitous among people who belong to the old landed aristocracy – the nobility – in Europe, and its American counterpart – “older” money (descendants of the industrial barons of the Gilded Age) and those belonging to the first families to set foot in today’s United States?

This will be the subject of today’s article. I will endeavor to guide you through what I consider to be the single most important tool you can possess to achieve personal satisfaction in life.

Women will throw all kinds of tests your way. On dates and in relationships, the tests don't stop. That can grate you… or you can learn to love it.

Whether you're approaching a woman for the first ever time, or you're dealing with her in your long-term relationship, she's going to test you.

These tests never go away. Not permanently.

You can get a woman to a point in a pickup where she is more or less fully on board with you and the tests subside to a light flirtatious murmur... so long as you maintain the vibe, the forward progress, and don't make big mistakes.

You can get a woman to a point in a relationship where she has fallen back in-love with you again after a time not being so, where the adversity in the relationship has quelled, and she's staring at you with dreamy eyes again... for a while.

Tests always return, though.

Sometimes they sneak back in in little ways, dancing around the fringes.

• The girl you're picking up pushes back gently and playfully when you invite her home: "Oh, we're leaving so soon?"

• The girl you've been dating for 6 months who's mostly pretty happy with you puts your feet to a gentle fire: "Where do you want this relationship to go?"

Sometimes the tests come roaring in in earth-shattering ways. She tells you there's no way she'd go with you, or that the relationship is done.

The first time most guys realize this, it feels like a colossal burden.

"The tests never end!"

Yet so much of life is how you frame it. This is true with tests as it is with anything.

Tests can be an endless burden, yes. Or they can be a thing you appreciate, or even love.

You must fail before you succeed at any great skill. This is especially true for getting girls, a skill so many men fear failing at so greatly.

I was working with a client who is struggling with all the usual suspects: