Beginner daters, socializers, and seducers start here
It’s easier to get more attractive women during daytime than anywhere else (nightlife, apps, and so on). Why’s that so – and just what makes the daytime different?Note: I'm doing a little series on day game articles, in anticipation of the launch of Hector's new day game course, Meet Girls Everywhere.
When you lock eyes with a girl and she smiles, it’s one of the clearest invitations you’ll get to approach. If you’re in the market for a woman or two, go meet her.Ever look at a girl and have her smile at you?
It's one of the oldest approach invitations in the book, and also one of the clearest.
Whether she smiles at you first or you smile at her, then she smiles, if she holds eye contact with you while smiling at you, you've got a ringer.
I've used this approach invitation to identify girls it'll be real easy to meet for years.
I've even had girls I held eye contact with and shared smiles with do the opening themselves. There's something about that mutual locked eyes, shared smiling signal that emboldens even women to make an approach.
I've used this to prompt a fair few girls to approach me themselves in social venues. I would've approached them myself later had they not made a move, but sometimes once she's had that smile and locked eye contact from you she's going to dive right in.
One of the few times I've been street-stopped it was by a really good-looking 20-something girl in a tan business suit on my way to the subway midday on a weekday after we locked eyes and shared smiles. She was so forward it took me aback; I doubt she'd have had the confidence without that prolonged smile and eye lock.
A lot of guys overthink this invitation.
"She's just being friendly," they think.
"Maybe she's just having a good day."
"She could be smiling at someone else."
Yet the vast majority of the time a woman is holding eye contact with you and smiling at you somewhere, it is not because she's just having that splendid of a day, but instead that she likes you and would like to meet.
When you open a new conversation with a girl, it should be casual. You want to keep the pressure low to avoid spooking her and scaring her off.I was checking Reddit and came across a few interesting posts by women. Here's part of one:
[W]hen a guy walks up to me on the street when I'm going somewhere and he outright says to me something along the lines of "Hey, you're pretty, what's your name", I'm almost always startled and want to leave asap. First, because I'm usually in a rush and need to get somewhere and he's stopping me and making me be late, second, because I already know what's on his mind. And don't get me wrong - it's really nice that someone thinks I'm attractive and I don't suspect every guy to constantly think of sex, it's just... he's already stating, in his very first words to me, that he's only talking to me because he's thinking of me in a "date material" sort of way.
...
On the other hand, I've also been approached in bars, in clubs, on campus and in supermarkets/shops. What those situations had in common was me not rushing anywhere and those guys starting a conversation with saying something casual, for example asking about the lettering on my tote bag (it's sort of a wordplay). One mentioned that he thought my glasses were really cool and then showing me his, which were almost identical; another one asked me if I knew what the bar's specialty was etc.
...
Basically what I'm trying to say is: all of the successful approaches were super laid back (I didn't feel 'hunted down'), gave me a chance to escape them without saying that I'm not interested (it's actually quite hard to tell such a thing to someone) or lying about having a boyfriend (that only happens when a guy is too persisent). Those guys also made it really easy for me to get into a conversation with them and actually let me talk to them like I'm a normal person (not just an object of physical attraction), thus making it easier to either exchange numbers or just expand our social circles (without any pressure). They made me feel like a nice human being, worthy of their attention not just because of my looks but rather because they found me be an interesting person to talk to (girlfriend material or not).
I don't recall having seen posts by women on r/seduction in the past. But apparently nowadays women are going on there, making positive comments about approaches they've experienced, and encouraging men to approach. Fun to speculate on why, but that's outside the purview of this piece.
Regardless, this gal raises a topic I'd like to explore more today: that of not startling girls when you approach, by keeping your approaches lower pressure.
The ability to meet, flirt, and seduce (i.e., ‘game’) is embedded in the genes of every man. Unlocking that ability, then honing it with practice, rigor, and skill, is another thing…In a comment on another article of mine, reader Ciro says
Historically speaking game as you call it, was never a factor in the past for getting women. Women needed men to provide for them, that's why game was never something you had to learn. Your grandfather and my grandfather didn't game women because a) they didn't have to and b) they wouldn't even know how to. Who would have taught them? Only recently women have become indipendent financially, now they can choose their men. They don't have to settle for the unattractive guy with a good job anymore when they are 21 only (yet some still do at a certain age). If game was a natural thing then why do most men have no game whatsoever? Why isn't game imprinited in our DNA if that is how you attract women? It should be natural.
This is a position I've seen around the Internet, on men's sites, and all over the place, really.
At first blush, it might seem to feel correct. There was no Girls Chase in 1960, after all! Nobody needed to read How to Make Girls Chase before the Summer of Love! They just went and hooked up!
However, it relies on some fundamental misunderstandings of why seduction became so prominent in the 2000s and 2010s (before sliding back into obscurity again in the 2020s).
The fact is, game has always been with us -- and it is, indeed, embedded within our DNA.
Does it seem like sexually experienced women are more likely to reject you if you’re less aggressive or don’t go for things right now? Expectations + experience are the reasons why.We're going to talk about some fairly advanced attraction psychology in this article. However, if you stick with it, the responses you see from different types of women will start to make a lot more sense. It will also make even clearer to you the importance of moving faster and refining your calibration with women.
Commenting on my article about myths about women novice seducers often believe, a reader named Marco asked the following:
But in your experience so far, have you ever came across a girls ( "sluts") who will perceive you as too "soft" and sexually inexperienced if you asked them out on a date? Maybe its all in my head but i think there are some type of girls who reacts much better to sexually aggressive guys, might even say uncalibrated guys, who immediately suggest casual hook ups oppose to guys who want to take them out for a drinks?
Well, for one, I have, but, for two, it's not quite so black-and-white as one might think.
This article is going to be something of an unofficial companion to Alek's piece on the easiness or not of sexually liberated vs. sexually reserved women yesterday (haven't run it by him so I don't want to call it 'official'... but it's right up that piece's alley).
You can absolutely take sexually open women out on dates while still maintaining the sexually aggressive playboy frame. Likewise, it is possible to have sexually reserved women so amped up hoping you'll make something happen with them now that they become disappointed when you do not.
So, while sometimes open or slutty girls will look down on you if you try to date them rather than pull them, they may not. And while many times reserved girls will be perfectly fine with dates, from time to time they won't be.
What determines whether a girl likes or dislikes your attempts to pull her or date her?
A big part of it is the interplay between you, and your response to her signals.
Women on dating apps use FaceTune to make themselves look like completely different people. If you’ve wondered why your online dates don’t look like their pics, FaceTune is part of it.For years I've told men to get off social media and limit their exposure to online dating (it is okay to use it, but it should only be a supplement, never the main course).
Nevertheless, we get guys pouring in who continue to ask the same questions again and again:
"How can I be really HOT on social media and build a huge following?"
"What do I need to do to CLEAN UP in online dating?"
"Can you use social media to set up lots of dates & get laid?"
"Why don't you guys cover more online dating tips? Meeting people in-person is so 2000s!"
But of course, get guys to be honest with you about the results they get from online dating and social media and they will admit they're let down by most of their matches.
15 years ago you could do online dating and sometimes get catfished by some chick who showed up 100 lbs. heavier than her photograph or mysteriously way uglier than she looked in her pictures. It happened to me a few times.
But if you knew what to look for, you could generally tell; fat girls have their ways of hiding fat in their photos, which girls who aren't fat don't need to turn to. Ugly girls use angles and lighting to fool the eye, while good-looking girls simply take normal pictures all straight-on. So you could just keep an eye out for 'fat girl angles' and 'ugly girl tricks' and avoid any girl whose pictures consisted of nothing but those, and you'd almost never get catfished.
Now, though, it's an epidemic, with women showing up in-person who look nothing like what they do online. What's the cause?
Based on my discussion with a few friends recently, the cause seems to be a very specific one: an app that's been on the market for years, but has gradually gone from being a thing a few women used here and there to touch up their photos a bit, to something every girl online dating in some places will use heavily simply to keep herself in the game.
The name of that app is FaceTune.
The most attractive men stand out. But many men fear standing out too much; to do so is to invite criticism, exclusion, or attack. How do you stand out in positive ways, and not negative ones?One of the biggest early revelations for me, and one I discussed with our charisma course, which we completed the launch for last week, was that by making myself stand out in various ways, all the way back in junior high school, I suddenly became much more attractive to women.
It wasn't like I became physically better looking, or taller, or more athletic. I'd only changed things like the way I dressed, my hair, my glasses, the way I walked and how fast, and other things. Then, suddenly, every junior high girl and her sister was chasing me for dates. The hottest cheerleaders in school asked me out, as did some cute regular girls (and a few not-so-cute girls too).
At the time I was totally struck by it and could not understand why suddenly I had become this object of fascination for my school's women. After all... I was this loner kid who read books too much, didn't play sports, and for years was considered the 'school nerd'. Why were all these pretty, popular girls chasing me?
Then it clicked for me that I had made myself stand out, in a variety of mostly attractive ways, and that was the reason why.
After that, I became obsessed with standing out. Everywhere I went, everything I did, I had to stand out -- and not just in any way, but in attractive ways.
This is a common thread I see in guys who get good with girls: they always stand out in a variety of attractive, visible ways. Some are ways they tweak their appearances and nonverbals (i.e., their fundamentals); some are ways they behave, and the things they say and do. But they all stand out. They are all recognizably different.
Likewise, I notice with guys who don't get good with girls there is an opposite common thread: they try to fully conform, keep their heads down, and not stand out. They fear standing out and will resist if you try to get them to do it. They will also exaggerate how much they stand out, both internally and to you, claiming they stand out a lot while to you and everyone else they barely stand out at all.
But if you want to get more women into you, and chasing you, and you also want more recognition from men, then you are going to need to stand out.
The way you think about things can help you seduce more women, or it can hurt you. Recognizing whether a mindset helps or hurts is key to adopting healthier beliefs.In seduction, there are mindsets that are helpful to a man's seductive efforts, and there are mindsets that are unhelpful to them.
Helpful mindsets can be cultivated and used. Unhelpful ones should be pruned.
Much of the time when we talk about mindsets, I focus on talking about unhelpful mindsets to prune. Why don't I talk about helpful mindsets more? Because often when you talk about helpful mindsets, men either cannot relate to them (because those specific mindsets do not resonate with them, personally) or even find them boastful (even if it isn't how you intend).
There's an interesting phenomenon though where one man's unhelpful mindset is another man's helpful one.
To get you thinking clearer about your own mentalities, I'd like to take you through an 'unhelpful vs. helpful' mindset review and give you a chance to figure out which each of your own thoughts is.
Lots of guys sweat that looks, money, and status are near-prerequisites to access the best girls. Are they?Hey guys. Welcome back!
Men believe a lot of weird/baseless things about women that aren't broadly true. Shed these female myths aside, and be free.If you're a seduction newbie (i.e., you're new to meeting and getting together with girls), I can guarantee you you have some objectively very silly beliefs about women that don't hold water at all.
It's not your fault you have these beliefs, nor are you dumb yourself just for having them. When the brain lacks real world experience in a thing, it picks up 'experience' by observing other things around it.
And our real-world media environment is just all kinds of stupid with the spin it presents on things.
The beliefs men absorb from the media they watch tend to be almost exclusively wrong. There is very little media out there that actively depicts male-female relations.
So you get this situation where men have limited and also shallow real-world experience with women, while meantime getting bombarded with garbage fiction messages from media, and you can't blame them for forming a bunch of inaccurate beliefs about female nature.
In this article, I'll do my part to expose those myths for what they are: myths.
That way you, as a guy going out there to chat up girls, can set these weird and harmful beliefs aside, and start meeting women.
(the image at the top of this article is not to suggest women don't sing siren songs, by the way. Some women certainly do. It's just a cool image of sirens, which are obviously mythical female figures, so it fits the spirit of the article)
