(1) Beginner

You may have friends you feel you need more than they need you. Why does this happen with friends, and what can you do to make it a realer, more equal friendship?

A week ago on the forum one of our members asked me about friends who seemingly value you less than you do them / friends who seem to need you less than you need them.

I'll share part of his post here:

I consider myself a high value guy who’s good with girls , has good conversational skill and a good business he’s built - which does not mean I can’t improve, quite the opposite. Just that I have trouble thinking my problem is value.

but I do struggle with friendships and have a doubt I am not being respected.

How selective should you be with your friends ? How do you build abundance ?

I have about 8-9 people i consider pretty cool that I can go out with 1-2 a month ( some I can see 1-2 a week some I can see once every 2 months).

This feeling that I am more invested in the friendship than they are…

…and that I would like to see them more than they would like to see me bothers the fuck out of me.

I hate this feeling of neediness almost as much as I hated not having abundance with girls.

At the time i discovered that if I hit the streets and bars i only needed 10-20 approaches to bang a cute girl … and that feeling disappeared.

So my question isn’t only how to make new friends but rather, why aren’t all these guys as invested as I am in our ‘ friendship ‘ ?

Is that a respect and value problem ? Or did I target people who don’t go out as much.

First off, let me say I can relate, as I think most people can; unless all your friends are very close, old friendships, you probably have people you're friends with whom you aren't certain value you as highly as you do them.

This feeling is worse when ALL your friends are relatively recent friends.

I didn't stay close friends with anyone I knew before graduating university, and every time I've changed cities I've generally found myself with a bunch of totally new people, going through this same, "Are we valuing this friendship the same amount?" dance.

As our forum member notes, it is due to some degree of neediness, and as with girls it disappears as abundance does. However, like with girls, there are also levels of abundance with friendships too.

So, it can be a little complicated -- but let's talk about the causes and the remedies.

Don’t let friends’ unproductive beliefs about women seep into your skull. Be careful how the friends around you affect the way you think about dating, sex, and romance.

Friends are great assets to your life. They give you companionship, encouragement, and can introduce new ideas and activities to your sphere you might never have encountered on your own.

Friends can push you into great new things... however, the wrong friend can also hold you back.

On our forum, a member named Shawn discusses how a friend of his warped his mindset toward women, making him far less effective with women as a result:

... since I was going through dry-spell, I just believed whatever he used to say so that at least I'll try something different.There are many things but just off the top of my head: not to tease girls cos it'll come across as try hard, should be friends with girls and take it slow, game is all red-pill and that's bad etc etc There are many things [he told me] but just off the top of my head: not to tease girls cos it'll come across as try hard, should be friends with girls and take it slow, game is all red-pill and that's bad etc etc. I can go on for hours about his advices.

He is the first person I saw so closely putting pussy on a pedestal. He is so sure of himself that whenever I tried to tell him that's not the right way to treat chics, he'd get so defensive that it'd make me wonder if what I'm preaching is even right. He had read pickup material for 4 years. So, I thought he at least has enough knowledge theoritically.

Anyway, like I said earlier, it was just my mistake to get into his frame thinking he's "better" and I do much better solo.

You might think Shawn must be a clueless newbie, but he isn't. About his game before this friend twisted his approach all out of shape, he says:

I was always considered a natural since I discovered game only 3 years ago while I was getting laid through cold-approach long before I knew something like game or cold-approach existed.

I don't know how skilled Shawn is, but cold approach itself is a fairly rare skill set that most men will never attempt on their own. The fact that he was doing it himself (and getting laid with it) implies he's far from a total novice.

But the wrong friend still managed to derail him anyway.

If you're not careful, and you're in a vulnerable state (like the dry spell Shawn found himself in), the wrong friend can have that kind of effect on you, too.

Is it possible to attain every girl if you get good enough with women? Or are there limits? A realistic look at the upper echelons of ladykilling skills.

Hey guys.

Today I would like to offer a few words about what is achievable and what we can hope to attain in pickup and seduction. There are two schools of thought on this subject.

The first is the pessimistic view that a girl is either into you or not, and at the first sign of a challenge, you need to consider it a rejection.

And the other is the optimistic view that you can get any girl.

Both these extremes are flawed. I will attempt to show you why and then present my view.

We will approach this by covering both views first and discussing why each is flawed. Then I will give you my perspective, which is a synthesis of both.

If a girl is being snippy or you’ve hit a wall with her, make her chase you with a back turn… or just simply freeze her out.

There are a couple of old seduction community tactics I'd like to talk about today:

Back turns and freeze outs.

These are useful tactics when used correctly.

When used incorrectly they can make you look bitter at times, clownish at others.

The most key element of a successful back turn or freeze out thus is calibration: timing it right, using it correctly, and not doing it too short or too long.

What a girl says won’t tell you if she really likes you. So how to tell if a girl likes you (or not)? Read the subtext: her voice tone, body language, and compliance.

I see guys all the time talking about what a woman said and trying to decipher its meaning.

They seem to not understand this basic rule of telling how much a girl likes you: it's not what she says, it's how she says it... and what she does.

Women will say things to flirt with a guy, or comment on the environment, or for no reason at all. Then men will get in their heads trying to interpret some meaning from this.

"She said she doesn't date guys like me, does that mean I blew it?" the guy thinks.

Meanwhile she is laughing and smiling at him and has turned more of her body toward him.

Then he walks off, feeling like he shouldn't have walked off, but he can't explain to himself why not.

If you want to know how to tell if a girl likes you, that starts with tuning out most of what she is saying with words and tuning IN to what she is saying with actions, voice tone, and body language.

Getting a great looking male hairstyle isn’t just about the cut and the do. It’s also about the products. Here’s what shampoos, primers, sprays, creams, and more to use.

Hey guys. Today I have a different post, one I never intended to write.

It was Chase’s idea. We spoke one day, and since he and I both have long hair, we started discussing hair products that are best for long hair.

Being a bit of a fashionista myself, I’ve spent much time experimenting with different hair products. I know what works for me, and my suggestions have usually helped others.

Note that I am not a hairdresser or a barber. My expertise is pick up, seduction, social dynamics, sex, and relationships.

Yet Chase was excited discussing hair products and suggested I write about it. I was hesitant at first, but Chase can be persuasive.

Some guys in the skillseducer chat tried some of the products I recommend and had good results. So, I thought, why not?

Disclaimer #1: I am an influencer in the sense that I influence women in field. I do not receive compensation from hair product producers. I am about to suggest products that I love and have had great success with. A big corporation like L’Oreal (who owns Redken) would never use a funnel like GirlsChase to promote—they have better market funnels.

Disclaimer #2: If you think it is “gay” or “effeminate” to care about hair products, that’s fine and is your belief. Remember, the look of your hair matters. From my experience, having nice hair is more effective than having a 6-pack. We want to maximize every variable, and this is one. We do not care what is “effeminate” or “gay;” we care about what works and what will give you results with women. Also, men have more sensitive hair than women. Trust me; it is usually thicker. So, men’s hair needs more maintenance. Some men have short hair, and using the wrong clay or wax will make you look ungroomed and nasty. It will negatively affect your success.

Disclaimer #3: Some of you may have afros; some may be bald. I have Caucasian wavy hair. I have experience helping my friend Pablo, a Latino with curly hair. I have advised people with straight hair. But I do not have experience with afros. If you are bald, then shave it all away, work out, get a tan, get a nice beard, and you will look badass. However, this post is not for you.

Using high-quality hair products will reduce your chances of going bald since bad hair wax can increase hair loss. Not rinsing out styling products can also increase hair loss. So even though going bald is not the end of the world, try to do your best to keep your hair for as long as possible.

Both compliments and negs are part of a quadrant, but few men use them right. Most use the OTHER (far less effective) side of the quadrant: flattery and insults.

I want to talk about a dichotomy today I've not seen spelled out anywhere:

That is negging vs. complimenting.

Most guys in the community these days have largely abandoned both: they won't neg and they won't (or only poorly) compliment. Yet both tools can be quite powerful... when used correctly.

Much like many things in this space, both have fallen prey to misuse and recategorization as several waves of unskilled seducers have clumsily attempted to adopt these seduction tools, giving both bad names in the process.

This article isn't necessarily a re-taking of these; I have one coming on compliments soon that I think will give you a different perspective from both the neo-direct "simple direct flattery-based compliments" style and the more indirect "don't compliment her much/at all" style.

However, in the meantime, I wanted to make a quick piece detailing the 'quadrant' negs and compliments lie on... and give you a better idea about how and when to use each.