(1) Beginner

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We’ve all heard of approach anxiety, but what about approach procrastination?

Approach procrastination is delaying, avoiding, or putting off the act of going out to practice approaching women.

Approach procrastinators say they want to learn pickup, but only get out on the weekend for a short day or night session, then go home to procrastinate for another week, or four.

These chronic approach procrastinators often hang out on forums, or WhatsApp groups, where they are eager to discuss and argue their seduction and self-improvement philosophies. I see them on the streets, or in the malls when I’m running bootcamps, walking in circles for hours, occasionally mustering the courage to do an approach. By that time, their busy wingmen have already tried ten or more times, and are ready to go home and play Xbox.

Because these men never put in the real effort required to meet available and eager women, they become discouraged, which further disincentivizes them to try again. This leads to feelings of missed opportunities, guilt, stress, depression and resentment.

How do I know this? Because I, Tony D, am a serial procrastinator. Over the years I’ve developed a toolset to keep me moving forward and keep me from falling into a torpid state of apathy and sloth. So, I’ll do my best to help you chronic procrastinators in your quest to be awesome with women.

Let’s look at the main causes of approach procrastination

Most men will never excel with women for one simple reason: they're too scared of looking stupid.

I’ve met many guys who are trying to get good with girls.

And I’ve noticed a common theme: guys just spinning their wheels, putting in the effort but not seeing progress.

Much of this comes down to expecting certain results and not looking for the right progression markers.

However, some guys do not know what to expect and are unprepared for how deep seduction truly is.

Many men today believe women's standards are too high. The reality is, women's standards have ALWAYS been high… or at least, women have always claimed this.

Again and again of late I've seen this argument that women's dating standards are simply too high.

That women expect too much of men, they want men who are perfect, and their standards are completely unrealistic.

Most recently, a reader commented this on my article about the source of 21st Century Western men's distinct lack of action and motivation, saying:

I dont think men dont have the drive to have sex; its just that womens standards are too high and most men dont make the cut. Most men are trying and failing to get laid, others have given up, and a small percentage is getting almost everything. We have to be realistic and acknowledge that most men are going to be average no matter what. The problem is that women have too many options and society allows them to go for the top men.

This is a common refrain from a lot of men's sites on the web.

“How's any guy supposed to have a shot in this day and age?”

But is it true?

Are you, indeed, condemned to suffer loneliness and deprivation, sucking up the scraps of women who fell off the tables of ALPHA MALES, those rare few men who get all the girls?

Is this simply your lot in life, assuming you're unable or unwilling to join the ranks of those few elite men?

There are these stupid, clueless, needy questions men ask women. Perhaps you've asked some yourself. Yet these questions are pure sabotage for your seductions.

This is really more for new guys than anyone else.

Though I have still sometimes seen intermediate guys making these mistakes too.

In school, you probably learned "There are no stupid questions."

Well, that might be true in school. However, in dating, it is not. Because when it comes to women, there are absolutely a lot of very stupid questions that you should not ask.

We're not talking about questions like "How old are you?" or "How many guys have you been with?" that various stern women claim men should "never ask a lady!" or that "don't matter!" on various feminist-leaning blogs or news sites around the web. Those questions are actually perfectly fine; I suggest you ask both regularly (the second works better after sex, though).

However, there exists a certain class of question that, when you ask from it, conveys a degree of neediness, uncertainty, and lack of leadership that repels women like oil does water.

These questions are the ones we can, for our purposes, safely dub stupid questions.

Sometimes you make a move on a girl and she hits you with "let's just be friends." Yet just because you got one LJBF doesn't mean you're out of the running…

You make a move on a girl or ask her out.

She looks you firm in the eyes, aaaaand... "I thought we could just be friends!" she tells you.

Just like that, the wind has sucked all the way out of your sails.

I guess you have to just be friends with her now.

...

...

...

I'm kidding. What point is there to that?

You're talking to her because you want her. Either to date her or to have a fun roll in the hay with her.

When she puts the "let's just be friends" (LJBF) frame on you, you're faced with several options... but not all these options are created equal.

You should not talk about game with most people. It might be tempting to (especially when it's a major point of interest of yours)… but mum's the word.

This is a sort of public service announcement, mostly for new guys, but really also for any guy who gets a little 'game obsessed' and starts to spout off about game and girls.

In your day-to-day life, you will have ample opportunity to talk about women.

I suggest that, unless you are on a seduction forum or with a group of men whom you know are very much into game, you don't mention it.

That can be trying at times, especially when seduction is your passion.

However, you really are better off not doing it.

The simple fact is that discussing the art of picking up girls is alienating to 99.97831% of men out there, including many other men who like to pick up girls.

We talk about it here on this site, and if you read here often it might feel like a normal conversation subject, even. Nevertheless, for most people, this is a subject they do not ever talk about, and don't feel comfortable talking about.

So you need some rules around discussing it.

The best rule is, "For most people, don't discuss this subject at all."

A sound corollary to that best rule is, "For those you do discuss it with, tread lightly."

If you want something in life, like a woman to love (or 50 women to love), you're just going to have to figure out how you'll make that happen.

Long before I was a dating coach, I was in a sort of “factotum,” or a state of bouncing through many different jobs. I quit most and was fired from a few. I just didn’t find many jobs rewarding for anything other than paying rent.

At one of these jobs, I was a low-voltage electrician. During the plasma TV boom, every rich person in Vancouver wanted one on their wall. So my job was to install these big, heavy televisions.

I hated it, but the pay was good. It was a hard job that required a lot of problem-solving. How do you get these wires across this house or apartment and into an electronics equipment panel without them being visible? We had to go into the wall, through the attic, or into the crawl space. Then we had to mount these 50-pound beasts (pre-LCD TV) onto these awkward wall brackets.

Some days I’d look at what was involved for an install, and it seemed impossible. I’d want to tear my hair out, quit, and live on welfare. So I’d call my boss and say, “I don’t see how this is possible. It’s too difficult.”

And my boss always gave me the most powerful and vague advice:

“Make it happen, Tony.”

And he’d hang up.