Can't Stop Thinking About Her? Here's Why You Need to Meet More Girls

Your articles are great man and they have been helping limp back somewhat. But I got a problem I meet this girl a while back and we started out freaking amazing She made the moves to me because I really wasnt showing interest but cool friends any way she started saying she loved me and blah blah then I matched her move, then a few more months following she started to blow me off slowly and more but she said I came on to strong and getting kinda of akward but actually it was her who did. But anyway we have a manitory meet up every month and im going to do my best to be myself and make her laugh and stuff im a good opener not good to get them to the bed if i could do that because i know you sayed to take the girl to bed as quick as possible but how can i in this situation or how to go about it?

I can't believe that I'm not the only person whose experienced/ing what's been mentioned. Thanks for this article, it was very insightful but still feel very much in a limbo over this girl.

It all started from back in the day as kids. We both were in the same class in primary school aged 8 when her family decided to leave and immigrate to america. We as a family use to go over to see them for holidays (as our mums' are best friends) etc over the years and they would also come back to see family and friends back in england. We've always kept in contact over the years and from around 13 onwards we've been communicating via email and now only recently the odd Skype here and there.

A few years back both families decided to go on a holiday together. The very first night we were both plastered and kissed (not that i remember too much of it) and from that point onwards the whole holiday was just awkward. I called her out on the last night and spoke to her one to one but she just shut me down. I didn't know how to react - I was in such a state! I tried to get over her the best I could by attempting to move on. I then met this lovely girl who i then went out with. I was trying to move on from my disappointment. Then a year later this girl came to england on holiday to see her with friends and family. I also saw her which was nice as my feelings weren't strong at all. When she got back to america I received this email from her basically stating that 'if only we could and we were in the same country etc then I would want to make something work etc - i apologise for shutting you down etc blah blah.' I was still going out with my girlfriend at the time and completely shut it down but said we can be friends.

I have since split my from girlfriend and have started to develop really strong feelings for this girl again! My ex and I are still working our differences out too as well which is difficult because i feel that if i can't be with this america chick then I'll gladly oblige to my ex properly. I know how it sounds 'having second best' however i previously put my ex before this america chick.

Anyway we email, most likely more out of habit but its always me who initiates it. We're not close at all and am trying my hardest to keep in touch with her esp recently on a daily basis but it seems all so hard. Also, I found out recently that she's 'seeing' this guy (what ever that means) and tried to clarify the situation up by effectively pouring my heart out to her describing how i felt. She said that she will end it with this guy after his exams however has reservations about distance and the pressure of parents etc. It was her birthday last week and i asked whether he'd be attending and she said that I don't care to know what he's doing, giving me the best answer i could of hoped for however consequently i had seen photos of them together on fb on her birthday! It made me rage!! I don't feel like she's playing me but she's not being fully truthful just to spare my feelings!

Ive even offered to come up and see her and all she said was yeah course when I've got time! I've never had a problem talking and getting to know girls but she's just an anomaly! I don't ever want her to think bad of me and am always cautious that i will slip up etc! Its not ideal but i get so nervous even just talking to her let alone thinking about her constantly.When I procrastinate all i do is think about her and my shitty situation!

All my friends are like just make sure you don't throw all your eggs in one basket hence why I'm still talking and trying to potentially sort things out with this other girl. Im not 100% diluded but I feel that i want this more than she does and would do anything, absolutely anything for her to be by my side! I always think what if etc and am now trying to put it into action!

I hope this has given you enough information as to what's going on. Any guidance would be much appreciated in this time in need.

ps apologies for spelling mistakes and grammar! cheers

Five weeks ago i met this girl which is five months younger than me more or less, i wasn't actually interested on her but she was. She told a couple of friends of mine that she kinda felt attracted to me. So I decided why not give it a try? I started talking and spending time with her. I started feeling attracted to her. Eventually we both felt something at some point, and I was no longer just going out with her. She was now "my girl".

Anyway we have expressed our feelings towards each other like a week ago, but I think about her all the time. And Im not sure if she does as well. Her sister told me she did, and I kinda noticed it. But three days ago she started behaving herself in a weird way. And I cant stop thinking about her. I even thought I was the problem, not her... but I discovered I wasn't the problem, cause I have had opportunities to go out with other girls who are really hot.

Well thing is, im not sure what to do... Should I just stop thinking about her and wait till she comes back or should I talk with her and tell her what im feeling, and ask her if she wants to continue with the relationship we have? And when should I do it? On Wednesday its her birthday, so should I do it tomorrow or after her birthday?? Cause I am confused right now... And i really like her...

I kinda feel like this:When I read the letter you wrote, it made me mad mad mad
When I read the words that it told me, it made me sad sad sad.
But I still love you so, I can't let you go
NOTE: the "letter" would be her actions, cause last three days she's been like, not charming and loving as she uses to be, shes been kinda indifferent.

Or maybe she is mad? Cause on Thursday I went to her house, and her friend who is my age was acting playfully, and I acted playfully as well. My gf's sister told me that she noticed my gf was like jealous or angry, upset.

What do you think?

Thank you, I liked the article, its very helpful. I'll stop my obsession cause if not I'll trip over my emotions as you say, its true, I've experienced it.

Great article. Can identify with this. It is good to know i am not crazy, I am not the only one thinking this way. Great. I guess I will reread all the comments later and apply whatever needs to be applied. As for the dream girl, I will say you never know what u would ve achieved if you never tried. When you are coherent enough, try to see if you guys can be friends then take it from there

I highly appreciate this article. Its very well written and down to earth. 8 years... I'm coming up on that, at about 6 or 7. I met a girl when I was a senior in high school who was actually dating a good friend of mine. I just treated her like a regular old person and didn't invest much time thinking about her as she was with my friend. However she was always very affectionate toward me and I slowly got hooked on her attention and sweetness. After her and my friend broke up I noticed her calling and texting me a lot to hang out. We spent a lot of time together and I assumed that was because she liked me too. Before too long she had hooked up with a friend of mine because she was 'really attracted to him for a long time' I should have seen this as a red flag, and incidentally at the time - I did. After that event I realized where she was coming from and just left the relationship at a distant, casual acquaintance. Fast forward about a year, I move on - get a decent job, meet a new girl that was into me, etc etc... The old 'special girl' from high school resurfaces in my life (we have a lot of mutual friends) and begins the texting/calling/constant IM'ing. I always knew she was affectionate like that and I assumed maybe she was just lonely and looking for attention. I had always been into her and figured there could be no harm and rekindling an old thing... maybe it would work out this time. Well after a year had passed I was much more confident, popular, and better with women. This lead to her revealing a 'secret crush' she had for me in high school, a an admission of 'strong sexual tension between us for a long time', and a period of passionate love making. I was reluctant, considering the past, but I assumed things were different. Unfortunately, I have always struggled with my own personality problems (OCD/Depression/PTSD) and I was not in a good place. She was so affectionate toward me during that time, that I got completely hooked. I was such a mess though, she eventually lost interest and moved on to guys who were not miserable fucks. I understood and decided to move on. Two years after that, she had broken up with her boyfriend, run into me in downtown, and restarted the whole texting/calling/'what are you up to, lets hang out!' thing again. Now I had fallen pretty deeply into my depression over the years and have developed a pretty strong fear of rejection/lack of self esteem/fear of inadequacy. Most girls are attracted to me at first, but get turned when they notice how sensitive and aloof I am. That's fine, but this one 'special girl' had always accepted me and showed affection toward me, no matter what I was going through. If I tried hard enough, I would end up sleeping with her. Of course, she was looking for a strong man to take care of her, and I knew I couldn't provide, at least not at that point. She took advantage of my attention and my obsession with her, and lead me on consistently. I'm so crazy attracted to her, we have so much in common, but I have squandered every chance I had due to my own personal problems, and the rest of her friends have even admitted that she no longer sees me as anything other than a friend. I can 'rationally' understand that, but emotionally - I'm so freaking hooked. Every time I see her (often, we have mutual friends) smiling face or hear her laugh, I melt. When I see/hear about her with someone else, my stomach turns to knots. We had a lot in common, and a real connection at one point - but its clearly not there for her and hasn't been for years. Its been 7 years that I've been obsessing over her, and I think it has gone on because no matter how overwhelmingly emotional I get, she always comes back. She doesn't want to lose me as a 'fall back guy' I suppose, and even though that irritates me, I'm so crazy into her that I just let it keep happening. I know I could go out and meet other girls, but every time I see 'the one special girl' the emotional triggers are so powerful. I feel like I truly do love her and accept her for who she is, and I know she loves me too, just not in THAT WAY - but I have to move on. I don't want to be lonely, I just needed to vent this.

Thanks for your article.

Good article,

was wondering what you could advise to my personal situation -

right - so it basically started of with her walking into my room, as we planned to meet up for a chat as she was not happy with how things were going between her and her boyfriend and how we have been acting flirty since we have met and how inappropriate it was.
She wanted to come for about a 20 minute chat, and ended up being in my room for 3 hours
she explained how she thinks we cant keep in contact as it's wrong...and how it cant continue whatever it is we have
she said - she thinks shes basically dumped at the moment, cos her boyfriend deleted her off facebook...twitter...and rejects her calls, and hes apparently gone and rung her mum and said how he doesnt know what to do cos she doesnt seem to care anything and she goes a week without even ringing him or paying any attention to him

I said 2 her several times...oh so you hold hands with all ur other guy mates? cuddle with them? tell them that if she didnt have a boyfriend there wouldnt be much talking going on... and she goes 'nooooo...its cos its YOU.
"ive never gotten that close to a guy WHILST being in a relationship, that's why i was that shocked and disapointed in myself when I woke up the next morning...thats why its sooo risky jamming with you faris, im playing with fire"
'ok ...you can't deny that there is definitely a spark...and physicaly attraction and chemistry between us?'
and she said
"...which is WHY we can't continue to talk, i'm gonna try to make my boyfriend not hate me the second im back in London tomorrow...and talking to you isnt right for me or you as we cant be friends...we're just more than friends since day 1"
so anyway as I was walking her out the door I said...what about if ur not with him after summer then? and she said "well then we can tackle that when it comes, it'd be fine then" but next year is next year
and I said, ok have a good summer...we had a little bit of a play fight...and a biiiig longgg hug...and then I said 'oi Taz...speak to you soon yeh? and she goes "maybe"
and walked off into the dark distance back into her room
what should I do now?

This is really helpful. I have been stuck on a woman, for a couple years now. I used to have her, but the crazy thing is, I dumped her.... several times! She's obviously not right for me, but I'm stuck on her now. I think it was the sex that got me. Now she has moved away, and I am still trying to talk her into having some kind of LDR with me. i feel like such a sap.

Nonethless, this article is a huge help. I think I need to stop talking to her. If she wants to come to me, fine. But i've lined up two dates this week. Just keep on meeting women and i'll find the one to replace her. and work on yourself too. learn to be happy and complete, with or without a woman in your life.

Dear Chase,

I am deeply touched by your posts not only because they are so incredibly good but because they serve a deeper purpose - help "men" kind become stronger and be in a better place mentally, emotionally and physically. The other thing I commend you is for rationalizing every little bit of advice just so men who are "thinkers" get it.

I have read many of your posts but this post, being the most relevant post to my personal life, forced me to write this note and thank you.

A little of my history. I am thirty years old - good looking, charming and intelligent fellow. Two years ago, I broke up with a long term girlfriend of mine of mine who I was with for nine years - my college sweetheart. Immediately after, I fell for this one girl three years older than I am, who I dated for three months before she dumped me. She felt like the "right one" from the get go - sweet, innocent, attractive, family oriented - everything I look for in a woman. I do live in a big city so I had met many attractive women even in the course of my relationship so it wasn't the paucity of women in my life that made me fall for this girl. It was just that this girl felt great and totally my type. The first date we went to - the restaurant owner welcomed us saying "what a gorgeous couple" and the tone was set from that moment at least in my mind. I am very attractive, very intelligent, charming, social, witty - everything that forms the raw material for being good with women. Never had problems attracting women, however, with this woman, I became a needy, doting, smothering man who just wanted to make her smile. She was a bit insecure about me in the beginning thinking I am a player, and I compensated for that by being very loving and caring of her showering her with attention (texts throughout the day, wanting her to spend more time with me, buying gifts for her etc). Consequence? She misunderstood me totally as someone who is needy and insecure. How? Well, we had a little argument on New Years day when I wanted her to spend the night with me (we were intimate a few days before), but she wanted to go home. My intentions were sweet - just wanted the night to be special and take her out for brunch next morning. That wasn't meant to be. She lives with her family and wanted to go home. I sent her a couple of needy texts while she was driving home and from that point on, I felt I lost her. We went on one more date after that and we made out at the end of it. But she got up to go home at 1 am and I was totally ok with it because I had learned my lesson on New Years night when I made her upset. Next week, she got sick at least that is what she told me. So I left her a very sweet - get well- voicemail which she never responded to. Two days later, I left another vm and this time I knew something is wrong. A few days later, she sent me a dreaded "let's be friends" text and from that point on I acted like the dumbest man on this planet. Emotional texting, crying (yes I am embarassed), doing stupid things like contacting her cousin so she could broker between us and get us back together. Needless to say, this drove her further away and she started hating me. She never once called me. She changed her phone number, wouldn't respond to any of my emails - I was flummoxed as to why she would overreact and just not tell me honestly on my face what she felt. This would add to my frustration and I'd keep on doing one stupid thing after another to get a response out of her. Finally, I got a phone call from her two months later with words "get out of my life" - this was after I contacted her cousin. All this sounds like I was being totally crazy in my attraction for this woman. That is true. To be fair to me, she gave me no closure, no explanation whatsoever and completely withdrew so that made me even more desperate for her response/attention. I couldn't even get a phone call from her leave alone dumping me in person. And all this is from a girl who was very insecure about me in the beginning of our dating saying things like "you aren't going to have me and leave me, right"!! My worse offense of all is so embarrassing to write - this is going to make you go head in palms. I faked an account on the dating site we met and chatted with her as if I am another person. While doing so, I probed why she dumped the previous guy she dated i.e. me. Guess what! She told me (as in me acting as a new person) everything as to why she dumped me. Because I was needy and disrespectful to her family. The first she may be right about, but the latter she was completely wrong about. I would just joke about her being spoiled because she lives with her family. I had nothing but deepest regards for her family and her independence. But perception is reality when it comes to dating and I was guilty in her mind. This girl was a bit too naive and innocent - which actually added to the charm and made me fall for her even more. The downside of that was this girl was a terrible communicator and thought of me as someone I am not without even sharing her views with me allowing me a chance to correct her impression. When I got to know the negative perception she had of me, which were farthest from the truth, I revealed to her that I was faking an account and this person was actually me. Naturally, she was pissed! And from that point on, she started distrusting me completely. Who'd blame her? But here I am also suffering not knowing why this woman all into me physically and mentally for two months, dumped me all of a sudden. So I took the matter in my hands, faked an account and got to know the true story. Wrong I know but totally innocent and with good intentions - just to know how I lost the girl I so deeply liked. I know this story is funny and sad at the same time!

Once the pain of the heartbreak simmered down, I realized that a smart man like me should have never fallen victim to such a heartbreak and done such silly things for a woman. How could possibly a man so intelligent, so emotionally mature fall in love for a woman and do such stupid things. So I decided to make myself stronger and smarter with women. Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice shame on me - as they say. So, to bulletproof myself in future, I read every article on the internet I could find on getting a woman back, making yourself stronger mentally, getting new women etc. Initially all my attention was to get her back. For months, I kept on emailing this girl - defending my actions, asking her to have a coffee with me etc but to no avail. She never responded. Along the way, I bumped into your blog. I started dating again - even liked a couple of girls along the way- but could never get this special girl out of my mind. So every once in a while I would send her a sweet note, or even a longer note telling her what is going on in my life. Finally, on her birthday last month, I sent her a card and got a decent response back "hey thanks for the card and birthday wishes". I sent her a couple of emails again - for some reason I always end up acting mushy and needy with this woman despite all the knowledge to the contrary I possess. I feel I have to be consistent with my strategy, which has been chasing her like a romeo. I completely agree with your blogs and I do prescribe to that strategy with any girl I remotely like but this one is different because of the history. If I do not chase her now, it will appear to be totally inconsistent with the persistent lover I have appeared to be for the past year and a half. My last action was to send her a souvenir from a latest vacation I took. This was today. I do think I have overdone it by emailing her three times since her birthday to which she has not responded. I guess she was just being polite but still thinks I am needy and not relationship material.

Any suggestions? I have been able to bring this girl from "get out of my life" to "thank you for the birthday wishes" in about eighteen months. What should my future course of action be? Let me guess your response. "Forget about her, date other women, fix yourself to be even less needy of this one special woman". So let me address that before you even say it. I CANNOT forget about her, I have an elephant's memory. I AM dating other women - in fact I have become a player of sorts - sleeping with almost a woman every two weeks including some hot ones. But I still have feelings for this woman and keep on doing sweet things for her like sending her stuff once in a while. I figure what do I have to lose as long as I am being nice and sweet to her while moving on with other women. Still I value your opinion and would like to know from you where do you think I am mentally and what do you suggest I do hereon knowing what you know about me?

Thanks much
Mfin27

The was a life changing post mate.

I'm still obsessed right now, but I have a question. Do I develop my skills to get other girls? Or do I develop them to bag the special girl up later?

Thanks

Thanks for the article and eye-opener. Also easier said than done. When we fall for someone it's not easy to put them out of our thoughts but your advice is absolutely the right direction to take. My problem is that as one or two guys already mentioned, I'm also very fussy and find it hard to 'have feelings' towards a girl and get attracted to very few. Consequently, when I do meet a girl I like and develop feelings for her, I feel under immediate pressure because I know I won't have too many other opportunities. I develop a kind of 'it's either her or nothing' mentality. As you mentioned this 'pressure' kills my chances of actually getting the girl, so my love life is pretty much a disaster and always has been. As I've got older, I've simply tried to forget about girls and focus on other aspects of life. I've almost given up and feel pretty hopeless about the future. I guess I stumbled across this article because I'm trying to work out how to remove these 'obsessions' I develop for girls. I've found time to be a healer.

great article but the i dated the girl for a long time and we are still close friends. i cant shut her out if we have such a close friendship :( it would put a massive strain on our friends and ourselves. for nearly 2 years ive been silently suffering as i watch her move from relationship to relationship. even though the odds are hundreds to one i still cant get over her :(. im not one for socialising and not particularly good looking either. so how i got her was an absolute given.

Dear Chase,

There is this girl who is one of my closest friends, she calls me babe over text sometimes and constantly praises me, I've never liked her before, but recently I've been extremely attracted to her. She gives me mixed signals its weird like she would call me babe, boo but i know girls use those terms loosely as well. Like I said we are close friends and we are alike in many ways, I just don't want to risk losing her as a friend. Then recently she was like based on a pic of me with another girl "you guys look cute you should go out with her," so its like weird. Any recommendations??

Thanks

P.S: I am a good looking guy lol, no homo.

Whoa...
It is like you wrote this directly for me.
For 5 years now I have had hopes for this girl and practically everything you said is how I was. I even passed up a chance to be with a beautiful and awesome girl that was obviously into me, but I was too busy thinking of this other girl to even notice how obvious it was... And for that I am furious. Who knows what I couldve had? Great article for sure though.

If you could only pick my brain to know me that would be great. But in short, I recently began talking much more often with a woman on facebook I havent seen in 15 years (high school, I had a crush, she disliked my immaturity LoL) we've been aquainted just a little on facebook for about a year, rarely talking. Well just last week we texted for a couple days very often and eventually she surprisingly asked ME out (couple days ago) I had a fantastic time with her and ended on a high note, but I found myself becoming obsessed! (nothing new thus the reason I've stayed away from the 'game' I've always become obsessed when I met someone new) so I googled "I cant stop thinking about her" and found this page... WOW! Now, I doubt I would have 8 years obsession, however, obsession for a woman (as I have now learned) to any degree is selfdestructive.

How did you save me? This article has prevented me from possibly ruining the chance with "This Special ONE". So with this advice, I actually might be able to get THE ONE I want :D Thanks for the word, your analogy was SPOT ON, especially the portion in regards to the "New Toy/Girl".

Thank you

Thanks for putting things in perspective and helping to free me on this one. J I used to think I was the only one who could possibly feel this way about TOSG but I was mistaken. I'm ready to take my life back.

Dear Chase,
I am having trouble declaring if im in this category or not. In the sense that, i very very much like this girl in all the ways you stated about her being 'THAT ONE SPECIAL GIRL' and i have liked her for a long time. But, she just recently became single and has actually showed more interest in me lately, she has asked me out to lunch, hang at her house with her, long walks together ect. But on the other hand, i know there are alot of guys who are always texting her, a couple of which she has had a bit of a past with and she is open about that with me. I havent really told her about my feelings for her and dont know how i should tell her or if im even in this category. Thanks for the articles tho
-wondring

Even though I can't completely agree with the ways you propose to deal with the issue, I must say that your description of the issue is most accurate and I'm really happy to read such. I'm of course judging after my own experience (guilty of deifying a girl for 5 years or so). So, very well written, good work!

I have been reading you articles and it's really helpful. It's everything one cud ever need! The perspective you have is brilliant and I am glad I found this site. Keep up the good work. I would love to tell you about what's been going on with me but it's going to be a tough job to explain the whole situation plus I live in india so the social setup is very different. Someday I will. But i am confident all these articles of yours are going to help me immensely. :)

This is what is HAPPENING to me right now, but of course I did let go of her few months ago, I still had some feelings for her, but I don't really think of it like as if it's Life and Death. Thanks for this post man. Really life changing. Cheers!

Chase,

I can not even being to start with how much I identified with this article. I met this girl in March of 2011 after being invited by a friend who knew her through other means to this concert a college local to mine was having. At the time, she had a boyfriend and he was present for the whole night. This didn't phase me at the time as we all had an amazing, drunk time together. I can still clearly remember leaving the concert and her college for the night thinking that I thought she was really cool, we had a ton in common and hoped that we got to hang out more.

A month and a half later, that was filled with her only passing through my thoughts a few times, this time she came to my school for a spring concert. She and her boyfriend had just recently gone on a "break" I guess you could call it as he had just left to go to his first training in preparation for being deployed to Afghanistan. Long story short, we had another great, drunk time together and ended up making out multiple times throughout the night. She ended up coming back to visit my school multiple times throughout the week, which happend to be the last week before summer started. The making out continued but never progressed any further than that. We had made plans to see each other back near our regular homes as we happend to love within driving distance of each other. Those plans never panned out and right before she went back to her college for summer classes, I asked her if any of the stuff that happend meant anything to her, and long story short, the answer was no.

This is pretty much where my obsession began. I wasted my whole summer thinking about her and fantasizing how great me and her would be together. This was mixed with getting back together and breaking up with the same guy multiple times throughout the summer but I still could not get over her. We finally saw each other again in August at home right before we went back to school and we had a nice time but nothing happend. Once school started, she came over to see me and other friends on our first night where nothing besides drunkenly cuddling and sleeping in the same single bed happend once more. Again, I still held on to whatever hope I could think of that I could still get her. Finally, she spent the weekend at my place one weekend and in a drunk state, I am assuming laid out how I feel about her but it was a conversation that I can't remember due to alcohol. She has since told me "I said some very nice things." Finally, at the end of the first semester when we stayed up the whole night working on finals, I laid out that stil had feelings for her but that I wanted to use the next six months she was going to spend studying abroad in Europe as time to get over her. Keep in mind, while all of this was going on, she has still been on and off with this same guy and frequently goes to me to talk about it and what she is feeling. When I finally dropped her off knowing it was going to be the last time I was going to see her for a while, I broke down after she walked away and was in a complete disarray that I didn't have her. This eventually subsided and I got a little better.

She still stayed on my mind frequently but I was doing better than I had been as I was surrounding myself with tons of other people and did not have to see her at all o talk to her much as she was in Europe. Then about 2 or so months so into her study abroad, we began to skype frequently and she begins to tell me who she is missing me a lot and has started to dream about me. This eventually lead to her saying things like "You are everything I want in a guy. If I was there now, we would probably be dating." as well as her not being there with this other guy anymore but worrying about breaking his heart since he was in Afghanistan and she didn't want to do that him while he was over there. These Skype sessions continued that usually had us flirting with each other and having great, long conversations. As you can probably guess, this reignited my hope and had me thinking about her all the time again and even passing up on other potentially great relationships with girls who were interested in me. This other guy would end up visiting her in England as they had made plans before they left that he would visit on his leave and the Army can't change that once those plans were finalized. She always told me that she really wish he wouldn't visit and that she did not want to see him. I still do not know what happend between them when they saw each other but they have not gotten back together as far as I know. I finally asked her over Skype one time what we were doing and if she was leading me on like she was leading on her ex as she did not want to break his heart. She assurmed me she truly wasn't leading me on but that she was doing some soul searching while she was away and she won't know what there is between us until she gets home.

We finally saw each other for the first time a week ago of me writing this. We had a great time together per usual but nothing romantic took place. In about a week, it is my 21st birthday and we have plans to spend most of the day together in the city, just me and her. After reading this article and doing a lot of reflection, which is something I do quite often, I have pretty much come to the conclusion that I am going to lay it all on the line one last time and find out where she stands. Maybe this isn't the best decision but after reading this article, it made me realize how much time I have wasted on one girl and how I put her on a golden throne when really there are plenty of other girls out there who are just as great. If something comes out of it then great! But if not, then I am going to try my damnedest to start my Junior year of college with a clean slate and do my best to forget her and go after other girls.

While there are plenty of other details that would help to inform my situation, this is the gist of it. Thanks to anyone who actually read all of that and this article as well as others on this site have been eye openers for me.

Nice article chase. I actually have this woman whom I like very much, and I can never seem to get her out of my mind. Every time she is on facebook, I make sure to message her. I have only known her for about a week, and I already feel like I am being "That overly-obsessive guy." I want to talk to her and get to know her, but I don't want to say it so much that she gets annoyed and stops messaging me. I am a bit to nervous to ask her out too, I can't figure out a good way to do it and I don't know if I could handle the rejection. I want to go out with her but I don't want to ruin a good friendship. Can you help me?

I just read this yesterday and it disgusts me how many of the examples and bad signs fit me perfectly. I've been friend zoned by the "woman of my dreams" for a while and just not excepted it.

I even felt like I was even making progress but I see now that its a waste of time.

I told her (by text) that I think we shouldn't hang out anymore and why, and she says she'd like to talk about it in person... you guys think I should even bother? I mean I want to, because its just been a day and I'm obsessed, but maybe it's best to just drop it now...

Tnx! Needed to read this again, memories started creeping and were wearing me down. Great post!

First of all he is 13 years younger than I. He is the one who was persistent with having me. I did not have interest in him at first. We met and I kind of liked him. Then he took me on a date to the Poconos and after that we have been seeing each other now for 4 years and he said he never wanted to be in a committed relationship and only wants an open relationship. I believe he sees others but really I have no proof but we do not live together and he's free to do as he pleases as I am too. However, he does not take me out anymore and basically we are just sexual. Every now and again he may give me money to help me out when in need but other than that there is nothing more of the relationship. I must be out of my mind. I would have never settled for anything like this in my life in my past. I think I'm obsessed with the fact that he doesn't want me as I want him and I believe I just want to succeed at being in a monogamous relationship with him and at the same time I wonder is that what I really want. I'm so confused. Perhaps I just don't want to be alone. I work 2 jobs and I don't get out to meet others or go on any dates and I think I have just settled for having him in my life to satisfy me sexually but at the same time I want a committed relationship. I guess I'm allowing him to take advantage of me.

Hey, ive read your article and i still feel that i CAN get her, im on my 4th year now and still nothing has happend, im going crazy, i have lost my appetite, i can sleep, i bow down to the very presence of her and no matter how hard i try, i just cant stop thinking about her ! She is like a best friend to me now, we hangout and stuff but she has no idea that my heart is exploding inside because all i want to do is be with her, hold her. I would fight 100 men and battle 100 wars just to be with her! I NEED FUCKING HELP MAN !!! its fucking up my social life and god damn it i cant stand it anymore ! I need her, please help me

Hei Chase,
I am an attractive guy and I'm really good when it comes to girls, but before I got skill with girl, I have been madly in love with a girl. I realized a couple of weeks ago that she's not the way I thought she was, but I was still in love with her. Now I've read your post and I realized that you are completely right and you have made me see the truth. Now it's all clear to me and the amazing part is that once I've read everything you wrote here, I completely fell out of love. I'm a little bit disappointed, but I'm also glad that now I can see everything so clear. This girl stopped me from making a lot of progress, now I'm just going to follow the road I always wanted to walk on, without caring about what she actually thinks or says. I am on my way to becoming a REAL man who naturally attracts tons of women (I attract many women now, but becoming a real man is much more than that, and much more than being a grown up adult).
Thank you very much for posting this, thanks to people like you I'll reach my goal much faster :)

I got to the part where it asked how much time you spent with this special girl, and I realized I spend all the time with her. If not in person, then over the phone or through texting. You also said the only reason we feel this way is because we can't be with them. Well, I'm not going to forget her, I'm going for it. If it doesn't work maybe I'll be able to move on, and if it works, I'm golden. Either way, I can't keep waiting.

A while ago, I told a girl how I felt about her. I've known this girl for a little more than 3 years now. And until this year, she's been a close friend, one who I have talked to more than any of my other friends (and she doesn't even go to the same school). She's very beautiful and very smart and she's got a charming personality, and she's in her last year at high school. I, on the other hand, am going to start college.

Most of our relationship has been online. We've instant messaged, skyped, facebooked, texted... and when I can I've gone to see her. We been around each other about 6 times, which is a problem, as I know this online-relationship is not revealing to me who she really might be, what her personality is like, and all those little idiosyncrasies you observe when you hang out with someone, but in the time that I've been with her, I've never cared. She makes me happy, and it is apparent that I make her happy in how I make her laugh and smile. She's very smart, and she has high ambitions. She's also often stressed out about making it into one of the ivy league schools. I have no doubt she will make it in, as she's pretty much the smartest girl in her school and is doing all these extra currics. As a senior, I didn't apply to Ivies, and am going to a UC.

After a while, she seemed to have lost interest. She seems to have "friend-zoned" me, and she didn't seem to put as much effort into our conversations, as there were delayed responses, and she began to say she was always busy when I offered to hang out. It's funny that my feelings for her only grew. I just hope that one day I can rekindle that flame she had for me.

I know that what I feel for her right now is not true love. She recently told me she had a boyfriend, and I was extremely upset. She told me that this boyfriend was a "player-type" and treated her poorly, always pressuring her to have sex, yet she wanted to be with him because he makes her feel good, as if all her problems are gone. This does not make sense to me, and as I told her everything about how I felt and how much I wanted to show her that I cared, I also told her that she deserves better from a guy. She replied by saying she couldn't imagine holding my hand or kissing me, and that she just didn't think of me that way. Even if she broke up with her boyfriend, she would not date me. I asked her if we'd never date, and she just replied "As of now, no." As twisted as it is, it kind of gave me hope (the as of now part anyways). I know I'm obsessed with the idea of this girl and all that we could be. I just feel like I have something to hope for, something that tells me that one day, I'll call her up and I'll ask her out and she'll say yes. It gives me hope to think of such a situation, but her saying she wants me to care for her in "a friend way" is just something I don't think I can do. I know this is selfish of me, cause if I really did care about her, I'd want her to be happy with whoever she wanted to be with. She also brought up this guy she'd been skyping with recently, and how he is her in "guy form". She might like this guy, and if she is, I'd try my best to be happy for her, but right now my mind is clouded and burdened with how she replied when I told her everything about how I felt.

When she says "I just don't see you that way", I know she has a reason for it. All girls do. But I think I'm a decent looking guy who can be, given the chance, very compassionate and caring. I feel that her reason for rejecting me is that I go to a "only average" school, and I won't amount to anything. Her boyfriend is the valedictorian at her school, and I feel that unless I get into a really good grad school, I'll always fall short of expectations. I know the danger here of trying to mold myself into someone I think she wants me to be, but when I think about it, I'd be trying to get into a good grad school anyways.

It's difficult for me to accept that I have to care more about her happiness than her being with me. I've always tried to show that I care for her. I put up with all the stuff she dishes out and have always tried to be there for her, and I hope that one day she'll realize that and finally see that I'm the guy she's looking for. I know girls grow out of these "phases" where they want to date the bad boy and the cool guy, I'm just unsure about what to think. What I truly want is to go out and date girls to get dating experience, and one day hope to return to this girl and ask her out when we're both more competent in what it feels like to have dated people. It just scares me to think that that day will never come.

I can't bear with the fact that I might go out and date other women and in the end nothing will happen between us. I know what I want are assurances, and no one can give me that. It hurts a lot to think about it right now, but I don't plan on giving up anytime soon. Are there any suggestions on what I could do to return to what we had when I met her? Should I not talk to her and just one day out of the blue ask her out? Or should I be her friend for now and wait until that day several years in the future?

Thanks for this article, it is wonderfully written and has somewhat lifted my spirits about hope for a future.

Thats really some good advice and experience,im really surprised by those facts,but see my question is that i met this girl at my school and didnt look as interesting at first,but later i guess i started talking to her through messeges,normally as usual,i ended up liking her,i still do i met her like a month ago,and we dont really talk in person much because of what ive heard shes sort of special in way,absolutely normal,she just doesent socialize with other people nor does she say hi or unless someone else does to her,but since ive been talking to her,an example of how ive been we have expressed a little bit about ourslefs but me mostly haha,and ive told her in many ways and serious ways,i had let her now that she can absolutely trust and feel comfortable and confident and absolutely secure with guy like me,im a young i guess im only 16,im mature enough to know that liking girls is not the solution for life absolutely,but i choose to enjoy it while i can ofcourse,wel she already knows i like her,and i havent asked her if she does,but after weeks later ive noticed in a way she doesent but she cares,i guess she like me more as a friend than anything,but she wont hang around with me yet haha,i want to and ive never had a girlfriend nor as much of a friend as her,sometimes i guess she can let me down without herself knowing or me telling her in such way,i really enjoy the friendship,she knows alot about me but we dont talk as much in person,id say shes really shy,shes gone out with one of my old friends,but idk,its wierd in a way haha,but i need some advice,the reason why im wHriting is because of this,since ive told her alot about me and trust me most of the conversations weve had were deep and sort of sad,the most trajic one is we both lost a father,and i guess i feel that it connects me to her,and thats why i dont want to leave her but in a way i do,but i dont,i like her ad i guess it bothers her sometimes like shes said,and ive really tried my best to make her comfortable as possible and still am,i have hope,and i just need your advice for good and for the future with this good girl that treats me really nice like no other has,shes the only one that has never ignored me for who i am,shes the only one that listened to my stories,my life,and myself,im still running with ideas,i need your advice please and thank you for letting me know some facts i admire your experience please reply asap! :)

...but it sure does sound like it.

I met this girl in 10th grade, over the summer. I was smitten, and became good friends with her. I took her to the junior prom, ended up asking her out twice, was rejected each time. Once because she had a boyfriend, and once because she "didn't want a relationship at the time." At which point, she goes out with another guy that is almost exactly like me a few months later, except he lives in her hometown, whereas I live 2 hours away. I had my first relationship the spring of my senior year, which lasted a couple months, but when that was over my thoughts went right back to her. Now we're in college, and I'm doing everything I can to get talk to her and hangout with her, but she's always busy and never has time. Much of the time I feel like I should just give up, and sometimes I go through the process, but I always go back on myself.

Now I'm not good with relationships. It takes an act of god to get me to ask for a phone number, because I'm always so nervous. For instance, it took me 4 months of walking my ex to the car before I could even ask her out. This seems ridiculous, and I can't help but wonder if this in some way contributes to my feelings.

What I keep wondering is if this is obsession and, if so, how can I accept to myself to just give up? What should I do? Or should I keep trying, and hope that it works out sometime? One thing's for sure; I don't know.

I am a female and I stumbled across your post. I thought men don't have feelings and I feel the majority of the time us females chase you guys or try everything to make you like us. Then most men are not verbal when it comes to emotions. Then a lot of us women, not all but a lot of us women end up obsessing over does he like me or not? Glad to see we actually go thru the same things. I think half of the time its just a miscommunication between the sexes.

Thank you so much!
I've been obsessing of this girl for ages, I couldn't get her out of my mind! Thank you so much!

You ought to be awarded the Noble Peace Prize!

Dear Chase,
Firstly, you are a godsend. I have read a lot of relationship advice (for reasons which will become obvious) over the last couple of years but have not come accross anyone who has the insight that you seem to. I've been reading through this site with my mouth open thinking 'this is me - how does this guy know that??!'
I'd love to get your take on my particular problem (since nobody seems to tackle it).
A bit of context: I'm 44 years old. Still reasonable looking and work out a lot although the last 5 years haven't been too kind. I work as a lawyer (the moderately paid rather than astronomically paid sort). 4.5 years ago I was in a long marriage which hadn't made me happy for a long long time. To cut a long story short, I met another lawyer though work. She was also in a repressed marriage. The chemistry between us was off the scale. We had an affair and left our respective spouses. Because there are children on both sides we delayed moving in together.
She is of the higher paid catagory of lawyer. A partner in a law firm (where as I am a couple of steps up from a paralegal) who had received a tidy inheritance from her late father a few years before. She always said that my lack of money wasn't an issue as she did well enough (you know what is coming).
To cut a very long story short, two years ago she dumped me because I couldn't provide her with the security that she needed (yep - I've read the 2 year drop section). Since then she has been dating like her life depended on it - a string of users and chancers who always let her down. I take no pride in accepting that I've been her surrogate boyfriend when she is 'between lovers'. On the other hand, all of my friends sided with my ex-wife and I am pretty much friendless. She has been my closest friend for 4.5 years as well as my lover. When we are together we fit so well. She genuinely misses me when we don't speak/see each other but won't commit to anything more until the rest of my life is sorted out. And yes, reading that back I also accept that I sound like a spineless pussy and I know exactly what you will say but that's not the problem.
Here's the problem: I was royally shafted by the court when it came to sorting out the divorce finances. I had to take on all of the marital debt and pay huge sums of maintenance (alimony) to my ex wife (despite her having a boyfriend who seems to have moved in an a permanent basis). Consequently I am obliged to rent a room in someone elses house and live like a fricking student. The payments out will continue for another year at least (the ones for the kids for longer but I have no problem with that) and the debt will take another 18 months to clear down. Once that is all paid off I can start rebuilding my life.
For now though... You would say, no doubt, that a presentable older guy is in a good position in the dating pool. The issue is that 'quality' women (i.e. ones who have a brain as well as a nice ass) expect certain things with a professional older guy. His own place. A classy car, the ability to go on weekends away from time to time. All the benefits that dating an older guy are supposed to hold. I can't offer any of that. No point trying to get a girl back to my place - I don't have a place to take them.
This site has helped me to see that my ex girlfriend isn't coming back even though I still ache and pine for her every day. I just can't see how I'm going to find someone else in my current circumstances. I'm thinking I will probably have to just accept that my dating life is on ice for the next two years which just means more time sitting around moping about my lost love.
Sometimes I think I'm losing the plot completely.
Any pearls of wisdom???
Cheers,
Mark

I will get straight to the point
I am deeply infatuated with my close female friend i have pining over her from quite a few years .whatever you said about the girl you were pining over is true with me as well,i mean every single detail.i feel that she is the best thing in this world.
I have another issue-i even fantasise about her sexually,andi sometimes wonder if is only physical attraction and not the real thin.but i somehow feel that lust is an integral part of a relationship or when you are liking someone.but i am afraid to think that what if its the only thing thats keeping me going.but i do like her for her personality and for whatever she is.
I usually find myself saying all that to myself ang being complacent all the time.and one more point i want to mention-she is going get married in a few years and the thought of seeing her with so.eone else killsme.especially the thought of she sleeping with him kills me more.i want to be the one who gets to marry her have kids with her! Am i being totally unreasonable here?is this perversion?
I think she has a clue about my feelings for her.and i know what she might be thinking-she is thinking that i have mistaken our closeness over the past few years for love,and that i am immature.
The thing is that i had a huge crush on her back in high school(i didnt do anything about itvback then)and after school we ended up in the same group of close friends that still is a well functioning group.i was really excited that she and i were in the same group and i have been trying to get close to her and trying to point out to her that we have a lot in common.but npw i am starting to think that these superficial copmonalities dont matter anymore.
Sometimes i try to get her to meet me alone and npt have the other friends arpund,because i want to let her know how i feel aboit her slowly but gradually.i want to ask her out,i am thinking of doing that for the next valentines day.
I have already told all my other friends and everyone is against me,they say that i have misunderstood fiendship for love and that i am immature and i say that is absolute bullshit.theysay that if i tell her,its going to hurt her.some of them have even stopped talking to me.

But i really want be with her and spend the rest of our lives together.
Its very true that romantic love is not a concious decision and that i cant make her like me,my hope is that she will someday realise the love i have for her and will like me back.
Chase,please give me some pointers.i have even felt depresses at times thinking about all of this.

What if I already had her....we still talk, but she's with another guy. This chick is amazing, but I don't want to be waiting around forever. What do I do than?

Wow! Dude! I've totally been there! First it was Shawna then it was Leslie. Until I experienced the real thing for the first time. Kia may've been a bad girlfriend but at least she gave me the time of day. Now that I look back, Shawna wasn't so special after all. Neither was Leslie.

this is the best article i have read and im just like that.the diference that im not in and 8 year long but going to a year almost..
My story is that i cannot get this one girl out of my head all the time day and night. She gives me all the smiles the looks the flirt, i did talk to her and shes just not been straight foward of telling me things. I have gave her thing and she recieve it very happily. but still cannot been able to get that next step. I want ti get her off my head because as I read in this article its taking too much out time of my mind.. The thing is that fortunately i have never had problem on getting girls but this one looks like shes just playing with me keeping me thinking that she likes me with those nice looks and smiles... i even have gotten out with other girls meanwhile to get her of my head and beautifull girls and have not been able to get her off my head.. The problem here is that we work together and the part I hate is that im the brother of her boss.. I know i have to get her off my head i know SO PLEASE ANY ADVISE IN HEre. Because sometimes it feels like wanted to dissapear..

Best regards,
Eddy

I agree with you in this article, I've been obsessed with a girl for almost 1 year, she works where I work, she flirts with me smiling me badly when I look at her, that's what increased my obsession to a point that I can't stop thinking about her, she already got a boyfriend who worked in there too, but he got better opportunity to get her because he worked in the same department where she worked. But anyways she kept distracting me with her smiles, and one day I asked her to go out and she said that her boyfriend wouldn't like that, so then I didn't force her to go out with me. From that day, she doesn't look at me so often, I still suspect that I like her, but damn, the obsession prevents me from dating another girls who actually flirt with me and I know they're interested in me. It's a torture, and it's the most terrible feeling any man can feel bro. I still haven't told her what I feel for her, but as you said, I've realized that we don't have any contact so often, we don't flirt or touch or play around, or even talk, just work stuff, and maybe if I tell her what I feel and I get a negative answer, I'm gonna get crazy. I'm getting depressed, I need so much help that you have no idea man, I'm already talking to another girl and trying to date her, let's see what happen, but with all my honesty, I DON'T WISH TO ANYONE WHAT HAPPENED TO ME, it's the most uncomfortable feeling in a human being.

Found myself doing this same damn thing again at the ripe old age of 48, post-divorce.

Was googling around for ways to deal with where I was stuck at mentally, and found your site. I already knew most of this of course, but seeing it all in one spot helped me get my thoughts back on track again.

Very useful, cheers!

Hey man, awesome read! It's the sort of advice that definitely would've helped me of I had looked at it about a year ago. Have you got any advice for guys who think that they have got their own one special girl (currently dating) who have become overly emotionally invested and obsessed in their partner and fear losing them? My relationship is awesome but it seems to be the same routine day in day out and I really fear losing this person. I'm not after the "go talk to other women" sort of advice, I just really need help :)

Great article, so it goes
It happend in freshman college with a class mate. Since then I have been in love with this God-sent woman for the last 6 years (exchanged words only couple of times). As a teenage boy I had a habbit of falling for a girl every six months. But you never know when the real one comes to get you, right? Call it 'love at first sight' or whatever bliss happens when two people stare at eachother, but she got me, and she got me good, simply I was transported into the timeless. Now I can not sleep and lost apitite for most things. I can not even dream of living with another woman. Don't get me wrong, I have tried everything to get her out of my head. Tried boothing, fornicating, meditation, even drug once, things that were never been able to bridge the cliff of class difference drawing us apart.

So am I giving up? Not ever. It has been almost three year since I saw her in flesh but the carress of her eyes still linger in my heart.

Hi there.Its the first time in my life i write something on the internet forum,actually first time i even read something on the internet,connected with the women.
I dont know where to begin with,and if i tell my full story will be quite boring honestly but its excaltly on the subject.
I am from Bulgaria if u ever heard this country small country in Europe,with low standards of living,but its another case.
My story started when i was 15 y.o.I just moved from small town into the 2nd biggest city in Bulgaria to study in a math school.I live all by my self from that day on..
There i met her.The GIRL,that special one,when u see her makes butterflies in your stomach.And all begins.We were classmates,we travelled together in the bus from school and i started to have unparalled feeling that i want this girl.funny think about that is i was a KID in the complete meaning of the phrase.I was 1.5m tall and 40kgs.i was a computer nerd.She was a balerina,a complete opposite of me.I stated chating i was the NICE GUY in the complete sentence of the word,considered best friends,this was devastating for me,this rejection.She gave me some hopes and etc.but we had conversation she told me we cant go any further.Then my obssesion start.After a year i started to change i grow up gained 15 kg and a girl in my russian class started to like me,and then .. as i was watching TV at home the ONE knocked my door,she was jelous and wanted to be my girlfriend,i got her finally.. and then the feeling was gone, i was dying for her and when i get her nothing.. we broke up after 10 days couse i was same to me if i will be with her or not,but after this day i never had a relationship with girl longer than 1 month.I closed in my self.Focus in work and studying and living a life of normal guy with friends but still having a missing peace of her.Years past, i devoted in my self.Become a very attractive young men 1.8m 75kgs. clean muscles,a lot of girls wanted my attention but i never gave it only a 1 night stands and i run of.And then AGAIN the One broke up with her first love becouse he was misstread her and bla.And we get together.MY BIGGEST MISTAKE IN MY LIFETIME AND MY HARDEST LESSON in live.she told me everything about them,how he had abused her.And i cheated on myself i begane to do opposite i was the NICE GUY again,but this time i felt LOVE for first time.Real love.I never was a challenge never understood female phyco.I lost my self again.And then she dropped she is not sure if she doest have feelings for him anymore.We broke up i was devasted.I manage to put myself together,but now i was sure i love this girl i wont her go.We were backed together.But the feeling wasnt the same anymore i still had the bitter in my gut about she wasnt rdy and i was a rebound.After half a year i told her that i love her in the most romantic way,she told she loves me too.And eveything became back and forward we were in relationship for 4,5 years.We were split up sereval times.After so many years i realise that i have a huge problem in my head.When u want something and u have it u lost interest.When we are apart i want nothing else but her,everything to get with her, when i get her i change focus on other things.after our 3rd year we broke up for 6 months hardest in my lfe then everything start to ruin i become even more closed in myself only thinging about her.As time passed i step on the ground again start dating a lot of women.One particular women grab my attention for a while,a dream girl everybody will dream for her.She became queen on our prom,in short that girl lay down naked above me but i was still thinging about my ex and i rejected her,even i know there is no change of get back with my ex.i stayed alone for 4 months and back to my old routhine work fitness and hang out.And here is what happend.I started to think that all i want is another change with The ONE,i was sure that i love her so much i didnt recognized the old patterns.And than it happend again as she saw me i was moving with my life she again came to me asking if i still think that if she is the one for me.i told her yes.We again had the honeymoon went abroad to vacantions and etc.AND i changed again.I quit my job becouse of my last year in college.I take her for granted again,i kind of lost my spark again,she told me she want a baby. she gave me a letters explaining that i am the ONE for her,and here is the deal
i lost her again i spend more time with my friends and lived in another city for 2 months we saw each other for a 2 times in a week and wasnt very romantic anymore our relationship was depleted i was suppose to go in Rumania to study in private school that i got scholarship for it but she still had 1 more year in the collage.I propose her to live with me in my apartment and i suspend going to Rumania for another year to be with her,even seeing the red flags in our relationships and then AGAIN she dropped the bomb we cant make it like this any longer.
in short for 8 years my life was about 1 particular girl
we started as friends i was the nice guy for years past she was sitting in my telling me she want a baby from me and now again i am without her,but now is the worst now i realise what a mess i was in this all years what wrong attitude i had with her, i lost myself completly.I am that kind of men that he got whatever he wants in some point of life but he dont live in the moment he want the next think.
NOW i am so heavylly deppresed i lost my oppurtunity to go in Rumania i havent got out of my apartment for a 2 weeks.So please dont do my mistake.I am living proof that if a man want a particular woman so badly he will have her no matter what`s the situation but dont pls dont do it u will pay much more than she brings in your life.Thats the psychology about wanting what u dont have and thinking u will do everything right if you have the chance i thought it so many times and i had so many chances to do it and everytime i failed,devastating mine hopes for happiness and her.She made a lot of miskates i also did,and now i cant see light in the tunnel we cant we should not even we should not see each other again even we maintain a kind of good feelings about each other but the price is too high to be paid.

how do you get over a girl your obsessed with if she dumped you and wants to be friends??

That was a much needed wake up call. I totally am in the same boat as you were with that girl of 8 years. And you pretty much hit every single rationalization I make with myself. Thank you for calling out the selfishness masquerading as good by trying to "save her". I had never thought about it like that before. I know this sounds crazy but this post was the kick in the crotch I needed. Thank you sir.

I am experiencing everything this article speaks of. However, I had her. I had a great relationship with her but because of some extenuating circumstances in my life at a certain point and acted wrong and pushed her away, I hurt her. Now I want her back and it's culminating to the unhealthiness mentioned in this article. I can't stop thinking about her and keep trying to get her back. She said she is seeing someone now, but texts me every day, I talk with her on the phone sometimes, and she even agrees to see me ( mostly at her work). This communication between us has been going on for over a month after we havent spoke for 3+ months. But I haven't had a chance to have a serious conversation about us with her face to face. She know what I want and all of this is still going on, it appears to me as mixed signals. I know her well enough to be sure when I say that if there wasn't something still there on her end that she would have told me that and put a stop to everything. I want her back so bad that I am going out of my mind... To the point that it is debilitating and I don't know what to do anymore. I don't know if there is something still there on her end but she is guarded because of the past, or what. this doesn't make sense to me. How do the teachings in this article apply to my situation? Any insight at all on my situation would be helpful. Please let me know if anyone wants for information to better help me out, I know this is very vague but I could write a book...

Awesome post! I've had the same problem as you did, 8 years obsessing over this girl who I dated for a short period of time in high school. In college I've dated lots of girls, and she has dated a few guys too, but during this years I have continued going out (on and off) and making out with this 'special' girl, probably because I have unfinished business with her, never talking about feelings because I know that'll screw things up. Sometimes I think it'd be better if I just went all the way in with her, just to find out what could happen if we had a serious relationship. Can you please give me your opinion, of why you think she also agrees to have to this on and off fling we have??

Thank you!