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Insecurity and vulnerability are not the same thing. Women run from insecurity but find a little vulnerability endearing. So how much should you show her?
Contents
I. Vulnerability vs. Insecurity
II. Is This in My Control, or Not?
III. The Rules for Your Relationship Level
As I discussed in my last article, anxiety is very bad for your endeavors with women. End of story!
Unfortunately, women perceive anxiety as a weakness, and often revealing the anxiety to women can cause them to lose all attraction for you. Now the key here is in revealing anxiety. Everyone feels anxious once in a while, some more than others. Sometimes anxiety is genetic, and it’s within a person’s persona to feel anxious periodically.
However, just because you feel anxiety doesn’t mean you have to reveal it to anyone. More importantly, even when women see you’re feeling anxious, it doesn’t mean you have to reveal the true source of your anxiety to them!
Notice I said when. Women are naturally super sensitive to a guy’s vibe; by instinct, women are fully sensitive to human vibes. Think of the bond and senses women have to take care of and raise babies, even before the age of technology, farming, and civilization. It’s important to note that women can transmute another human’s emotions. You can transfer a sexual state from yourself to a woman if you let her feel allowed and if she actively follows your lead and dominance!
If you feel anxiety in the presence of a woman, she’s going to feel it. If you’re prone to frequent anxiety, you’ll inevitably feel anxiety at some point with a woman. For some guys, it’s feeling anxious on the approach, and this can mess up their approach vibe every time! Some get nervous about the first date. And for other guys, it can be about what to do with her when they get her home. For the longest time, I struggled with last-minute resistance and got anxious in the moment right before sex.
No matter what, if you feel anxiety, you can bet that she’ll feel it, too.
The good news is that you can change the source of anxiety over time. What makes you anxious can go away with concerted effort and practice by putting yourself in front of the anxiety-inducing situation and succeeding over and over. This is sure to change your body’s perception of what was previously a threat. And I can attest that it works. Unlike before, these days, I get super excited and horny when I have a girl at home.
In the meantime, you need to figure out how to be vulnerable in the right way when your anxiety comes up.
Comments
Vulnerability
So thesis of this article it's best not to be vulnerable unless it's occasional and it's a almost innocous one to share or one that you can easily attribute to something external? I wouldn't be able to talk about what a struggle my adolescent life because of depression ? Or how my asian parents did a poor job raising me and it led to me having low self esteem?We really can't share our past traumas under any circumstance without losing our women? We have to pretend like everything is ok and we never had any struggle in our lives past or current even if that's not the case? What if you just make it seem like it was in the past but you're a different man now and the only reason you're actually telling her is because it feels good to share it with someone else instead of keeping it bottled in? I feel like men constantly have to do a lot of posturing just for the sake of attracting and keeping women interested in them whereas women don't really have that concern
Vulnerability Types and Comfort Level
Hi Anon,
Couple of notes here:
1. I hope you understand first of all that women want strong men that are firm, mentally tough, and can take care of them because they're stronger (mentally, emotionally, physically) than the woman.
2. Vulnerability is good when it brings a woman closer to you, because the frame is that "i am a strong man, the world is against me"
3. Vulnerability is bad when the frame is "I'm weak right now, and this is why."
Does this make sense?
So some of your sample frames -
what a struggle my adolescent life because of depression ?
Or how my asian parents did a poor job raising me and it led to me having low self esteem?
You can talk to girls about these if you want - no one will stop you.
But... DO NOT be surprised if, when you tell her these things, she starts to treat you differently.
The biggest things in your two frames are that you need to present them in a way that's not JUST that statement, but also HOW you got over it.
Remember, if you are going to tell a girl you are (or were) weak, you also need to tell her clearly why you're NO LONGER weak.
How did you get over being depressed in your adolescence?
How did you get over your parents affecting your self esteem?
Better have a damn good story for this - or she's going to think it's still in you, somewhere.
And yes, men do always always always have to keep the frame high around a woman, even when his own world is turning upside down. This is yet another frame that women look to for signs for a strong man - "he has so many things to deal with that could bring him down, and yet he hasn't even flinched around me. He must be a strong man, he must know how to get it under control."
Generally the more intimate and monogamous your relationship is with a woman, the more you can get away with in vulnerability. This is why some women do become "best friends" with whom you can be super open and vulnerable with once in a while - when they've already witnssed closely how strong you normally are.
So tread carefully here. Personally, I think it's better to discuss your problems with a mentor or a close male friend, rather than your girlfriend - because you can get the same feeling of releasing what's bottled in, without potentially affecting the dynamics of your relationship. It's always a risk if you tell a woman, it's the way she's wired. Girls are not attracted to weak men, and she could always interpret your vulnerability as weakness. It only matters what she thinks, not what you think.
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