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The longer you wait to touch a girl, the weirder it gets when you finally do. Touch her early and often to reap all the benefits of this powerful seduction tool.
On meets with girls, you have to break the touch barrier eventually if you’re planning to sleep with her. The longer you wait, the more odd it’s going to feel for her, and the more pressure there will be for both of you.
Imagine going on dates with two different girls. You spend the first 90 minutes on the date with the first girl not touching, then make your first move. But with the second girl, you touch her in the first five minutes and continue to have touch throughout the date. Which date will feel more natural to the girl? On which date will the transition to intimacy be smoother?
Contents
Long story short, if you don’t touch early, you’re dooming yourself to face a bigger uphill battle of comfort to touch later on. It makes all the difference if you establish touch early on. This gets her thinking touch between the two of you is normal and expected. It's comfortable and never comes as a surprise.
Generally, people make their first impressions of others within the first five to ten seconds of meeting. Additionally, the first 5–10 minutes of a date sets the tone. So, the best way to break the touch barrier is to do it early and quickly in your meets to set the tone.
I recommend, at the very least, touching her warmly when ending your approach set, and it’s also important to touch in the first moments of your first date, which starts the escalation. From the moment you greet her at the venue, the touch should begin as a form of physical intimacy.
Here's how to do it.
Comments
Hey Varoon, thanks for your
Hey Varoon, thanks for your article on touch. I have been wanting to ask this question; should I still touch girls with my hands even when I have icy hands?
I have been doing daygame in malls and transit and the air conditioning in my country is very cold. Also, my hands turn cold very fast and feels very cold to the touch. My process is to go for the handclasp after my direct opener when I first meet a girl in daygame. However, my hands are really cold and I don't think she gets a good impression from cold hands.
I used to apologise by saying "sorry my hands are cold, in a neutral tone" but the results does not seem too good after I apologise. I cannot wear fashionable gloves either because I live in a country which is really hot; just that the AC is very cold in malls and public transport. Wearing gloves would look really weird.
I tried not touching/no handclasp but it is really weird for the interaction and the vibe seems to be lacking.
Is there any way around this problem when I go for the first touch, or should I just don't give a shit and touch her as per normal? Thanks!
Weird Issue
I've never heard of the icy hands issue before, but yeah I definitely can understand how it can be a problem - it'll probably affect the vibe if you do it the way you do.
My suggestion for you is to instead use either incidental touch or leading touch, instead of the handclasping that you're doing. Incidental touch completely avoids the problem of icy hands while still creating touch through sheer proximity and your body contact; on the other hand leading touch occurs around her shoulder, and she'll interpret it differently than your handclasp.
Generally a handclasp is seen as a romantic gesture; in a hot country, I would personally welcome some cool touch. I think this is much better than having the problem of sweaty hands.
Girl rejects touch
If a girl says dont touch me or turns down your attempts to touch her or even asks why you are touching her how do you respond? How much does a girl's mood effect her compliance to touch in any given time? I had a girl say don't touch me after I tried to joke with her so I stopped talking to her thinking she's not interested in me since she doesn't react well to my touch,but later on my disinterest might have caused her to reengage me because she got friendlier and started saying hi to me in a more enthusiastic tone when she saw me although maybe it's just her being polite. I can never tell the difference.
Too Obvious
It sounds like you're overdoing it, whatever type of touch you're doing. Girls don't say things like that unless they explicitly see you as a friend, or unless they want to protect their reputation ("I'm not a slut!" to the world). So it seems like you're touching girls very directly, quite often, and not with any subtlety.
So I think I would need more information from you as to how you're actually touching these girls, and where, and how firmly.
I also think you should tone it down and maybe even switch over completely to incidental touch, which IMO is superior to direct touch - its far more subtle, creates proximity and closeness, and can be done for very long periods of time.
Verbal vs Vibe
"Both are equally effective, but you cannot do both at once. You must do one or the other."
Whoa. Is there more on this? I'm pretty sure I do both. I love to touch, starting with friendly and I also have the highest success through my dance floor game which tends to get sensual and sexual.
But, I definitely would say I'm a talker especially after a few drinks I get high energy even if I started low energy. That's definitely something I'm trying to time better and calibrate to make sure it's a smooth transition and that I still try to keep a more mysterious vibe.
But again, is there more on this and how this conflict, why it's a bad idea to be both? I have an idea of what you're saying but more confirmed insight would be greatly appreciated.
Thanks Varoon! Great article.
Clarity
Hey Miami, thanks! Your game style sounds great - in fact just the way you write it seems very natural leaning. So definitely don't change anything you're doing.
To clarify, I specifically meant either employing touch and social vibes (which is what it sounds like you're doing) or SEX talk - meaning Alek Rolstad style frames and discussions around sex, orgasms, orgasm control, and that sort of stuff. To do sex talk in combination with lots of touch creates a "too forward" feeling for a girl (lots of overt sex talk and a guy touching her sexually, she's going to have to protect her reputation if she's in public and people can judge her) - but if you're touching her a lot and talking socially, learning about her, and having fun with her - while also creating sexuality and intrigue through dance, passion, and holding - that's perfectly fine too.
I can see a combination potentially working in a night club though, since it's more anonymous and more socially acceptable in that environment, and a girl wouldn't have to protect her reputation as much.
Some guys do calibrate this better also - using a combination of touch plus sexual conversation. I think it's when sex talk gets extensive and explicit that extreme touch backfires - although I also used to go on dates and bring up sex talk, get a girl's compliance and buy in to it, and then spend the rest of the date with my hand on her thigh.
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