How to Text a Girl: 4 Steps to Get Her on Dates | Girls Chase

How to Text a Girl: 4 Steps to Get Her on Dates

Chase Amante

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The social arts is really a collection of different social skills rolled up and bundled together in one big hodgepodge of stuff useful for getting success with women. And one of these many skills you’ll find you’ll need to work on that proves absolutely vital to your success is text messaging and how to text a girl.

Texting is a thorn in many a man’s side. Sometimes it might seem when you’re trying to figure this medium out that there are more questions when it comes to text messaging than there are answers. What’s the right thing to say in your texts? How do you know if your messages are having the right effect on a girl – or not? What should your ultimate objective with texting be – what are you trying to accomplish?

I used to be highly vehemently anti-text myself and pro-phone; “You can’t build a real connection with a girl over text, and you should never ask her out over text,” was my old mantra. But times change, people change, and so have I; these days, I almost never make phone calls anymore. Phone calls are so 20th century.

Chase AmanteAbout the Author: Chase Amante

Chase woke up one day in 2004 tired of being alone. So, he set to work and read every book he could find, studied every teacher he could meet, and talked to every girl he could talk to to figure out dating. After four years, scads of lays, and many great girlfriends (plus plenty of failures along the way), he launched this website. He will teach you everything he knows about girls in one single program in his One Date System.



lachstar's picture

Hi Chase,

Great article - this and your companion piece have really helped my text game. Actually, they have defined it.

Just wondering - I have read from a few other sources that you should always give a girl 60% of what she gives to you, keeping you as the prize and helping make her chase. What are your thoughts on this for texting? Which ones do you ignore (if any) or do you just delay replying?

Right now I average a 90% reply rate on my texts (I reply to 90% if not higher) and I think its hurting my game. Generally its not hurting my flake rate - thats always been pretty low - but in comfort it seems to lower my value as I will sometimes send more texts than I get from a girl...

Any advice?

Best wishes,


Chase Amante's picture

Howdy Lach. Wow, that's a pretty big honor to hear my writing has had such a big impact on your texting. Glad to hear I've been of some assistance :)

I haven't heard the 60% number before, but it seems rather low to me and likely to send a lot of girls off into auto-rejection. I'm of the mind that it's better to try to reply to everything you get from a girl and use it as an opportunity to move things forward.

I guess I can see if a guy's talking long-term text game or something like that... if a guy's texting back and forth with a girl over a long period of time without having slept with her, yeah, maaaaybe some number between 60% and 90% could work. Maybe. But, well, no, I take that back; even a super busy person has time to catch up on his text messages, if sometimes a little late, so cutting it down to a 60% reply rate seems like you're trying too hard to be hard-to-reach.

Honestly it just seems too gamey and likely to stretch things out over a longer period of time to me. Get the texting done and get the girl out 1-on-1 with you as fast as possible. Shouldn't lower your value if you're warm, stylish, and concise in your texting; target that as the area to improve if you feel you're running into value problems, and I'd say 90% is more than okay for your reply rate. Actually, I'd probably recommend you reply more often -- you're missing 10% of the opportunities you get with women to move things forward! ;)

Caveat: you should delay replying to inane / needy / weird texts. Basically, if you open your phone and look a text and say to yourself, "What...?" you probably ought to delay replying at least an hour or two. I'll also commonly not reply for an hour or more to texts because I'm busy, but other times I'll reply within ten to fifteen minutes. I usually don't get a response off in less than ten minutes these days, though.

Cheers brother,

lachstar's picture

Okay, no worries. I think I'm pushing a lot of women into auto-rejection... by trying too hard when I am a fairly successful and handsome guy with some game.

So you respond roughly in ten minutes after you get a text... what about when girls don't respond for three or four hours (or a day or two) to your texts? Whats the deal with that? Do you get that, or not since you've become a high value guy who knows how to be chill and accessible?

I'd love a quick idea on how to become more accessible and stave off auto-rejection mate!



Chase Amante's picture

Good questions, Lach.

Regarding your specific text timing questions: sure, I still get girls taking hours or days to text me back. Maybe they're busy or caught up in something or who knows, I don't really stress it a whole lot. Sometimes I will wait and reply 5 hours later to the girl who took 3 hours to reply to me, or sometimes I will reply within 15 or 20 minutes of getting her text. I try to mix it up. If she plays ball, I assume it was something like she doesn't text at work or in school (e.g., she took 6 hours to text me back, I texted her back 40 minutes later, she then texted me within 5 minutes, I'll probably take another 35 - 40 minutes, but now I know that she's excited to talk to me because she replied so fast to my reply to her).

If it's the next day that I get her response, I'll usually wait quite a while, sometimes until a day later myself, before I reply. But again, not always; I mix it up. Maybe I'll write up a proper article on timing and pacing, it'd be a good topic and it's pretty nuanced.

Regarding auto-rejection, pretty common for guys to start tanking attainability and pushing girls into auto-rejection once they've been at this for a while... as you keep increasing your value, you need to work harder to make yourself more approachable and accessible. Tell you what, I'll make that the subject of my blog entry either for tomorrow or Wednesday and get it up. Keep your eyes out for that one, brother, and hopefully I can give you some ideas on avoiding the attainability trap ;)


Josh's picture


It might not be right to write this as a reply but I just had to commend you for this article. I just have to thank you for spreading this information and also making it free.

OH MY GOD! This thing works like magic. Though it's been two years since you published this article, it's still so effective. When it comes to texting, I'm a very poor communicator. With this step I've been able to set up dates with girls who beeen

Zack Irving's picture

If a girl takes your text the wrong way, what do you do? Do you wait a week and hit her with a rapport text, or is a week too long?

lachstar's picture

Can't wait :) Thank you mate.


Anonymous's picture

Great article man, so eye opening. I have a couple questions about rapport texting:

1. How do you keep it going when you're doing it?


2. How do you effectively end it?


Chase Amante's picture

Hey Anonymous-

Good questions. They're probably worthy of a post or posts in their own right, but here're the short answers:

1. How do you keep rapport rolling?

Well, to be honest, I'd say... you really don't want rapport to be going on all that long! As a guy with his fair share of 30+ message text conversations under his belt, I think I can safely say that long conversations are usually excessive.

For rapport, you'll generally want to trade perhaps 6 - 10 texts between the two of you most of the time, before either ending the conversation or going for the meet. More than that, and you risk ending up in the "texting buddy" category.

2. How do you effectively end it?

Generally, either by setting up the meet and ending with, "See you in a few days!" or by letting the conversation come to a natural end and ending it with a small goodwill statement, à la:

[several texts into conversation, you can see there's not much more to be said and you'll go for the meet up next time]

You: [responding to her last text, then...] ... So what are you getting up to this weekend?

Her: Not much, just planning to go check out that new exhibit at the art museum and... yeah, guess that's it :)

You: [she hasn't asked you anything, so it'd be out of place to talk about your weekend here... instead you just end things] Rock on; art is always a good choice. Here's hoping they have free refreshments, too ;) Enjoy the exhibit, miss.

You can just pick it up a few days later, ask her about whatever it was you talked about last, and set up the meet. Keep in mind that texting is most effective as a tool for getting girls out! Not much you can do with girls long distance, that is... ;)


Nigel's picture

Hey, thank you so much for all of your posts! I started reading them today and I'm already getting good results:) I would recommend this site to anyone who needs help socially. I have a question for you. If a girl doesn't text back for awhile just because she is on vacation should I wait for awhile to text back or should I text her as soon as possible? Thanks:)

Chase Amante's picture

Hey Nigel, just noticed your comment now. Sorry to take so long to get back to you.

Depends on the circumstance. If you had good rapport before she left, sure, text her as soon as she gets back and arrange a meet. If not, give her a little time to get readjusted to her life -- she may have an initial bump of men texting her when she comes back, if she's got a lot of guys in the pipeline, so in order not to disappear into the masses it's often better to let her sort through all the needy guys who are chasing after her and either text you on her own, or get a refreshing text from you a week or two after she's returned.

With future girls, be sure to text them something akin to, "Let's hang out when you get back -- text me your schedule once you're in town again!" If she does, awesome. If she doesn't, no worries, just reconnect with her later on. This'll save you from having to figure out when girls are back and what to text them much of the time.


Mike's picture

this article has helped me out a lot. I often found myself txting back much too quickly and not having anything to talk about. After putting these rules in effect i found that girls are much more interested in texting me.

I do have a few questions though,

What do you recommend for someone to do in a situation where you will not see the girl for a long time? in this situation you cannot really set up a meet as it will be a long time before it can happen. How can you keep someone interested when they cant physically see you an meet up?


Chase Amante's picture

Hey Mike,

Muy excellente that the article's helped you make strides in your texting, man. On the situation where you won't see a girl for a while, what I find best is building a really strong connection in person or over one phone call, and then dropping off the face of the Earth and going totally radio silent until you're back in her area again.

Then, you just text her something like, "Hey Isabella, I'm back in town! What's your schedule like this week -- we should grab a bite. Hope you weren't missing me too much ;) - Mike"

This works much better than anything else I've tried (especially trying to conduct a long distance texting / phone / Skype romance -- ugh, that last was a bad idea when I tried that. Great way to position yourself as Mr. Right, and ensure you never get together with her when you finally meet again because she wants to proceed so incredibly cautiously and make sure she doesn't lose you).

So, great connection, then radio silence, until you're back in town -- then, text her to meet. Highest percentage combo I've found for getting a girl you won't see for a long time.


Anonymous's picture

Have recently hit a bit of a snag. Recently have gotten text from Girls the night after meeting them, but then I seem to be the one having to text 1st, although the replies are warm and sincere. Are there any ways that will draw these girls to want to text me 1st more often?

Chase Amante's picture

Hey Anon,

Girls texting you proactively can be fairly personality-dependent. Like, if you're meeting girls who are very driven and go-getter types, they're a great deal more likely to text you proactively than the shy, quiet types.

In fact, a dynamic girl may text you if she's only a little interested, whereas a shy girl may be going crazy wanting to be with you but still not ever text you first.

The other side of proactive texting on the girl's part is it's also quite incentive-dependent. You'll find girls will usually text you proactively if:

  • You blew them away with attraction when they met you, and they want to see you bad
  • You made them feel super relaxed or comfortable or gave them a breath of fresh air and they'd very much like to experience that again sometime soon
  • They feel like they can use you in some other way (business contact, party liaison, etc.)

So, if there's some immediate, strong benefit they perceive out of meeting up with you soon.

I usually go for the first and second one -- blow a girl away with attraction, and get her feeling like being in my presence brings her the kind of peace and solace and acceptance she finds nowhere else. If I miss on one, I often hit on the other, and sometimes both. That's my way of encouraging as many girls to text me first and actively seek meetups, and many do.

They also need to have a reasonable sense that you're going to make things happen, set up dates, and close the deal. If you've had long texting conversations with women that didn't go anywhere, that's a disincentive for them to text you first; it's asking them to invest effort with no promise of payback (the two of you meeting in person and her getting whatever benefit she perceives getting out of meeting you).

So, I'd say look at three things here:

  1. Personality (far more likely to text first if she's dynamic)
  2. Incentive (incredibly more likely to text first if she perceives a strong incentive)
  3. Expectation (will you close, or will she end up in a go-nowhere text conversation that wastes her time, effort, and mental energy?)

Adjust for all three of those and you'll get a lot of girls texting you first.


Want to get better in CO's picture

Fantastic article, I hope this will help me with my attempts to create intrigue and encourage women to respond more receptively to my communication. Thank you for putting the effort in to help educate and improve communication for bumbling fools with their ability to woo women.

You briefly touch on timing. Can you elaborate? 2:46am too good or bad? More specifically, are mornings best avoided? If you know the girl has a Mon-Fri 8 to 5 should you avoid trying to text her at 7:30am. After work better? Weekends? Any suggestions are greatly appreciated.

Smartie's picture

Good article for the most part. But I don't like how guys will say something to the effect of, "Picking up girls isn't demeaning," or, "Presenting women as "other" is antithetical to socializing, it's not a sport," etc. And I don't necessarily have a problem with people hooking up with other consenting people for casual sex. It's just that all of this, "Oh, no no no it's all in good fun, it's not meant to hurt women," stuff is hard to believe when you casually throw in things like:
"I rather enjoy meeting a new group of eight or ten people, having them all cycle through their names, and then I go back and tell them all what their names are after and everyone’s amazed. As it were though, most women are not so talented, and may very well forget your name, no matter how much they like you and how deeply you connect."

1) I'm a girl.
2) I'm incredibly adept at remembering names and often do the whole recitation of names of a dozen or more people at the end of the night to oohs and ahhs.
3) Why would anyone's talent or lack of talent in this department have anything to do with one's gender? "Most women are not so talented"? Really? Come on, dude. I know a ton of people who are sh** at remembering names and I bet exactly half of them are guys.

Keep it classy.

Chase Amante's picture

Hey Smartie, don't take it too personal! Not intended as a "men vs. women" comment there, to any extent.

I make an effort to polish my wording to avoid striking the one-sided tone most folks in the industry as much as possible and just get the message across without inspiring defensive feelings in anyone. So, mea culpa if I missed doing that in that example.

I could very well have said, "Most people are not so talented." It's just as true for men.

The point is, people will forget your name, including (for the men reading this post) the vast majority of the women you'll meet. Yes, occasionally there are outliers like you and I with a good mind for names, generally trained up by LOTS of practice socializing, but 99% of the women a man meets are going to forget his name.

And if he doesn't help her remember, there's a certain chance he's going to lose her to the embarrassment / awkwardness of trying to get his name again.

Just how it goes with guys and gals and names and memories...


Peter's picture

Hi Chase,

Great post. Can you address the topic of distinctiveness, as seen here?

I like the structure you present, but I don't want to sound any generic dude. How do you create the right tone/voice?

Chase Amante's picture

Hey Peter,

Distinctiveness is a very good thing to go for in texting, but you should aim to show distinctiveness in yourself rather than in your style. Use some colorful language to stand out, but again don't go overboard. Balance is essential.

As you note in your post, your example texting thread is a bit too accommodating. You also come off a bit too enthusiastic / excited. So those'd be two things to target toning down. Aim to be more relaxed in your texting, and aim for concision and coherence.

Ultimately, having played around with both styles, I've found women tend to be more responsive and more respectful toward men texting with proper grammar (including capitalization and punctuation), and complete sentences.

So for instance, rather than texting her:

long line

you might text:

Here now... but line is quite long.

Exclamation marks I'd use more for being dramatic than for showing excitement. Use other emphasis words instead. Instead of:

in! at ejtrance

you could text:

Whew! Made it in. Thought I was going to have to pitch a tent out there. Waiting for you by the entrance.

Hope this helps, brother.


Tyler's picture

so.. she doesnt ask me questions and only answers whatever i asks her and it clearly isnt going anywhere.

ive only started texting her 3 days ago and we barely did 20 altogether.
she seems really uninterested. she clearly shows that she doesnt want to continue texting, cus some of her replies are " thank you:)" and she doesnt really want people to know about herself, shes pretty low profiled.
what makes it harder is shes wealthy, has good looks and is smart.

and.. well we both take really long to reply, like hours. sometimes ill just wait till the next day.
so do you think i should just call it quits?

Chase Amante's picture

Hey Tyler,

Calling it quits usually isn't what people want to hear, but when you have a girl who's responding this poorly it's usually the best advice. Better to cut your losses and go get some new girls in the rotation who're responding better.

You can try pinging her every now and again and see if you get a warmer reception, or you can just go hard now and call her up or send her a meet up text and just try and get her out. If she won't meet up with you to chill and talk, she isn't interested. and it's unlikely you'll be able to turn that around via phone or texting. You can try, but your time's almost definitely better spent elsewhere.


Anonymous's picture

Hi Chase, great article. I feel like I should have read this sooner.

Last weekend this girl messaged me on Facebook, and we started talking and it ended with me giving her my number. Early the next morning, she texted me about getting together, and we ended up setting something up for that night. Btw, we texted the whole day back and forth with pretty quick replies. We had a pretty good time, then I took her home. The next day she invites me to get lunch with her and her parents. We hung out that whole day and went to a party at a mutual friend's house that night. The next day (Sunday) we hang out yet again, got lunch and hung out with a couple of her friends. Later that day, I texted her; no response. So I sent another text, and she responded. She would only respond to every other text it seemed like, and she was taking a long time to respond compared to the past couple of days. I texted her a couple of cute/flirty texts a few hours apart and no response until the next day. All she said was, "Sorry, I was busy lol". I told her it's ok and asked her if she wanted to do something this weekend. No response. I called her hours later, no answer. Then I texted her jokingly saying, "Too cool to talk to me now huh ;) lol jk". She texted back saying, "Sorry! Haha". Then i said, "Sure you are haha. You just better make up for it. give me a call when you're free to talk". That was last night, and she hasn't texted back or called since then. I'm thinking about not texting her at all today and maybe text her tomorrow or Friday unless she texts me first.

I am a little concerned that she lost interest or something, or do you think she is just playing games. I like her and want to see her again, and I thought that she liked me too. I'm also worried that we didn't get to know that much about each other. Most of our talking was joking around, or about things that were happening that moment. We didn't talk much about ourselves and all of that stuff. But I want to get to know her better, and want to tell her that. I want to see if she wants to go out again this Friday, but I don't know when or how to ask her. Should I text her Friday afternoon and ask? Should I call her? I just want to know what to do to keep this girl interested. Maybe I could come up with a better text, like on of your examples and see if that works? Any advice is appreciated.

Sorry for the long, detailed post, but I'm starting to worry. Keep up the good work.

Chase Amante's picture

Hey Anon,

Yeah, this is one of those things unfortunately that happens with too much banter drawn out over too long. It happened to me when I first started texting; feels weird and hard to understand until you realize that a girl loses interest with a guy who texts her for too long without taking action and getting her out.

Your best bet now is for sure to give her a call and try and get her out. It sounds like the texting has jumped the shark, so you've just got to make a push and try and get her out before it's too late altogether.

Godspeed, brother-

xact's picture

Hi, guess here is the best place to post since the forum seems to be locked off (although when you mouseover 'forum' it says "an open forum") - I was hoping maybe buying an ebook might get me in, haha!

Anyway I am in a bit of a similar quandary to the chap above - I started chatting to this v. attractive girl on OKC who lives a very long way away from me (i.e. 500 miles), normally that would be an instant disqualification but the attraction seemed really strong on both sides and so I kept the interaction going.

Anyway I've been (mostly) following your advice about trying not to kill off attraction by being too available or being in contact too much and overdoing the banter - I've tried to keep it to short exchanges via MSN/SMS every few days to three days and it seemed to work as interactions always seemed positive with a 'great to hear from you' kinda vibe. Last week I suggested a meet, and she basically jumped at it, however I am going to her rather than the other way around (I am live-in carer for my elderly mother which means my logistics are a little bit screwed up currently) which I realise doesn't really sit with the law of least effort in the usual way.

Now our arranged meet is in three weeks time - the closest time we both had available round work/other commitments, however just in the last week, I am starting to feel like she might be going cold on me. I'm just wondering how I can keep her 'warm' in the mean while,since in the last few days texts seem less upbeat, replys are starting to come back slower or not at all and her greetings have gone from a flirty 'hey Mister' to 'hey you' to most recently simply 'hey.' (note the ominous full-stop!).
We've only spoken once on the phone (I'm not the greatest with phone calls) so I'm starting to feel a bit odd about just calling or something out of the blue, but obviously I'm very wary of (a) making things worse next time I get in touch or (b) obvously changing my behaviour to appear like I'm reacting to her changed behaviour. The other reason I think she might be cooling off is that when we first started interacting she was logged into MSN most days and used to initiate chats and banter, although the last 7 days or so, not logged in once as far as I can tell. I'd really like this to come to something as I get (or got) a really good gut feeling about this girl and my guts are usually right, plus she is very easy on the eye, but at the same time I'm wondering how I can try and get her to reinforce in her head,
the idea that she is really looking forward to seeing me in three weeks time and can't wait... but if she is gonna bow out it'd be good to know a week beforehand so I can still cancel my ticket to get there if it all looks like going pear-shaped. Any thoughts? I'm assuming that out and out asking if she's still interested is probably not the way to go as will most likely push her to make a negative decision, but at the same time I'd quite like to show her some forceful, manly action to show her I really mean business and she'll be missing out on the awesomeness if she flakes...

Any thoughts?

PS Thanks again for taking the time to write all this stuff, it's the only site like it that's managed to help me at all so far!

Chase Amante's picture

Hey xact,

Yeah, my bad on the forum. I shut down open access since the only thing the General Access board was attracting was spammers I had to constantly delete the posts of. Just activated your account, and as a book buyer I granted you access as well to the invitation-only main board. At some point I'll get in and rebuild a cleaner GA board too, if I start getting more interest in having a forum here and have people who want to moderate.

Yes, that's a tough scenario on the long-distance girl. Both of you were excited, but passion has a way of fading, especially when it's going to be a while before the two of you see each other.

At this point, I'd say you ought to assume it's still on between the two of you. You're staying at hers I assume? If so, you'll be fine; you may even want to let conversation cool off a bit -- don't overdo it by talking to her too much. The balancing act is if you were chatting a LOT before -- you don't want to have a super steep fall off, but you don't want to seem like you're cooling off and losing attraction either.

You might try not texting or messaging for a few days, then calling her up and having a good chat, and then giving it 4 days off or so. Hard to get a feel for how frequently you were chatting and via what mediums from the post here, but basically play it by ear. It sounds like you've got a fair sense of where the line to walk is here, man -- if you can find the right balance on contact (don't disappear or make her think you've gone cold, but don't overdo it and kill the intrigue before the meet by seeming more into her than she is into you), you'll be all right.

Hope this helps provide some clarity, man. You're on the forum now too, so feel free to drop by there if you have more questions.


Michael's picture

hey chase,
thanks for sharing the knowledge!
So, recently i got this girls number and shared a couple of warm, laughter induced texts with her. When i did however get to requesting a meet up she replied by saying, possibly i'll let you know tomorrow what my plans are like. The next day, she didnt text back and i didnt text asking as well.
Is there something i might be missing that might be embedded in her reply?
What is the proper way of handling this situation?

Thanks a lot.

Chase Amante's picture

Hey Michael,

Nope, nothing missed here, it was just a polite blow off. Nothing to be too alarmed about, other than that for whatever reason she's not terribly warm on the prospect of meeting you just yet.

Your best bet at this point is to call her up and do your best to get her reengaged, re-interested, and excited to meet you again. If you can do that, you'll stand a better chance of getting her out next time. Meantime, work on improving your initial impression when meeting a girl, and on ending more powerfully, and you'll reduce the odds of this scenario arising with future girls.


IAnonymo's picture

I like

Anonymous's picture

Hey chase, really great article but i do have one question

When I'm texting a girl, it seems we have nothing to talk about even though i do think she wants to talk, and if i just ignore her she will probably think I'm a jerk and move on, what should i do?

Chase Amante's picture

Hey Anon,

You primarily want to use texting to set up dates -- so it's okay if you don't have much to say. Say "hey," tell her you hope she had a great weekend, then ask her what her schedule's like this week and tell her the two of you should grab a bite or a drink.

For talking with her in person, see these posts:


kilof's picture

Hey Chase enjoyed reading the article,
I always seem to get stuck in the friend zone and don't really know what i can say to get out of it.
there's this girl who i have known for a few years now who i really like she's recently got back from uni and finished a relationship she was in, anyway we went away with a couple of friends and has just made me like her more but since we have got back just seems there is nothing i can say to keep a conversation going or a meet up arrange just seems every time i see her its always with other people, i just don't know what to do.
any advice would be appreciated

thanks kilo

Chase Amante's picture

Howdy Kilof,

Check these posts out:

Should get you pointed in the right direction.


Ace's picture

Hi Chase,

Great article, sent to my friend to read. You are an amazing writer!
I am not a player by no means and am looking for the right person for a LTR.

My stable has grown in size but now I have my eye on a particular filly that I could see a LTR with and would clear the stables for her.

Short back story:
1) Meet at work
2) Asked her sometime, she called me for a date
3) Went out twice had a fun time

I am being very careful, probably to careful and sending a text every few days. She does respond back after a few hours with short reply with lots of exclamation marks. Example, "I had a great time!, It was great seeing you!!!"
Do the exclamation marks mean she is excited to be texting me?, if so why the long delay in replying and she does not text unless I text her, except her calling to setup the first date.

PS: If you do not already have a service where people could send you message coraspond

Chase Amante's picture

Hey Ace,

Thanks man.

This gal sounds like she digs you. She's pursuing -- calling you for a date -- and the fact that you've gone out twice is very good. She's responding well, and seems excited.

Exclamation points in and of themselves don't mean much -- girls who have excitable personalities can often put them into the correspondence they have with everybody -- but with this girl, she seems to genuinely like you, so I doubt that's the case here.

Set up a traditional third date cooking dinner at your place, and seal the deal -- you'll likely pull it off without a hitch. You've moved carefully here, but the time comes when it's time to cast all half-measures to the side and give the girl what she's been fantasizing about, or risk losing her -- if you want her as your girl, I'd wager that time's upon you.

Here's hoping it all works out, brother!


Anonymous's picture

hi, been txting this girl and talking on the phone frequently for about 1 1/2 years now. i'm just friends with her, no relationship, and i would like it to stay that way.. she is starting to seem as though she is trying to avoid me or doesn't enjoy talking to me anymore. we used to talk on the phone for 2-3 hours each night in summer of 2010 and it was the best times of my life. i see her everyday, but never have time to talk to her. just wondering how to renew this friendship and how to get her interested in me again.

Anonymous's picture

Waited too long. Most likely during that summer of 2010 period she was heavily interested i you and you never took the initiative. She is most likely over you and has friend zoned you now. It may not be too late. Just come out and tell her how you feel. I know my reply is two years two late though.... haha

Just Me's picture

Quite a few variables here. I met this black girl through a social network site, we went out 6 times in 3 weeks. In fact, the last date, after going out for dinner, we spent 9 hours in my car chatting, making out etc. She was really into me. We slept together a few times previously. Anyway, she has had a rough upbringing, her mother passed away when she was a child, she doesnt get along with her dad. Shes got problems she wont tell me about because she thinks i will run a mile, but i tell her dont be silly, i wouldnt judge her. Anyway, a few days after the final date, i text her asking if she was still coming to see me that day but she text back soon after and said to call her. She was really down and feeling dizzy from some medication she was taking which she wouldnt say as she thought i might thibk shes crazy. Anyway.....after 20mins on the phone, i was really tired after a long week with my friends so i asked her if i could call her back.....she wanted to speak more, i could tell because she was down. But i stupidly said id call her later as i was half asleep after being sleep deprived that weekend, but still spoke for 30 mins. Anyway, i called her 6 hours later, no reply. She has openly said she hates texting, she prefers calling, which is why her txts are always patchy to say the least. I texted her goodnight as she didnt answer her phone and, the next morning i texted 'miss you'. No reply. I was in two minds what the hell to do because im certainley not the needy type, i like my space and i always play it cool when needs be, but, this girl is somewhat of an emotional state, so i thought to myself, do i call her and comfort her? I did call her later that day, but no answer. I battle with myself, do i call her again or not, simply because i was worried about her. I decide to leave it until she gets back to me. I let 3 days pass with no communication so i call her and she answers but seems very cold and, i could tell she didnt want to speak. I just got that vibe and she normally is making jokes and she does so much talking, but after 10 or 15mins, she abruptly said she had to go and text her friend and said she would text or call me back. She also said she had to go visit her dad in hospital but she doesnt know what was wrong with him as she only just found out. We arranged to see eachother the coming weekend but i got the feeling she didnt mean it, she was acting strange, yet, more positive than the last convo when she was really down. That was the last i heard from her, i texted her the next day asking how her dad was, no reply. Again, i was in two minds.....i didnt really want to call her, but on the other hand, i thought she may need some support. I called her the next reply. I was getting qenuinley worried about her. I called her again 8 hours later, no reply. I texted her the next day asking what was going on and asked if she had met reply. Wrong move i know, but i was doing my nut lol. Anyway.....i decide to leave it a couple of days. I reply. This girl was really into me....we got on like a house on fire....she even confessed to watching me when i was sleeping. I just dont know how people can go off you like a light switch. She doesnt trust many people and shes quite emotionally fragile, shes recently started counciling and would call me up all upset after a councelling session. Its frustrating as hell because she wont tell me whats wrong, she never texts or calls me anymore or answers her phone. She has things she wont tell me about.....she seems to have had a miserable upbringing and she has said she wishes she can erase the past years of her life. I called her a couple of days later from another number, but no reply....not sure if thats a good or bad thing. Anyway....i just want to tell her how i feel and that she can trust me no matter what, but i also dont want to freak her out. Itl have to be via text if i do because she doesnt answer her phone. I know shes alive because of she went on that network site where we met lol. Sorry for the long post, but theres even more, but i got the key points in. I just cant for the life of me think why she keeps ignoring me. Maybe shes gone off me all of a sudden or met somebody. I only say that because, how much she was into me. I understand her taking her time to get in contact due to her fragile state, but i think 10 days without communication says shes lost interest. Cheers for any feedback.

SN's picture

First of all, thanks a thousand times for this amazing blog!
I think it's helping me alot.

My problem is indeed texting and instant messaging with my girlfriend.
We've been together for 2 years now, and for the first year or so, we used to text and talk online alot (it was a long-distance relationship at first), then about a year ago I moved into the same city with her and we spend about 80% of our time under the same roof.
The problem is that nowadays she barely ever texts me, and answers with very short replies if I text her. (I don't text her often)
And she has clearly stated that she doesn't like talking to me online.

When we are together under the same roof though, she enjoys my company.
So I'm asking, how could I get her to text me again?

Jeremy's picture

K so I have been talking to this girl for two days now at first she could stop talking to me...but now I think I messed it up...she wont talk and I dont know how to propose a meet ive never met her personally I met her on a dating site I got her number but I always get there number but I mess up in the text and they stop talking plz tell me how to get this meet and any other one to go for the meet...

judy's picture

To all the guys reading this, if you text us for over a week and don't at least try to get us out, we will get bored with you! Drag the texting on over 2 weeks and you won't be taken seriuosly. You will come off as a tool, with zero chance, no matter how hot you may be.
Engage us in communication, use our name, not "hey you" or "hey stranger". Make us feel interresting to you, or quit, your dead in the water.

Nothing says creep like periodic one liner texts a few times a week to keep up the maintenance prior to a meet. Its to annoying to us, and there are too many other confidant interrested guys who are actually taking us out. We really don't do girls nite out as much as we say !

We are out with a guy who gets things done!

catscan's picture

hi Judy,
i'm charged. thanks for your post.

Jim's picture

Hey great article,

I need some advice. I did not know what I was doing when I first started texting girls, so I had an extremely long dragged out conversation with a girl I liked (several months). Eventually I asked her out and she said I was a great guy but she did not want to.

Now, a year and a half later, I saw the girl again and went up and said hello. She seemed happy to see me and hugged me three times. She was genuinely interested in me as I have changed a lot and I got her number again, but I cannot tell if she just wants to be friends again. We had each had to leave pretty quickly, so we did not get to talk as long as we would have liked. Anyways, how should I approach texting her? Should I use the direct approach and ask if she wants to meet over the weekend to catchup?

Any help is appreciated!

M's picture

Hey chase, hopefully you can get back to me on this.

I met a girl at a party chatted for 10-20min and got her number before I left and she hugged me (irrelevent?). Anyway texted her the second day after that and first I got a warm reply with a smiley and all, asked her how her night was then she asked me, wrote some general things like "ah was pretty mellow, had an amazing powerade but your burger was probably better though haha" (she said something about having an amazing burger in her text). And I sent that 15 minutes after I got her text and she didn't reply the rest of the night, was around 9pm so I let it go but expected a text back today.

I'm following what you said and am going to give her a day of radio silence, should I pursue this one and throw her another text in another day or two or does it seem she just lost all interest? Also, should you always have another question to ask in each text or is it ok like I did to just make a statement.


Anonymous's picture

I just met a girl and we had a good time hanging out. I texted her 2 days later with no goal in mind and I just started it with "what's up?". After seeing this article, I realize that's not the best approach. What should I do?

Anonymous's picture

im trying to hook up with this girl (LA girl) texting her back and forth. she likes to wait sometimes. but we set up a date and she says "let do lunch?" what does that mean?

Me!'s picture

Had the problem with a girl not texting back. Read this article, realized I was talking to much. So gave myself a rule, wait 2x as long as it takes her to respond. Then text her but not giving her everything. No lie, In the next day she picked back up on texting and all is well.

Dedra's picture

I wrote a note to a guy asking if he would like to get together for a drink? I waited for a phone call but never got it. One week later, I saw him, and he massaged my neck and then later he said what that your number and I replied yest, what's up, he said "I'm good."

What does that mean, he is good with the drink or he is good with his situation right now and not looking for a change? Please give me your thoughts, I am confused.

Migz's picture

See above.

Anonymous's picture

Hey, first off nice article. But the reason why I'm writing this is cuhz I know this girl is went to school with she left her second year and that's when we really started talking. We lost touch for a couple of years and we just got In touch with each other we've txtd a bit but all of her txts are simple and plain. It's hard to talk to her cuhz there is no Convo cuhz she's so bland. Is she uninterested or is it just me?. Anyway my question is what can I do to make her talk to me more and not be so plain and simple.

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