Hung Up on Her Sexual History? 3 Steps to Not Be | Girls Chase

Hung Up on Her Sexual History? 3 Steps to Not Be

Chase Amante

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sexual history
It’s easy for guys to get hung up on a girlfriend’s sexual history. Yet you can get over this if you choose to. To do it, you’ll use 3 steps.

Whenever we start dating someone new, we’re bound to soon discover a few facts about who they once dated and the amount and kind of sex they enjoyed, whether we like it or not. A new girlfriend will often tell us about her past, or we’ll end up asking about it. Either way, sometimes the truth can hurt. A lot.

Learning that a partner once enjoyed threesomes, had five sex buddies on the go at once, or has slept with fifty guys... this can be a hard pill to swallow. Some men are able to just forget about it. Some don’t care. Others slip into a whirlpool of self-torment characterized by OCD-like repetitive thoughts and emotions which they find extremely hard to shift.

You may have heard of this form of anxiety-ridden obsession referred to as “retroactive jealousy” or “retrospective jealousy”. In men this tends to be an anxiety about a girlfriend’s sexual past. In women it tends to be an anxiety over who their man was once in love with. There are genetic and biological reasons for this, but in this post I’ll be focusing on the former.

Now, not all men are willing to date (let alone marry) a girl who’s “been around the block”, and this is a perfectly reasonable position to take. But what if you’ve bagged yourself a great girl who’s wonderful in every respect, except you are bothered by her promiscuous past? Should you ditch her because she once used to enjoy hooking up with guys just for sex? Or, in later years, would you regret passing up on the possible love of your life all because of her past?

These are all points worth considering, because there’s nothing stopping you from moving on if you feel you can’t handle a girlfriend’s past or that you shouldn’t have to learn about it in the first place. Many guys hold this view, and some studies have shown that the more promiscuous a woman is or has been in the past, the more likely it is she’ll cheat when she settles down.

However, if you happen to think she’s a great girl in every respect but are obsessing about her “number”, then it might be worth trying to regain control of your thoughts and emotions regarding this.

If you want to start overcoming retroactive jealousy rather than be tormented by it, keep reading; in this post I’ll show you the tools necessary to learn how to get over your girlfriend’s past. The first step is to research and discover what causes a retroactive jealousy disorder in the first place.

Comments

The Boss's picture

Great article and very timely for me… Have chosen to be in a monogamous relationship now with a woman I am really happy with. Meets all of my needs and wants, wonderful family, solid outlook on life, good communicator… really all of the things I have been seeking in a long-term partner for a few years now.

Here is my question though; She remains friends on FaceBook with two exes whom she had significant relationships with >2 years for both, and remains acquainted with two others whom she had a much shorter romantic past with. I have no reason to believe that she is in direct contact with any of them, and the admonition above to refrain from snooping is good (as well as something I won’t do). Personally I believe that once I am done with someone (and yes, sometimes it’s more like, she who is done with me), there is no reason to remain connected to that individual for any reason… She believes otherwise (yes, we have talked about it in a direct and adult manner).
We are two different people with two different views on the matter. I feel jealousy creep up every-time I think about this though… I do try to avoid social media for this reason and others (I find much of it simply dull and banal). Is the solution to my situation really just as simple as, ‘It’s only as much of an issue as you [I] make it?’ Thanks so much.

Jeff 's picture

I'm like you -- I find sites like Facebook pretty boring and don't even have an account, but unfortunately, many women feel the exact opposite way and so we have to compromise. I've written a blog post about this exact subject recently actually which you can check out here: http://www.retroactivejealousycrusher.com/how-to-handle-a-girlfriends-past/

old guy's picture

I know in the past that if you were dumped, advice was 'move on and don't ever look back'

Is that still the case if one left - didn't cheat - and came back? How do you deal with the interim history when combined with the the earlier relationship if it was great.

I am 99% sure I could never get back into a relationship above, since she disqualified me and moved on once it will happen again and I would be stupid to allow it no matter how many stacks of bibles she's promise on otherwise.

Dinesh's picture

I didnt do anything physical till my marriage was fixed with my girlfriend.she had 2 affairs including physical involvment for 10 yrs with one guy few weeks with another guy.

Hernan Alvarado's picture

What if she is working with one of her exes rigjt now? how do i ovecome that.

Mike's picture

I don't have a sexual past, so this is useless. I wish I had it, so I shouldn't be struggling with this horrible feelings... But I wish more that my GF and I lost our virginities together. I'm on the verge of collapse.

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