3 Second Date Strategies to Make Her Flirt and Swoon | Girls Chase

3 Second Date Strategies to Make Her Flirt and Swoon

Chase Amante

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With a question on strategies to use on a second date, the Tool (one of our valued readers and forum participants) over on the post requesting ideas for new forum join bonus says:

Hey Chase, Personally I know myself and alot of other people would appreciate an ebook, or post on how/when to ask for a second date, taking into account certain things that happen on the first. What I mean is, I have no problems getting second dates with girls who I only kiss once on the first date, its the ones who I either have sex with after taking them home or nearly go all the way with that become cold and unresponsive. I myself usually follow the 3 days rule for getting a second date after the first. My process with women i escalate things quickly with is a follow up text the next day asking about how their day was ect or asking how a test went and then i leave it at that, then i wait another two days and go for a second date. the problem is lately these women have been unresponsive to me or do not agree to go on a second and stop contacting me. I believe its because they think I used them for a one night stand when in fact I do truly want more. So what I was wondering is exactly what are the steps you are supposed to take after escalating so fast with a women to secure that second date or future meets?

So, there's the question of:

  1. How do you get a second date with a girl you aren't intimate with yet?

second date

... and Tool says he's fine on that count, but I want to cover that one today regardless.

Regarding Tool's comment, he's really asking two questions here:

  1. How do you get a second date with a girl you've slept with on the first?

  2. How do you get a second date with a girl you almost slept with on the first... then didn't?

All three of these - the girl you haven't been intimate with; the girl you have been intimate with; and the girl you've almost been intimate with but it didn't happen - offer very different and unique cases for setting up a second date.

In today's article, I want to cover two things, then:

  • How to get a second date, depending on what happened on the first, and
  • How to run that second date.

So let's get to it.

Chase AmanteAbout the Author: Chase Amante

Chase woke up one day in 2004 tired of being alone. So, he set to work and read every book he could find, studied every teacher he could meet, and talked to every girl he could talk to to figure out dating. After four years, scads of lays, and many great girlfriends (plus plenty of failures along the way), he launched this website. He will teach you everything he knows about girls in one single program in his One Date System.

GET CHASE’S ONE DATE SYSTEM

Comments

fox21296's picture

If you had an exceptional date, she was very excited, she was complying when you asked her, and you both kissed, with her initiating the second kiss and then you said goodbye (correct me if this is in fact, not an exceptional date)

Would it still work to do the "Exceptional First date with no sex" texting route, but instead of texting her the very next day, texting her two days later?

So sending "You: "Kelly - had a great time with you last night. What say we keep the ball rolling - are you free for dinner this evening (or CAN you be free for dinner this evening if you're not already)?" two days later instead of the next day.

Thanks Chase, grateful you covered this subject!

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Howdy Hunt,

You should be fine going this route so long as you have some contact with her in the intervening day that sets the groundwork for following up. e.g., if you have an exceptional first date, then no contact for a day, then get in touch sounding enthusiastic and wanting to keep things moving, it feels a bit off - if you really wanted to keep things moving, then why the gap?

The alternatives, if you prefer to wait a day, are to simply text her the next day about meeting the day after or so (the question part of the message would be: "What say we keep the ball rolling - when can you do dinner, or when can you make time in your schedule for dinner?"), or text her something nice the next day ("Enjoyed yesterday's coffees and conversation - glad we got together!") and then following up the day after ("I think normal dating etiquette is to wait about a week or so... but what say we get together sooner - can you do dinner sometime tonight or tomorrow?").

Either of those will work fine much of the time, too.

Chase

Piyush's picture

Hi Chase! Thanks for the great article. But I;m writing to you because I'm in a tough situation.
I'm 29 and dating a girl who is 21. We are in the same university. I asked her if age was a problem, she said she will give it a try as she enjoyed talking with me a lot.
We had a great first coffee date that lasted for 2 hours. She said she wanted to see me again. I offered to walk her home. When we reached, she wouldn't just go inside and talked more with me. She asked me if I was nervous. I said I'm confident and that I could even kiss her. She said "What if I said I don't kiss on the first date?" I said "what if I just pulled you and kissed? Would you slap me?" She said " I wouldn't slap...but...". I pulled her toward me. ANd we kissed. She stuck her tongue out and kissed passionately. I complemented her "You are a great kisser". She stopped after first kiss and said " I live here" as people were passing by. We checked if no one was passing by and we kissed thrice. Then she went in.
I texted "I had a great time. PS: It was the warmest kiss I'd had" ( I realized that I made a mistake)
SHe texted back "there are many who can kiss better, may be you haven't kissed many".
My reply: Please don't underestimate yourself. Not that I've kissed 20 girls in life but I've had my fair share. THe kiss was enlivening for me.
 WE HAVE ALREADY SET UP A SECOND DATE ON NEXT THURSDAY. OUR FIRST  DATE WAS ON PREVIOUS THURSDAY.
I wanted to schedule the date on saturday itself. But she said she had to write an essay. I insisted once again in chats. But she said the same thing. I wished her luck for the essay. And DID NOT TALK ON SATURDAY OR SUNDAY. I talked again on Monday. She hasn't replied. We've been chatting a lot before our first date and when we didn't talk she said "she missed talking to me".
But now, no response. She had earlier replied (after the first date) " I won't be too excited for the second one as my personality evaporates on the second date". I had said "Let's see that. Btw, I know a a nice place where they have really good Ramen( we had decided that we would go to eat ramen on our second date)". She said "I'm a ramen expert. Tell me where it is. I'm a chopstick expert too."
On Monday before texting, I called her and she didn't pick that up. So I texted, which got no reply.

Our second date is scheduled for day after tomorrow.
PLease help man. I'm clueless now. What to do?

Zeke's picture

Hey Chase,

Zeke here. Thanks for posting this superb article. I recently started following your blog over the past few months and I'm liking the changes I'm seeing when I'm employing what I've learned.

I've got a situation similar to what's being described here and I need some help.

I went on a date but I did not get intimate because I lost my nerve to escalate, and also because I know more about this young woman that made me think she does not want 1st date intimacy at all.

This woman ("Anna," names and details changed to protect privacy - she is 4 years older than me, I am 26) I have been friends with for some time now and I actually went out on a date with her last night. We both met in grad school, with her a year below me, and she was initially assigned as my mentee. At the time, we danced west coast swing together. We danced infrequently with each other even though we were going to the same clubs.
When I first met her as a mentee I was a little smothering as I tried to help her out - but also because she was engaged to someone else at the time. There was no way I could have gotten to her.

When she called off her engagement she then started having several boyfriends in a row - all turning out to have qualities she hated (controlling, self-centered). I initially wasn't sure how to handle this change, but when we met up recently, 2 weeks ago, she told me that her latest boyfriend/date was turning out to be less than desirable and she "didn't see things going anywhere with him because he wants a casual fling and I want an actual relationship." I seized the opportunity and asked her out to dinner a few days later, which happened yesterday.

There were some good signs that the night was going to go well. You can verify me to make sure I did things right. When I initially called to confirm the date, she put up a little bit of resistance by saying that her friends had been asking her to attend a birthday party at a bar in the city. I calmly and firmly addressed her objections by saying that her friends would have many more wonderful birthdays to attend, and that I would love if she came with me to dinner. "We'll have dinner, and then we'll see where the night takes us." Anna replied, (in what I think was a joke) "I don't like the sound of that, it sounds shady, going downtown, and 'let's see where we go from there.'" I defused that objection calmly and jokingly, "Oh, Anna, are you that scared of me, I promise I will do all that I can to protect you."

When I got to her door I was floored because she was dressed to the nines - short dress, heels, makeup, everything. I had thought she was going to be a little more casual. Hell I even tried to convince her that she didn't need makeup, she was already beautiful as she was.

I made sure to speak slowly, move slowly, be firmly in control at all times. I had rescued the date from not even happening when the original date site was closed early - thankfully, there was a mall nearby with a nice Asian restaurant inside and we swiftly changed course. Conversation during the date was good, mostly informational, with a lot of humourous topics thrown in. I deep dived quite a bit and came up appropriately when needed. I got in several sexual innuendos and was able to bring the conversation back to normal topics quickly after seeing her reaction. The first innuendo I used successfully was when she described using large surgical tools on her job - "Oh, so you like playing with big sticks?" - I held her gaze and gave her a sexy look. She was caught off guard but laughed, in my opinion she wasn't really turned off by it. She eventually got to use some of her own sexual innuendos ("see, I can do it too!") Used strategic touch (mostly hand on the small of her back) in order to guide her through areas.

More strange things kept happening (in my opinion). As we walked out of the restaurant she suddenly snaked her arm around my elbow. I was a little stunned by this because I only see her do this if I ask her to dance - in swing or salsa, it's better to offer your elbow because then you don't pull your lady too hard towards the dance floor. She noticed me being stunned, then asked "Oh I thought you were holding it out for me to grab on to like we're going to dance!" I don't remember what I said afterwards but I was struggling to unlock my own hand to hold her hand because I wasn't sure what to make of her behaviour at this point. She kept this up for a very long time, over halfway to the car. She let go because "am I too close to you or something?" So I didn't pull her back because I didn't want to look like I was needy.

I walked her to her door she invited me inside for a drink (water - I have a family history of autoimmune liver disease). She showed off her personal suture kit to me (this is where I made the first mistake, perhaps), and then she hugged me goodbye.

This is the only move I made:

Me: Thank you for being my date.
*attempted lifting her chin to kiss her like in the movies - I stopped because I thought I felt some resistance, and also because I wasn't sure if Anna had called if off with her other date/boyfriend.
Me: Oh, I think I know your boundaries by now.
Anna: What do you mean?
Me: I was going to kiss you, but I realized I don't know if you're still dating the other guy.
Anna: Oh no, it's not like that --
Me: (I cut her off) I see then.
*Kiss - now in this case, I don't know what I felt. Her lips felt soft, but also pretty thin. Both our mouths were closed and I didn't taste any lip gloss. She may have pursed her lips right at the last moment. I'm sure I'd know if her mouth was open. She smiled afterwards, though.
Me: (jokingly) I missed, didn't I? (In reference to a story I told her earlier about botching my first kiss in college)
Anna: No, you didn't. (still smiling)
Me: Thanks, and good night.

And with that, I walked out of her house swiftly, and didn't look back. I had used up a lot of energy IMO to even line up the kiss properly and recover from what I thought was a botched attempt, so my word choice may have been wrong, as well as my actions.

I'll tell you about the mistake I made above - she was showing something of value to me, and I should have rewarded it by moving closer to her and putting a hand on her back and also showing interest in the item. The suture kit is something I'm familiar with as well, because I'm a technically oriented guy and I have used it a lot myself during the same grad school courses she is going through now. Seeing the item didn't generate interest in me as I thought the item was rather commonplace.

I didn't want to escalate because 1 - I didn't have a condom. 2 - I read her as the type to be resistant to 1st date intimacy no matter what. 3 - I haven't really looked into breaking down a woman's resistance yet. 4 - Taking her back to my place would have been a bad idea - you see, I'm staying at my parents place for a month while they are helping me out with getting me to job interviews. The place is a disaster and is also undergoing remodeling - not the best place to take a girl home to.

So, in summary, my date went "okay." I don't think I made any atrocious mistakes, but I didn't sleep with her. The conversation was great (lots of laughs and innuendos) but I couldn't tell if she wanted sex - unless the sexual innuendo she threw in at the last moment was any indicator. The backdrop for her being neutral is that we've known each other for some time.

Either way - the situation is this now - she's on her way down to Miami with her sister and I may not be able to see her for a couple of weeks. I already texted her saying that I had a great time and I would love to see her again - she had mentioned going to the inaugural ball with some friends during the date.

The idea I have running around in my head now is that the second is, yes, going to be informational and short as possible, hoping to get her towards intimacy faster. Either it's going to be another restaurant, or the inaugural ball (actually probably a bad idea as it's a party date) - the one with the highest risk but also the highest reward factor is coming over to her place and cooking her something, because my parents' place is way too messy. The issue is that #1 - her test may be that day and she's too tired - #2 - I don't know what day the inaugural ball she is going to is on and #3 - I need to be back on the main campus for the remainder of my courses sometime that weekend - she is at a satellite campus of our school right now - the satellite campus is 100 miles away from the main campus.

So, Chase, how does my thought process and date look to you? What would I have improved on?

Should I cook for her for the 2nd date, or should I take her out again for another simple date?

Thanks for all your help.

Zeke

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Hey Zeke,

Wow, there's a lot here! Actually, the best place to get healthy chunk of feedback and perspectives if you've got specific situations for analysis is on the reports board of the new forums - you can check that out here and see the kind of feedback guys tend to get on their outings:

Field Reports Board

A quick read on your situation here - looks like this girl likes you as a potential boyfriend, which makes things more tricky, but isn't completely terrible. She's taking some initiative and doing some escalation on her own - taking your arm, inviting you in. But she's also setting the pace, giving you a hug and seeing you out.

She comes across as somewhat more experienced and in control of the situation, but she likes you. You're effectively in a "normal" dating pattern where you're going through the "prove your value" period, but you're succeeding so far. The question is, will she have changed her mind by the time she gets back from Florida, or will she like you MORE? If she meets other men in Florida, it'll largely depend on them - she'll like you more if those guys don't measure up, and she'll like you less if those men are more impressive, more attractive, or better boyfriend candidates.

You're probably going to have a hard time moving fast on this one, simply because she's known you for a while and she has a set opinion of you as not a very sexual guy (otherwise, you'd already have slept with her), unlike other women you're just meeting for the first time and can still move expeditiously with. So, I'd probably just take her on a simple, informal date, hang out with her for a bit, and then end it yourself, perhaps a bit early... you're trying to change her perception of you here from a guy she's known but not dated or slept with to a guy she is, and that'll take a little time.

Chase

Zeke's picture

thanks a million for the advice, Chase, I just joined the forums here on your suggestion, hoping to see where this goes!

Maxz's picture

Solid advice Chase about getting second dates.

A question I had for you Chase is, what happens when your logistics isn't right? For example you cannot take a girl back to your place for one reason or another and you cannot go back to her place for some other reasons too. How do you get a girl to agree getting an hotel room with you and not making her feel slutty in anyway?

Thanks man, you rock.

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Hey Maxz,

I generally don't like hotels myself unless I'm actually somewhere on travel, but if you have a reason for why you can't get to your place and have to spend the night in a hotel (e.g., they're fumigating your place; or, the upstairs neighbors' bathtub split in two and your bed has been deluged with water coming down from the place above) and not at your place, that can be a legitimate reason. If you want to drink with her somewhere private but your roommates / building policy / whatever doesn't allow alcohol, that could be another reason. "Come on, let's grab a cheap hotel room so we can chill out and talk and have some drinks without anyone bothering us."

I've also known guys who used hot tub places for this - most towns have rental hot tub / jacuzzi facilities where they scrub the tubs down really well and get them very clean between guests, and you get your own private room with your own private jacuzzi for whatever amount of time you pay for. My pals would take girls to these places, and then get in the tub either in their underwear or naked (preferable), and sex happens quickly after that. A lot less stigma than a hotel, and a lot more fun and original, too.

Another one for hotels is simply getting the girl turned on enough that when you say, "Come on," and drag her to a hotel and walk up to the front desk and pay for a hotel, she doesn't object. You never SAY, "We're going to a hotel," you just take her there, pay, and head upstairs.

Chase

Anonymous's picture

Hi Chase, its being really enjoyable to learn from you.
Ill keep my doubt simple;
How to ignore a girl and keep the cool?

Regards,
Anonymous.

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Hi Anon,

Essentially, just be more occupied talking to other people there and too "busy" to talk to her. Don't ignore her completely, or it'll feel deliberate... take some time and talk to her a bit, and be warm when you do. But the objective is that you're too in demand, too social, and too much at the center of things to get caught up devoting all of your time to her, as most guys will tend to do with a girl that they like / almost took to bed.

Ciao,
Chase

J.B's picture

I noticed you keep saying that some girls who seem to be excited and into you sometimes do not want to come home with you but other girls who seem bored or uninterested do. I used to base a girls interest in me by the former not the latter, actually i put those girls into auto-rejection and avoided them altogether because of this. In my mind some were stuck up or a bitch or i just wasnt their type and failed to attract them, thus i didn't go for them. What the reason for this?
Perhaps a post to go into further detail...

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Hey J.B.,

If I'm reading your question right, you're asking why some girls don't show interest when they're interested in you, right?

Flirting is a skill, like anything else. Some women simply haven't worked on it much... some women have actively suppressed it (whether because they want to be taken more seriously / less flirty, or because they don't want to "give away" their interest... or some other reason).

These is some interesting research on this that finds that women who flirt more get asked on more dates, have more sex, and are more likely to be in a relationship. Women who flirt just come across warmer, and they tend to be more experienced and better with men than women who don't.

You might say that they know what buttons to push on a man, and they're good at pushing them. But not all girls do or are.

Chase

J.B's picture

So how does one trust which one is serious to take home and which isn't worth your time with? I wouldn't want to take the flirty girl seriously when she's not serious in going home with me while the one who is doesn't show that she is.

Zac's picture

I would like to write down something about you.

I think that for someone to actually analyse his interaction, to the fine details of why, and how you relate it. It must have been hell going through the process.

IT is like you will not let any part of seduction gone wrong or unknown, For me i can see very clearly here from all blog that you micro manage and macro manage every interaction, what you do, why women react, her psychology and why.

the most coolest and most respectable thing i would note is that i feel, you take pride and courage, strength after rejection(to swallow the bitter pill), to actually find out, presumably i assume you take notes whenever your interaction or lays goes wrong, or she reacts in a manner and you don't know why, (most ppl will just let it by) you stick through and dig in and in and in more and found the causes.

I think you like the ballerina or the superstar, where people are intrigued and amazed at the results and fame that you get, but i see the intensity in behind the scenes of your work, the work ethics you do. The weekend that you get laid but the hardwork you do during the weekdays.

i'm sure you have work to have a lot of arsenal up your sleeve. It will be close to impossible for women to reject you, once they have talk to you.

Ok, Well that's how i put it.

Zac

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Hey Zac,

That's right - I'm a perfectionist. That makes me slow to start, and it means I can struggle to get out of the gates because I keep trying to make everything work perfectly and getting frustrated when it doesn't. But it also means that if I hang in there long enough and figure out enough of the details, I start learning things to a nuance that few people do.

Perfectionism is an early handicap and a later boon. Early on, you'll be so crushed under your inability to do things perfectly that you may give up and quit on most things. But if you force yourself to stick with something and keep working at it, you'll find you tend to advance further than most simply because you're so focused on trying to make things work perfectly, all the time.

Of course, things never go perfectly... but you can always get them closer.

That's not to say I recommend perfectionism as a learning style - I doubt most men want or need to get things down past a certain level of detail. For most guys, the goal is "get good enough to have some fun, then find that special girl," and for that you want to be pretty good, but being "perfect" will be overkill... and you may well have more important things to you that you can put your time or energy into.

Chase

BananaManCanDance's picture

Hi Chase!

I think failed escalations on the first date aren't as definitively disastrous as this article is making them out to be. Clearly, you were able to push a few of the right buttons to get her bra off, and she still wants you to succeed with her. It's important not to chalk it up as a failure and give up, otherwise you'll come across as that douche-bag that didn't care anymore once he couldn't get any. THAT'S when she'll frame you as inadequate and go into auto-rejection. I've, as well as a couple of my game friends, have had good success getting second dates after failed escalations on the first, by simply not being phased and continuing to be interested in conversation with her immediately after the escalation fails. I get the sense that the girl is still very impressed by how quickly I escalated, but perhaps the level of comfort just wasn't there and she's still excited to get there on the second date.

The failed escalation is very common for beginners / intermediate, and I find the article's analysis here unnecessarily discouraging. I know I'm personally at the intermediate level where I am getting lots of dates and able to escalate, and while my success rate is still wobbly, I definitely think there is a little more wiggle room to play with in failed escalations than this article suggests.

This is a very interesting discussion, I'm trying to remember more details of my past experiences. Maybe in half a year I'll have a lot more to share.

Hope this helps
Cheers!

Franco's picture

Hey Banana,

I just replied to a post on this exact topic on the forum boards. While trying to physically escalate and failing will not ALWAYS ruin your chances, it certainly harm them significantly. The creator of this topic was having trouble getting second dates after escalating, so I was explaining the reasons why:

This also has to do with why you aren't getting second dates. Let me explain. In your dates, you seem to be approaching them aggressively (with kino) and turning these women on. And this is great, IF you plan on actually closing the deal. However, if you plan on creating so much sexual tension and not closing the deal, you are essentially giving women the idea that you are the type of man who will fulfill her sexual desires, but then you leave them cold at the end of the date! In a woman's mind, she will see this as one of two ways:

1) There must have been a reason you two did not sleep together. Women will often rationalize this into thinking that it was their decision not to have sex with you. And once they decide that, they will make themselves believe that they chose the right path in not doing so. Once this happens, they will go into auto-rejection and your chances of seeing them again are slim.

2) You were just looking for a good time but not truly interested in them as a person. [...] You are making them give up so much physically and emotionally in person and then not returning them the favor by giving them the passionate, sexual experience that they desire from you. You would actually have a better chance of getting a second date if you didn't kiss these women and instead left them wanting more (making you mysterious). However, we encourage just attempting to close on the first date since this is your best chance of moving things forward with women.

So as I've mentioned, attempting to escalate and then failing actually puts women in a totally different mindset, and to protect their own emotions and rationalize their decisions, they will OFTEN choose not to see that guy for a second date.

Again, this is not always the case. If these women are still interested in having a second date, a lot of that can also have to do with the fact that they find you highly attractive (or that you've handled your fundamentals extremely well). So there are many factors, but ultimately we recommend attempting to close on the first date if possible because the woman will view you as a much more powerful man if you do so.

- Franco

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Hey Banana Man,

Well, when I write a post, I'm looking to give guys something that's going to provide the most consistent gains for the most reasonable outlay of effort, that's also something I think most guys can do. It is possible that you convert a girl you've escalated once and failed with, but it's pretty unlikely the way most men run their interactions. I've seen a LOT of guys try to get together with girls they escalated once and failed with before, and I've tried this plenty myself in the past, and the rate of ever getting together with these girls seems to hover somewhere around 10% to 15%.

10% to 15% might sound like something where you'd say, "Okay great - let's go for it!" but remember that this isn't just 10% to 15% without any strings attached. Most of the time this entails taking a girl on a number of additional dates, wining and dining her, trying to escalate again and being rebuffed, and going crazy trying to figure out why it's so difficult now when you got so "far" before (the reason, of course, being what was discussed in the article above, and what Franco mentions further on rationalization in his reply to your comment).

The best luck I've had with turning things around with women I've failed to escalate with without having to rebuild attraction through preselection was simply refusing to see them anywhere other than my apartment. I'd tell them, "Come over and let's watch a movie," or, "Come over, let's cook some dinner," and refuse any counterproposals and simply not accept anything other than the girl coming over to my place (alone). Still, here, it's about 10% to 15%.

Rebuilding interest through inviting a girl and and showing preselection is the most consistent strategy I've found (or seen anyone else do) for turning things around after a failed attempt at mating. It's really not as tough as it sounds if you're a moderately social fellow - just invite her out, be your charming self, and be busy talking and being impressive with other men and women, then leave early and give her a warm farewell. Then follow up shortly after and invite her to see you again.

Chase

Balla's picture

Hey chase, great article man. I believe to get a girl back that you failed with takes way too much time and effort. I won't lie man your article brought back memories about a girl I failed with because she assumed something that I wasnt trying to do. Reading your article made me feel very bitter And want to hurt this girls feelings and make her feel like shit. But I digress, I want to know how can I be blunt to women about me wanting to have sex with them? Most of my lays I've told the girls before hand i want to sleep with them or they came and told me they wanted to sleep with me. I know how to let girls know I'm interested but how can I be blunt but not crude while telling them I want to sleep with them? Thanks

Peace,
Balla

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Howdy Balla,

If you're only getting together with girls you're telling you want to sleep with, or with girls who tell you they want to sleep with you, you're probably leaving a lot of potential lovers on the table. A lot of women won't go for being told that you want to sleep with them... it kills all the mystery, and throws the power completely into their court. Women are far more attracted to mysterious men who seem to hold all the power no matter what they do than they are to the alternative.

However... I have known a few guys who'd get away with using very direct, very blunt, very sexual game. There's one style of this where you simply keep blaming a girl for tempting you, e.g., "I can't look at you, you're turning me on too much. Stop it! I'm going to have to put a bag over your head or something... how am I supposed to control myself with you looking that good? It's not fair that you can just have all this POWER over me like this... how can you dress like that knowing how you're going to affect me?" Move things fast, escalate fast, and keep blaming her all the way.

Another style I've seen related to this is whispering things into a girl's ear like, "I want to do bad things to you," and, "You make me want to do naughty things." This one's VERY polarizing... some girls absolutely HATE it, and some girls go wild for it. This one seems to work best if the girl has some slight feeling of being higher in status than you are... you're basically tempting her to indulge in a guilty pleasure. Doesn't seem to work as well when you're coming from a position of power (I suppose because you shouldn't have to tell or ask when that's the case).

Re: bitterness... ever hear that phrase that "the best revenge is being a success?" I think most guys experience those feelings of, "I want to get even!" when some girl doesn't give them what they want... I've had twinges of that... but then you go out, you GET better, you LAND girls who are prettier and smarter and more fun and younger than that girl was, and then you look back at that girl you used to be a little bitter towards, and see that she's living this ordinary, kind of crappy life, dating these ordinary, kind of crappy guys, and instead of feeling some sort of triumphant victory, you just feel... a little sad for her. Like, "Man, I wanted to get even, but now I just feel kind of bad that I'm up here and she's still down there."

But that's life. Keep moving upwards, and thoughts of revenge won't long plague you, because most people will get left in your dust.

Chase

Balla's picture

Hey Chase, just writing you because I really don't want to make a mistake by hurting people who did me wrong in the past. Like I said in the first comment the article made me think and it made me very angry and bitter. I feel like I'm not man enough or good enough because I failed which makes me angry. How can I get over this bitterness and not feel like im less than a man because I failed?

Peace,
Balla

Franco's picture

...well there's not an app for that. But there is a blog article!

Check out this article that Chase posted awhile ago here:

Most Important Thing to Becoming a Lover of Women? Don't Be Bitter.

Cheers,

Franco

Funman's picture

1) Do you go for the first kiss on a date while you are on a date or until you bring her to your home? If yes do you just give a small kiss or a make out when you are still outside?
2) You project a vibe of a guy who is sexy and genuinely interested? The reason I ask is sexy vibe is associated with players, “genuine” vibe is associated with nice guys.
3) How soon in your interaction with women you convey you are sexually non-judgmental? Do you verbally tell them? Do you say this on the first date?
4) Sometimes women have a busy schedule and only come for a coffee date for maybe 1 ½ hours then they have to go home. Would you still invite them home within 30 minutes of date or would you stay at the venue and invite her home next time when you are with her on a 2nd date?
5) When arranging dates do you pick them up in your car or do you tell them to meet you at a café, bar near your house?’
6) How do you create desire in her for you when you are moving fast?
7) In the article you mentioned do not talk about the 2nd date when on the first date, because you are being mysterious etc, but would that not be the same as “playing games”. Why not ask her out for the 2nd date at the end of the first date, and be alright if she does not accept our offer for the second date?

Thanks in Advance.

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Hi Funman,

Rather than spell out long answers for some of these, I'll link you to the relevant article:

1. Wait until you get her home. And see "How to Kiss a Girl Like No One's Ever Kissed Her Before" for more detail on kissing.

2. See this article: "Better Than Jerk

3. As soon as conversationally relevant. Don't go out of your way to show it... it should be offhand. If she makes a judgmental remark about sex, you calmly correct her to be judgmental. Sometimes you'll never show this directly, if it never becomes relevant.

4. Depends on the feel of things. It's better for her not to leave of her own accord... if she tells you she doesn't have much time, tell her, "No worries then, let's reschedule sometime when you're not as packed." It isn't always the case, but women often use this as a ploy to give themselves an "out" if they don't hit it off with you; that way, if they do, they can simply decide to stay longer. Sets the wrong tone though, that you are being "assessed" and "evaluated" to see if they want to stay longer or not. Better just to refuse to be slotted into a short window on a girl's schedule and to tell her you'll do it when she has more time. If she never has more time, well... your call if you want to try it or not (for me these days it'd be a clear "no," but when I was starting out and didn't have as many options with women I probably still would've tried swinging something, though the odds are against you here).

5. Usually, have them meet you somewhere near to your house. The more she has to travel to get there, the more invested she is (and the easier it is to stay out / go to your place than to go back home). The more she doesn't have to do anything and simply gets scooped up and brought, the less invested she is. However, you can sometimes swing picking up girls in your car to your advantage - generally speaking, if she feels like she needs a man to "save" her, picking her up in your car will excite her more; if she's more independent, picking her up in your car will make her feel closed in and "trapped" and is to be avoided.

6. See: " Sexual Tension: 7 Ways to Make Women Excited and Randy"

7. Because it kills all the intrigue ;) For all the attitude differences, one of the biggest ones going between nice guys and jerks is that nice guys lay all their cards out on the table and jerks do not. If you switched that one quality - if nice guys were suddenly mysterious, and jerks were suddenly "all their cards on the table" sorts - you'd see a far more even spread of attraction and results between nice guys and jerks than you do now. As far as what is or is not playing games, well, that's a hard call to make... women will call it playing games when they're older and can't keep up anymore, but they still go for the guys who play the game over the guys who don't anyway.

Bear in mind, there's no rule that says "You MUST set up Date #2 on the first date!" anywhere, and in so doing you also run the risk of making her feel like she HAS to say yes when she hasn't even had time to reflect on the date and decide if she likes you and wants to spend more time with you yet. Sort of like the salesman who tries to set up your appointment to buy after you've just stopped by the store to look at new cell phones. e.g., "You like this one? Great! How about we set up a time for you to come back, sign the contract, and get your new phone? Is Tuesday at 8 o'clock okay?" Now are you MORE likely to go back and get the phone... or LESS likely? Usually less, right? Because now you feel pushed, prodded, cornered... and pursued.

It's far better for women to be the pursuers here, or to not know if they are or you are, than for them to know beyond a shadow of a doubt that you are, and that they must flee and play coy and play hard to get and screen you hard and have you jump through hoops. Let her wait - and, once she's realized she likes you, and once some anticipation has built as she hopes to see you again, only then will you contact her to set things up.

Chase

The Tool's picture

Hey Chase, thanks a million for covering my questions in such detail and careful analysis. Amazing read, which I have just gone over 3 times. This made me realize my mistakes, When I would sleep with a woman at my place I would only do it once, and I would make sure they did not spend the night. (could be because I might be a bad lover but who wants to admit that?! HELL I DONT LOLOL but sadly the results might point that way. just means I have to practice more ;)). There are so many great things I want to say about this post but I have to cut this response short.

Thanks again Chase, this post opened my eyes to alot of things and pointed me in the right direction for what I have to start doing. Hopefully now I can obtain my goal of getting a girlfriend while moving fast (I do not want to mess with a system I KNOW WORKS!!!!) so THANKS!!

Cheers

The Tool.

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Hey Tool,

Glad to hear it, man. Yes, showing women out the night of is generally good form, generally speaking, but you have to give them an amazing night, and it has to be very carefully done to avoid sending them into auto-rejection after. And if you want a girl as your girlfriend, for sure, keeping her around is the best way to lock things in.

Sexual technique... you're right, it's mostly just practice. Focus on having a very steady rhythm, on thrusting powerfully and deeply, and on maximizing what feels best to you during sex, and you'll get this down pretty fast.

A girlfriend / steady sex partner will help quite a bit, though! Hard to learn good form with girls you only sleep with once, because you can't really gauge performance effects when you change things in your technique.

Well, start keeping girls overnight, and you'll land a new girlfriend soon, Tool.

Chase

Vaughn 's picture

I've seen you wrote many articles on behaviors, but I couldn't find one on controlling your anger. On a post you wrote on social challenges you say ignore them, but I can't do that my anger is something serious, like when I get angry I can really just punch somebody in their face until my fist has An imprint on their face. How can I control all of this anger?

I also read Balla's comment on dealing with failed attempts. When I fail I too get angry and take the rejection personal and it keeps rewinding in my head over and over, even months after. How can I get over past the bad things that's happened in my life? Thank you!!!

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Howdy Vaughn,

Anger's no fun, yeah. A lot of it is repetitive thought cycles / rumination, like what we discussed in "How to Overcome Depression;" killing anger long term is going to be about shutting off your tendency to obsess over the past and replace that with a focus on building for the future.

There's also controlling your anger in the moment, which is a different beast from controlling anger when you're sitting and reflecting... that has a great deal with how you see yourself, and how much control (or not) you perceive yourself as having over your life, and over the particular incident you're angry about (this ties in a great deal with victim mentality too).

I'll do a post on it. In the meantime though, have a look at those two article just linked to - anger is very related to both.

Chase

Todd's picture

Chase--thanks for all the wisdom!

I met a girl twice, she found out it's about to be my birthday, and she suggested she take me out for a brew and I pay for it. I was flying out the next day to NorCal for Christmas so we went out for breakfast by the beach (I live in SD) the next morning. It was great-4 hrs, great banter. Really good communication. We love each other's humor, similar life goals, blah blah.

I'm not looking to hook up with her right now, I'm serious that she's a girl I could grow to be serious about.

Anyways, the rest of the day after I was done traveling we've got some great texting banter going on. I'm trying to keep it slightly suggestive so I'm not just being an entertainer/funny man.

Sunday end of day I text "How was your day?" and we interact a bit. I don't text her at all today (monday).

What's the next step? I don't want her to lose interest, but I'm gone for this entire week. We said we'd get together next week once I'm back. Do I just want an entire week before I give her another call/text? I don't want to fall out of her mind.

Thanks!
Todd

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Hey Todd,

Generally speaking, you want to avoid text banter and treat text instead as a tool for handling logistics. Plow too much time and effort into text message conversations, where she isn't with you in person, and she starts to get very comfortable having you communicate with her over long distances... instead of in person.

If you feel you need to text her something but don't want to go overboard, snapping a funny / interesting picture somewhere out and about during the week, and sending it to her with a tagline like, "This reminded me of you," (teasing her, if it's something funny) or, "I'm bringing one of these back with me," (something that'd be impractical / ridiculous to bring back, like a giant hamburger or a funny-looking animal), might be okay.

Personally though, I wouldn't write her anything; you run a greater risk of losing her, but she'll be more into you if she decides to stick around than she would've otherwise been had you texted her a lot (like most guys would do / probably ARE doing with this girl).

Chase

Colin's picture

Hey Chase,

If only I had read this earlier! I posted this already in the beginners section of the forums, but I'm leaving to study abroad in less than a week. I met this girl at a club about a week ago, and built some good chemistry on a date; didn't get her back to my place since I was confused about what to do with my parents there (I'm 20). Anyways, 2nd date I got her at my place anyways. We were beginning to physically escalate when my parents walked in. I had to rebuilt our vibe, while she said she had to go soon (was still feeling the effects of a hangover and had people calling her). Regardless, I took her to the bedroom where we continued on getting physical. The struggle you mention seemed to occur when she kept on saying, "you know I have to leave, right?" And I kept pulling her back down to kiss with some flirty banter. Eventually she did up and leave and we agreed to text a couple days and see what's up since I'm gone soon.

Well...I sent her a text based on your "how to text" strategies, and she said its been fun, but since I'm going so soon, she doesn't think it'll work. I didn't know what to do, so just said I respect that, all the best.

I feel like, combined with my parents coming in, she probably started to feel slutty and insecure and I am wayyyyyy inexperienced to comfort her. Maybe she thought I was a player? Asked me in my room how often I bring girls down here with my parents home....

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Hey Colin,

It's important that a girl feels "special;" if you're handling resistance from her in an overly insistent manner, or she repeatedly voices a concern that isn't satisfactorily addressed, she'll often begin feeling like this is just your "routine" and that you're too much of a player.

And at that point, she's closing off and shutting down.

Additionally, once she leaves after you've tried escalating and it didn't work, any thoughts of you becoming her lover recede, and at best you may get some boyfriend consideration. Her tone here changes dramatically - before, she's escalating with you, fully aware that you're "leaving soon." At that point, she probably saw you as a sexy guy she'd like to go to bed with. Once things were interrupted and over though, that went away, and she started looking at you as a possible boyfriend... and the fact that you're leaving ruled you out.

Not much you can do here except take the lessons from it and do better with the next girl. And, try to avoid escalating somewhere that your parents will walk in - no harm taking her straight back to your room when the two of you go home.

Chase

Colin's picture

Thanks, makes sense. How would I go about then, in that situation, making her feel special? All I did to address her saying she was leaving was to just say "mmm hmm and pull her back down". Obviously, like you say and now that I think about it, not all that attentive to her needs.

Raz's picture

Hey Chase,

Very informational post. Wanted to know your thoughts on my recent first date. It ended up as kinda failed escalation attempt. I just had a first date 2 days ago on sunday nite with this chick whom I met online.

1. We met at a coffee shop around 6:30. Had a great conversation. I started getting physical early...taking her hand, touching her hair and she seemed very comfotable with it. After 1.5 hour or so I took her to a pizza place down the road to grab dinner.

2. We continued having great conversation and she mentioned that she finds me very attractive. After few minutes I went ahead and kissd her and she liked it. After eating dinner, I kept on being playful and flirty and she was enjoying it. She kept making comments that she is having a blast and really enjoying the conversation. I went for a kiss again and this time it was damn hot. She was all over me...shoving her tongue down my throat and all that. I kept touching her thighs , rubbing her neck and we kept kissing off and on very passionately.

Then I asked her to go to my place for movie. She said....let's save it for next time and she has to be emotionally involved before geting intimate. "She just assumed that I was hinting towards sex." I backed off little and joked about it...saying that "I would love to jump your bones but I want you to be comfortable with it". She laughed. We kept talking and she said that she has to go to spend sometime with his brother cuz he is leaving in the morning. We left the restaurant.

Chase, One thing I wanted to mention-she said that she hasn't been on a date in 2 years (it seemed she was being honest...cuz she mentioned this on her profile too)...was taking a break. I bluntly asked her how you take care of physical needs. She replied...using BOB battery operated bf....and laughed.

3. We walked to her car at the parking deck. And, kept talking again...it seemed like she didnt want to leave. We were joking about how nice her butt is and its talk of the parties sometimes. I went ahead grabbed her butt and we started making out again at the car. She hugged me tightly and we made out passionately. We spent 1/2 hour in the parking deck and It was getting late and I didn't feel like asking her again to go to my place. But she never brought up that's its getting late and she should leave or some...

I asked her to get in her car and she drove me to my car. We chatted in the car again and kissed. Again, she didn't show any urgency to leave. But I didn't see anypoint in dragging it so I said..."I should leave now and let's have an adventure again soon. To which she said" Indeed we should and I had a blast with you".

4. I called monday night around 8:30 left a VM saying "How are you? hope you had a good day. I had a great time with you last nite and would like to see you again. Talk to you later". Its almost noon on tuesday now and I haven't heard anything back yet.

Now I'm wondering what's going on. She seemed very interested and found me very attractive. We made out passionately. She gave me hints intermittently about doing things in future together. Why the heck she hasnt replied yet. I'm thinking that probably she wanted to have sex. I didn't try had enough. Cuz they say pay attention to what she is doing and not what she is saying so according to that " she was really enjoying being physical, kissing and she never showed urgency to go home though she mentioned it couple times". I didn't want to come off too strong or desperate so I didn't push hard to take her to my place. And, I think that's where I made the mistake. I'm usually good at having sex on first dates. But I liked this girl and didn't want to mess it up.

She is hot and I enjoyed her company. So what should I do next to get her out again. How long should i wait before texting/calling again if she doesn't reply for my VM? or if does reply should I ask her out soon or wait until weeekend?

I will appreciate your input. Thanks in advance,
Raz

Anonymous's picture

Hey Chase,

Just wanted to follow up to my post earlier. She did reply minutes after I posted this note for you. Saying" Hi How are you? I'm sorry I missed your call last night. I drove to KY with my bro and came back late last night."

To which I replied after 2 hours "It's ok. I'm doing great..just got back from lunch. It must have been tiring drive for you...I guess. Did you get over those kisses from sunday nite yet?"..wink

I didn't want to come off desperate so I didn't ask her for second date right away. It's been 4 hrs. still waiting to get a reply to that.

how should I proceed from now on? Thanks in advance

Tomas's picture

Hi Chase,
... BTW many thanks for the article about awkward women! ...

Please would you give some advice about WHAT TO AVOID after the first date without sex? How not to communicate with her? You know, I myself and everyone of us f**k it up after a very good great first date sometimes, no matter how good we are with women.

Actually, the temptation is sometimes too strong. You're talking about a second date with her while still being on the first... You utter a word or a text that conveys your plans with her... or you even propose a sexual encounter unconsciously... or mention a hotel... etc. And maybe another topic - what if she starts a sex talk to test us?

It is crazy but possible to lose a woman even if she's very attracted. Sometimes the biggest step is to identify and get rid of bad behavior.

Regards, Tomas

Jesse's picture

Hey Chase, great article! I've been getting back into the dating game lately since a broke up with one of my long term girlfriends and am slightly rusty at it. So my question to you is what do when a girl doesn't respond to a second date request?

Alright so I went on a date with a girl to the movies, during this date we kissed a couple of times quite passionately, unfortunately I could not bring her home due to the fact at I had to pick up my mother from the airport ( yeah I know cock-block, haha). So I told her I had to leave, gave her a kiss goodbye and left.

The when I got home I sent her a text, telling her that I had a good time and I'm glad she came.

Now 2 Days later I sent her a text wondering if she wanted to go on a second date, she has yet to respond, and I'm kind of freaking out and trying to figure out what I did wrong.

I realize this comment is like the anons above, but this girl hasn't texted back yet! and its been 4 days since the date.

Chase or someone experienced what is your take on this, and what should I do?

Sincerly, Jesse

Velour's picture

Thanks. I am very grateful to your information on here. I just had a good first date after meeting a girl on OK Cupid. It was very much an informational date, but I feel confident about it and am excited to experiment with future dates, hopefully in quick succession. Not the most exciting story perhaps, but I wouldn't be at this point without your insight, and for that I can't thank you enough.

Anonymous's picture

Hi,

So I met a girl a few weeks ago and we ended up back at my friends house with 4 of us in a room and things got sexual but she didn't want to do anything with our friends in the room which i figured was fair enough.

Saw her again a few weeks later where we ended up going back to hers. as im about to get her underwear off she stops and says we dont have protection. I go get a condom and now she is being really hesitant and says something like 'i want to have sex with you, but ive never had sex outside of a relationship and im not sure'

I keep trying to push it slowly and she then starts giving me a blowjob but still when i try to take her pants off she stops me and says she doesnt feel right ' i feel like im a virgin again, i dont know what to do '

I ended up saying something like its fine, i dont wanna push you if your not 100%

she kept apologising and after an hour or so i just said i was tierd and going to sleep. in the morning she was still really affectionate and stayed as long as she could (her friends were in another room and wanted to get home)

at this point she had stopped pretty much and we just talk for a while then go to sleep...

she text me later the next day, to which i replied and that was the alst we spoke. This was a week ago

I was going to text her something to arrange meeting up again sometime next week but after reading this im not so sure...

it would be impossible for me to orchestrate what you suggest as we live in different cities and usually meet in a city half way between us. I cant invite her to mine as i live with my parents still and cant really organise a party in the city we usually meet.

This is the first time this has happened to me, (getting naked alone with a girl only for her to stop ) so i really wasnt sure how hard to push the issue.

Should have kept persisting even though she was clearly having doubts?

ece80316's picture

Hi Chase, thanks for this post.
My first date attempt fell into the failed escalation category. After waiting few days and texting for a party, she says she's busy on the day on the party.
She didn't offer any alternatives. (Esp as this is supposed to be a party with a group of people.)

How best to handle this now? Do I move on. Text back saying thank you...or ignore the message.

Thanks for all your help.

ksuds08's picture

Great stuff

pinquant pibon's picture

cool stuff bro

pc

anonymous's picture

Hi Chase,

this article is gold for me. Especially one imformation is worth a million and explains a lot. A woman can be disappointed on a date because you didn't give her sex she wanted.

This can be a big problem if a man gets good with women to the point they start craving after him right away. I lost several gorgeous and confident women due to the same scenario and I regret those cases even today.

It was always like this. I went on the date and had limited time, say one and half hour. So wanted a coffee date, maybe some kissing and if ok, bed her on the 2nd date. However, the woman was very into me and gave me strong signals. I couldn't react upon it because I knew I had to leave after an hour. I even tried to explain it. When the woman got it that we'd stay with our coffee, the date became weird and there was never a second date.

What is surprising here is how those women handled the situation. It was not overtly, but still like - either you give me sex now or you're a loser. It didn't matter that I had a valid reason to leave and not push for sex.

And I am confused about one thing. I ran into one of those women online one year later. We didn't recognise each other, but we were hot to meet and even assumed a possibility of sex... in case. We recognised each other when we met. She didn't even want to be with me!

Chase, why are women like that? She wants you badly.... you don't give her sex. Now, she is disgusted by the same you forever?

Regards, David

Hudson's picture

Hey Chase+team, great article, great website!

I understand you probably get asked a hell of a lot of 'what do I do now?' questions; but I'd really appreciate a kick start to get away from this little hiccup I've stumbled across:
I recently had a big career change, and my weeks are not my own anymore. Because of this, I haven't dated a girl since September! Out of the blue last week I bump into a girl I like the look of, and bam..I'm back in 5 minutes flat with a number, a date, and that rush I've realized I've missed so bad!
The start of the date was great, I felt all the playfulness, deep diving, and fundamental tips you've given me rush through my head! But an hour in, and an awkward silence or two loomed over us! I picked it back up, and we arranged a second date; but I know that awkward hour in between it all left me damaged. A few things I did wrong were: got nervous an hour in, started being too playful, said inspiring things at terrible times; and although I swung it back round to my favour, she now wants the second date to start with just the two of us enjoying a drink (my idea) but, and I suppose this is her fall back plan, she wants me to meet with her friends afterwards for more drinks!

I feel as though this year was going perfectly! And three months out of the game and I'm all rubbish again!

Thanks in advance,
Hudson *face palm*

Appear's picture

I went home with a girl from my social circle on Friday. Escalation was easy and she was open for sex, however, I had a bit too much to drink and couldn't get it up. I actually started laughing because it was the exact problem I was laughing at a friend for having that afternoon. She asked me whats wrong and I told her "I think I've had a little too much to drink". She seemed disappointed as we were already fully naked (she even went to shower to prepare herself!), but we just went to sleep.

Next morning she showed major signs of buyers remorse, as if she was extremely disgusted at herself and regrets her own actions! She even had to sneak me out of the house to prevent her housemates from seeing me. I am unsure whether this is due to the failed escalation or some other form of post rationalization.

Should I go with the post intimate approach or failed escalation approach?

Any advice would be greatly appreciated! Thanks!

Joshua 's picture

Hey Chase, loved the article!
I just had a date last night where me and this girl just hung out in my car for a while (2 hours), neither of us were hungry and we both live with our parents.
During the interaction, I made use of a lot of touch and she was really cool with it. Eventually, I said it's really cramped up here and we moved to the back seat. Soon I went in to kiss her, which she happily accepted, and then I went back to conversation (she's extremely intellectual and I think I stuck to the logic side of things a little too much, but she seemed to really enjoyed my thoughts), eventually kissing her with a bit more staying and playing (Note to self, I should have just escalated from this one), then back to talking.

Throughout things, I'd occasionally kiss her again, put my hand on her leg, hand, shoulder until she said she doesn't want to just make out, because she usually never sees someone like that again (any tips on how to progress that would be awesome), so I just kept my frame and amped up the sexual eye contact and still kissed occasionally, now trying to escalate a bit more, but she resisted the increased escalation by slowly moving my hands off her sides (she used the "I hardly know you" and I responded with "yeah, I hardly know you either, but man time flew because I was talking with you" and I lightly moved my thumb and index finger across her jaw for a moment, and she acted like it was really cheesy, but then admitted the same thing). She literally tried pegging me as "friend" which I hardly even processed and continued as usual.
Eventually her parents called and she needed to get home soon, so I said "I dig you" in a deep voice (heard Good Looking Loser say that, let me know what you think of that), which she said was really cute, with a sexy look on her face, but she immmediately got out to move up front. My car door hadn't unlocked and I just walked around (bantering) and put my arm around her and moved her a little out of the way while I unlocked and opened the door (I closed it then reopened it and playfully gave her the seat belt, asking if she needed this too).
On the way home I somehow started going on a really deep trail of things in my past, and it seemed to really build a lot of connection with her. Pulling into my parking garage, the lighting showed her skin color was even nicer then I realized, and I told her she looks really different in the light and she of course wanted to know what I meant by that. I say nothing, open the garage, turn onto a straight, then manhandle kiss her for a moment, and she got it. Drove around the garage looking for parking, continuing my story, then finally parked and got out, and she went straight to the loop of my arm, hanging on as we walked to the stairs. At the door for the stairs, I wrapped her into me and hugged and dear god did she press into me for that moment, we go up the stairs, she for once jumped in front of me and swayed her rear in front of me on the way up. Walking to her car now, she started being self conscious that her voice was raspy tonight, eventually I put my arm around her shoulder and she grabbed around my side as we walked. At her car, she was looking right up at me and my god her pupils were like quarters, and I was up as hell. I kissed-hugged her and again she pressed right into my business, then she headed to her door, and I asked if she wanted to go a certain way, but she wanted to play it safe and leave the way she came, and she came over to me and gave me a tight hug again (she can totally feel my boner against her), and I tried moving a leg in between hers to rub her business a little, but in the end she headed out.

I decided to walk outside and simply point the way she should go, and a few minutes later she texted me, "Haha thanks" which I replied with "Yep ;)", then strangely she said "Too preppy" and I didn't reply (any tips for answering text tests would be great).
Now I'm wondering how I should approach the second date, follow the Excellent date model, or Failed escalation?(I don't really have anyone around me who parties)
Thank you, Chase!

Tomas's picture

Hi Chase,
you write that on the first date, you shouldn't tell a woman you want to see her again because it's very easy to go wrong. I agree, but there's one problem that I sometimes encounter.
WHAT IF SHE MENTIONS A SECOND DATE?
She might tell something like "Will we see each other again?" or "Maybe we will meet again, who knows..."

Please, what is the correct way to deal with that? This is a delicate situation with risk of auto-rejection.
Tom

Marc's picture

Hey Chase, awesome article but I haven't seen it until today.
I have the following for you:
I got to know that girl on Tinder like a bit more than a week ago and we were meeting up for a coffee date during working hours 3 days after first contact. It was a 1 hour long date and it really went well. I let her talk most of the time and didn't revealed so much from my side in order to stay interesting. I texted her on same day in the evening stating that I had a great time and that I would like her to meet again. I had to wait until the next day for a response from her but it was positive and we made new plans for Saturday (I invited her for dinner). Again it was a really good time with each other - having good conversations, laughing a lot and getting to know each other. This date lastet like more than 3 hours. I didn't try to kiss her or hold hands because I believe it is still to early. She is 35 and I'm 37 years old and both of us going right now through a separation that I do not want to rush things and not to mention that I'm very rusty with dating. We parted from each other with an intensive hug.
Once again I texted her 1 hour after our second date saying that I really like spending time with her because she is funny, smart and attractive and that I would like to repeat seeing her. Well, no response from her again and I used the night thinking if I should have made a move or not. This morning I wrote her a message asking if she is still interested in meeting me. Finally 2 hours after she responded positive saying that she had a good time last night and that we should find something to do during next week. I know as a man I have to take the lead so I suggested Tuesday or Wednesday going to the Christmas market in town only to get a counter offer that she is busy but could meet me for lunsh/coffee Wednesday.
Well, what makes me confused is that she is willing to have a third date with me but with lunch during work time? This will make it again difficult to make a move on her because we will sit at a table and have conversations again. How can I make during day time clear that I really like her physically and how to make the move? Any advice? I really like this girl and do not want to screw up anything. I don't think that trying to kiss her on a date like that is appropriate and like I said - it will be nearly impossible anyways on a date like that. Any suggestions? Why do I always have to wait at least 12 hours until she responds to my messages? Is it a game girls play? Does she like me but doesn't want to show her eagerness? I have to add that she works a lot - even during weekends hence she is some kind of lawyer.

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