The 'Pay Your Dues' Approach to Incredible Social Skills | Girls Chase

The 'Pay Your Dues' Approach to Incredible Social Skills

Chase Amante

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social skills
If you wait for life to give you chances to improve your social skills, you'll wait a long time. Create your own chances by becoming a socially attractive individual.

Toby was a guy life never really gave a chance.

Often he imagined his bright future: a beautiful girlfriend; the leader of a cool social group; the most popular guy in town.

But the sad reality was, life never gave him the chance to get there.

When Toby was in school, sometimes girls got crushes on him. But they were never the 'right' girls -- not beautiful enough, not popular enough. There was one time a pretty, popular girl took a shine to him. But the thing was, there was never a good time to talk to her, a good way to meet her. So he never met her and never got to talk to her or ask her out. Life just never gave him a chance.

Sometimes people would be friendly with him and try to include him in their groups. Except it was never the right people. Sometimes it was the nerds (he didn't want anything to do with them). Sometimes it was the outsider kids who were in the middle of the social hierarchy. He was friendly with them, but he didn't encourage them -- they were okay, but they weren't cool. When he talked to the cool kids, they'd be friendly back, but he couldn't seem to break through with them. Life just didn't give him a chance.

After school, the pattern continued. Sometimes girls would like him, or people would want to hang out with him. But they were never the right girls; never the right people.

He didn't understand why it was so hard for him to meet the most beautiful girl; to have the coolest friends. Why must life be so stingy with chances?

Chase AmanteAbout the Author: Chase Amante

Chase woke up one day in 2004 tired of being alone. So, he set to work and read every book he could find, studied every teacher he could meet, and talked to every girl he could talk to to figure out dating. After four years, scads of lays, and many great girlfriends (plus plenty of failures along the way), he launched this website. He will teach you everything he knows about girls in one single program in his One Date System.



hiChaseimToby's picture

Toby went to high school in the sketchy areas of town where most sane people would never step foot in at night. Austin went to high school in suburbia or the wealthy area of a big city where the rich kids party in and most of the students are not on reduced lunch. For the most part Austin was sitting in classes with future doctors, lawyers, politicians and rich kids while Toby sat in classes with kids who would be lucky to go to college. Life never gave him a chance.

Toby did not get to go away to college right away, he had to spend some time at a community college and transfer. Toby’s abusive overbearing parents used emotional blackmail and all sorts of tricks to get him to stay local when he under 20 years old being naive in thinking parents want whats best for their kids. Austin got to go away to college, live in a dorm and he even rushed a fraternity to get the “college experience”, unlike Toby, Austin had good parents. By the time Toby got to a real college, he was a junior and kids were too cold now since most friendships form freshman year in a dorm. Life never gave him a chance.

After college, Toby did not have any of his old bros, friends and circle to rely on. Austin moved to a major city with his college friends and old bros right there with him as they were successful too. In fact Austin had some old high school friends to draw on and could even expand his social network from that. Toby did not have any of that, in fact, Toby had no base to work from. Life never gave him a chance.

Think that’s bad?

Right when life after college hits, Toby is told to “grow up”. Life ends after college, the fun is over and it is time to be “an adult”. As Toby is finally in a situation where he is making his own money and responsible for his own action, society says no fucking way Toby. Vice says it, ThoughtCatalog says it, CNN says it, Complex says it, and EliteDaily says it. Life ends after college, you should have already made your friends, you should have already “gotten it out of your system”, you should have already had your fun, now its time to grow up and be a “responsible adult”.

Toby, get married already! Toby be a “grown up” and stop trying to live out an “adolescent fantasy”. I am life, I am society, I don’t give a fuck that you were raised in poverty ghetto bible thumping flyover country unlike Austin, grow up and get over it. I am not giving you a chance.

Toby looks up to Dan Bilzerian, his superman, if only he could have a poster of him to hang in his bedroom as Dan Bilzerian gives Toby hope for life after the age of 30 while society attempts to make him squeal and submit.

No support at all, no one in his corner, no one wanting him to succeed and when he might have his chance society and media trying to tear him down at every fucking tear. Toby learn from the “charismatic” and “good looking” Austin who had everything handed to him. Can life even give Toby a chance? Just one chance? 

Toby goes out at nights, at times even alone, and tries to put himself out there.

Toby hits the gym and gets in shape while Austin can be pudgy because unlike Toby, life gave him a chance.

Toby tries to see how he can get a bartending gig on the weekends, even if he has to start out as a fucking busser. Austin got to bartend right out of the gate in college since life actually gave him a fucking chance.

Toby gets fired from his job because the misery of the realization I talk about in his post eats him alive, it shows in his attitude and his boss has had enough, but he will make things work.

Toby takes good pics and works with a photographer to get the best image for dating apps as his results improve, unlike Austin, Toby has to actually put in the work since life never handed him anything including good circumstances. Wait! It pays off, he is getting quality matches.

Toby has to join communities like Girlschase to learn from wisdom himself, how he can deal with the fact that he was given bad circumstances. He is called a victim, they call for his ban and he is attacked. Toby sticks around because the next post and the next guy may as well give him some golden nugget that improves his life.

Toby avoids the morally self-righteous religious goody two shoes and opts to do it alone instead, he has to remain true to his life purpose and pretending to be a Jesus freak in front of others just eats him alive so he stops.

But one day Chase even dedicates a post on his site to Toby and Toby comes to one realization, life never gave him a chance, he will give himself one. In fact when Toby tried making this comment, it told him the name Toby was already taken so he had to write it again.

I am Toby, life never gave a chance, it never put me in good circumstances but I am an adult now. 

Life you never gave a chance, I will give myself one, even if I have to sell my soul to the devil for it at this point.

Butt Poop's picture

This article is devastating.

What the hell am I supposed to do as a STEM major at an Australian university?

No girls in any of my classes

None of my classmates know any girls because they're all unattractive, socially awkward nerds

No campus life. Nobody lives on campus. 

None of my classmates do anything except study and play video games. 

No party scene. 

No way to meet girls.

Heavily liberal campus with a Facebook group dedicated to anything happening around campus, including naming and shaming conservatives. Any kind of PUA will get me named and shamed for sure.

Only those in niche degrees get invited to parties. Or those who knew people from the previous high school they went to. 

I know I can't magically work my way to the top of the social hierachy, but as a STEM major at an Australian university, I'll forever be stuck at the bottom with no way to move up.


Zanardi's picture

Game outside campus. Easy.

Vermin's picture

Hey man are you based in Melbourne? Cos if you are I can take you out to game and we can help you improve!

J's picture

Hey man,

I'm from Melbourne too. Always awesome to find guys in Australia on the boards.

I'm about to get my head back into daygame and I'm looking for buddy to game with.

HMU if you're keen :D

SZ's picture

1. What if you do all of these social things, but all of your friends are fakes?

I've always have been able to hang with a lot of friends and make them, but we always have a fall out and idk why, I bring value by being funny, cool, etc.

These are people who have went out there way to be my friends on their own, no work from me.

They just end up being fake towards me and I cut them off.

Happens with everyone, so I'm a loner because of this.

What can I do to solve this and to stop it?

2 . Is this article meant for younger people ? I can't really picture 30+ men doing this as a newbie or groups that would allow them in?

When you're fresh outta college you still have a chance because you're still young. But when you're older most people are family men that don't hang out, so your only option is to hang with younger people, which might make you look odd, or just be alone.

What's the way to solve that ?

3. I thought at one time you said not to hang with dudes that'll being your value down? Like nerds? Is that still true or no?


Jade's picture

Hey Chase,

I did a few things which ruined my reputation a bit.
So I used to be this cool guy with some status. I meet girls and they like me.
And then I started to ignore girls and did not even say hi. For some reason, I thought it was cool
I kept hearing comments that I was arrogant and I said to myself : "Cool, these people respect me!"
In reality they despise me. In about a year, I blew up my whole reputation and girls just hate me.
It took me sometime to realize but now I can say I was socially uncalibrated.

My questions are:
1. How do I take it from there? I considered being really nice but then again, I'm scared of coming across as a pussy and nice guy (which is one of the main reasons I started ignoring people)
2. This whole ignoring people kind of intoxicated my mind. Some part of me does think that it will make me cooler even though a friend of mine was able to point out that most cool dudes never do this. But its still not clicking.
How can I break free from this?
3. Most girls in my social circle think I'm a jerk. Is it possible to win them back?
4. Why do I get the impression that its cool to ignore? I seem to see cool people do it to me but maybe they do it just because I started it in the first place.
5. The main comment I hear from people is that I'm arrogant. And that's from people whom I have not yet met.
Is this kind of arrogant what you advocate guys to be just a bit because women love prideful men?
So far, it only got me hate so I'm completely off course.

Clearly I'm missing something but I'm too dumb to see it.
Please help me out

Lawliet's picture

Hey Chase,

I have a question about balancing attainability. We have to mind the balance between security and thrill with girls.

But sometimes they can explicitly bring it up, it becomes a test or "walking the line". I remember you wrote an article about a girl who was on a date with you and she asked if you like her, and you just smiled

Her: See, you don't like me

And I think you said (after her persistence), "I do".

I can't find article anymore after searching vigorously. 

But what is your rule of thumb for when girls seem bothered or depressed raised concerns about our committment or interest? How do you handle these without landing into boyfriend zone or losing intrigue and she knows she's got you?

For example, recently, a girl I know felt depressed and I asked her what's up. She said she feels lonely and I said I'm here and she says "You don't really want me." How you handle these situations in general, a rule of thumb and how you would respond in this specific one. Any examples of your personal experiences would be great. 

Sorry for requesting you to type more for this one. I want to understand the rational for how to handle these scenarios as they come in different colours. If you aren't convenient at the moment, you can be concise and ignore my request for the extra examples.



Jimbo's picture

Sound advice, Chase. Sound advice for those who want get into cool parties, hip circles, beautiful girls, and be around "in-demand" people. Those who want those things and are starting at the bottom do have their work cut out for them.

Me? I don't really feel a great need or desire for those things. It's like great wealth - it never really appealed to me. I know I'm supposed to value these things, but I just don't. McMansions, fancy cars, trophy wives... for what? They're so not worth the trouble. What's been worth the trouble is the ability to pull some decent punani on a regular basis. And I did put some effort into that, most of which was just about sharpening my social skills. But so long as I have that, and don't go like two months without it, I am a happy man.

Some people might consider it weird being so low-maintenance, but I consider it a relief, not having to worry about amassing so much money or social cred just so I can barter it to fulfill my needs. It's more of a strength than anything else, and I think anyone would gain from pausing and asking him, "What do I really need in order to get by?"

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