11 Mistakes that Ruin First Dates (and How NOT to Make Them) | Girls Chase

11 Mistakes that Ruin First Dates (and How NOT to Make Them)

Chase Amante

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first date mistakesI’ve been on innumerable first dates over the years. And I’ve coached all sorts of students through limitless more dates. And if there’s one thing you find out, it’s that the first date is absolutely, inescapably crucial to how things play out the rest of the courtship.

The first date is a make-or-break event. Hit a homer on the date, and the rest is pretty magical.

A great first date makes your date partner comply more with you (she does what you ask of her). It causes her to cut you more slack (i.e., she’ll let you get away with more). And it piques her interest in you (now she wants where things go with her and you!).

But there’s plenty of opportunity to botch the first date, too. And a lot of folks do, a lot of the time. There’s all this uncertainty: you don’t know your date well yet (certainly not as well as you’ll know her later on... if all goes well). You don’t know what she likes, what she’ll respond to... what ‘does it’ for her. You might think you do – but you don’t. Not yet.

Even if you’ve known her a while, well... people have their ‘social selves’, which is what they present to their friends and acquaintances. Getting her on a date is about getting past this social self (and finding out whom she really is).

On top of it all, you may not be all that sure what to do with your date, what to discuss, or where to take her. So in addition to all the question marks of your date herself, there is also the question mark of the date.

And the more question marks there are, the rougher things get.

In this article we’ll look at 11 of the most fatal mistakes you can make on first dates.

But don’t worry – we’ll also talk about how to avoid those mistakes, to make your first dates go as smooth as butter (and make your date melt like butter while she’s out with you, too).

Chase AmanteAbout the Author: Chase Amante

Chase woke up one day in 2004 tired of being alone. So, he set to work and read every book he could find, studied every teacher he could meet, and talked to every girl he could talk to to figure out dating. After four years, scads of lays, and many great girlfriends (plus plenty of failures along the way), he launched this website. He will teach you everything he knows about girls in one single program in his Mastery Package.

GET CHASE’S MASTERY PACKAGE

Comments

SZ's picture

1. Cool cafés
Ice cream parlors
Laid back lounges
Low traffic / darkly lit dive bars
Small/unfrequented stretches of beach or park
Informal restaurants / sandwich shops
Your place or her place

How would most of these dates be runned?

A. How would I take a girl out for ice cream, cafe, informal restaurant/ sandwich shop and not pay, and still get the lay?

Does it make us look cheap or should we stick to our guns ?

B. How would a date at a lounge, dive bar, beach or park go?

C. I would like to know how we can do date nights at the house, I prefer this method because it seems it's the easiest way not to pay and the easiest way to get laid.

I'm not trying to pay for any dates at all.

2. How do you continue the conversations with your story ? U tell her you went to the gym and stuff, but what comes after that ? Do you ask her about the gym too? Or what ? And what should the next topic be?

3. How do you fix the daunting feeling? I feel that way about everything I do. It feels like it will take extremely long for me to get anywhere with things, and I think of the process, like gym, I have to workout 5 days a week, eat healthy for months on months, with money, I have to learn a skill or go to school for years, for girls, I have to approach many, go on dates with many, try to take them home, deal with everything else, and repeat for each girl.

I'm just thinking; date after date after date after date, I'm like shit this is a lot of dating I have to do, shit I have to keep asking for one many times.

I tend to psych myself out thinking about it compared to my skill level, it feels unattainable to me because I'm so low on skill level.

Idk if I asked this before, but how do u stop this? The process psychs me out. It seems like it will be too much work from where I'm at, then if I'm not good it'll be wasted time .

4. How close do you sit to a girl if you're in a cafe or sandwich shop?

5. I'm not expecting unrealistically fast results, but I feel I'm too old to be going on 100s of dates, It doesn't feel normal to me for some reason, going on date after date seems like younger people do all of that. I guess that's inexperience talking? I really have no reference points. What's your take on it?

6. Since I don't have my own spot, how would I go back to theirs consistently as a beginner to going out on dates? How do you propose you want to go back to her house? And how can you tell If you'll be safe there?

Thanks!

Anonymous 's picture

Hi Chase,

I'm very shy and I never been on a date before and I'm nervous I'll mess up and make a bad impression with my inexperience compared to their dating experience :( I don't know what to say either :(

I want to aim for a first night lay every single date despite my inexperience. I just never been on one, so I'm extremely nervous to go on many. I feel I will get grilled by her and she won't care about anything unless I have great accomplishments. To me this will feel like an interview and I'm nervous I'll mess up. Then I worry she will not like me or sleep with me unless I pay for her date, and I worry that she will get mad and cause a scene :(

I'm so nervous about this dating stuff :(

Do older women like to go on ice cream dates ? I feel like they would only want to go to restaurants because they feel it might be childish. I don't know, I'm all in my head with these thoughts.

You got any tips to calm me down and help me out with my first dates?

Dale's picture

Looking back nearly half my first dates did not lead to a second date; however, eventually almost all first dates did.

SZ's picture

Hey Chase,

Saw your one date promo video and wanted to ask:

"Even if I havent made it yet, im a Man who gets what he wants, when my chance comes it will be mine."

That made me feel powerful, what goals should we go after saying this?

How can I be a man who gets what he wants for real?

Is there an age limit on saying this?

What would you be becoming that she can see how great you are compared to her ?

And can you give examples on what you mean when you say that ? Like what would be the thing that would show you made it? What are some examples?

Anonymous 's picture

Chase, what do you think would be the remedy of missing out on stuff growing up?

In high school and college I didn't get any girls, they showed me no attention, I didn't play sports, I didn't party, I didn't join a frat or group, didn't work out, never have social media, Iiterally just went to school and went to sleep, I didn't work either or take chances with women.

Now I'm sitting here regretting not doing anything. Why do you think all I did was sleep and go to school and not do anything else at all? Just let to me pass by, why do you think I never talked to girls ever or why none of them showed attraction towards me?

I'm upset that I never did anything fun, I just stayed in the house and never did anything.

Girls I have approached always tell other people that I approached them, it makes me look bad because they didn't accept my date, so it makes me not want to approach.

I went to my community gym not to long ago and there was an OK girl there, she looked at me with a neutral face as I walked in, while I was working out I thought maybe I should approach her, then I thought I didn't want her to tell people who live in the community about it making me look bad, and I felt thirsty because she didn't look that good to me.

So she leaves and says bye to me, Idk if she was attracted or being nice, so I didn't say anything.

I hate this so much, I missed out on stuff as a kid and now I'm missing out even more.

All I do is go home work and sleep, I have no parties or any female interaction, none show me interest.

I'm at the point right now I'm sick and tired of not having fun and staying home all the time.

Do you think you know the reason why I always stayed home and missed out on things?

What can I do now to make up for it? How can I not miss out on anything anymore and have fun and finally get women ?

I get so sad because I missed out on tinder, myspace, facebook, etc and that was easy I heard. I missed out on high school and college fun and women.

I missed out on everything and I'm sad :(

I don't want to to this anymore I don't want to miss out any more and I want to get women.

I don't understand how and why I missed out on all the fun and sleeping with so many women?

Why did I pass up on it? Why didn't I act like everyone else and do fun things and sleep with women?

Just imagine not sleeping with women from high school and college. I wonder how that's possible? How could I have not have gotten laid back then? I didn't do anything but school and work? How did so many years go by with no fun or women? I feel like I wasted my high school and college experience.

I regret it everyday and want to fix it. I just don't know why I let so much fun and women go with no action. And how I can remedy this situation.

Lawliet's picture

I've been through the same situation and so has Chase.
High school wasn't much as I usually hung out by myself and had this lonewolf thing going on.
College is ok, but all those flings and hooking up stories and parties I hear, I definitely didn't get any of that.
Chase throughout his site (me being here so long hear his rambles :D) have talked bits and pieces about his college life.
He didn't start picking up girls until 23 after college was over.

I wasn't part of the party or dating scene in high school either, turning girls away when I KNEW it, because I was too shy and worried about screwing things up and those girls eventually gave up and went to other guys. Heck, I was a social recluse and lacked social skills as well as girls back then in high school and college. Did I regret?
I did, just as you are right now. Many things I wish I would have done differently. But it is that same feeling that motivates me to work on myself.

We can't change the past, neither you or I or even chase can change the past or even stephen hawkings (who ended up cheating on his wife with his nurse...yes a man in a wheelchair can do it too!).

We can only change the present and the future.
I transfuse that regret for missing out in the past to something more positive, "I swore to never allow the same mistake to happen and cause me to regret for letting a girl who likes me go by"

I'm not at Chase level yet, but I'm still hammering at it.
It's not easy, because we are technically slow developers compared to everyone else who dated in high school or lost their virginity at 15 and all that jazz in college.

But that's precisely the regret that fuels my motivation to keep hammering.
Unlike the past high school girls or college girls, I want the next girl I meet now or future to be happy I recognized her signal and made the move, giving her a whirlwind of butterflies in her stomach, instead of disappointment.

I suggest taking a look at Chase's quiz on this website. It's a small little quiz that gives you an idea where you are at now and then gives you PDF of a weekly plan to get you started in working on your skill. I kid you not brother. When I first started, everything seem so vague, so unpredictable and scary. But once you push through, it's flower and roses. It's a matter of finding girls that like you and when you work on yourself, changing to a better man than the past version of you, they will find you attractive. Trust me. I've seen the light thanks to Chase, and so will you when you improve yourself too!

Come join the team of late boomers brother :)

P.S. When I first read your title, I thought "If you're still typing this and breathing, chances are life is just waiting for you around the corner :) unless you're a ghost...I haven't dated ghost girls yet, so...can't help you there" You're still ALIVE! Even 89 year old men can do it (Just ask Chase), If you start now, you're not that far behind.

Cheers,
Lawliet

Lawliet's picture

Hey Chase,

Congrats for your sales on One Date!
Hope it broke some records!
And thank you for this article, very concise and spot on!

Re: Approaching girls in two

I realize this is an issue.
When approaching two girls, I use the usual rule with groups.
Approach the girl you want to talk to (or the one signalling you) and give some plesantries to the other girl and then focus on her.

But when it's two girls only, she often break circle to engage the other girl.
It is so easy to come across as "just being social" and what about isolation?
How would you isolate her when there's only her and her friend, leaving her friend alone?

And when it comes to friends or you, usually it's friends.

So how would your approach look like for this situation?

Re: Handing girls in class

I did a presentation for my class and since then, I've noticed warm receptions from the girls.
I'm not sure if I should be offended. After all, I dress well (try) and I do proper grooming. I am still the same high status person, but it took a freakin' presentation for them to realize my value (or attainability thanks to my story)? Wtf!

Side question: How do I attract them on first sight as opposed to needing to do presentations?
There's a wrench somewhere and I'm gonna find it, but need your help.
I digress.

So now I'm stuck with a dilemma

Girls are receptive now...but
1. Attraction expires
2. Dilemma of Who do I go for? and if I talk to one and leave with one after class, other girls will see..
And I want to go see what every interested girl's story is..

3. Once you go for one and chat them up, you cannot really switch to the next the next class or the one you engaged the week before will feel peeved.

So if you were to say, try to meet them all (hey opportunities), how would you do this juggle?

Note: They're classmates but the girls aren't necessarily close to other girls.
And class ends next month.

Re: You had an email or article...
That said something on the lines of "If you walk with your head stuck up, then only girls who also have their heads stuck up will be available to you, because other girls will find you unattainable and unrelateable.

I cannot find this again, but my question is,
Our sexy walk, I thought we are to have head up high as we walk...
I thought this is standard stuff.

But to say head up high will cause me to lose girls, how would I change to be more attainable to majority of girls (instead of just the head up high ones) and still look high status in my walk?

Or everything actually. Any rule of thumb to fix my attainable to tailor to vast majority of girls and still be high status? (Yes, I am struggling with attainability...)

Thanks,
Lawliet

Anonymous 's picture

"You should at least be able to make 50 or 60 approaches over the course of two months... that's only one approach per day or less (and if you're serious about wanting to sleep with more/a lot of women, you should be approaching way more than 30 women a month)."

Guess that was the problem, I never even did 10 approaches in a week, that plus me being out the game so long with doubts I can still do this makes it hard for me to approach many girls.

I was only approaching a few girls because I honestly felt different, I felt out of place trying to pick up, this is the first time I've ever been out the game for so many years or in a relationship.

One reason I never ever went hard with approaching many girls, is because I always heard that a man should chase many things than girls. I'm older and feel I shouldn't be chasing tail like I'm a young dude with free time on his hands. You know how older people talk to you about chasing pussy. But I do want to approach and sleep with many girls, and invest time into myself getting better in many ways of self improvement.

So what would you recommend in that situation?

But I agree I wasn't doing that many approaches so I guess I shouldn't expect to improve, but how do you even approach all those women in a month? Only places that I can think of where you can approach that many girls are, the club/bars and online.

Where would I be going to approach all these women? I don't see many attractive women at all in volume like that. Do you think I should approach one woman a day? I can't imagine that or more?

It sounds fun to see so many women and approach them, tell me where I gotta go and how many times a week I should, and I'll get right on it!

When I said she cries after I tell her, she cries and ignores what I say, we stop talking and we talk again and few days later. One time she said she worries about her health and she won't stay with me if im fuckin tons of bitches. That was maybe the 3rd out of 5th time. So I don't know what she means.

I also had another question unrelated to this; I see now men's dating advice is reaching new heights, I see many women leaving comments on videos and articles on some guys who have good game (you included of course).

Some girls say they are going to use the game they get from the guys against us. So how do we combat this and still get good advice, while still fucking all of these women while they keep popping up on sites about men learning game? How can we win?

Anonymous 's picture

I felt I missed out on dating online and want to start doing that. Pof, tinder, etc.

But these girls demand a lot and they all have education and great careers with houses.

How can I even get girls like that? I have no career, no degree, i still live at home, so I feel I can't do it, but I figured maybe you'd know a way.

If you were in my position how would you approach getting dates and laid from online dating with my situation?

What would I even wrote in my profile? I have no cool pics of me or do cool things. I've been in my town for years. I have no career to brag about or flaunt. I haven't traveled anywhere. That's the reason why I never did online dating before, but I'm still where I'm at.

P.s. I wanted to ask about faking and making it (lying) life now seems you have to sell yourself and lie about your accomplishments, with jobs, women, etc.

I'm a very honest guy, but it doesn't give me jobs or make me feel good to let people know my living situation, but I have to lie now to be taken seriously. I just hate the feeling of being found out, I need to lie tho to be able to get jobs, and to sleep with woken and display high status until I get there. Any tips for that? Thanks.

Anonymous 's picture

I'm also looking at girls job titles and they seem super important, how can I compare with that? Some have masters as well, and there's a lot of girls with good careers with masters. I'm worried when they ask me what I do and I say some regular job, they will leave me and feel they are better than me. They flaunt their titles and pictures of fun, I don't know if I can compete. I really don't want to be asked what I do, and I don't want a girl to feel she's better than me because of her job.

This also can happen offline with women. I feel insecure about it all, I feel like I can't or shouldn't be dating these kind of women when I have no career to speak of. I could lie about a job, but I'm not a liar and don't want to deal with that.

What is the way around this? I want to start dating without feeling insecure about what I'm working on in my life. I also don't want to feel insecure about myself at all while I'm working on doing better, these jobs and online things make me feel insecure about everything.

Anonymous 's picture

Sup Chase,

Just read your 12 things article.

I wanted to know for fighting skills, how often should we focus on each martial art?

I want to do boxing, krav maga, wing chun, bjj, and mma.

How long do you think we should train in each of this martial arts for the best benefit ?

I want to do boxing mostly, so I'll pair it with on of the other three from time to time.

Or if I have to I'll focus on one time to time, I just don't know how long I should focus on it until I switch to another martial art.

And what do you go by when picking a gym? Google reviews good enough ?

2. Do you think everyman should carry protection ? And what are good rules to abide by so we don't get in trouble ?

3. How much do you think age matters with fighting ? I worry that I might be too old and be too slow to get good in any of these fighting styles. I haven't trained in years and I'm kind of depressed that I haven't been training. I'm now worried I won't be able to hang or be as good as I could of been. Thoughts?

Thanks Chase!

 Ben's picture

Hey anon,
When it comes to specifics in fields that aren't really covered on this site such as fighting, you might be better served asking on sites that are geared towards that specific subject.
That said, I believe I can answer 1 and 3.
1. If you are training 2-3 times a week, for 45-60 minutes per session, 5-8 years would be my recommendation for most arts.
If you decide to train more intensely i.e over 8 hours a week, a year or two should be enough.

Krav maga is slightly different in that the focus seems to be on training you to act instinctively, so a few months in the beginning coupled with a weekly class should be enough to give you an edge.

Ask your instructors on their stances on cross-training, some prefer you to have a base in their art before you add other styles in.

As for gyms, asking a friend or Google works.
Ask for a free trial class to see if you enjoy it.

3. I've heard that the older you are the harder it is to learn anything, but haven't noticed it much myself.
Aside from that, age, and the lack of speed, energy, or strength that come with it, shouldn't affect your ability to learn technique and level up your skill.
My trainer is gray haired, smaller and weaker than I am, but still destroys me in sparring.
So age can hold you back from competing, but the skill becomes even more important for self defense as your body ages.
-Ben

Anony's picture

I need to get on some dates man. I Don't approach much at all because I actually fear the thoughts of me being rejected or flaked on. I fear how bad I look and how I will be received from a rejection than rejection itself. I feel everyone will think I'm lame and I don't get girls if a girl rejected me, she gets to look good, and I look like the loser.

I just have a fear of looking dumb, I've tried online dating and quit quickly when I didn't get any replies. I was embarrassed to be on there, I would be embarrassed if I was to have someone I know see me on there. It'd embarrassing to me to get rejected or no replies, it just makes me look bad to other people that no girls want me and I'm just a horndog. It's also bad for preselection too. I don't want to be that guy that goes around trying to pick up chicks, but fails.

Girls also like to run their mouth about men that try to talk to them and they make the man look so weak and inferior because she never gave him a chance. They get a kick out of rejecting men, and I'm no one's fool. This part is true, trust me, trust me . No one wants to be some fool that a girl talks about to other people about how they rejected the guy. But girls do this constantly. Why would I want to approach with the chance you are going to bad mouth me and make me look like a fool ?

That's why I don't want to approach, I feel it gives women all the power, and they choose to use it against you for their ego. And it's sad.

But also not approaching is not getting me laid at all. So I'm tired of sitting in bed all night horny thinking about women instead of having sex with them.

Is there anyway to fix this situation? I would say it's mental, but like I said, I know very personally that girls run around telling people about the rejection. I know you think it's mostly social circle, but it's not. I tried to pick up a chick at a park and she told her father figure guy I know as well I tried to pick her up. I literally asked her once and never spoke to her again after she told me she was busy. Then later the guy tells me she told him I tried to pick her up. I didn't even say anything. See, that's what I mean, why would she have to run her mouth? Just to make me look bad. There's other examples too, but why try to make me look like a fool for?

If you have advice on fixing this please let me know.

I also wanted to ask about how can I put myself out there more? I'm a homebody and I don't put myself in situations to meet women. That would help a lot.

Ben's picture

Hey anon,
You said it yourself, you have to put yourself out there if you want to get laid.
Whether social circle or cold approach.

I would recommend cold approach for you, so to get started, read articles here (especially by Chase) on approaching, make an account on the forums, start on the newbie challenge.

As for girls talking, just go talk to girls who probably don't know people you know, unlike the girl you wrote about,
who knew someone you wanted to look good in front of.

It's a skill set, you are going to look stupid in the beginning, just like in anything else.
Decide if it's worth it if you get to take girls home in a few months.

'I don't put myself in situations to meet women'
Dude, change that.
http://www.girlschase.com/content/top-10-places-meet-girls
Go to bars, use public transportation, walk outside, whatever.
It isn't hard to find women.
I hope you decide to take control of your life, good luck.
-Ben

SZ's picture

Hey Chase,

How can a thin skinned person develop thick skin?

I'm mostly talking about how do you and other people who put themselves out there online deal with everything that comes with it?

I'm a very sensitive person, and I want to know how I could develop thick skin.

Anonymous 's picture

I want to start dating and having sex with a lot of women. I'm new so I'm not saying I will sleep with anything, but in my position, I'm willing to go on dates and sleep with any girl because beggars can't be choosers right? I also have to build experience up, and rack up lays.

My only fear is getting stds or dealing with crazy women. I plan to hit every Avenue when it comes to women, but I'm worried about stds, the one's with skin to skin contact, and I'm worried about being set up by a girl. I've watched a lot of TV where they have stories about this, so I'm paranoid.

I am actually afraid of dating, afraid I might not be good enough, my careers not good enough, I fear about stds, I fear about being set up, I fear false accusations, I fear the awkwardness that comes with dates. I really worry about the stds, false accusations, and set ups the worse. I don't want to be setup and harmed or worse, and I don't want a life long std that would not allow me to sleep with other women or who knows something worse. God Forbid to all of these fears.

I know there's precautions I have to take with then and screen, but I feel I can't do that too much because I would be paranoid, and I would lose a lot of lays.

It reminds me of one time I worked at a grocery store, they told me to throw old looking fruit away, I threw away pretty much the whole area, they took out most of what I put out, back on the shelf to sell. So that's what I mean about overdoing it and thinking that you are doing the right thing, but you're going overboard.

I also never dated strangers before, all the girls I dated I knew, so I'm really nervous about Dating girls I know nothing about, but you gotta start somewhere.

I don't want to be a scary cat, but I want to be safe.

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