Tactics Tuesdays: Just Moved to Town vs. Just Passing Through

"I just got out of a relationship" sounds great if you actually were in a relationship recently, but what should you say if you've been single for a long time, or have never had a girlfriend?

Hey hey,
Its JJ! Once again, I've just moved to a new town. I tend to move a lot mostly in Cali (longer term) though I've briefly lived in other places too.I'm now residing in another state for a year. At 26, I've moved 6x in my adulthood since turning 18, if I counted the times I moved as a kid it would be 21x total, insane I know. Anyhow, to get to the point,I've noticed since I was young around 12 to this age that there is always a flock of at least 2 guys per location; meaning min. 2 in my neighborhood, min. 2 classmates, min 2 coworkers, min. 2 clients, min. 2 acquantances (so around min. 6ish guys at any given time). These men see me regularly & show undisguised interest towards me. Now these are not guys I seek, seduce or provoke nor want to have sex with. The fellows whose interest I want & i dig (usually are more than 8 at a time) I relish receiving their attention. Anway, back to the disturbing undesired suitors. So, I don't count teenagers interest anymore, that's just puppy love crushes to me. However, when I see grown men my age, older or at least out of their teens say early twenties which may be younger than me, but grown up nonetheless act smitten by me it's unnerving since it's the real deal & I don't want it. I'll try to keep this as vague & brief, but detailed as possible (not exactly plausible I know).
For example, I had a former neighbor from where I lived for a year pickup his outdoor cats in a pathetic attempt to grab my attention since I'm one of those crazy animal loving ladies who feeds, talks & pets strays or others cats. The moment he would do that, I'd close my garage & be like I'm out, bc I didn't like him & never wanted to give him the wrong impression. In fact when I noticed he crushed on me, I avoided him & when I had to take out trash and prance in front of him I purposely made myself look as disheveled & unattractive as possible. That didn't make a difference, he would just stare, but with a "crushed" hopes face, he seemed hurt, but still never lost the gleam of "I still dig you regardless" look from his eyes. Needless, to say before I moved out as I was packing his dad (he lives with his dad even though he's in hus early 20's) asked if I was moving away idk maybe he requested his father ask so he would know. Another neighbor, I'd lived for years in that place would carry his landlord's baby to lure me to carry the child & get near him, invite his guy friends & stare/ talk to them about me w/ a dreamy hopedul smile etc.. These are just a few instances, but thry did dozend more silly antics way to many name to try to hit on me. Like the guys ( not just the 2 mentioned) were handsome in fact probably better looking than myself,in the pretty boy way. Even though all are grown in their 20's-40's the majority w/ blue/green/hazel eyes, tall, fit, none of them are my type. Even at jobs/school, I've had the same thing happen. I recall when male coworkers would plead to work with me on tasks or shifts ( i witnessed or was told of it) & audacious clients who've requested my service specifically & developed stalker-ish tendencies & behaved protective, possessive & besotted. I'd like advice on how to make men I'm not interested in get over me, treat me as I wish which is platonically or even better ignore me. I thought I had my signals mastered apparently not. I move away after at least a few months sometimes as I said years of living in a place and during all that time those guys never stop looking at me with the lovey dovey eyes. I believe they understand it's unrequited interest & my scorn & rejection towards them is clear,but it's like their feelings is something they can't control. To me that's such a weakness in character, undignified & I don't like it one bit. So my problem is not about getting guys i want in towns/places, it's succeeding in warding off the ones I dont want in new towns/places.

Hey Chase,

Great article, it reminds me of logistics question I had earlier.

Re: Out with a friend
When we are out with a friend and we notice a girl giving us looks, how do we resolve this dilemma?

Given that, the area we are in (1) is a moderate to large space with other people.
Example, clubs, or bars, or coffee shop and she isn't right beside you and your friend

Or (2) is a small space with other people
Example, on the bus, or in a line up and she's right behind you and your friend.

I would assume it's different in each case (aka if she's hovering near you due to small space or AI, vs. she's giving you AI from afar). How would you approach her? And what if you and your friend is in midst conversation, how would that make your tactic different?

Re: Logistics
How do we figure out her logistics for HER place, if our pad isn't an option?
What are some info we should screen for?

If it's a logistic issue that changes over time, How do we ask in a manner that doesn't put too much pressure on her FOR THAT SINGLE INSTANCE of a date, assuming it's first date or second, and not a gf who you haven't had sex yet and is also your espionage and will morse code you when her parents are out for a weekend getaway...rare but still happens (I need to meet those girls).

Info such as "what are the obstacles with her pad"
"Where is it near so we can set a date near that location"
Or...help me here, if there's other factors we should consider.

Re: Hey! I have 3 roommates!

And if she said, she has roommates (which when I approach girls, and I test them, it is often the answer I get for college students). How would you manage logistics with that in our from text to date sex usual process? If you would add an extra step or something to prep the logistics. Surely we can't be so blatant as to ask "hey, when are your roommates out? Let's go on a date then! [smiley face]" over text as we set up a date.

Lawliet

I went out alone and had thee worse nights of my life.

I happened to go to this college bar / club, lucky me. I figured it be good, but it was beyond horrible for me.

I was just sitting with my drink, I waited to catch a girl alone, but it's like I was the only outsider; everyone knew everyone there, when a girl was alone for a second, she would be talking to someone else, and everyone else there too. I picked a horrible spot, no one was dancing, if they did, then they danced with each other, everyone was just in circles, literally I bullshit you not.

I had no idea what to do, all I had were horrible thoughts and doubts about myself. Like i wasn't good enough to talk to, they didn't care about that mysterious guy no one knows. I was just drinking and watching the tv, very awkward. I just was remembering my past of how I didn't talk much or do sports and what not, and I felt like that all over again. I was like, "if I played basketball at this school I wouldn't have to deal with this, and I could have them frolic to me because I'm the man who doesn't have to go out his way.

I felt beyond horrible with this experience.
This isn't a vent or rant, or report, just how I felt and to show you that I'm putting in the work despite how bad I felt. I actually stayed there the whole night feeling beyond awkward waiting for an invitation or just a girl not in a damn circle.

I didn't try to pull girls from the group because I'm not much if a talker and I know you said don't force myself to do it, so i looked for invitations, anything I could to pull a girl, they all were deeply in their circles.

All I have to ask is, wtf do I do in that situation? I'm not much of a talker, so i tried to lure them with my eyes, not creepy, but I wanted to let them know I thought they were attractive without words.

I just want to know what I can do if I ever get in this situation again because I felt terrible.

Hello Chase! Im seeing a girl who's so contradicting she can be confusing to say the least. Push pulls so much. Rarely acts needy but gives (almost) full compliance. Goes doggy dinner bowl eyes sometimes too. Her actions and words can be contradicting at times. Says shes so lucky to have found me and then disappears for a few days or travels away. What can that be? Great feminine game? A female player? Not much interest on her part and just keeping me as a backup? Am i over thinking and reading too much into this? Do i need to totally ignore her words and focus solely on her actions?

Hey Chase,

Im trying to see if I'm justified with my reasoning with this girl.

There's this girl I used to work with that I see at my old job from time to time. I never thought about sleeping with her when I worked there because i really didn't start talking to her until I came around after.

She's ok, I would fuck her, but then I have the thought of it not being a big deal if I don't. Like I would, but it's not important to me.

But I'm thinking to myself, is this an excuse? Do I really think it's not important to fuck her or am I just saying that?

I also don't feel like putting in the work to sleep with her either, nor do I want a potential rejection from her in case she doesn't feel the same.

But I'm having a hard time trying to realize if I'm just making an excuse for myself not to get rejected or put in work on a girl that I would just fuck?

That also leads to the questions of, should I try to sleep with all girls that I would fuck? Or not?

I really try not to look to thirsty to girls and not chase, but I don't think it works like that.

You have any idea how I could not feel thirsty for going out my way for a potential rejection from a chick?

Would appreciate if you could answer this for me. Maybe I should have that girl come over or something, but the potential rejection doesn't seem worth it, but I wouldn't mind fucking her brains out.

You ever heard of the website, "wall street playboys" Chase?

They're kind of off the wall, but they're ok to read. Sure changed my way of thinking about money and what not.

They are basically all about money and work. They say to work your ass off in your 20s to live good when you get older because you won't have enough energy to work when your older (35). They're saying to work like 80 hours a week.

But they usually say you can still pull things off and try to offer solutions sometimes, but more or less with them, it's you should have found this site when you were younger, so they can make people regret choices that they made. They also make it seem that there is no other way to live a good life unless you do this type of work, cuz if you makin 150k a year, you're broke to them.

They basically make it sound like you have to know all of the stuff already at a young age, but they say all of their info is for guys that want to do wall street, so it makes sense.

I'm pretty much over the age thing now cuz it just stresses me out too much.

Then they say things like you have to have a million in the bank by 30 or you're gonna be broke, you're a failure, its too late, etc.

They make it seem you should work all of the time, basically.
It seems like you would have to be a little insane for this lifestyle.

Just an overview in case you didn't know who they were at all.

They also write some articles about women, saying that money has to be used to get the 7s and up.

Here's an article in case you wanna take a look.

http://wallstreetplayboys.com/personal-finance-and-dating/

I don't believe that, I'll take my women advice here.

Anyway, just wanted your thoughts on them in case you ever read their website.

Hello Chase, I asked you about college majors a while back and looked through some and wanted to know your opinion.

I don't know if you know what's best, but I just wanted your personal opinion.

Like I said, I am beyond terrible in math, so no STEM for me, but I will try to pick a better major than the ones listed. These are majors that I will pick if I have no chance at anything else.

Lol it sucks because I'm very good at writing and art, but super, super terrible at math.

How do you feel about:

Psychology, studio arts, communications, English, history, liberal arts, and criminology.

Psychology, liberal arts, criminology, english, and communications seem to be the most picked majors at my school.

Lol but I know you specifically said not to pick 3 of the 5 I have chosen. I really don't think id like to do criminology, communications maybe.

I'm at the point right now where I just want a degree to get me started with the best job I can get, then I'll work on it from there.

I was thinking of english with a concentration in creative writing, and I'll use that to become a copy writer. Let me know how that sounds.

And please Let me know what you think would be the best degree choice in your honest opinion. If its criminology, let me know your second choice haha.

Thanks!

Hey Chase,

I only ask this because I feel like you know the answer!!

I started dating this Ecuadorian girl my Ecuadorian roommate introduced me to last Spring. We dated for a month until Summer when I thought it was best to end things because she was going back to Ecuador. She wanted to stay together and was really affectionate.

After a few weeks into summer, we are texting a lot. She says she needs to talk to me. She tells me that her friend kissed her out of nowhere and that she is really sorry. She feels so bad, even though we are not going out. She says she's crazy for me. I sleep on it and decide I want to be exclusive with her.

We continue talking and everything is fine. I buy a refundable ticket to go see with my old roommate to Ecuador, but don't tell her yet. I tell her that I was thinking about going to ecuador soon over the phone, and she reacts kind of nuetrally. She isn't super excited. When I text her later she says she will be really busy with family and friends and that she wasn't planning on seeing me anyway haha. I ask if I could see her. She says yeah it's fine. I drunkenly say just fine? And send her a picture of something she had given me.

She doesn't respond. We end up talking over the phone and she says she wants to restart our relationship in the fall because a lot has happened.

I ask if she would be happy to see me at her bday party. She says it would be cool, but she will be with friends and family.

Should I still go down to Ecuador? Now I'm demoralized, because she doesn't seem excited and is instead "busy". I don't understand...she seemed so into me earlier in the summer.

Will we even have a future in the fall if she doesn't want to see me in her home country now?

I think she might have said that because she thought the relationship was getting a little intense... but if I doubled down and saw her in ecuador it would be fine?

I would enjoy the trip and be casual and flirty when I see her and avoidant attractive. Then would it be worthwhile and advance my cause? Does it matter?