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In Part II of the sexual tension series, Alek lays out
prerequisites, rules, and tactics used to build sexual tension with
women.
Contents
Hey guys, and welcome to the second installment in this series of articles about sexual tension. Last time, we discussed the pillars of sexual tension, which are:
- Intrigue
- Mystery
- A sexual state of mind
- A state of limbo
- A natural thing between men and women
We didn’t get much into how it is created or maintained. But now, with the theoretical groundwork in place, you know what sexual tension entails and how you can identify it. This knowledge will, of course, help you generate it, but I believe more practical tools are required to be able to generate sexual tension on command – and do so consistently.
So the way I plan on describing this is to first discuss some quick important factors so that I can dedicate the rest of this post to the most important and most juicy skills. This post will focus on creating sexual tension and will be a purely practical post. My next post will be about how to maintain it (equally important), and will also be purely practical.
Shall we begin?
Comments
she feels tired
okay sexual tension between you and her at the club dancing. You do all the things, thinking that you are making progress and suddenly she says that you are to agressive, further more, she cant stand the tension and says that she is feeling tired and grabbs her stomatch. Can you comment this situation? thank you
Dance
Hey and thank you for your great comment. First I must make it clear that non-verbal seduction is very efficient, but is more of a hit-or-miss game and it is harder to recover from resistance. Sometimes shit happens. I would see your situation more as a problem if it occurred on a more regular basis. If it is a rare (or a one time occurrence) i wouldn't care too much about it.
Now If I had to make a comment here, I would first of all say that I think there is a light misconception going on here - sexual tension and aggressive physical escalation are two different things - the latter can lead to situations that you refer to on a regular basis. Sexual tension can trigger certain forms of resistance, but not resistance of this type. It is not required to use heavy escalation in order to trigger sexual tension - I actually believe that such a thing may even kill the tension in many circumstances.
The idea here is not to be overly explicit, dirty and direct with our moves, but rather create intrigue and mystery - by giving a not-so-revealing body language and facial expressions . But more important than that, when it comes down to escalation, you escalate more or less like you normally would (hence you are still prone to face the typical escalation related forms of resistance), however the major difference here is that you escalate only to a certain point then keep her in a state of limbo. How can putting her in a state of limbo in terms of escalation be seen as too aggressive? There is something contradictory here. The idea here is that you want her to be intrigued and curious about what is going on - she doesn't know where she has you. In a way it has similar effects to sending mixed signals.
Based on all this, I highly doubt that the situation you faced and the resistance you got is triggered or based on sexual tension, but more related to escalation calibration. Usually (but not always) if a girl give such a resistance, she would have given you certain signs of discomfort earlier on before things blows up to the level where leaves and verbally tells you that you have gone too far. I think your problem here lies in calibrating your escalation. I can share a few words on the following subject if you desire so.
Thank you for your comment,
Alek
Hey Alek,
Hey Alek,
I have some questions to this article and your game accordingly.
1. On the dance floor you would, as you have just said in your answer to the first comment, instead use aggressive sexual escalation (if the environment just screams for that, let's say carnival or spring break)?
2. Your style is quite different from Hector's. Your distinction between sexual tension and aggressive escalation is very useful here. As far as I understand your game you rather use a indirect style which avoids these resistances that aggressive escalation can trigger. Thus it is the most efficient where you can use these verbals and non-verbals (rather quiet environments, smoking area for instance in case of night-game). As you just made the difference between sexual tension and aggressive escalation (which can build sexual tension as well, right?) I don't understand the difference between your and Hector's style yet. Is it "just" that you substitute his aggressive escalation with (indirect) sextalk and do not for instance directly compliment girls? So while he would present himself as a bold, aggressive and direct you would come off as mysterious. Then what would be the relevance of intrigue and mystery if you have a more direct style of sexual framing via overt verbals and physical escalation?
3. Personally my problem is that I tend to get friendzoned when I try to use this indirect style. Is it b/c I am too social with my vibe then and the topics discussed are to little sexual then? (I know it's more like speculating for you as you don't know me).
4. Can you give us a field or lay report example?
5. When do you offer coaching? ;-)
Andreas
Hey Andreas, and thank you for your great question!
1. To your first question, I would say that in crowded chaotic settings - where you may find a lot of wildcards you may consider going for something that is time efficient - quick and dirty. The reason being is that you want to pull as quickly as possible in order to get her out of the chaotic environment. In addition to that, there is no way you can use smooth and tight calibrated seduction on a chaotic club/dancefloor, so at the end of the day, better be quick and efficient. On a crowded dancefloor, wildcards can kick in anytime and the longer you stay in an interaction there, the higher the chances of wildcards kicking in (friends dropping by, dude cockblocking, people pushing you away from each other). Keep in mind however that not all clubs and dancefloor are overcrwoded or overly chaotic. Those clubs that are not like that allows for smoother seduction (and playing around with sexual tension). But every night, every girl and evert clubs are different - so do not see the following as rules written in storms, instead be aware and calibrate accordingly. I will discuss this in dept in my upcoming podcast. I also have an article regarding this subject: http://www.girlschase.com/content/increase-your-lays-pt-ii-strategies-5-...
http://www.girlschase.com/content/verbal-vs-nonverbal-approaches-getting...
http://www.girlschase.com/content/deciding-when-use-physical-vs-verbal-game
2. One thing that is clear in seduction is that there are many ways to Rome - and many different variables to take into consideration (seduction is about understanding and manipulating a shitloads of variables, which can make it hard but also so exciting!). Some examples in this case, it is key to mention that depending on who you are (your personality, sexual stereotype...) and what you seek (quick pulls? long term?) and how you like to get what you seek for ... I personally prefer my style because I enjoy the process itself. I know Hector gets a hell of kick from being bold and direct (and perhaps why it works so well for him) I don't. Hector is a fantastic seducer. I have been out with him, but we are two very different persons with different ambitions and different personalities. The reason why Chase booked other writer was to offer other perspective - so that the readers can have a bigger array to choose from in order to find out what works best for them. However please do not get me wrong, even though you may prefer a style to another, do not close yourself to it, as you can always pick a few pieces of gold from another style (i.e. there is still a lot to learn from Hector if you happen to prefer my style, and vice versa).
Now my game is indirect yes, but not fully indirect. Here is key element to keep in mind - both Hector and I are probably equally sexual - our presence are equally sexual (in different ways). I talk about sex in very explicit ways - with rich description on how I actually fuck women. Now, keep in mind that in contrast to Hector I am not direct with my statements of interest. In terms of display of interest I am rather indirect and send a bunch of mixed signals. The idea here is to communicate that: "I am a sexual guy who... if a girl happens to "win me over", I will fuck the shit out of her and give her the best night of her lifetime" type of frame.
http://www.girlschase.com/content/sleazy-sexy-talk-vs-sexy-sex-talk-what...
I do not display to her that I want to fuck her - which I consider a high risk/high reward... to which you may get rejected more often and fight an uphill battle if she shows any major signs of resistance (you will have to play the push and persist game) - something I am not a fan of. I am obsessed with being sexual but in a smooth way. And no, I never compliment girls, UNLESS she is qualifying to me, to which I qualify back - and usually I qualify them in a sexual way. So if she says "well I like it dirty" I would answer "wow that is so hot... sexy woman!" - i.e. reward her for positive sexual behavior (and you can also punish by disqualifying if she says something a-sexual).
http://www.girlschase.com/content/how-use-sexual-qualification-prime-wom...
You are fully right that verbals are not fit for loud chaotic dancefloor. I tend to stick to smoking areas and lounge areas if I want to do verbal. This will also be covered in my nightgame podcast.
The direct style offers little intrigue and mystery. However it does provide you to come accross as ballsy, no bullshit confident dude which can score you some points. This method is very efficient when it works, but really sucks when it doesn't - whereas my way offer more damage control and more overall control. Again different ways to Rome with each their pro's and con's. Now that being said - the fundamentals of seduction remains more or less the same and most good seducers would agree on them. It is the topping of the cake where we distinguish ourselves.
When it comes to getting friendzoned with indirect styles it is mostly due to you:
- Not making a physical move when ever you see a sign of interest
- Fail to escalate when an escalation window is open - this is the number 1 reason.
- If you use verbals and fail to be sexual - i.e. be perceived as a man who is sexual, there is no way a woman can actually perceive you as a potential lover.
4. Yes it is planned. I first wanted to finish of my series on sexual tension. Then after that I will share 2 reports where I cover to nights where I use non-verbals. It is already covered. Meanwhile if you like reports (I love reading reports, I find reports to be the most helpful learning tool) then check these out:
http://www.girlschase.com/content/threesome-how-step-step-get-two-girls
http://www.girlschase.com/content/how-use-sex-talk-part-ii-case-study
http://www.girlschase.com/content/pulling-lay-when-you-re-sick-dog-tired...
http://www.girlschase.com/content/last-minute-resistance-sexy-women-trea...
5. I already do. There is link to my sales page in my biography at the end of each of my posts.
http://www.girlschase.com/coaching/phone/alek
If you want to discuss a potential coaching session or learn more about the offer - do not hesitate to send us an email through the contact form. We will be pleased to help you out.
Hope this helps,
-Alek
Hey Alek,
Hey Alek,
this is such a cool topic. It is super relevent to me at the moment, because I think this is where most relationships go from great potential to "just what happened?"
Will have to read it at least one more time. As an only partially related idea, have you or Chase ever considered how these concepts apply to buisiness? I am sure you have at least on a private level. I could even imagine a sister-site to Girls-Chase. Chase and you too have built a lot trust and credebility for me and surely for others as well. Might it be an idea to have authors who are known for top notch analysis, social awareness, being relatabel and strongly connected to Zeitgeist assess buisiness interactions as well?
Why not built a Sister site to GC? Have the same design, and links in the articles that connect them. Audience flow guaranteed. Put in a disclamer where you come from and nobody will expect perfection regarding buisiness from rather young guys. I would love to read that stuff. It would be raw and unique. Kind of like modern research with us as practicioners of applied sociel sciences in a way that does not need degrees, universities or papers. You build a name by creating value and after that people can find highly relevant stuff extremely fast. And maybe will provide additional value for fun and respect.
For example in this article there could be a link about sexual tension and the workplace. My own experience is that the pure fact that people understand you have a grasp about sexual relationships that is beyond theirs opens all kinds of doors. Mentors? Way easier. Women? Way easier. Also men respect you and trust your opinions more. Of course it can get too much easily. You don`t want women to get too horny. Fucking them is not on the table most of the time. So likely ever so sublty implying you "get it" is a good path. Etc. etc.
Cheers
Someguy
Hello again Someguy. Good to see you posting again. This is probably one of my favorite topics together with threesomes and sex talk. I am glad you enjoy it to. I can tell you that I have sent in 3 additional posts on sexual tension - so yes i will leave out no details!
Again yes, this is complex topic and may required multiple reads and step by step practice. However there are 2 good news here:
- Practicing the following is not that worse thing, it is actually one of the more fun things to practice (compared to for example opening)
- I will share a shitload of technique on creating, maintaining, controlling and amplifying the tension. However do know that you do not need to use every of these techniques to create sexual tension. You will be shocked when you discover how little is actually required in order to experience strong sexual tension. Now that being said, the more technique you know, the cooler things get, but in terms of learning, taking things step by step is a better approach (and then maybe progressively add on a few techniques).
I also believe all of this will be more clarified in my 2 upcoming reports at the end of this series (do not worry, you will get them all before the spring really kicks in ;) ).
In terms of your idea regarding a business related blog/website, I believe such a question is better addressed to Chase. My role here at girlschase is limited to being a Senior Writer and Coach and working with the recruitment of new writers. I also occasionally give some opinions to Chase but he makes the final calls! He is your guy.
I do not have much experience with sales or business. I am not even fully educated in anything business related. One of the core values here at girlschase is that we provide knowledge based on our expertise, a that only. I will therefore not, in any circumstances write about subject I do not have in dept knowledge on. I will therefore not write for such a blog. However Chase himself do have a lot of experience with online businesses (as you can tell), and I am sure other writers may have some cool knowledge. But in such a case chase will have to open a new website with a new crew of specialized writers. It is doable, I am just not qualified to give you any clear responses to the following. That being said we appreciate suggestions and I would recommend you dropping your suggestions through the contact form or use the forum.
Also it is key to note that girlschase is not a young guy website. We have writer of all ages - including Joseph who is in his 40-50's! and Chase in his 30's. So far only I and Hector are youngsters here. Seduction is something men of all age enjoy. We focus on having writer of different social and ethnic backgrounds too, so that we can have a website that provide good advice for a big range of men. Just wanted to clarify the following :)
When it comes to workplace seduction, I must admit that I am totally unqualified to write anything up, unfortunately. I am very strict about not shitting where I eat - did It once, did not go so well.
Thank you for your comment and your suggestions :)
-Alek
Regarding slow movement to
Regarding slow movement to create sexual tension, it totally does create sexual tension! Same with talking little and saying little about yourself. BUT DONT use slow movements in the workplace, your employer may think you are lazy; or talk little and say little about yourself, it will make it harder to work in groups. NOW in general, after following the rules to be sexy and create sexual tension (good posture, slow movements, talk little, say little about yourself, dont show too many emotions), they totally worked. But I was not happy, my prority is to be rich, not women. My role models are guys like Marc Zurckerberg and Donald Trump, not a guy who gets much more women than them but gets $40, 000 per year. And, I imagine Zuckerberg as someone who focuses on his work and DOES not care about things like his body language or whether he is saying a lot about himself): in short someone who focuses on contect over image. And I am trying to become like that, and I am more productive and I am making more friends, although girls are slightly less intrigued by me.
Person
Hi Person.
Yes indeed it works!
Now however it is to be mentioned that things like sexual tension, physical escalation and sexualization are not fit for the work place. It is often precised when an article covers workplace related seduction techniques. I can also say outright that none of my posts are dedicated to workplace seduction. sure some may cover some universal concepts that are also applicable in work situations, but my focus is not on the following.
About your goals, I can only wish you the best of luck. I love seduction as an art form, and that is what I teach :)
-Alek
Hi Alek - I'm 32 and have
Hi Alek - I'm 32 and have never even gotten close to being able to create tension or chemistry with women. Obviously I've never had a girlfriend and nothing has ever happened. You define the necessary pre-condition for these things as feeling and thinking 'sexual', but I honestly don't know what that means and very much doubt that I'm capable of feeling or expressing it. Women seem to like me sometimes but always get bored with me after a while and disappear without explanation. Should I just give up? Is there hope for me?
Sexual Tension Visual
Hey Alek, after reading this and the other parts of this series, I turned to youtube and came accross something interesting. Theres a guy named Nick Sparks who basically shows a visual on stage of sexual tension. Here is the link: https://youtu.be/t-Z-D-WnPtI or you can just youtube "what sexual attraction looks like". If you look at the comments section of the video, there are all kinds of people saying how the guy is creepy or that the video makes them uncomfertable. In fact it made me uncomfertable when i first watched the video. However from my understanding, this is the essence of sexual tension. So my question is, was this a good visual example of how sexual tension is like in real life? Thanks.
How the hell do you "raise"
How the hell do you "raise" your skin?
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