Girl Changes Her Mind Too Much? Try This

Thanks, Funman; glad you're finding the site so useful.

On your questions, yes, I've certainly done a lot of reading... I've been interested in psychology and relationship dynamics my entire life, have been conducting "social experiments" since before puberty, and once I was involved in learning seduction I read everything I could and trained with or corresponded with many of the most best guys there were when I was just starting out. I'm a regular reader of the latest scientific literature and keep abreast of developments in neuroscience, psychology, and sociology (in addition to things like materials science and technology, etc.).

On my "method," on paper it'd would look something like this:

1. Warm up / build social momentum (talk to lots of new people, especially women)

2. Open, and get investment from women right away to screen out women who aren't interested / are non-compliant

3. Engage in some light banter to get her comfortable

4. Move into deep diving; screen her by having her explains dreams, motivations, and rationale for why she's doing the things she's doing

5. Mid-rapport, move her somewhere to sit down and talk more intimately

6. Continue deep diving, interspersed with chase framing and other occasional, light humor to keep things from getting too heavy or intense

7. Continue escalating investment as things progress

8. Propose that we head home, to watch a movie or have a nightcap

9. Kiss her within 10 minutes of taking her home; preferably, as soon as we walk through the door

10. Escalate to sex

On articles, see here:

How to Get a Girl

... as a getting started guide, or here:

How to Find the Woman You Most Want: A 10-Step Process

... as an even more comprehensive guide to articles and getting going using the site.

And, on sales... yes, absolutely. I've never met a very talented salesman who wasn't also very talented with women. If you can talk people into parting with their hard-earned dollars... you can talk women into bed, as well.

And of course, the very BEST salesman will make you think it was all YOUR idea to begin with! Sales really is about being able to read what people need, and fit what you have to offer to their needs (and make them HAPPY about it, too; you won't last long if you're selling a crappy product or have a lot of dissatisfied customers). If you have a chance to learn sales - especially if you have a chance to learn sales from someone who's very good - I can't recommend it enough.

Cheers,
Chase

Hey Balla,

The hot / cold thing is something you'll see with women who are alternating between warmth and auto-rejection for you. Some part of them has already given up being able to get what it wants out of you, and hates your guts. The other part still has some hope.

This is another reason why I dislike social circle. You make a mistake and move too slow with a girl and make her hate you, and instead of being able to drop her and meet new girls, you've got to keep running into this girl who thinks you're a horrible human being for not being her lover / boyfriend and now won't even LET you be her lover / boyfriend instead of having new girls rotate in. Very dispiriting.

The best thing you can do in these situations is make yourself more attainable, get a lot of physical contact in (after she's warmed up), and, perhaps most importantly, let her see you being preselected and desired by other women, which forces her to reassess her ego protective judgment against you.

On not falling in love, Ricardus has a post up on it here:

How to Not Fall in Love (Too Soon)

Stated quickly, it's:

1. Don't think about her too much
2. Have enough women you're meeting and setting up dates that you CAN'T think about her too much

The emotion of love comes almost entirely from devoting the majority of your mental free time to thinking over and over and over again about a person. Stop yourself from doing that, and you'll stop yourself from falling in love.

Chase

Howdy Vaughn,

Being in-control and decisive with women comes from two things:

1. Training and conditioning
2. Having stronger wants or needs than the woman does

If you've got #2 going on, you'll naturally lead. This one's why you see a lot of dynamic, energetic guys do very well with women from early ages - they simply naturally have stronger desires for whatever it is they desire than most women do, and the person with the greater desire wins (e.g., your desire's to have her as your lover; hers is to have you as her friend; if your desire is stronger, you'll lead her to being your lover, and she'll eventually yield to your greater desire).

If you don't have #2, then you've simply got to train yourself to lead better, by gradually asking for more and more investment out of women and get women moving with you and follow you. Purely and simply, practices makes perfect.

On emotions: that's going to happen when things are still new for you. There's no way around it. You can probably think of anything you're good at, whether it's poker or polo, and remember being frustrated and upset about making mistakes or euphoric at achieving victories when you were new. Once you're experienced, those mistakes don't even make you bat an eyelash (because you know they're not the end of the world), and those victories hardly raise your excitement levels (because you've had plenty of them before).

So, if you want to be a better leader, practice leading; and if you want to have calmer emotions, get more experience getting both wins and defeats, until they reach the point where they roll off you with nary a thought.

Chase

Howdy Student,

That's one I actually have little personal experience with, since I'm rarely at sporting events and most of the time I have gone it's been with girlfriends. So, I can't make promises... but I'm looking at bringing on some new writers in 2013, so I'll keep an eye out for any guys who might have tried this or even found some sort of consistent method here.

I could extrapolate and make some educated guesses on what would work in a sports arena, but I'm loathe to hand out anything to try that's speculation and I haven't tried it out personally yet - so, let's just hold on and see if any newer writers this coming year have any expertise with this one.

Chase

Hi Anon,

Black girls are an interesting case of women who are typically both 1) more experienced with guys with game, and 2) generally in slightly lower demand than other ethnicities, statistically speaking. Because of these factors, they tend to have a stronger idea about what they want, and are more realistic about men than your average white girl dreaming of a perfect Prince Charming to come whisk her off her feet and carry her away to his castle to abide in wedded bliss forever. Most black girls you'll meet, even at earlier ages, tend to see men as more three-dimensional human beings and don't begrudge them a few flaws, whereas white women don't tend to reach this point in the West until their early to mid 30s, when demand for them subsides and they're forced to see men not as commodities but as individuals.

With black girls, you generally want to use more innuendo, more chase framing, and more sharp wit. If you deep dive too quickly without enough early (and smooth!) banter, they'll tend to see you as "not very experienced."

Basically, think of talking to an attractive white girl in her 20s as talking to someone who is utterly CONVINCED that whatever you're saying is 100% about her, and think of talking to an attractive black girl in her 20s as talking to someone who is completely certain that whatever you're saying is the same thing you've said to 500 other women already.

So, rather than err on the side of more deep connection, you want to err on the side of cooler / sharper / more charming wit and banter, and only once she's very warm to you do you start getting to know her.

In that way, black women are both easier and harder; they're more forgiving of game mistakes, but they're much sharper at figuring out what guys are actually confident and have good sense of humor, and which guys are just throwing stuff at the wall to see what sticks.

Get some good banter, be a little more over-the-top with your facial expressions and body language than you would be with a white girl or Asian girl, be a bit more bad boy and a bit more sexual (but not too much, still), and you'll find you're able to translate your approach effectively this way.

Chase

Howdy Funman-

On sales, all my mentors were guys I knew in real life. So, none I could recommend there - but books-wise, Chet Holmes's The Ultimate Sales Machine was a great read. Lots of good information in there, and you can tell from Chet's teaching and storytelling style that he's clearly a talented seller.

On the video clip, good scene; depends what you're looking for, but the main thing that's happening here is that Clooney's talking past Roberts's anger and objections in a very calm, controlled way to keep things moving while she unloads her animosity so they can get to more steady conversation. He's sitting the way he's sitting (at an angle) rather than straight in the table as Roberts is to avoid communicating that he means to stay long (and, hence, raise some real objections out of her, or, alternately, look bad when he leaves after not that long), and he's maintaining an impish smile that's both warm and mildly conciliatory in an effort to disarm her.

Romance novels... no, haven't read any, although that's certainly an interesting note on the flirting example!

Cheers,
Chase

Hey Carles,

I read a lot of science journals, especially neuroscience stuff. The mentioning of the loss of emotions causing a loss of motivation was an offhand comment a researcher made in an article I read a year back or so, but I can't quite remember where. I feel like it was in Discover Magazine, though it could've been Scientific American.

Aside from that, emotions as motivators is simply a conclusion I've arrived at from my own experience with and tests using emotions - mine and others'. It seems a simple explanation - what is excitement but motivation to get to work achieving something the brain believes offers rewards it wants, or depression but the brain's way of taking an individual who feels like he's failing to take a step back and mull over in his mind what, exactly, the problem is? Depressed individuals have been shown to think about things at a much deeper level than non-depressed individuals, and to be better able to solve complex problems. Hunger, sex, love, hate - all emotion motivators for achieving specific internal objectives.

Now, where the internal objectives that emotions drive you to achieve come from is a more interesting question. Obviously, there are higher level objectives - e.g., become the best hockey player in the world, become a CEO of a Fortune 500 business. But those higher level objectives are most likely simply the most assured path a given individual has to succeed at achieving a kernel objective - for instance, by becoming a great hockey player, he can be loved and remembered by all; and with the background and training he has, he's simply got a much surer bet of becoming a legendary hockey player than he has of becoming a legendary actor.

Lots of fascinating nuances when you delve into emotions and objectives, and there's still a lot to explore there from a psychological / neuroscientific point of view.

Chase

Hey Maxz,

A better answer for this is, "No, no... I'm too busy to have a girlfriend; it just wouldn't be fair to the girl." This way you're not answering with something that's so far outside her zone of familiarity that she simply can't relate (e.g., this man is a man I cannot understand), while you're also being a challenge and something of a Byronic hero in need of "saving" from your self-imposed loneliness.

You also set reasonable expectations of not being especially available, and not someone who'll easily say "yes" to being in a relationship.

When you say you're not exclusive to one woman (which I did for a long time), the problem you have with it is that it feels like a conscious choice, and people will dislike you for choosing to do anything consciously. When, on the other hand, you're simply too busy to have a girlfriend, well, that's not a conscious choice - and in any event, that's a GOOD sign to women - a busy man is an ambitious one, and one who's going places.

Use "too busy" and "wouldn't be fair to her" rather than "don't have girlfriends." It's less final, more challenging, and because you're chalking it up to life circumstances rather than personal choice, it's something women understand far better, will give you a lot less flak for, and are far less to enter into auto-rejection over.

Chase

Hi Anon,

I have a post on decisiveness for men / leading planned at some point on this topic, but essentially you've got to override the desire to check and double-check and triple-check and so on something, and simply get yourself more accustomed to firing from the hip.

You've got to begin to get mad about indecision, recognize how unmansculine it appears, and start telling yourself you're not doing this anymore and instead you're just going to decide and deal with the consequences later if you decided wrong.

Chase

Hey Anon,

This all depends on how strong (or not) your emotions are for her.

If your emotions aren't that strong, you can go back to being friends with her pretty quickly. If they're somewhat strong though, you want to give yourself some time and stop yourself from falling into jealousy.

Most of the time, it's a LOT easier for women to rebound than it is for men, simply because women always have men lined up ready to help them "get back on their feet" (or back on their backs... *ahem*), while men coming out of relationships tend to be slowly climbing back to sufficiency with women again (unless you're high intermediate or advanced at getting girls, in which case you'll be back on your feet in no time). There's little more demotivating than see your girl out partying and clubbing and dating and picking up guys, and a lot of girls get a kick out of showing this off to former boyfriends to make them "realize what they're missing out on" and keep those men in close orbit around them.

I'd recommend a cooling off period from this girl. Tell her you need it, and the two of you can pick up your friendship again in a little bit. Go out, sleep with some new girls, and find some girls you really like to bring into your life; once you've done that, you'll be fine renewing your old friendship with this girl if you still want to (you may find that you don't, though).

Chase

Hi Asky,

Actually, I was a tire salesman who didn't want to go to college, and ended up eventually going and getting a degree in Management with a minor in Supply Chain. I went to Penn State, because it was a party school with a large student body that I wouldn't have to worry about getting too "known" in when my social skills were still pretty atrocious.

Not what you expected, right?

My sister's the dual English-psych major. I'm the guy who figured there's not much money to be made in the arts or the sciences, and I don't want to be writing on a shoestring budget or having all my science owned by the universities or companies who pay for the grants.

So, money first, scientific / academic contributions later. I'll worry about those once I'm no longer worried about paying the bills ;)

Chase

Hey Anon,

The best tips I have for that one are to do some approaching at a mall or on the street, and build up momentum meeting new girls there.

If you're talking about actually in the school itself though, here's a tip I picked up off of the coolest kids in my old high school: be friendly and greet everyone. Walk around and say, "Hey Tim, how's classes today? How'd you do on that physics test? Pretty crazy how much it snowed this week, isn't it?" "Hey Elsie, what's new? I noticed you got a new backpack; something wrong with the old one?"

Gets you in the habit of greeting and talking to everyone - which not only makes you very well-liked, but also makes it a lot easier when you want to go up and talk to the pretty girls, too.

Chase

Hi Anon,

Some of the business majors don't require much math. You'll typically need to struggle through a course on calculus or so in most universities, but once you're beyond that there isn't too much if you go into management or marketing. However, the prospects for those jobs are slim; only about 1/3 of marketing majors actually get marketing jobs (the rest take crappy sales jobs coming out of college, like working for an insurance agency); and you're simply not going to have an easy time getting a management job coming out of college (you need a minor, at least; something like supply chain or computer science).

You might be able to go into an artistic field, like fashion or graphic design, although it can be hard to get decent pay doing these right out of school.

Computer science degrees require a fair amount of math, but from what I understand most of the math isn't too bad. Considering how big a part of the economy computers and the Internet have become and continue to become, it's hard to go wrong with this field. Developers who are skilled at coding in PHP command about $150 an hour right now, and you can do this work freelancing from home if you like, on a website like oDesk or Freelancer (you could even start taking simple jobs on these for low amounts of money now, and get paid to learn how to do them). Ruby and Python are some other popular programming languages that are very in-demand at the moment. JavaScript is a big corporate favorite; if you want a job coding for a corporation, JS tends to be the way to go.

There are also emerging fields like social media and web design and Internet marketing, that some schools offer majors or courses in. These have the potential to make you good money if you're good, but there's a lot of competition from people in India and the Philippines pushing prices on mid-level and lower jobs down (although most of them aren't especially talented at the higher levels).

For everything else, I think you more or less need math. You DO want to learn math; you don't have to be great with it, but having some basic mathematical ability is necessary to do a lot of things in business and many fields.

For some kinds of math, you can find games that will teach you - that makes learning a lot more interesting and less dry, and makes it easier to retain what you've learned. For other kinds, you can find "learning hacks" (like this one for learning calculus).

Also, take the mentality of gaining exposure to something - you might not master trigonometry on the first pass, but if you study the material and test yourself repeatedly, you'll start picking it up.

Once you have basic math concepts down, everything else tends to build on top of these.

Additionally, most professors (at least in my experience) are not very good at explaining math. The ones who like math enough to teach it tend to be so absorbed in it that they forget to explain it in ways that those who aren't math prodigies can easily grasp. So, some extent of teaching yourself from good, comprehensive material is very useful in getting math down.

Chase

Hey Anon,

Check out this one on girls taking you more seriously:

10 Ways to Have a Girl Take You Seriously – and LOVE It

When you're seeing someone regularly in real life, you always want to ask them out there, rather than via text. Probably a big part of the reason why she flaked was because she saw you in person regularly but you asked her via text; the communication to her there is, "I'm a bit too timid to ask you out in person, so I'll do it via phone."

Best thing you can do is forget it ever happened, then get into some conversation with her later on - e.g., sit next to her and say, "Hey, check out this story I saw in the news - that's totally you in that picture, isn't it? Either that or somebody Photoshopped you into the story."

See this one for more info:

Cute Girls in Class? Stop Flirting and Start DATING

Chase