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I’m writing this in the same vein as “Be Intriguing. Be Memorable.” in the hopes of encouraging you to keep your core approach to women simple. This article is about how we need to allow a girl space to show interest without overreacting.
By not trying to take advantage of every opportunity and spring into motion the moment she shows a flash of interest, we not only communicate a lack of desperation but we give a girl the space she needs to expand on her already present good feelings naturally (without effort or thought).
If you give her space to feel her attraction, then the seeds you plant, no matter how small, will come across clearly. A clear and simple approach allows precision, consistency, adaption, and also abides by the Law of Least Effort.
Comments
How do you balance
How do you balance downplaying interest with escalation?
It comes down to timing. I
It comes down to timing. I escalate when a girl meets my personal requirements, when I don't feel rushed, and when the next steps are clear in my mind. I make the choice of when its right based on that kind of stuff, and how it feels. If you can pay attention to the timing without letting nerves get to you, you will be able to combine escalation in a very fluid way while downplaying her interest.
I know that isn't totally explainatory but thats the sort of direction you should be looking
I think you may be onto something
I have to admit I started out being slightly confused by this article but by the time I'd finished it I found myself going over my interactions and noticing this pattern in almost every one that's gone well. The girls I do best with are the ones I haven't been that into from the start and have developed rather than ones I've been 'mad about' and what you've said here makes sense.
The one girl who confuses me the most I have this full-on/full-off kind of 'relationship' with either she's full-on which unsettles me, or I'm literally leaping on very word, body language cue or subtle nuance. It's got worse over time because we're jumping on each other's cues. When I don't want to be 'disturbed' she's frantically trying to pull me back, seeing as a 'blow out' and then I then leap onto that cue with the virocity of a hungry shark which then has the effect of being too much for her etc etc
I really think this could help me out with this one. It's an interesting perspective.
Thanks Cody I'll put some thought/effort into this.
Thats exactly the kind of
Thats exactly the kind of relationship where this does wonders.
Just be really attentive with it and try to get it as natural as you can.
Best of luck
Cheers
Nice one!
Good job, but I think some connection with Chase's escalation windows would be more clear to most readers who didn't do it much.
Also some article on getting mindset "failing to plan means planning to fail" would be nice as most folks who read stuff actually assume that those articles will SOMEHOW make them better man, when actually you have to get there and do stuff, anytime one says "I will do it somehow and one day" he plans to fail and acts like a child. I don't know how but one should get rid of this shit until not too late.
Next problem I see in friends is that they really fail to recognize that they're valuable just as anybody else and they can and should make their needs a priority, but they're taught by society not to be this way and worse for them.
As I see some improvements in my game after reading some of your stuff, I am glad you shine spotlight on those subtle social dynamics.
Great style, takes time to understand but as I run through interactions I had it applies much. Actually your stuff is more valuable when we have some solid experience already, cause most folks will get cognitive disonance.
Nice article, bro, keep making women happy.
Thanks man And I agree,
Thanks man
And I agree, Chase's escalation windows is a great thing to read with this
Nice spot
Desire to live
How to become more alive and eager to live? I usually feel lazy bone in my life about everything. In chemical words it would sound something: how should I get more dopamine.
I've been there. Find a way
I've been there.
Find a way to connect what you do to a deeper driving purpose.
Focus on being spontaneous rather than regimented.
Put yourself out there so you can experience things that will change things up for you.
Awesome post Cody
I do a lot of these mistakes, I read to much into clues and do these unattractive behaviors. It breaks down the Law of Least Effort in subtle situations. Does this apply to when girls give you subtle interest before approaching her, being visibly nervous and assuming too much? How do I find middle ground on a cold approach? Thanks
You bet it does! Most girls
You bet it does! Most girls see guys assuming aggressively and HAVE to take a defensive stand, which leads to them trying to corkscrew their way away from you, if not immediately then later.
You'll notice that if you overhype her interest she'll start tensing her lips, slightly raising her eyebrows, and puffing up her chest, and then she'll eventually bail in a way that makes you feel kind of flat footed.
It isn't because she doesn't like you, its just that you HAVE to understand the correct level of assumption.
The correct level is to assume that ALL initial interest is just an indication of her "being on board for the time being", no more, because girls NEVER invest all their eggs in a basket they just looked at once or twice.
She is just giving you flattering looks so she can dip her toe in, so just respond by dipping your toe in, don't throw yourself and all your eggs into her basket.
You want to talk to other girls if possible in order to not think its all or nothing right away.
This is a more coherent and
This is a more coherent and clear explanation than the article itself.
Overnight mindset shift
Hey, masters,
I have been reading your articles from time to time and happy with it, but one thing that actually changed a lot is the mindset shift of "I feel obligation" kind of thing. Like I was stuck and unable to do anything with my life just a victim of circumstances.
One evening after reading an article and discussing with friend that I feel obligation to live by society's rules and never hurt anyone, be as nice as possible... I understood that I don't have to. I have made a deal with this friend of "For a week I will slow down and act as if this problem didn't exist" (as I am usually impatient and messing up with everything, being in a hurry usually is a sign of missing control)...
And you know what - changes could be seen overnight. Not only feelings changed but my mindset was completely other, when I simply acted as if I don't owe anything to anyone. As I aim to be a fixer I admit that to get some things you need to pay for them. Not only in shops buying food, but to get skills you need to pay with your time and effort... But it doesn't make my a victim anymore. I can control fascinating mind that is me who learns fast, loves learning and is interesting for others.
This wasn't affirmations (maybe inclinations then?) or anything, just desicion to act as if I hadn't had the problem I thought I had... And how great it feels to finally let go "validate validate validate me!" kind of thing as I know that people all are interested in their lives, and in me as much as I am relevant to their needs. This is how it goes and I think it's great. And it's my life we're talking about, so if I fail with it - the blame is on me.
To conclude I would say that I just got out of my way, and it was all about mentality of "I don't have to live your way" is how I became freee.
Your stuff is useful, but it's more useful when you feel free to live your life. Only this time I felt genuine interest in girls and others that I couldn't feel when I was always trying to hide my perceived flaws or the ones that were uncomfortable but not so hard to fix (like dental issues, as you need to visit doctors).
One article I would think would be useful for folks: "How to change your mindset" sort of article, to describe how mindsets are actually changed.
Best wishes :)
Exactly
This "I don't have to..." mentality really detached me from others influence of tellings "When you do X you should feel Y", like "If girl pays for your date you should feel shame, because you should be gentelman" kind of shit.
You guys have enough courage to say how it works, not how it is supposed to work according to tales of most people who have no experience and maybe no drive to succeed.
That is no small thing,
That is no small thing, awesome work. I think you are right that its easier to utilise good advice after you've really taken back your own freedom, because before you have cut free from your binds you feel obligated to cut certain parts of advice off and be self conscious, rather than focus on what can happen if you tweak it.
Like you just explained, feeling free helps you understand things better.
Good to hear about your change
Doesn't this conflict with chase advice?
Hey man I liked this article but it got me confused, doesn't this go against the Always Assume Attraction article that Chase wrote?
Most men assume attraction in
Most men assume attraction in the wrong ways, this illustrates how to better achieve the goal of assuming attraction.
You want to assume attraction for yourself, but downplay it for the goal.
This "dual role" might seem confusing but it really comes down to
1) Realise girls like you
2) Then stop over compensating and internalise the belief in a classy way
Think of this as a latter stage of the progression of assuming attraction.
If you ASSUME disinterest, I recommend focusing on assuming attraction until that is sorted. Once your mindset has changed and assuming interest is easy for you, tone it down with the advice I shared here.
Chase Frames
This seems like ligament advice. It also appears at first glance to be in conflict with the concept of chase frames. I'm curious how you reconcile these two concepts?
On the contrary, this causes
On the contrary, this causes women to chase you very consistently, so achieves similar results from a slightly altered approach.
Look at this as a more subtle and effective way to balance your signals of attraction, and only do it as ready and as you begin to understand.
If you are not ready for this, I suggest having patience, because understanding of these concepts and how they are compatible cannot really be forced.
Chase Frames
Cody that didn't really address the issue. I'll bee more clear. The conflict is not that the technique will not cause girls to chase. It's that you are setting different frames.
What you are advocating for is "downplaying her interest in you." This will creates a few good frames. One is that her affection is NO BIG DEAL. This can cause a girl to chase for a couple different reasons.One of which is her attempting to reject your downplaying her interest. She shows you interest and you downplay it so she shows more. It's a subtle push pull. But this framing technique is inherently different than those advocated for in secrets-getting-girls-chase-framing.
"When we talk about using humor to set a chase frame, one of the main reasons why this is so effective is because every time you joke about a woman chasing after you, fantasizing about you, or doing something with you, you are painting that picture in her head." Chase Amante
Here's the perceived conflict. You're advocating for "downplaying her interest in you.
Chase Frames inherently rely on assuming a woman's interest and pointing it out or exaggerating it in a joking manner. Still with a subtle undertone that it's not a big deal.
Example:
"You’re really quite cute. Wow. I mean, don’t get any ideas now, you need to wine and dine me a lot before we doing anything crazy. But just saying." Chase Amante
I think your advice is compatible with this technique but it would be helpful to your readers if you address this nuance.
See http://www.girlschase.com/content/secrets-getting-girls-chase-framing. See also http://www.girlschase.com/content/showing-interest-and-keeping-it
See, a lot of guys have women
See, a lot of guys have women on the fence about them, so the girls will reject sexual humor and attempts to get her to invest. What my advice is aimed at is to make the girl more likely to respond to sexual humor and attempts to get her to invest, by giving attraction a high ceiling before you flinch or jump.
If you take her attraction too far, too early, she will block your attempts at humor because you are setting the "ceiling" too low, she hits into this ceiling and you go nuts, so she limits her reactions.
Think of it this way, Chase's ceiling is high, and so the girl can laugh and squeal and he won't flinch, but another guy's ceiling is low, a girl chuckles and he flips out and pulls out an engagement ring.
Chases articles in short they both allude to creating a bubble where a girl is engaged and invested in a comfortable way.
Think of my advice as somewhat preparing you to do what chase suggests by making room for that bubble to exist (setting a higher ceiling if you like). Indicating to the woman that she can open herself up to sexuality and investment that you offer in the form of humor and encouragement.
Its like letting a woman know it is ok to enjoy herself before you kiss her, because if you rush her and come at her with your moves she might get stiff.
This is where this article fits in, as a prelude to effective treatment of the act.
BUT also this advice is more than just a prelude, but also where the techniques head.
As sexual humor becomes more subtle and common place, you will tend to gravitate more towards downplayed humor rather than explosiveness of any kind, because it shows greater control.
The way I use chases example of chase frames is very subtle, almost inperceptible in some cases (as I can be quite dry), I tend to be more precise. If you really want to understand how to get from chases examples to mine, try to spot when and where to apply chases idea and then apply mine to tone it all down.
But keep in mind, there are two ways to get girls, one is by making her carefree and the other is to make her feel secure that you are a good choice. This article deals more with giving her security whilst chases advice is showing you how to utilise her carefree nature.
Learning to use and balance BOTH is a skill you will want to learn if you can.
Spot on
The other day I had this woman in my car when she started complaining about tightness in her shoulder. So I reached over and gave her a light massage which she normally doesn't allow me to do but I was feeling something from her. Then after she was obviously positioning her shirt to reveal her breast and stomach area which she usually covers up. Sensing some strong vibes I suddenly switched from being the easy going fun guy that allowed her to feel that way to being uptight and eager to capitalize on this perceived opportunity. My whole demeanor changed and looking back it seems at that moment she stopped giving me those good vibes. So I think you are spot on with this article. I should have downplayed these signs, thinking they were only temporary on her part and should have continued doing what I was doing before. Good article.
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