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One
of the themes that keeps coming up on this site is framing… and more
specifically, sexual framing.
We've covered this topic before in posts like “Chase Framing” and my original
post on the sexual frame,
and I’m returning to it here to answer some of the questions guys had
for me over on sexual frame post #1 and flesh out the how-to of sexual
framing a bit more.
In terms of your fundamentals, it is really THE most important skill, because it determines the meaning of everything you say, and hence the impact of your words and therefore also the outcome of all your interactions!
Once you’re at ninja level with your verbal frame control skills, you can put any kind of “stamp” on any interaction with women… or with anyone else, really.
You can turn any conversation sexual, which also means that you can turn almost any relationship sexual.
By the same token, you can also turn any conversation into a monogamous relationship, if you so choose.
BUT here’s the problem:
If you DON’T understand framing… if you DON’T have this skill down PAT, you will STILL be setting frames, but without being aware of it... because every word out of your mouth comes with a frame.
Comments
Hey, I would like to ask you
Hey,
I would like to ask you guys for some conversation examples about sexual framing, and also in your future articles. I always have an easier time visualizing something when an example is given, and as that might also be the case of other readers here, maybe it would be benefitial for all of us.
Hey Denis,Sure... I have a
Hey Denis,
Sure... I have a few very specialized sexual framing tools that I teach phone coaching students but otherwise keep close to the chest, mainly because while they work very well they also follow a very specific process that would make them stop working quite so well if everybody and his brother were doing them! I can give you a few more generalized examples than this, though.
As an example.... let's say she tells you that she went abroad for a month (and you can get her to talk about traveling she's done pretty easily), you could then say something like:
"Wow, that's cool... I like that you're so adventurous and live life to the fullest. I mean... I'm the same way, especially since I got caught in an earthquake one day and realized how fragile life really is... I decided to live every day as if it was my last. But you know what else that tells me about you... it tells me that you're a really independent person, and you do what you want without worrying too much what other people think. I bet some people told you not to go, but you went anyway... because you're the type of girl who, when you really want something, just goes for it."
Did you see all the frames in there?
- We are both adventurous and hedonistic, because life is short
- She's independent, which inoculates against cock blocks and society's judgments
- She goes after what she wants (sex with me, tonight)
Hope that helps... again I have a process to set ALL the frames in ONE go systematically and one by one, but with currently seven million readers / year I wouldn't be doing right by our phone coaching students if I gave it away on the blog because then it would work for a few more months before everyone would start getting called out on it. But the above will get you started, and more importantly it will give you an idea how you can set all the other frames too. Review this article for a complete list of frames to set:
http://www.girlschase.com/content/9-secrets-being-sexual-man
Cheers,
Ricardus
Feedback
I am very interested in the concept of frames and grateful to this website for introducing it to me.
Correct me if I'm wrong, Ricardus, but in this article you seem to assume that the frame set (consciously or otherwise) by the man is objective and that women will interpret it in the same way. Surely, just as men vary in their awareness of the frame they are setting up then women, too, will vary in how they perceive and 'get' that?
There may be a lot of truth to your contention that "every time you open your mouth your values and world-views get communicated" but it must be remembered that there is a person on the other end of that communication who, for a variety of reasons (language, culture, age, state of intoxication etc) will perceive/process it differently.
I choose to frame this dilemma positively, as a useful challenge to be surmounted in one's development in the social arts (:
Hey Think_Bond... sure, some
Hey Think_Bond... sure, some women won't understand what you're even talking about when you engage in this subtle form of communication... but most of the time, it will hit and here is why: women are NATURALLY much more implicit communicators.
As an example, if you tell your girl-friend that you wanna stay home tonight and watch the game, she will get on the phone with her friends and they will spend two hours trying to figure out what you really MEAN by that.
"Does he mean that he doesn't want to go out with me? Did I do something wrong? Maybe he is trying to punish me for that time I flirted with that guy? Or did he mean that he wants me to come over and watch the game with him? WHAT COULD HE MEANNN?"
And the answer is, he probably meant that he wants to watch the game tonight. Men usually communicate explicitly. They say what they mean, end of. Women do not... they communicate implicitly and they also read the implicit meanings in your communication. That's why framing is so useful for meeting women.
Hope that helps,
Ricardus
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