Relationships | Page 9 | Girls Chase

Relationships

The continuing and ongoing encounters and involvement you maintain with a woman once you've slept together and become intimate -- whether weeks or months or years -- or more.

Polyamory, Pt.2: What to Look for in Potential Partners

potential poly-partners
Women who are open to polyamory are few and far between, especially in conservative environments. To find poly-partners, you need to look outside the box.

Let’s start right off with a disclaimer:

If you identify as conservative, you may find a lot of what I say in this article offensive. Bear in mind that I define “conservative” in a very specific way, and you may not have the same definition of it as I do.

In my last article, I talked about polyamory and one of my wonderful experiences within my polyamorous relationships. If that article piqued your interest and you’re interested in starting a polyamorous lifestyle, you probably have some questions. One of the most pressing questions you may have is:

“How can I find attractive, high-value women who would actually agree to being in a polyamorous relationship with me?”

How to Build a Harem, Pt 3: Compartments and Precedent

Compartments and Precedent
For your harem to last, you must compartmentalize your girls and life in such a way as to respect Queen Theory… or drama will send it all crashing down.

Welcome back to the Harem series! It’s been a while. In Parts 3 and 4, we’ll cover some juicy stuff. In Part 1, we talked about Queen Theory and why all the girls you’re dating must always be made to feel like your number-one priority.

In another supplement to this series, we talked about the differences and issues between monogamous and non-monogamous dating structures. In Part 2, we talked about jealousy and the role of discretion, why they exist, and how to manage them (as they are inevitable).

If you haven’t had a chance to review those articles, I highly recommend you do so to catch up on the concepts, because this and upcoming articles will build upon all of them, such as the different tiers of girlfriends a man can have, and how his lifestyle and capacity for girls go hand-in-hand.

We’ll cover how to structure your relationship compartments to respect Queen Theory, protect all your different relationships, and maintain a woman’s social face.

Escape Routes in Dating and the Open Door Policy

escape routes and open doors
In the dating world, neediness is poison. By giving her escape routes and keeping an open-door policy, she’ll discover you’re no ordinary sap… and start chasing.

Every day, I kiss the gods’ feet for allowing me to escape The Land of Incels. Did you know that 7% of men sleep with nearly all the world’s most beautiful women? I didn’t make that stat up. It’s hard science, like Newtonian Gravity. Indisputable.

Most men live in extreme romantic scarcity, an arid wasteland, devoid of connection with women – with themselves, even. They wander through existential deserts, seeking that Disney-esque moment when they’ll be introduced to some random, half-cut unicorn at the staff Christmas party. And that’s how it is for 93% of us.

Of course, this kind of introduction rarely, if ever, happens – well, not to me anyway. If they finally attract a hot girl, those ancient fears arise: losing her attention, sensing her attraction dipping. At her slightest withdrawal, they’ll claw desperately for it, like a puppy at a milk-loaded teat.

They don’t want her to abandon them, and the harder they grasp for reassurance of commitment, the weaker the strings of intimacy become. Until one day, they finally crumble, like bone dust through their heavily moisturized fingers.

In dating and seduction, neediness is poison, and abundance is honey. It’s contrary to everything we’ve been taught in the West: that the man who provides the most, who is the sweetest, most caring, doting, and available, will win the fair maiden’s heart for all eternity. This is fake news. It’s a load of rubbish and doesn’t work for the average guy.

Women are repulsed by neediness. They want a man who challenges them to be their best selves. They should feel as if they have just enough of your attention, and if they were to slip up, you could fall for another girl. She needs to chase you.

It’s natural to want someone if you find them attractive. But keeping a girl cornered, psychologically or physically, is not only poor game but relationship blackmail. It will always have the opposite, paradoxical effect. Approach game requires some push-pull, some abundance mentality – as do longer relationships.

In the A-to-Z of seduction, the girl must feel she’s in a relationship out of choice – that she’s better off with you than without you. Whether it’s one night or for life, she’s invested, not coerced or manipulated. The more she invests, the bigger the loss if the prospect were to collapse.

Tactics Tuesdays: Kick Her Out or Leave (at Least Once)

kick her out
When you kick a girl out (or leave her place yourself), you set excellent precedent – for the long-term of that relationship.

There's one very special thing you should do with every girlfriend you plan to be with longer than a month or two.

It's a thing she will always remember - one of those memories that sticks in the brain.

She may not necessarily cherish it... but then again, she may.

That thing is to kick her out.

You can also leave. Though leaving is less powerful than giving a girl the boot.

You don't want to do this capriciously. You should only do this if a girl truly gives you a good reason to.

Fortunately, women being the boundary-testers they are, sooner or later every girl will give you a good reason.

And when you give her the boot - or take your stuff and go - you set a precedent for the entire rest of the relationship that makes everything else you do easier... because it's backed up with teeth.

Are Casual Hookups Worse Than Relationship Sex?

casual hookup vs relationship sex
Most experienced guys will agree that relationship sex is better than casual hookups. But that’s not to say you should limit yourself to one or the other.

I’ve read and heard many, many, many times that sex in a relationship is better than casual sex.

You’ll see it said in most media – be it television, movies, books, or on social feeds – that being a player and having lots of casual sex is empty and unfulfilling.

While there is some truth to this sentiment, I want to dispel some of the negative connotations surrounding casual sex.

Firstly, realize some possible motivations behind the negativity.

If a man says that casual sex is empty and relationship sex is fulfilling, he will usually fall under one of a few categories.

He is most likely a guy who doesn’t get laid a lot, is envious of those who do, and tries to shame them. To dissuade other men from banging lots of girls, he will advise against casual sex. He will poison the lifestyle with claims that it robs you of meaningful connections and is a waste of time. He’ll say that you shouldn’t disrespect women by seeing them as sex objects.

This guy is wrong for reasons you already are aware of – the pursuit of women is a worthy one. There are higher goals than chasing pussy, but it’s something almost every man needs to learn, at least to a degree.

There are also women who aren’t that competitive in the dating market, so they look to undermine men – either consciously or unconsciously – from pursuing other women during their sexual adventures. Ironically, this crusade against casual sex rarely stops the protesting women themselves from engaging in it.

Occasionally, you’ll hear this from a conservative, high-value girl, but it’s usually her reacting to a specific conversation rather than going out of her way to denounce casual sex. And don’t forget about the girl who just got pumped and screwed by some guy – she’s going to cry about casual sex being lame, but the real issue is she’s mad that the guy she gave it up for didn’t want more.

Men who are experienced but not expressing themselves clearly or are currently in a down state might also criticize the player lifestyle. It generally doesn’t come from a bad place and is usually the most informative of the “casual sex is inferior to relationship sex” arguments, but one should take pause when reading or listening to such criticism.

There is an important nuance when considering whether casual hookups are inferior to relationship sex.

Do You Keep Thinking “I Need a Girlfriend”? Read This First

I Need a Girlfriend
Do you need a girlfriend? Maybe. But perhaps you’d be better off without one right now. These considerations will help you decide.

What I’ve learned over many years of teaching, mentoring, and coaching, is that my desires have not always matched those of my students and clients.

One of my most common recommendations for guys at all levels is to sleep with a few women before settling down with one.

I know – from both ends of experience – why this can be helpful for men. My first serious girlfriend was the girl I lost my virginity to. Then, a few months into dating, we had to shift to a long-distance relationship when I went off to college.

The relationship itself wasn’t bad, and I learned a lot. Additionally, my life has led me to where I am, so I have no regrets. But regarding that long-term relationship, there were many better paths I could have taken, given how many chances I had with hot, thirsty girls at college.

It’s tough to judge the past from the future, since it is self-evident that the past – every detail and crease – led to this future.

As for girlfriends, something that takes time and focus on your part... that’s a tricky subject.

When should you have a girlfriend?

The question “Do I need a girlfriend?” comes to mind, as a teacher of the romantic arts. But for many guys out there, it takes the form of “I need a girlfriend.” Two different sentiments, but both lead to the same inquiry if one is calm and introspective.

There are times in your life when a girlfriend is nice but not necessary. There are also times when you really shouldn’t have a girlfriend, and there are times when you really need one.

Polyamory: I Went on a Date with Two Women at the Same Time

polyamory pt1
Some feel genuinely unfulfilled by reserving their love for just one partner. Is polyamory better understood as a sexual orientation rather than a lifestyle?

As the title says, I recently had a date with two women at the same time. Now, I know what you might be thinking: “Did he forget that he already had a date that night? Did he accidentally double-book? Did he screw up? Was there a fight? Were there tears?”

Well, the answer to all those questions is a resounding “no”.

This was my first ever “triad date” with two partners that I’m regularly seeing. We all agreed to it and planned it out carefully. For about a year now, I’ve been (fairly successfully, I think) following a polyamorous lifestyle, and I’d like to tell you all about it because I feel like some of the readers here might be interested in expanding their horizons and exploring this lifestyle.

Those of you following Adam Lyons might already know about polyamory, but for those of you not in-the-know, allow me to explain.

Should You Ever Date a Girl with Baggage? The SMV Discussion

girl with baggage
Every girl has baggage. But should you date one with a lot of baggage... And how do you deal with baggage a girlfriend brings into your relationships?

Commenting on my article about starting a relationship with a new girlfriend, a reader named Arik writes:

Hi Chase,

I’ve been gaming for a while and defintively gotten amazing things from it in all areas of my life. I met a girl that I really like and would like to move foward with her. She has had a bad experience with getting cheated on and feels scared of going through that again.I met her through cold approach. She is scared of me doing this all the time. If she were to find out that I do and flirt with girls boldy like that daily, it will definitively hurt her bad. I dont want stuff like that in my conciense I already talked to her about my intentions with her and pretty much following your points. Nothing official yet but clearly the ‘we can see other people until then’ wont fly well. At the same time, I know that if I stop approaching and doing game, just like with he gym, my gains will be gone and that will drive her away. I’ve seen it so many times happen to others. I am not sure how to handle this, since this is the first girl I want to push things with from game. All this time I’ve been focused on getting good and refusing to settle with girls I met. You talked briefly on ideas of how to handle this, but If you could elaborate further, I would greatly appreciate it .

Thanks!

First, a few notes directly to Arik’s situation. If a girl is adamant that you don’t approach other women, and you assure her you won’t, you’ve made a choice. You could lie and do it anyway... whether you are comfortable with that or want to deal with the fallout from it is a personal decision. That said, you can still flirt with women in your day-to-day life, sans cold approach... that will maintain some degree of abundance (albeit not to the level that taking things farther along with women will).

That said, what we’ll focus on in this article is not the question of Arik’s comment but rather one that occurs to me based on the situation he details. It’s that of ‘women with baggage’ – for example, this girl who’s been cheated on... and fears a repeat. Should you date a girl with baggage... and how do you manage it if you do?

Tactics Tuesdays: Realigning a Girlfriend's Beliefs

realigning a girlfriend's beliefs
How do you change a girlfriend’s beliefs, and bring them inline with yours? By shifting her personal Overton window – to alter her ideological environment.

Commenting under a prior Tactics Tuesdays article on dismissing ideological fights you want no part of, Kaelos asked:

How about in a long-term relationship with a woman, where you share similar beliefs/views but there are some mild to moderate differences on topics like feminism, frugality vs spending, child-rearing practices, small differences in religious beliefs, etc.

Is there a strategy to implement so that her beliefs/views more closely match your own well-researched beliefs/views over the long term?

We’ve talked about behavior modification on Girls Chase plenty.

What about belief modification?

Well, yes. You can absolutely change someone’s beliefs... to an extent.

To do that, first, we’re going to focus on shifting a woman’s own personal Overton window.

Female Sub-Communication Tactics: Scapegoat Framing

scapegoat frame
Women often reference third parties to covertly obtain info about you and what you want. Understanding this clandestine woman-speak can be very useful!

Women are masterful at communication. The ability for women to convey and decipher information is so sophisticated that most men completely miss the point and wind up wondering... “What the hell are these girls talking about?”

As men, we’re very direct and straightforward, saying things in ways that usually don’t have subconscious meanings. Women, on the other hand, can be circuitous and sneaky, conveying information in two layers. The first layer of communication is what’s obvious, but as we all know, the real meaning behind what women say is hidden in the next layer.

This layering of communication allows women to acquire information in a multitude of ways that aren’t apparent at first glance.

Women sub-communicate their intentions to get what they want from others. One of the best examples of this is the “scapegoat framing” tactic, which I will share with you today. It’s a means for a woman to acquire information about guys for her own purposes, while simultaneously using it as a form of influence by creating a condition around a mysterious third party.

In the last couple of months, I’ve experienced this frame on two separate occasions. In the first case, with a girl called Tanya, the frame was used to persuade and influence. In the second case, with Sarah, the frame was used to acquire information – the opposite of Tanya.