Relationships

When a woman makes relationship demands, you're in a bind. Concede and keep the girl, but lose your power. Or decline and keep your power, yet lose the girl. How do you break the bind?

If you've ever hit a relationship stumbling block, you've likely fielded relationship demands from a woman.

A 'relationship demand' is what we call it when a woman tells you, "Here's how it's got to be," or, "This is what you must do to be with me."

She sets out a mandatory term for the continuation of the relationship... which puts you in a bit of a pickle (assuming you'd like that relationship to continue).

In the Western world, everyone likes to talk about equality and the unalloyed goodness of female empowerment and all that. Yet the reality is relationships are hierarchies. One person or other will be on top.

When a woman makes demands, and you concede to them, what happens to your position relative hers inside the hierarchy?

Well, your position goes down, while hers goes up.

She accrues more relational power, while you have less relational power.

For reasons we won't get into here, this is not a desirable outcome. (if you need to understand why letting a woman be the man in a relationship is bad, read this article)

However, when she hits you with a demand, it puts you in a tight spot:

• Give into the demand, and yield relational power to her, or

• Refuse the demand, and make her feel the relationship is hopeless

Today I'll share with you an incident of how I handled relationship demands from a woman, and detail for you why and how I handled them the way I did.

When a girl pulls away, your first instinct will be to chase. Yet chasing only digs the hole deeper. Instead, stop her pulling away – then fix it.

Whether she's someone you're dating or just one you're talking to, you can go a little crazy when a girl pulls away.

In this guide I'll show you exactly how to deal with this situation, including:

• How to understand why she pulls away

• Ways to troubleshoot the root cause

• A method to halt her pulling away

• Steps to keep her around a long, long time

Let's begin.

If you view some women as virginal saintly Madonnas, and others as dissolute slutty whores, does that create problems for you?

Have you ever heard of the Madonna-whore complex?

When I was young, there was this special girl.

She played volleyball for a rival school’s team. When she’d come to play at my school, I’d watch her bounce and frolic and think: “If only she were my girl, I’d be the happiest guy in the world.”

I built her up in my imagination to be the perfect girlfriend, even though I’d never met her. She was my “one-itis.”

Fast forward a couple years. I entered high school, infiltrated her social circle, asked her out, and wow, she became my first girlfriend!

I spent a few months going to her house, making out on her couch, annoying her while she did her homework. I never slept with her because I “knew” she wasn’t ready (hah).

In retrospect, I was the one who wasn’t ready. I was young, needy, and insecure. So she dumped me.

I cried many boy tears. I left roses on her doorstep. I wrote her love letters. And then, a few days later, I saw her making out with the captain of the rugby team in front of my locker.

What? My angel must have been seduced by this evil bastard! He drugged her. He brainwashed her!

Many years later, I found her on Facebook. “You were my first girlfriend. I was crazy about you,” I said.

“Oh, I remember that. I was such a slut back then,” she replied.

And pop went my illusion of the perfect girl. By this point, I was an experienced man-whore. But I still had a Madonna-whore complex, and I saw her as a Madonna.

Early on in a relationship, women may sometimes start to doubt things. If a girl you've been seeing decides to call it quits though, you've got some options.

A reader recently brought up a situation in which a girl he'd recently started dating and sleeping with pulled a 180 and announced she'd rather they just be platonic friends.

Commenting on my article on dealing with LJBFs ("let's just be friends"), he says:

Hi Chase,

Great article!

However, I'm having a difficult time identifying which type of LJBF rejection I received in the current situation I'm in. I recently had sex three times with a coworker. We've known each other for two years but only recently started hanging out because she switched projects and no longer worked closely with me.

I will try to describe the series of events as clearly as possible.

We've hung out 4 times over the span of three weeks. Three times were exclusively at my place (2 of the 3 times we had sex) and the final time we went on a hike. Since we've been hanging out, the girl has been giving me a few signs hinting that she wanted a relationship with me although I never brought it up. First, she told two of her old coworkers that we hooked up. Second, she told me she hadn't had sex all year until we finally hooked up—leading me to believe she's a serial dater. Third, she invited me over to her apartment for breakfast with her sister, her sister's best friend, and the best friend's husband. Since we've only been seeing each other in a sexual capacity for three weeks, I told her I was busy Saturday and could not make the breakfast; however, I suggested that we go on a hike together Sunday which she accepted.

The hike was a lot of fun, she has a cool personality and we were able to talk freely with each other. At one point, we sat at this little cove we discovered and made out. Everything seemed fine. However, on the car ride home, when I suggested that we pick a new show to binge watch together this week, the girl said she thinks it's best that we be platonic friends. I was taken by surprise a little and was driving so I didn't really react to this as well as I would have liked. But the conversation seemed off to me in the first place. I figured we were just having fun and keeping things super casual, so there was no need to have this type of conversation. Her response made me believe it was about the sex we had.

If I had to describe the sex, I would have to say it was mediocre at best. Mostly due to us getting to know each other. I also think this is compounded by the fact that she knew about the great sex I used to have with an ex-girlfriend of mine and probably had very high expectations. In the car she tried to assure me that this was not the case, that she enjoyed the sex but just didn't feel a spark between us—but at the same time I wasn't hanging out with her to date her so why would there be a spark.

Ultimately, this most recent interaction has me confused and left wondering if there is something I can learn from the situation. Any help would be appreciated!

At first this seems a bit puzzling, right?

Because we know that usually, once a girl's slept with you two to four times, she's 'converted'; that is, she now views you and her as being in a sexual relationship.

You aren't dealing with all these doubts and objections any longer.

Read more: How to Convert One-Time Sex into Regular Sex

Usually it takes only 2-3 times.

Yet sometimes, even past the point of conversion, you'll continue to have to deal with women who are on the verge of ending this connection they have with you.

So... what gives?

Why do girls want to stop seeing you after they've already gotten together with you?

You should never put a woman in her place. That would be controlling or misogynistic. Right? Well actually, sometimes it's exactly what she wants.

Ever put a woman in her place, and have her love you for it?

A lot of guys are afraid to do this today. They don't want to be disrespectful. They don't want to come off as sexist. They certainly do not want to seem controlling.

Every woman tests.

This is a thing we simply deal with as men.

Sometimes though, a woman will go into testing overdrive.

She's got a bee in her bonnet (or a bug up her behind) for whatever reason. And now she's just going to nag and needle and critique you.

You'll see this most in relationships. But you'll encounter it occasionally in-field too.

And believe it or not, if you allow yourself to set aside your normally calm demeanor, and firmly put her in her place, much of the time, perhaps to your surprise, women will love you for it.

People don't cheat for no reason. The top five causes of infidelity are things that can happen to anyone – and very often do.

A surprisingly large number of my coaching clients are victims of infidelity.

If your girlfriends' friends are wild, or slutty, or quiet, or toxic, what does that tell you about her? And what can you DO about 'bad influence' friends?

If you've read this site for any length of time, you know I'm a big proponent of stringent screening for women you accept as girlfriends. Most of the major problems men face with their relationships are avoidable with proper screening.

One topic we haven't touched on much however is a girlfriend's (or prospective girlfriend's) circle.

Namely, what do a woman's friends say about her?

And how do her friends affect her... or influence her?

Because, certainly, each of us is his own man. And she's her own woman.

Yet if she surrounds herself with a certain kind of person, you'd be wise to assume it's going to rub off on her (if it hasn't already), or have some other kind of effect on her and you.