Relationships | Girls Chase

Relationships

The continuing and ongoing encounters and involvement you maintain with a woman once you've slept together and become intimate -- whether weeks or months or years -- or more.

Girlfriend with Borderline Personality Disorder: You Must Escape

Chase Amante's picture

By: Chase Amante

girlfriend with borderline personality disorderGirlfriends with borderline personality disorder can be the sexiest, most intoxicating partners you will ever have. They are also the most damaging ones you can have, and you should run.

Lately I have been hearing from more and more guys dealing with girlfriends afflicted with borderline personality disorder.

The story is always the same: the guy is crazy about this girl, he's never had a relationship this intense, the sex is off-the-charts good, but this girl is completely wrecking his life.

Usually guys know these girls are trouble and are trying to get themselves away. Sometimes they have already gotten themselves away, but they are struggling to keep themselves away. Occasionally they don't want to break up with these girls and just want to know how to fix them (spoiler: you can't).

Today's article is a public service announcement for the Girls Chase audience and the broader general Internet that if you have a girlfriend like this, you probably need to cut the cord sooner rather than later... if only to save your own soul.

Womanese: "I Didn't Want It Anyway!"

Chase Amante's picture

By: Chase Amante

womaneseEver have a woman imply she wants something… then later change to say or act like she “never wanted that anyway?” Does it mean she actually didn’t want it… or is she auto-rejecting?

Here's a place I see guys get tripped up a lot.

A woman they're courting or in a relationship with suddenly starts acting like she isn't interested in moving things forward with them. So the guy concludes, "I guess she isn't all that interested after all," and moves on to the next girl.

Meanwhile what was actually happening was the woman had started to auto-reject.

But she actually did want the guy to move things forward with her.

She only started acting like she didn't when she thought he wouldn't.

Tragically, things fall apart due to a miscommunication between the two... yet this miscommunication is all too common.

Why Women Don't (and Can't) Wait for You

Chase Amante's picture

By: Chase Amante

women don't waitYou were just about to ask her out. You were just about to make a move. You were just about to make the relationship serious. But women don’t wait for you. Why must girls be so impatient?

There's a recurring theme you see when you're in this industry long enough.

Well, actually, you see a lot of recurring themes.

But one of them is guys complaining about how women don't wait for them.

Men complain that women don't wait for them across so many domains:

  • "I wanted to ask her out, but it's like she lost interest and moved on. Why couldn't she wait for me?"

  • "We were having such a great conversation, and I was getting ready to make a move, but the emotions changed and she left. Why didn't she wait just a little longer for me?"

  • "I'd been talking to this girl for weeks and had some really great dates with her. Then she texted me she'd started seeing someone else. I thought we had a great thing. Why didn't she wait?"

  • "This girl and I were dating for five months. She kept asking me how I felt about her, and I didn't really have an answer. Then eventually she began to pull away, and broke up with me. I just realized I'm crazy about her. I want to give her everything she wanted, but it's too late. I don't understand why she didn't wait for me?"

Long-time readers know the first part of my answer: attraction has an expiration date.

Just because she's into you now doesn't mean she will be four hours from now if you don't take advantage of it while it's there.

But what about for the guys who are in relationships?

Why do women ditch guys they've been dating for months, who were just about ready to offer that next step up in the relationship those women had sought?

Is there any relation between women not waiting in relationships, where they're already intimate with the man, and women not waiting for men they're not yet intimate with?

Tactics Tuesdays: Strategic Commitment Escalation

Chase Amante's picture

By: Chase Amante

strategic commitment escalationYour girlfriend is hinting she wants to get more serious. But she won’t ask outright and you won’t go out on a limb yourself. How do you not chase – or ignore?

It's always a bit fraught dealing with the "how much does this person like me?" "how serious should this relationship be?" question.

You'll notice most people of both sexes will dance around this issue. There's a lot of tentative feeling out of the other partner. Both sexes hesitate a lot, miscommunicate, and make incorrect assumptions.

There's a reason for this: by being the first to put yourself out there and 'show all your cards' in a relationship you run the risk of all kinds of unpleasant things:

  • Maybe the other person doesn't like you as much, and feels like you're coming on too strong when you do

  • Maybe the other person likes you a lot more, and feels disappointed at how uninterested you seem to be

  • Maybe you totally misread the other person and actually s/he was happy the way things were and didn't want the relationship to escalate

Any kind of escalation of commitment is in fact a minefield where it's all too easy for any misalignment between the parties to blow the whole thing up.

So it's no wonder this is a difficult step for your average relationship.

However... there is a little tactic you can use to navigate this step a lot more fluidly.

10 Dumb Myths About Women Newbie Seducers Often Believe

Chase Amante's picture
myths about womenMen believe a lot of weird/baseless things about women that aren't broadly true. Shed these female myths aside, and be free.

If you're a seduction newbie (i.e., you're new to meeting and getting together with girls), I can guarantee you you have some objectively very silly beliefs about women that don't hold water at all.

It's not your fault you have these beliefs, nor are you dumb yourself just for having them. When the brain lacks real world experience in a thing, it picks up 'experience' by observing other things around it.

And our real-world media environment is just all kinds of stupid with the spin it presents on things.

The beliefs men absorb from the media they watch tend to be almost exclusively wrong. There is very little media out there that actively depicts male-female relations.

So you get this situation where men have limited and also shallow real-world experience with women, while meantime getting bombarded with garbage fiction messages from media, and you can't blame them for forming a bunch of inaccurate beliefs about female nature.

In this article, I'll do my part to expose those myths for what they are: myths.

That way you, as a guy going out there to chat up girls, can set these weird and harmful beliefs aside, and start meeting women.

(the image at the top of this article is not to suggest women don't sing siren songs, by the way. Some women certainly do. It's just a cool image of sirens, which are obviously mythical female figures, so it fits the spirit of the article)

How to Disarm Feminism in Your Girlfriend or Wife

Chase Amante's picture

By: Chase Amante

girlfriend feministWhen your girlfriend (or wife) starts bringing up feminist talking points, you need to know how to respond. Here’s how to defuse these and get your relationship back on track.

This is going to be a somewhat in-depth article, with a deep look at the full (i.e., millennia- and civilization-spanning) history of feminism.

The purpose is to give you a broad, complete, and meta-view of what feminism is, how it arises, and what its function is in a civilization, so you can break out of male-female power struggles and get the women in your life to take a sweeping historical view of feminism as part of a natural cycle, rather than a more basic/low level "Fight the patriarchy! Permanent progress for the first time ever!" view.

Before we get to the real history of feminism though, first let's talk about why you'd need to talk a girlfriend or wife out of feminist leanings.

No matter your political beliefs, it is a self-evident fact that there is a certain branch of feminism that is toxic to male-female relations.

Some feminist views are fine, and not all of it is bad. However, there is a very vocal chunk of it that is acidic to happy relationships.

Girl Hunting: Pickiness vs. Selectiveness

Chase Amante's picture

By: Chase Amante

girl standards pickyMany guys are ‘too picky’ with girls. They ignore good-looking and great girls. Then end up alone, or stuck with girls who are bad news. You must escape this trap.

Here's a couple of concepts I want to differentiate for newer (and maybe some not-so-newer) guys:

Those of pickiness vs. selectiveness.

If you've read my stuff on screening for both long-term commitment as well as for girls you'll hook up with in one-night stands, you know how much I harp on screening out girls who aren't a fit and/or will cause you problems.

I've cited science that shows men are a lot less discriminating about the women they start relationships with than women are men, and that men look for red flags a lot less.

In other words, men are a lot more likely to stumble into relationship quicksand.

However, there is a flip side to all this discrimination you want to employ as a dater, and that is this: if you are too picky about the wrong things, you can also stunt your growth as a seducer and make it nigh impossible to get enough experience to progress.

This is the double side of being discriminating: you must be discriminating enough, without being too much so.

You must be selective without being overly picky.

Influence Half-Life: While Away, You're Losing Influence

Chase Amante's picture

By: Chase Amante

influence half-lifeInfluence has a half-life... and every moment you're not with someone, your influence over that person decays.

Riddle me this: why is it that some women, while with you, can be utterly captivated by you... then they leave your side and you never hear from them again?

Why is it that some women can be in a relationship and totally compliant with you, yet you send them off for a few days into the hands of their workmates or their wild party friends, and by the time they get back to you you're dealing with full-on rebellion?

Why is it that a girl will agree with you completely and tell you you are right about something, yet after a few days away she comes back and says "Actually you're wrong" and you have to have the same argument all over again?

It's because influence has a half-life, and every time you're away from her, your interest decays.

Your ability to influence another person is in direct proportion to that person's level of sustained exposure to you.

The less sustained that exposure is, the less strong the influence, and the more quickly it falls apart.

Should You Date Girls Who DON'T Excite You?

Alek Rolstad's picture

By: Alek Rolstad

girls who don't excite youDating girls who only mildly excite you can help you get out of a dry spell with a short-term fling.

Hey guys. I hope you’re all doing great despite the circumstances.

Today I want to answer the question: Should you date girls you don’t feel too excited about?

FunkMaster69 raised this point:

I've found myself meeting women that I just think are meh. I usually pass on them because I wanna date someone that I like and who excites me. But I've noticed that, as I've been getting older, there have been less and less women around me. Many of them are getting cuffed, and, of the ones left, the quality seems to be getting lower and lower...a lot of single moms too.

The thing is that I think my standards are too high...looking back now, I could have banged or married like 100 different ladies. Seriously, I could have gotten married back in high school to one of the ladies in my honor classes if I wasn't so obsessed with cheerleaders who didn’t think I was their type (skinny little virgin). There aren’t that many women who impress me or blow me away...especially nowadays that I'm not in college anymore. The last one that I met stopped talking to me.

The one in college never even began talking to me. And the one in high school broke up with me. So should I keep waiting until I meet another one, which could take a long time and whom I might not land considering history, or just say screw it and date an average woman who would be delighted to have me? I've always wanted to be with someone that I'm excited to date and brag about...but the thought of dating one of these women who are very excited to date me sounds nice. I figure the relationship would be easy, and it would be a lot easier to get the date in the first place. But deep down, I would know for sure that I settled...idk, both choices seem wrong for some reason.

First things first: I wouldn’t commit to anything long-term with a girl who doesn’t excite me. That would be selling myself short and eventually lead to a bad relationship.

However, for:

Why not?

Over the long-term, you want to move toward finding and getting the women who truly excite you. This is the ultimate goal.

I keep in touch with issues men deal with by answering questions raised in our online discussion forum. Having been around for nearly 15 years, I may have distanced myself a bit from regular guys. Forum posts allow me to catch up.

Were it not for this post, I wouldn’t have reflected on this topic.

Heartwarming Nice Guy Friend Zone Success Stories

Chase Amante's picture

By: Chase Amante

friend zone successGuys share their stories of getting together with their friend zone friends after 10 or more years. You’ll be misty-eyed and your heart will be warmed.

There's a heartwarming thread on Reddit where a bunch of nice guys share their friend zone success stories.

"I finally married the girl I've been friends with for over 10 years!" the lead post exclaims.

The lucky bridegroom shared a photograph of himself and the girl he finally netted after 10 long years (image to the right).

She embraces him in that manly way, cupping his breasts with her hands, as he stands butt-to-crotch with his back arched and his head cast back, gazing at her over his shoulder in a high effort "I'm doing more work to look at you than you are at me" sort of fashion.

Cheered on by this gleeful friend-getter's example, other men swiftly piled in to share their own good fortunes:

It is 100% possible to escape the friendzone.

I am currently in a relationship like that. Years and years invested into our friendship. And things finally worked out. And now we're planning our wedding.

You are a fucking rockstar OP. Absolute legend.

There's nothing quite so legendary as toughing it out in the friend zone for a decade before you finally get some. This is the stuff heroes are forged from.

Another commentator remarks with helpful advice to the previous one, saying:

This simply means you only thought you were in the friend zone. You can tell that you weren't because you aren't.

Wise words, /u/Aspect-of-Death.

When you think you're in the friend zone, then after years you start dating her, it means you were never in the friend zone all along.

So how does one know if one's truly in the friend zone or not?

Only years or decades of patience can tell you for sure.

Here's another Redditor sharing his happy outcome:

Congrats guys! I married an amazing woman that I had known and been friends with for 16 years. One day something just clicked and we couldn't be more in love.

All it took was 16 years and one day something clicked and she realized she wanted him too.

I wonder what clicked?