Relationships | Girls Chase

Relationships

The continuing and ongoing encounters and involvement you maintain with a woman once you've slept together and become intimate -- whether weeks or months or years -- or more.

Your Girlfriend's Love Language Might Be Different from Yours

love languages
You want to spend quality time together, but she'd rather do things for you she thinks you'll like? Different love languages can cause more issues than you'd think... until you realize they exist.

One of the most controversial articles on Girls Chase is my piece "Should You Pay for a Date?" My conclusion of that article was "No, you shouldn't pay. Not based on my experience. Not if you sleep with or date a gal." Many men and some women agreed with me. Many other women flipped out that I'd suggest not paying for women. Some men also said they found it odd or counterproductive. You can go read the comments on that article to see how hotly contested the issue was (and those comments kept coming for years).

For years after I wrote that piece I assumed the outraged women were outraged at the threat the article posed to the free rides they enjoyed. Who wouldn't be upset at the prospect of losing a quite literal meal ticket? That last thing a gal needs is a lot of guys reading that article, then cheapening up their dates and splitting the bills!

And while some female commentators clearly had that as their rationale, not all did. Some professed to genuinely see a paid-for date as an expression of how the man values them. I was aware there are women like this, but always considered them outliers. I assumed most women who fought for paid-dates were simply girls who'd been pampered and didn't like the threat they might lose that pampering.

Yet, there's a psychometric theory called 'love languages' that might also explain the controversy.

According to Gary Chapman's theory of love languages, wanting gifts isn't just that someone is or isn't spoiled.

Rather, different people actually primarily gauge how other people value them in very different ways. And just as some people like quality time most, and some people prefer touch, there are people for whom the primary way they feel valued is through gifts.

10 Ways to Keep a Relationship from Falling Apart

how to keep a relationship
The vast majority of relationships fail. So if they’re your thing, you better know how to keep a relationship fresh, engaging, and brimming with mutual respect.

Many men get burned out in the never-ending merry-go-round of pickup and want to know how to keep relationships from falling apart. Capturing the hearts and minds of beautiful women isn’t as easy as spitting out a pickup line and pulling from the bar.

To be a “player” takes a high degree of work ethic and a strong emotional core. I always tell students that coaches are better equipped for dealing with rejection than a newbie. It doesn’t faze them much. They’ve trained themselves to deal with many, many rejections. So for most guys, if they manage to land a beautiful, charming girl, they’d rather keep her than go back to the grind. There’s zero shame in that.

You can also be with more than one woman at a time. A great relationship doesn’t need to be traditional and monogamous. I won’t lie, though: it’s often more work and drama than it’s worth, and it's often just easier to go monogamous. That’s if you can find a relationship-worthy girl. And if you do find her, how to keep a relationship happy and healthy is a whole different skill set.

Just like cold approach, relationships are very easy to screw up. So I’m going to teach you how to keep a relationship, whether that’s your harem or your future monogamous wifey.

Read on to learn ten ways to keep a relationship from falling apart.

How to Beat Bad Faith Arguments with the NUF Method

nuf method
Not every argument's made in good faith. Some are bad faith. When you encounter bad faith arguments, use NUF to beat them.

If you've had an insecurely attached or personality disordered paramour, you've almost certainly run into repeater arguments. A repeater argument is when someone uses a finite number of arguments for her position, on repeat. As you attempt to discuss each argument, she shifts to a new argument before you can achieve resolution. Then she shifts again with the next argument. Eventually you find yourself back at her original argument, and the cycle repeats. Repeater arguments are the main form of bad faith argument we'll discuss today. They aren't the only type. Yet they are the foundation of bad faith argumentation; someone arguing in bad faith will ultimately fall back to repeaters.

When you first encounter any kind of bad faith argument, you'll feel like you're going crazy. "Wait, we already talked about this argument 20 minutes ago. I thought we addressed that and moved onto your next argument?" Or "I can't understand if this person doesn't grasp what I'm saying, or is so closed minded she refuses to even consider my view?"

Next, you start to feel drained: "You're not listening at all. You use the same arguments again and again. Each time I address one, you skip to the next. Later you circle back to your earlier arguments as if we never addressed them."

Finally you realize you're locked in a one-way conversation. You listen and respond to the other person, but she won't do you the same courtesy.

You'll start to wonder: "Is she forgetting what we covered before? Is she doing this on purpose? Is she some kind of automaton with programmed responses, incapable of reflective thought? What's going on exactly?"

The more you wonder about this, the more mental and emotional energy you sink into the argument. The more fatigued you become.

Repeater arguments can be effective at causing ego depletion (i.e., the gradual 'wearing down' of willpower/resistance). Used this way, they're often effective ways for the repeater to get what she wants.

Yet, once you know how these arguments work, you can beat them. And once you can beat them, they lose most of their power over you.

Should You Expect a Falling Out After She Goes on Vacation?

relationship time apart
With certain types of relationships, don’t expect things to go back to business as usual after she returns from a vacation or is away from you very long.

Over the years as you grow in the game and experience more women, you see many patterns in male and female dynamics. Men and women have different agendas. A woman’s ultimate agenda is to find and keep a provider, especially one who is high-value (but still attainable) and one she can commit to monogamously.

Monogamy is virtually the only acceptable social frame for a woman as far as dating and relationships go. Other relationship models likely don’t fit so well with the world view held by her family, friends, and peers. So she most likely always has the monogamy goal in mind, despite what she’s doing with a guy or guys in the moment.

If you’re in a committed, monogamous, and stable relationship that’s going well (this is an important condition distinction), you might not experience the pattern I describe below. Similarly, if you’re dating a girl but haven’t yet slept with her, you might be able to avoid this situation. Finally, if she already has a provider, you’re just having sex, and she’s not emotionally intertwined, you can escape unharmed.

However, for nearly every other scenario, a girl taking a vacation without you equates to the impending doom of whatever it is you have going with her. I’ve found that when a girl you’re seeing takes a vacation — like a 1-2 week vacation to a faraway place — there’s a good chance you won’t see her again. At least your relationship can fundamentally change once she returns from her trip.

This concept applies mostly to these setups:

It’s also true regardless of how much you both communicate with each other during the trip. This naturally tends to dip a little during trips per the nature of the above setups.

It can be a strange phenomenon to observe. But we have to remember that when a woman sees you regularly, she feels emotionally tied to you, especially if you’re giving her a great experience.

This fades away once she experiences a little distance.

What to Do If She Wants a Relationship Before Sex (Video)

So she wants a relationship before sex? You don’t even have to date much to encounter this.

You’ll run into girls you like and who like you, but when it comes time to have sex, they have one issue – they want you to be their boyfriend or be serious with them before they give up the cat.

Why?

You have to give up your sexual freedom in order to get in bed with her? Some guys are okay with that, but for those of you who don’t see this is as a fair trade, you’re not alone.

In this video, I explore the flaws in this type of trade and how to respond to women who propose it.

How to Keep Girls Addicted in Relationships

keep girls addicted in relationships
We’ve all experienced or have seen relationships go stale and die, but they don’t have to. The secret is to keep her addicted with volatility and unpredictability.

I’ve noticed some interesting patterns with a good friend of mine in the city. He’s been seeing this girl for a long time. He met her via day game and it ended up with sex on the first date. It’s been several years now, and he’s been seeing her like a girlfriend, while still gaming and sleeping with other girls discreetly on the side once in a while.

I think he would be trying to meet more women, but he seems to be pretty satiated with her at the moment. Whenever I see him, it’s always her that seems to be messaging and chasing after him. From what he tells me, their sex life is great. She always messages him to get together and sees him 2–4 times a week. It seems that they have wild sex virtually the entire time they’re together. He says she might be doing it to keep him from meeting other girls, which she knows he’s fully capable of doing.

This is a different pattern from what most guys do when they’re with women. They get comfortable, then play it safe in a relationship. Men try to keep their relationship stable — and effectively boring. It’s because the majority of guys are generally safe and boring by nature, so it’s their normal inclination to do the same with the women in their life.

On the other hand, women thrive on change, stimulation, and challenge, especially with shifting feelings and emotions. It’s even better when they can tie the source of those shifting emotions to the man they're with (women do this with bad boys, after all).

The Correct Response to Drama in a Relationship

responding to drama in relationships
Most guys don’t understand why women create drama in relationships, so their response often makes things worse. Here’s how to deal with it constructively.

How should men effectively deal with drama in their relationships? It’s one of the more common problems men experience. Guys rarely get thrown into a dramatic situation by choice. In cases where the drama is perpetuated by the woman, it is her negative response to a man’s behavior, and it’s an attempt to put her man back in line.

Often, the drama is unexpected, and you are totally unprepared to respond to it in a measured, constructive way. In which case, you typically make things worse.

I talked to one of my best friends in New York City recently about this. We discussed how 90% of the time guys treat drama in a way that makes things worse. Largely, it’s because guys don’t truly understand what the drama is. Like all things with women, the situation isn’t what it actually seems. You can get more information about what to do by reading between the lines from the woman’s point of view.

It’s important not to concern yourself with the drama’s details, for which there could be an infinite number of reasons. Instead, we’re going to cover what factors cause drama and how to respond while remaining attractive. After all, continual drama can result in the decline of the connection between both of you. If you react to it in the wrong way, the chance of maintaining that connection becomes slimmer and slimmer. Or worse, it incentivizes the girl to find a more suitable guy to be with.

5 Ways to Get Her to Be Your Booty Call

booty calling
If you like sex but don’t want a relationship, booty calling is the way to go. But getting and keeping a booty call with minimal pain and drama requires finesse.

Booty calling is a fun-filled lifestyle choice that any man can go for. However, if you want that sweet booty ordered to your door like pizza, you’ll want to communicate this to your woman, or women, without causing too much drama or crushed feelings.

You’ll need a contract.

Failure to set up a proper booty call contract can result in broken-up, hurt women and undesired drama.

I’ve had plenty of casual sex partners. Usually they’re girls who already have boyfriends or husbands and didn’t want to leave their relationships but still desired a little excitement or romance. Or they were too busy with work or school to have a long-term relationship (LTR). Some just wanted no-strings-attached sex with a discreet partner.

Some booty calling meets both the man’s and the woman’s needs, but most have lopsided attraction dynamics. The female will sleep with the male, and give him his “space” in the vain hope that once he realizes how amazing she is, it will turn into a more stable and monogamous “real” relationship.

Some women will sleep with you then quickly realize they can do better and move on. This isn’t real booty calling, as it’s generally the man’s fault for not having the characteristics she desires in a mate. For example, you’re a broke, needy, man-boy with no game who just happened to get lucky.

But for the rest, it’s usually just a player getting as much ass from as many women as possible without handing over his freedom. After all, freedom is a precious commodity.

Yes, some women just want to bang, but the vast majority would prefer a committed relationship with one special guy. Even if they’re willing to share him for a short trial period to seduce the man into monogamy, thus being a booty call.

If you’re trying to go booty calling, either become the master of stringing girls along, or learn how to communicate what exactly it is you desire. Hell truly hath no fury like that of a woman scorned — meaning hurt women can do terrible things to your life — so it’s best to avoid that. Be as honest as possible about your desires and intentions with her. Women being “played” has resulted in more scratched paint jobs, smashed PlayStations, and false rape accusations than necessary.

3 Relationship Boundaries You Must Set to Avoid Toxic Situations

relationship rules
By laying down hard, rational boundaries early in your relationship, you foster respect rather than chaos. These 3 boundaries are key in avoiding toxic situations.

Today I met up with one of my best friends, a true natural who really amped up his game in the last few years. He is one of those dudes, who with such a great abundance of hot girls, was non-reactive when he met them. Girls stuck to him like glue, so our notorious Alek Rolstad gave him the nickname “Mr. Magnet.”

Besides our time spent in the field of women, he is my trusted gym buddy. In the last month, he has been absent from our almost-daily lifting sessions. I thought he’d been sick, but he told me a while back that he entered into a monogamous relationship with this girl he’d been seeing. This struck me as odd because this dude seldom felt he could like one girl for the long term.

While grabbing some coffee and catching up on his new relationship, she came by, and I got to meet her. She’s very sweet, but I could sense she was one of those girls who want control over any guy she's with. When she left, I told him what I had perceived, and gave him some pointers about what he should do and not do to have a drama-free and harmonious relationship.

I have a lot of experience with keeping long-term relationships on your own terms. While breaking it down to him, I realized my fellow readers on Girls Chase could benefit from these essential rules – every guy starting a relationship should fervently follow them.

13 Positives of Long-Term Relationships and 6 Drawbacks

long-term relationship
Is a long-term relationship right for you? Guys naturally experience a measure of turmoil when faced with commitment. What could you gain? What could you lose?

Should you be in a long-term relationship, or keep on rocking solo? If you invest enough time into learning pickup, you’ll inevitably find a girlfriend. For some guys, it happens on the first approach, for others, it takes a month, or a year. But it’s only a matter of time before some play-ette snags you into a long-term relationship (LTR).

Trust me, it happens to all of us.

But you do have a choice, even if it means a lifetime of crushing loneliness and regret.