Relationships | Girls Chase

Relationships

The continuing and ongoing encounters and involvement you maintain with a woman once you've slept together and become intimate -- whether weeks or months or years -- or more.

9 Reasons to NOT Take Back Your Ex-Girlfriend

Chase Amante's picture
don't take back your ex-girlfriendShe broke your heart before. But now she wants to get back. Should you do it? Here are 9 reasons why you should NOT get back together with an ex-girlfriend.

I’ve authored several immensely popular articles on how to get a girl back and how to get your girlfriend back. Both of these articles have been read millions of times apiece.

Nevertheless, I have consistently made my opinion on the topic clear over the years: do not take your ex-girlfriend back. Just don’t do it.

People being what they are, of course, there’ve probably been many more men desperately putting the strategies I share in those articles to use than there are considering the reasons to NOT use them. What can I say… people hate that feeling of “losing stuff.” Ex-girlfriends included.

Commenting on my article about easing your own guilty conscience after you break a girl’s heart, reader yseult asks about what reasons there are to not take an ex-girlfriend back:

Chase,

Could you write an article on the reasons not to get back with an ex-girlfriend?

I know you've written a lot on the subject already, usually emphasizing that there's always a better girl out there, so there's no need to get back the ex.

But could you explore the bad things that happen when you get back with an ex, other than limiting yourself from more beautiful women?

Like, if you get back together, is it as magical as it was?

How about if she's been with other men in between, does it affect how she perceives you? Does she submit as she used to?

I'm asking from a perspetive of a guy who's wonderful girlfriend broke up with him on the grounds that her mom will never accept a brown guy (kazkahs can be racist)

I agreed and moved on.

But now she contacted me again. She says she misses what we had, the guy she's seeing now is nothing compared to what we had. Basically, I was the best guy she's ever been with (and actually executed all of the points in your article quite naturally)

It was a blast to be with her. I do miss her.

But I also have a gut feeling it won't work.

yseult’s gut feeling is most likely right – it probably won’t work.

But gut feelings can be hard to listen to when powerful primal urges are dragging you back toward something your gut is telling you is best avoided.

To better arm you to listen to your gut – instead of your sex drive, scarcity, or loneliness – I’m going to lay out the nine (9) most important reasons to not take back an ex-girlfriend (or ex-wife, for that matter).

How to Stop a Woman from Doing Forbidden Things

Chase Amante's picture
stop a woman doing thingsThere are some things you just don’t want to let a girlfriend or wife do. Depending on how bad what she wants to do is, however, you’ll need to do that in different ways.

Sometimes even the most wonderful girl will try to do things you don’t want her to do.

What you do then – and how you handle that – is what this article is for.

After all, you can’t just stand by and do nothing while a woman runs slipshod over your relationship rules. Neither can you keep her caged and in chains. You’re probably not going to have her chaperoned everywhere.

You need means to effectively put a stop to bad behavior and rule-flouting by a woman partner – and those means will depend on the severity of the upcoming (or already committed) infraction.

Mind Your Dating Pool

Chase Amante's picture
women in bikinis at poolThe pool of women you date and hook up from is the same pool you’ll select long-term girlfriends and wives from. But pickup pools aren’t always the best spots to find great LTRs…

Every man has a certain pool of women he draws his dates and mates from.

This pool’s determined by where and how he meets women, and the kinds of women he attracts.

Men often choose dating pools for pleasure or convenience: the easiest girls to pick up; the sexiest girls to sleep with; the girls who are the best in bed. I recommend this while learning, and while building (or rebuilding) momentum.

There’s no faster way to learn nor build momentum than by picking up girls places that are easy for you, where women are in relative abundance, and ideally you really enjoy the pick up process.

However, there’s an issue here many men often don’t foresee until it is too late: you draw your long-term relationships from this same dating pool, too.

Yet the qualities you want in a long-term girlfriend will not always so perfectly align with the qualities the women you meet in the more convenient dating pools possess.

Tactics Tuesdays: Implicit Relationship Expectations

Chase Amante's picture
man and woman sitting together happily in bedYour behavior with a woman sets expectations for the relationship that is to come. Erratic behavior works against you. But consistent behavior makes things smooth.

We’ve talked on Girls Chase before about setting semi-explicit relationship expectations.

How Women Tame Men, Pt. 3: Resisting Romantic Taming

Chase Amante's picture
woman with whip next to manEvery woman tries to tame men she’s interested in romantically. Often she’ll succeed. How do you avoid getting tamed too far by the women you want?

Welcome to Part 3 in this series on how to remain untamed by women.

If you’re just tuning in, ‘taming’ is a ubiquitous process women engage in with men as part of how they form romantic relationships/commitments. It is the female side of the romantic engagement circle: men seek to conquer, while women seek to tame.

To tame men, women use their approval and disapproval: a powerful tool able to bring almost any man under a woman’s sway, to greater or lesser extent. We discussed this in Part 1.

Men employ different strategies to make themselves more appealing to women. The most attractive men are generally untamed and hard to tame. As a man decides he wants something settled with a woman, he begins to present himself as open to being tamed (to a degree).

On the other hand, men undesired by women often go overboard to present themselves as easy-to-tame or even as pre-tamed… much in the way women undesired by men may present themselves as easy conquests, as a way to ‘sweeten the deal’.

All this is what we call ‘tamability’, something we discussed in Part 2.

Today, we’ll talk about resisting romantic taming; that is, “How do you not fall prey to a woman’s approval/disapproval, and change your behavior into that of a tamed man?”

How to Act When You're Caught Red-Handed by a Woman

Chase Amante's picture
man caught cheating by woman holding other woman's braSo, your woman caught you red-handed. What can you do? Cry? Beg? Return fire? Don’t do any of that. Follow this 6-step process instead to handle it with minimal casualties.

Here's a fun topic!

Sooner or later, you're going to do something naughty, and some girl somewhere will catch you.

What should you do?

Should you:

  • Beg?
  • Cry?
  • Plead?
  • Fly into a rage?
  • Something else dramatic?

No! None of those things.

Instead, you must own it, remain chill, and wait for emotion to subside.

Hot, Sane, Single Girls Under 30 Usually Haven't Had a Soul Mate Yet

Chase Amante's picture
beautiful woman walking down the streetIf she’s hot, sane, never-married, and under 30, it’s good odds she’s never experienced major heartbreak. Why’s this good? It means you can still be her first real, deep love.

On my article "How to Be the Best Guy a Girl's Ever Dated," a reader named Lobster asks:

How many do you think [out of] 10 [girls] have had an exceptional man? And how does [this rate] change [as they] age? Thinking about it, however, the strongest are born already from young people and probably almost all who have had relationships will have someone in their hearts since when they are young they have a lot of time to spend together

I initially read his comment as "what do you think about 10-out-10 girls who have had an exceptional man", before I realized he was asking what portion of women on average have had one.

In this article I'd like to talk about why women hung up on their exceptional exes -- 'alpha widows' is the term that gets used for this a lot (I like this term; it has a nice ring) -- are not really as common as you might think, and why that means the playing field is wide open for you if you are (or are willing to turn yourself into) an exceptional man.

Easing a Guilty Conscience After Breaking a Girl's Heart

Chase Amante's picture
woman crying and man looking sadIf you’ve broken a girl’s heart, it’s easy to feel guilty. There are reasons not to let that feeling linger, though, because all things mend – broken hearts included.

On my article "How to Be the Best Guy a Girl's Ever Dated", reader 90210 comments:

Chase,

I had a wonderful two years relationshp with this amazing girl. We eventually broke up after a big fight and ended on good terms.

I got hold of her journal (we had a shared Google account, I think she forgot about it)

And what I read broke my heart. I saw the relationship from her perspective. All her hopes and dreams on me. She was convinced I was the one. She wanted to marry me and have kids together. Our fights hurt her deeply and she used the journal as an escape.

I saw her raw, unfiltered thoughts. How she thought I was the greatest guy she's ever met. How she was not sure about how serious I was with the relationship. How she would do anything for me. How she would be my greatest supporter in my mission. How she was so madly in love with me that she couldn't stop thinking about me.

She never told me about the marriage thing nor did I set the wrong expectations.

But I gave her the best relationship she's ever had. She never failed to mention it. She invester so much in that relationship. The gifts she gave me were so expensive that I had to swerve by my no gift policy.

She's a great gal but not a perfect girl, if you know what I mean. Focussing on pick up and bringing more beautiful girls in my life is something I really want. So the breakup worked in my favour.

She hasn't chased me down. While we ended on good terms, she's still very cold and distant.

But I just can't shake this feeling of sadness for her. That I might have broken her hopes of finding a decent guy.

I feel so much regret for unknowingly leading her on. I feel so much regret for giving her hopes and then shattering that promise of a shared future.

At this point, if I could pair her up with a guy suitable for her, who would give her what she wants and make her happy, I would do it in a heartbeat.

I just want her to be happy.

I know she isn't in my life anymore and I'm not responsible for her life choices. But she is such an amazing person, she did so much for me, I'm filled with so much pain and regret for what happened.

I certainly commiserate.

I've gone through the same thing (repeatedly).

It's gut-wrenching to see a girl you care about with a broken heart after you leave.

I've even done what 90210 talks about, working to fix past lovers up with guys I think are a match for them, to get them smiling again (and ease my troubled conscience).

Not every guy goes through this.

Maybe women don't attach to you too strongly. Perhaps your relationships end before they can get that deep. Or you might regularly leave your women on equal terms, the investment balance in the relationship never having become all that lopsided.

However, if you have experienced being a heartbreaker, you have probably also experienced the guilt that comes with it -- and the soul-searching that guilt kicks off:

  • "Did I do something wrong?"

  • "Have I ruined romance for her?"

  • "Am I just not cut out for relationships?"

It's more common than you might think, people with troubled consciences over relationships they left where the other partner was hurt and pining for them. There are a lot of folks who swear off relationships to greater or lesser extent as a result of this.

You just don't want to be causing that kind of hurt; you don't want to have that kind of responsibility for someone else's feelings.

Well today, we're going to look at how to ease the heartbreaker's troubled conscience -- and what duty you have to a broken-hearted ex, plus whether you really need to swear off relationships (or not).

How Women Tame Men, Pt. 2: Tameworthiness

Chase Amante's picture
tameworthinessTaming a man is a lot of work. How do women decide which men are worth the trouble? There’s two things they look at: how tamable they are… and how tameworthy.

A principle challenge for any woman in life is in taming the man she's set her sights on to tame.

While the most tameworthy men busy themselves in their principle challenges of various life pursuits, with little interest on being tamed by a woman, women must find a way to insert themselves ahead of busy men's varied objects and wrest men into tamed relationships.

This is no small task for a woman. Because of the huge amount of time and energy the taming of an untamed man demands, and the risk inherent in the process (i.e., that she may not succeed in taming him, and instead only waste time -- time she could've spent taming another man to build a life and family with; time she won't get back), nature forces women to be selective in the men they choose to attempt taming.

In this installment, the second in our series on how women tame men, we will look at how women decide which men appear 'tameworthy', as well as what can rule men out.

How Women Tame Men, Pt. 1: Approval/Disapproval

Chase Amante's picture
how women tame menAs most men spend time around women, they grow tamer. What causes this effect? The answer is: women themselves… and their leverage of disapproval and approval.

If you look out across the broad range of men, you will discover men of all stripes:

  • Big men and little men
  • Rich men and poor men
  • Attractive men and ugly men
  • Stylish men and gauche men
  • Manly men and girly men

... plus everything in between.

There is one thing you will discover that all these types of men have in common, no matter how they outwardly present:

Most of them, regardless the individual traits of their class, have been tamed by women.

The male sex is a sex particularly susceptible to taming.

A woman is never really tamed. She can be corralled, busied with tasks to accomplish, and made devoted to a man she feels she needs, but she is never tamed.

The female sex is the sex that does the taming.

The male sex is the sex that's tamed.

Yet, some men -- a rare set of men -- remain untamed in their hearts, minds, and deeds.

Why is it that some men are resistant to the taming of women, while most men, of all varieties, are so easily brought to heel?