Confidence | Page 56 | Girls Chase

Confidence

How confidence affects results with women, and how to get your confidence, boldness, and "inner game" tightened up and running smoothly.

Guest Post: How to Truly Get Intimate with a Girl

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get intimate with a girlAaron Sleazy is the author of Sleazy Stories: Confessions of an Infamous Modern Seducer of Women, chronicling his memoirs as a seducer, and Debunking the Seduction Community, a critical analysis of the commercial pick up and seduction industry. His newly released how-to book, Minimal Game: The No-Nonsense Guide to Getting Girls, gives a brief, insightful look into his barebones efficient-as-possible style at getting girls fast with little time or talk.

In this guest post, he discusses an issue a lot of guys run into, especially when looking for a girl they might want as a girlfriend. Every guy wants to know get to know a girl before committing to anything, and here Aaron takes the process a step further -- he discusses why if you really want to get intimate with a girl on an emotional level, you need to take her as your lover first.

How to Talk to Girls and Make Them Want You

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how to talk to girlsA few days ago, a very perceptive reader wrote in to share with me an insight he'd had after reading over the blog here again and reading the appendices at the end of my seduction ebook. It was, he said, a profound realization about how to talk to girls that he'd seen me using and others using, and it was something that, when he told me about it, I immediately realized was something I'd once known consciously but had long slipped into the forgotten parts of my memory that were accessed only intuitively and subconsciously in conversation, without ever realizing it.

That reader called it "taking off the mask." Here's the relevant part of his email:

Over the past few weeks I've been noticing something about your posts and really every other seducer/PUA. I've noticed that the ones that really know how to handle women all demonstrate one quality.

They see through the BS!

I've been reading through some of your posts and the Girls Chase appendices and when you talk to women you go straight to her "real" self. The "real" self the girl in her that's still romantic, the girl who wants all her sexual fantasies to come true. You don't ever allow women to put on that mask around you, you make sure she can let her hair down and just be herself.

In a flash, I remembered it being 2006, and me for the first time approaching hordes and hordes of women. It was such a confusing time; women would say things -- crazy things, unexpected things -- and I didn't know how to react.

What do you say when a girl tells you she has a boyfriend?

What do you do when she's acting flighty and disinterested?

How do you keep her engaged in a loud nightclub filled with distractions, or on a busy street when there's somewhere she very much has to be?

I remembered how confusing talking to women used to be. And I realized that the way I go about talking to women and interacting with them these days isn't just better -- it's different. It's categorically, unequivocally, incontrovertibly different from how I used to talk to women.

I'm coming from a different place, and my thoughts are on much different matters. And if I can help get you there -- or at least illuminate the path -- I think I can rapidly speed up the process you learn by.

Tactics Tuesdays: Making the First Phone Call to a Girl

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first phone callThere used to be a time when from time to time I'd get a girl's phone number, and then I'd never talk to her again. No first text. No first phone call. Nothing.

Making that first phone call to a girl felt like the hardest thing in the world to do. I was a mess of nerves every time I had to do it. And sometimes I couldn't.

But you never know which one of those first phone calls might be one that'll set your life on a different path. There was a beautiful girl I'd met at a nightclub one night in the summer of 2006 with whom I swapped numbers, and, thinking about it the next day, I was almost too nervous to call. I took out my phone, and went to put it away; I knew if I didn't call her then, I'd never call her. But, unlike so many other occasions back then, I soldiered on and forced myself to make the call.

That beautiful girl from the nightclub I almost didn't call answered my call, and ultimately ended up becoming one of the most important people I ever had in my life and gave me the deepest relationship I've ever had.

And, because I'd been so afraid to call, I'd been a hare's breath away from missing it.

So how do you kick your fear to the curb and get yourself calling the amazing women you meet? How do you get yourself bringing these women into your life, instead of wordlessly letting them slip away?

Well, I devised a few simple, but handy, strategies in the intervening years to make sure that first phone call goes as smoothly, painlessly, and successfully as possible. And I'd like to share those with you here.

How to Be a Powerful Man: The Secret You Didn't Know

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how to be a powerful manI sat there staring for a moment at the woman who'd walked outside to tell me to clear out, thinking about how to be a powerful man in a situation like this. I was sitting at an empty table -- one of about thirty of them -- in a largely empty seating area in the middle of a square surrounded by a bunch of restaurants.

"You can't sit here, sorry," she told me. I'd gotten my food at one of the restaurants ringing the square. She apparently was from another one. "This seating is only for our customers."

I looked slowly out over the tables. Then I looked back to her. "All of this?" I said, gesturing to the entire square of empty tables.

"Yes," she said. "That's all ours."

I briefly considered. On the one hand, it was incredibly unnecessary for her to come and ask me to get up and leave. It's not like there was a mad grab for tables; they were almost all empty. And it wasn't like me sitting at the table was going to wear the chair out or anything. I supposed there was the risk that I'd leave some crumbs or garbage or something and she'd have to clean up after a non-customer.

But on the other hand, it was her restaurant's private property. They paid for it, they owned the rights to it, and they had final say on who gets to use it, when, and why. That's how it works in cities, where there's basically no public property. Fighting back means fighting the system; police or security get called, and then it's a big mess.

"Okay," I said. "Which restaurant are you?" I asked her. "That one?" I said, pointing to a classy Japanese place.

"No," she said, "that one." She pointed toward a tiny little deli. I had a hard time imagining a deli was going to fill up all these seats with paying customers and that owning the rights to use this big outdoor square (and spending the time to police it all) was worth it.

"Okay," I said, after another moment. "I'll head elsewhere." I slowly started packing up my food.

"Sorry," she said quietly, and walked off, leaving me to pack up and leave. I noticed there'd been some people who'd stopped to watch the interaction. As I slowly packed my things and left, they turned and went their ways.

After I left, I realized I should've just ordered a bottled water for $1 or whatever it was from the deli. I'll do that next time. But regardless, it got me thinking about looking powerful even when you're not getting your way, which can end up being something that makes or breaks your interactions with women, more often than you might care to think.

Get Rock-Solid Frame Control with the Women You Like, Guaranteed

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By: Chase Amante

frame controlFrame control is an incredibly necessary thing for you to master, both internally and externally, for finding success with women. Guys that have it get their way with girls. Guy who don't get steamrolled by girls. You see it go both ways every day.

If it feels like an intangible topic, it isn't. Rather than going into specific definitions (we'll get into that in a bit), let me give you some examples of what we're talking about. A guy's got control of the frame when he:

  • Gets a girl who's hemming and hawing to stop doing that and come with him
     
  • Takes a girl who's trying to act coy and aloof and excites and intrigues her enough to make her chase him
     
  • Nimbly deflects jealous friends trying to derail or interfere with his progress with their cute friend
     
  • Shrugs off women's attempts to throw him off-balance, by being overtly sexual or overly rude, and remains calm, in control, and attractive

On the other hand, a guy's relinquished control of the frame when he:

  • Buckles to a woman's insistent demands
     
  • Revokes his request for a woman to comply with his desires before she's done so
     
  • Allows others to interrupt or derail him
     
  • Gets flustered and off-balanced by a woman's tests

The average woman tends to be much more talented at frame control than the average man. And here's why that's not good for the average man:

Frame control is how you lead decisively, remain calm and attractive, and above all, get what you want.

If you aren't able to control the frame, you aren't able to get what you want with women, and women don't want men who can't get what they want. It's a cruel world, but without frame control, women will push and push a man -- right up until they push him out of contention for them.

How to Get a Girl in Bed: 10 Crucial Tips for Making Her Yours

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how to get a girl in bedI haven't touched much on last minute resistance on this site, and it's about the time I got a proper post up on it. Before we jump in, I want to share a note from a reader who wrote in asking about how to get a girl in bed to illustrate what I'll be talking about and provide us an example case to work from:

Hi Chase, Firstly I'd like to say that I love your blog and that many things have started to make sense (especially about moving fast). After taking your advice I decided to try it out and act as though the only night I had a chance of sleeping with a girl was that night.

It started with me being introduced to a girl through a friend at a party, we flirted a bit and I intentionally moved her around. When we got to town everyone got separated and we were together, after moving her around more I persuaded her to take me back to hers for a "sandwich".

We got back to hers she made me a sandwich and after that it started getting a bit steamy in the bedroom. However when I went to take her panties off she wouldn't let me, even after trying about 5 times. She then claimed that she was too tired and we should try in the morning. When the morning came she avoided sex again and I managed to find out that she though sex was pointless if we weren't in a relationship.

To say the least I was confused and angry but also felt a sense of failure as though I wasn't good enough to be her lover. I mean why would a girl take me to hers, heavily make out with me and then refuse to have sex even if she wanted a boyfriend? I wanted to be put in the lover zone not the boyfriend zone.

A reply to this would be much appreciated but a blog post on why a girl would do this would be awesome.

Our reader's case here is a classic case of last minute resistance, or LMR -- that thing that happens when it feels for all the world like you're just about to sleep with a girl, that it's totally inevitable, that all that either of the two of you want in all of existence is to just be together... and then she suddenly, inexplicably, unexpectedly throws a wall up and won't let you proceed. Why's that happen, and what can you do about it?

To show you how to get a girl in bed and overcome last minute resistance, first we're going to have to get you to understand why women react this way -- and then we're going to have to teach you what you can do about it.

Tactics Tuesdays: Don't Complain to Women

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By: Chase Amante

don't complainI hear men whining and complaining to their girlfriends, wives, and women they're pursuing from time to time. Since I don't spend all my time following random couples around, I know it must happen a lot more often than I hear it, too. And every time I hear it, it's like nails on chalkboard.

Thing is, I don't think most guys realize they're doing it, and I don't think most guys realize that it's Rule #14 or so in maintaining attraction and relationships that you don't whine and you don't complain to women.

A little over 5 years ago, I made the rookie mistake of telling a girl I'd just started sleeping with that I wanted her to be my "main girl." This has all kinds of "wrong" and "incorrect" and "bad game" painted all over it, and I'd never do it now, but that was then and I said it.

Her response to this was, as you might suspect, a defiant "I will never be your 'main girl.'"

And I felt a welling up of despair inside my chest. I was about to say it... I almost said it... and then I stopped myself. The urge to belt out a plaintive, "Why???" was overwhelmingly powerful and almost undeniable, but in the end I squelched it, and instead shrugged off the remark, gave her a confident-sounding, "We'll see," and forced myself to keep on as if nothing had been said. I slept with her again that night, and gave her the most potent, memorable, fantastic night of bliss in her life, and she, in a throe of passion, proclaimed that she didn't think she could leave me.

And for the next 2 1/2 years after that, she didn't.

I guarantee though, beyond any shadow of a doubt, beyond all second guesses, beyond anything, that had I whined or complained in that moment instead, we never would've ended up together.

How come? Because whining and complaining positively, absolutely, unequivocally kill attraction.

Kill it. Bury it in the ground, cover it up with dirt.

And most guys do it unknowingly anyway.

How to Be a Man Women Chase and Pursue

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how to be a manAs a boy, I decided I wanted to learn how to be a man who inspired others to gather around him. I wanted to become a magnet for people. I don't know why I wanted this; it's just something I've always had, something deep in my DNA. I have family members who are actors, singers, and entrepreneurs; at least one of my ancestors was a privateer (or, more commonly, a pirate), a few hundred years back.

Even as recently as my great-grandfather, I'm told that my grandmother was first introduced to her future father-in-law when my grandfather brought her to his father's estate in Europe, led her up a large grand staircase, and cast open the doors to his bedroom, revealing an old man reposed in his bed with two young women, one on either arm. I come from a long line of different, eccentric individuals who have had little taste for playing by the rules.

Yet, I still faced an uphill climb as I developed. It might seem that being a man is passé in today's world of tender, sensitive males and assertive, upwardly mobile females. TV and the movies lionize the shy, unconfident man; powerful men routinely get painted the villains, or used as unintelligent plot devices eventually triumphed over by strong women and underdog men. Society tells you it's men's feelings that are most important, and achievement is of secondary importance; so long as you're happy, that's all that really matters.

Because of all this, we now celebrate the ordinary, and frown upon the exceptional. It's as though the exceptional threaten ordinary individuals' contentedness in their own ordinariness, and so must be discouraged from pursuing the exceptionalism that would seem so disruptive to those around them.

Well, if you want to know how to be a man women chase and pursue, you're going to have to accept that you're going to get a lot of push back from people, and you're going to have to confront the beliefs you've been instilled with since a child. You'll have to pull the wool from your eyes, so to speak.

But as you do, you'll find the world comes to look a more and more beautiful place, the more you see it for what it really is. Today, I want to help you pull that wool down and see the world a bit more for what it is, and arm you with a few steps to start taking right now to set yourself on the road to becoming the kind of man you've always dreamed you could be.

And in order to accomplish all this, I'm going to give you a set of maxims to grow by.

Making Women Want You Made Easy: 10 Killer Tips

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making women want youEver find yourself wondering just how to make the women you want want you?

The truth is, making women want you isn't as Herculean an undertaking as you might think from watching TV and the movies. You don't have to win a race, or make a million dollars, or give yourself a makeover (although if you can, don't let me stop you!). But you do need to have somewhat of an idea of what you're doing -- of what women need -- and of how best to give it to them.

If you're a regular guy living a regular day-to-day life, you'd be forgiven for thinking that women are busily immersed in their own lives and hardly ever notice anyone or anything else. But the fact is, women are just like men -- they have crushes, they get infatuated, someone with the right looks or qualities or intangibles catches their eyes and they fall for him.

And it isn't just male models that women fall for. Just like it isn't magazine celebrities you spend most of your time sweating over, dreaming about, and imagining a romance with, so it is with women -- they aren't dreaming about guys on reality TV; they're dreaming about real men, in their own real lives.

Making women want you, then, isn't about becoming the most amazing man in the world. Instead, it's much more about becoming the most amazing man in the room -- and if you've got even a semblance of a commitment to self-improvement, I'm quite confident we can get you there... probably pretty fast.

For that reason, I've put together 10 killer tips to make women want you. By the end of this post, I'm betting you'll find yourself glancing at that cute girl you keep running into with a new twinkle in your eye -- and I bet she'll be looking back with a twinkle of her own.

Book Excerpts: Get a Sexy Voice

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Book Excerpt: Get a Sexy Voice

get a sexy voiceI'm launching a new blog series today that'll roll every Friday of each week, featuring selected excerpts from my acclaimed manual on meeting, dating, and succeeding with women. If you've already got a copy of the book, these should serve as nice weekly refereshers! And if you haven't gotten yours yet, here's a small sample of what you're missing...

Today's excerpt is on how to get a sexy male voice, from my eBook How to Make Girls Chase: Every Tactic and Technique You Need to Get the Girl(s) of Your Dreams. Voice is one of those topics that's tragically under discussed; it's a huge fundamental, and (if Mehrabian's numbers are right) it comprises a whopping 38% of what you communicate to other people -- and women. Not your words, mind you -- your voice itself.

This is an area you should definitely pay a little attention to...

Your voice is one of the most powerful tools in your arsenal. It can be used to attract, to seduce, to build intrigue and capture a woman’s interest.

If you listen to women talk, you’ll notice first off that some women have appealing voices; you’ll also notice that other women have unappealing voices. Some women have voices that make you think, “Wow, she’s cute, but she must be a nerd.” And other women have very sexy voices.

It’s the same with men. There’s a great deal of variation in voices; in fact, every man’s voice is in fact surprisingly flexible in how it can change and evolve. Your voice is most likely the result of the way people around you spoke as you were growing up. If you were raised in Northern England, vs. Southern California, vs. Australia, vs. South Africa, you will have a different accent, for instance. And within each of those accents, there are even different voices.

Before we get into the deeper stuff though, first let’s cover some of the vocal basics: