Confidence

Note from Chase: This is a guest post by Mark Manson, founder of Postmasculine.com. Mark writes on a range of topics, including confidence, self-improvement, dating, and relationships, and has been one of the friends of GirlsChase.com since the site's beginnings.

Take a moment to consider…

…That instead of worrying whether she’ll like you before you approach her, you could instead worry whether after you approach, if you’ll like her?

…That instead of feeling the need to impress her with your job or accomplishments, you could need to be impressed by what she’s done and accomplished for herself?

…That instead of sitting there silent, wondering what to say next to get her to like you, you could sit there silent wondering what she will say to make you like her?

…That instead of waiting around for her to return your call, you could find something to do so she waits for your call?

…That instead of worrying if you’re tall or good-looking enough for her, you could decide whether she’s too superficial to recognize your great qualities? 

…That instead of trying to come up with the perfect date, you could decide that a woman who really likes you doesn’t need a perfect date?

I'm listening to Nassim Nicholas Taleb's book Fooled by Randomness: The Hidden Role of Chance in Life and in the Markets on audio right now. It's a good and insightful listen, and a good refresher, though not much different from what you'll already be familiar with if you're well-acquainted with the effects of happenstance on the world around you. Randomness and luck is an important topic when you talk about pick up and how to get lucky; it was the subject of one of the very first posts that ever went up on this blog, all the way back in December 2008: the brief "Randomness and Success," where I talked about another book I was reading at the time and the need for including quantity in your approach to meeting women.

Last night I had a discussion with a business partner of mine about the nature of randomness and its influence on success. "Surely, it isn't all randomness," she said. "Skill has a big part to do with it."

"That's true," I replied, "skill does have a lot to do with it. A lot depends on the time horizon you're looking at, however. If you're looking at how someone performs over the course of a single week, there's going to be a lot more random variation in there compared to how they perform over the course of a month, which will be a lot more random and less skill-based than how they perform over a year, and so on and so forth. The smaller the time horizon, the bigger the part randomness will play."

A friend of mine has been going through some growing pains recently as he's grappled and come to grips with the fact that he makes promises all the time... and often doesn't deliver on them. I've longed been used to having people make a promise that doesn't get delivered on around me, and I've long since learned to not put much faith in people who do so.

When I was first studying relationships in my teenage years, I noticed one theme occurring over and over, wherever women were hurt in a failed relationship: they were accusing men of breaking their promises. It was so incredibly common that I started to see this as a major pattern that a number of relationships hewed to:

1. Man makes woman a promise, either to allay her concerns or in the height of passion
2. Woman plans her life on the basis of that promise
3. Man later breaks the promise
4. Woman's life is turned upside down

Now... women aren't necessarily totally innocent victims here either, and I'll explain why below. But as a man, you need to understand the impact and effect you have on a woman when you make a promise to her - and how a promise binds both you and her.

In a previous article, we discussed contingency planning for questions like "What if she doesn't have time?" in great detail – and today I want to go into more depth and give you some SPECIFIC things to say in situations you will inevitably find yourself in sooner or later… word by word, what to say if you want to meet a girl.

Yes – it doesn’t matter that much WHAT you say, as long as you project the right vibe - see our series on how to pick up girls for more on that. That is true.

But, I clearly remember when I was first learning this stuff, I got incredibly frustrated with that advice.

“Okay, it doesn’t matter what I say – but I still do have to say SOMETHING… can you at least give me a few examples of what to say? Surely I don’t want to talk to her about the weather or about how bad traffic was today?”

There are some topics that girls respond better to than others, so ideally you want to have the right vibe AND an interesting conversational repertoire.

But especially for beginners and for people who are just getting back into the “game” after a long hiatus, it can be useful to have some training wheels and crutches to get yourself up to speed again quickly.

“How do I get motivated?”

It’s a question you run into at some point when you start tackling something you know you ought to do... but just can’t seem to get yourself to do. And getting better at dating and relationships - while certainly one of, if not the, most rewarding skills to get down - is quite possibly one of the most difficult things to get yourself motivated to work on.

One of the hardest things in this game – and in any endeavor in life, really – is to stay motivated when the going gets tough.

And it will.

In fact, many people argue that the most important part of Napoleon Hill’s book Think and Grow Rich is Chapter 9 – the chapter on persistence.

Because if you think about it – if you just stick with ANYTHING long enough, you’re BOUND to get better at it… and eventually the results will come as a mere side effect of getting better and better at your craft.

But if that’s true, then the question is… why isn’t everybody doing this?

Why aren’t all people more persistent with their goals, if that’s really all it takes?

“Nothing much to do... I’m at home and I think I’m so addicted to your passionate sex... I still can’t get over last night… I love it.”

If you’re not regularly receiving text messages like that, even from seasoned party girls - and you could use a primer on how to be a good lover - read on.

The next text she sent me was:

“Hmm… what is your secret magic?”

I didn’t tell her… but I’m going to tell you.

And if you don't know how to make girls crawl the walls, you really need to learn how to. It does a lot for your confidence… and it does a lot for your ability to hang onto a girl you really like.

Really, there's no reason that you shouldn't be able to give a girl an orgasm multiple times when you're sleeping with her.

And once you're able to do this, then you can approach women knowing that you will give them the best sex of their lives... And that's powerful.

Note from Chase: this is Part II of Ricardus' breakdown of the method of a man known as the California Pimp. This first post was launched a day earlier to both controversy and praise; in this second one, Ricardus details how he himself took the lessons he learned from California Pimp and used them to turbo charge his (then already very good) seduction skill set.

You can read the first part here: The Legend of California Pimp, Part I.

Some more nuggets from the California Pimp treasure chest:

• He runs what I call the “Blame Frame” – meaning that he sets a frame that blames whatever is happening on HER. She’s the one who’s seducing him; she’s the one who’s having this irresistible sexual effect on him.

  He does that by saying things like "look what you're doing to me", with a voice tone like he’s incredibly turned on, or "you are making me a little nervous", "I can't handle this, go easy with me".

  This takes away from her nervousness and builds comfort… and it also force frames her as seductress.

• He sometimes criticizes her, in order to take some of her inherent female power away, which often gets the girls to overcompensate by acting more sexual. Then he rewards her for that with a compliment and immediately holds out an even bigger hoop… thus gradually stair stepping it up from “put down your purse” to “suck my cock”.

• He creates attraction largely based on body language, dominance and sexuality.

• He qualifies women based entirely on their looks and their compliance... never based on their personality or anything asexual.

• He builds comfort based entirely on his voice tone and his reassuring comments.

• He seduces women based entirely on dominant touch and dirty talk.

• He gives girls the option to leave, but sandwiches it in between two commands to move things forward… instead of push-pull, he does pull-push-pull.

There are also a couple of things you can’t get out of his videos… one is his body language, obviously. You *can* tell though the he is dressed to the fucking nines… which is a huge lesson.

Style!

Damn, a friend of mine told me last week that capitalism is all about ripping people off and selling them the false hope that if only they buy the right pair of jeans they will get laid.

Well, that hope is not so false after all.