Confidence

Discussing his night out at a club with a friend of mine, I noted that at one point a girl he liked was wanting to talk to him but he was playing it cool. His girl then went off talking to another guy, then disappeared for a while, and my friend was sitting there, fingers crossed, hoping it would work out. He eventually got to talking to this girl again and made out with her a bit later, and probably could’ve gotten together with her had a few things occurred differently, but one of the biggest things that stuck out to me was that period where my friend was left waiting and hoping.

It stuck out to me because I realized that was something I used to do a lot of, but now I never do at all. It wasn’t a conscious decision; it’s not one of those things you train for typically in the social arts. Actually, I don’t think I’ve ever heard anyone talk about not waiting and hoping, come to think of it. It’s always more about leading and being decisive, but those things are rarely explained with any degree of specificity.

I realize now though that it’s very bad form, and that it is as well indicative of holes in your game. I used to get very impatient when I was waiting for women to do something, and impatience, I always used to think, is not a good thing to be feeling. This post is going to focus on not leaving seduction to chance, on recognizing and closing those holes you discover while playing the waiting game, and how to take action in an effective, non-needy way.

A week ago one of the readers of this blog, Alex, requested I get a post up on physical escalation and getting on with the seduction once you’ve got a girl back somewhere private. Alex’s comment:

As for inviting her home, I would really love to see a post about transitioning to getting physically when she's at my place. Do you kino a lot before you invite her home or leave it like kissing for the right/better moment when two of you are all alone? Do you do more comfort stuff to make her feel connected and comfortable and then maybe some talking about sex topics to make her a little horny, how do you move closer to her both physically and mentally to have sex with her? How do you proceed and from your experience how much kino is needed before trying to sleep with her? Is it even required? On the other side, if there's no kino compliance before such as careessing, initimate hand holding (you know who puts much emphasis on it), but no problem with for example putting your hand on her lower back when shopping, should I be concerned about it?

All very good questions, Alex. I’ll share with you what I’m doing these days, and what I advise guys to do.

Towards the end of 2008 and the beginning of 2009, I decided to focus my energies on a new thing I had to learn and get down: how to be sexy. I wanted to give myself a dangerous, edgy, exciting vibe, that compelled women to want me and desire me and be amenable to moving quickly with me. At the time, I didn’t really know how I was going to go about it, but I set to work on cracking the code of sexiness nonetheless.

Two years later, I bed women faster than ever, get strong initial attraction from most of the women I talk to, and get told all the time that I’m handsome, sexy, and good-looking. When I meet new women, they’re more likely than not willing to do as I command very early on in our interactions, and I can often suck them into an almost trance-like state of interest and desire. This was something I was doing only occasionally in early 2008, but am doing regularly and consistently now.

The process of how I went about revamping myself from a cool, friendly, neutral guy to a dangerous, edgy, sexy man is what I’m going to share with you in this post. So strap yourself in and let’s get you turning on some beautiful girls.

Quick blurb here, I’ll get a proper post up for today in a little while.

Just read about a fascinating cognitive bias that’s been tested over the course of multiple experiments and shown to likely be a real phenomenon. The bias is this: incompetent people tend to overestimate their knowledge relative to others, assuming that they already know it all, while competent people, realizing how much there is to a topic, tend to underestimate their knowledge relative to others, assuming that others know as much or more than they do.

So someone who’s ignorant of a topic may well stand on a soap box and loudly cry out about the “truth,” while someone who’s far more informed and competent may feel he knows but a drop in the bucket and remain quiet, confident that others out there know more. I’ve long been wary of people who proclaim to know all the answers, and held them to a higher degree of skepticism than anyone else… the proposed cognitive bias in question, Dunning-Kruger, gives me some scientific justification to that skepticism.

Was just talking with a good friend of mine about dating etiquette, and he asked me if I ever request that women turn their cell phones off on dates. He said he finds it quite annoying when girls are taking calls and texts while they’re spending time with him.

I can certainly understand that. I think it’s a common human reaction, feeling ignored or mildly disrespected when someone who’s supposed to be there for you isn’t entirely present in the moment and there for you; at the same time she’s on a date with you, she’s busy communicating with other people. How rude.

Me though, I never tell girls not to take those dating phone calls or not respond to those text messages they get when they’re out with me. The closest I’ve come is when things have been hot and heavy with a girl and someone starts blowing up her phone, and if she seems reluctant to answer it I’ll tell her, “Don’t answer it,” in a very seductive half-whisper. If she wants to answer it though, I’m not going to stop her.

And I have a few very good reasons why.

As you work on yourself and improve and become a higher and higher value person – a man who’s really got his life together, with a solid group of high achieving friends and connections, with multiple options with beautiful women, with goals and dreams and ambitions and numerous pathways to success laid out ahead of you and accomplishments behind you – you become an increasingly imposing individual.

And that’s both good and bad.

I originally was going to write this up as an article on being impressive. But I think impressiveness in its own right doesn’t need a write-up; if you work on your fundamentals and you take care of business in things like body language and posture and voice tone and manner of speaking, you will naturally build yourself into an impressive, imposing individual. Throw in some intrigue into how you choose to define yourself and respond to questions and challenges, and you will rapidly develop into a very naturally impressive, imposing individual. It comes with the territory.

What’s a more difficult prospect, though, is how you make yourself approachable and accessible to people once you’ve gotten there.

Just met with a client who is doing pretty well for himself – he slept with a few girls off a coaching session we had late last year, and is a likeable enough guy in his own right with plenty of women interested in him. During this evening’s session, we discussed a couple of different things, and one of the things we discussed was dating.

One of the things we touched on in dating was having “straightforward dates.” I mentioned how my dates these days typically entail a girl meeting me and going to a café or a bar with me, us having a little to eat and drink, then me inviting her home and us proceeding to get intimate together.

My client said I made it sound easy, but he didn’t think it was. I told him I didn’t really want to do the whole shopping / visiting art galleries / doing crazy things, and neither did the girl; we both just wanted to talk a bit, then get together, so why not just do that? Keep things to straightforward dating, basically.

A few posts back we discussed how girls show interest. That post, though, was primarily focused on how you can tell a woman’s interested in you once you’re already talking to her. Let’s rewind it backward in the interaction a bit.

I’ve been having a lot of one-shot successes lately, where I only talk to one girl and the girl and I then get together later. The primary reason for this is that my situational awareness has gotten high enough that I’ve gotten rather skilled at being able to pick up on what girl wants to get to know me, then capitalizing on it.

I’m writing this article not as a “how to” on being a good lover, but rather to explain the rationale behind why I think you ought to be one. I may get around to giving specific insight on technique at some point [UPDATE: see the end of this article for links]; like seduction in general, there’s a lot of advice on the topic but the actual good information is spread out quite far and there’s a lot of nonsense out there. But that’s for another time. Anyway, on with our post…

There are two reasons that nearly every woman I get together with falls very quickly and very deeply in love with me. One of them is that I give a woman a mental and emotional experience like no other man does – I make her feel good, and special, and accepted, but also empowered, emboldened, and ambitious, in ways that probably no one else ever has. I am a motivator, an encourager, and I truly, genuinely want a woman who comes into my life to leave feeling like the world is within her grasp and anything she wants she can reach, with enough determination and perseverance. Women know very quickly that I am one of those rare few people in life who will truly believe in them, and be on their side 100% of the way.

The other reason women fall for me so hard is that I give them better sex than anyone ever has, or likely ever will.

Probably by now you have your New Year’s resolutions all done up and set to go for 2011, and you’re charged up and (hopefully) already setting to work turning those resolutions into reality.

I’ve always been a little anti-New Year’s resolutions myself, but that mostly because I’m just kind of a humbug, contrarian kind of cat. When I stop and think about it, I often do set a number of goals at the very beginning of the year, which for all intents in purposes are, in fact, resolutions for the new year. So, I grudgingly accept that now I, despite my protestations otherwise, do in fact make New Year’s resolutions. And they do, in fact, help.

So if you’re a little on the lazy side, or a bit of a humbug like me, and you don’t usually do resolutions for the next year, I invite you to do things a little different this year and join me in setting a few goals for yourself in 2011.