Confidence

I usually try to write up technical stuff on here that folks can go out and apply. Discrete steps you can begin using instantly to change and improve your ability to socialize and seduce.

Maybe it’s because I’m in Asia, but I seem to be meeting a lot of more conservative girls recently, and many of them have been throwing up a lot of initial resistance to kissing me. I used to run into this occasionally in the States, but nothing like what I’m seeing over here.

So what’s a guy to do? Well, what I’ve been doing is the same thing I’d do the odd time I’d run into women State-side who gave me resistance to kissing – I say resistance be damned and kiss her anyway.

One of the things that stuns me most, when going out with others, is noticing how some of the other men I meet and hang out with approach women. Many of them, I’ve noticed, approach in a way that is either silly, entertaining, tentative, or half-assed – and women predictably don’t bite on their approach.

Doesn’t happen too often, but I recently got a little annoyed at a situation with a girl I’m seeing. She wasn’t behaving as I felt she should have; she was being secretive and defensive around me, and that’s a big no-no for me generally. And that raised my hackles a bit.

Then I stopped for a minute, looked around, and asked myself: why on Earth am I taking this so seriously?

I’m a big proponent of efficiency in all aspects of your life. Get things done faster, easier, and all in one shot, if at all possible, and you can get more accomplished in a shorter amount of time. Part of the reason I’m so gung-ho about efficiency, I think, is that I’m inherently a little bit on the lazy side… I don’t really want to spend a big chunk of time laboring over any one thing in particular.

Last weekend I spoke at a gathering of the San Diego pickup community. One of the things I skirted over briefly, due to time constraints, but that guys asked me to spend a little more time on and seemed very interested in hearing about, was on disqualifying yourself as a boyfriend.

Even before I dove into actively learning how to improve myself with women, I knew that nice guys finished last. I mean, it’s basically a cliché at this point, right? Everyone knows it. Poor nice guys.

I was just going through a bunch of old text messages, when I found one from a girl I'd met online when I was in a different city on travel for a week and I'd posted a personals ad on Craig's List. She was one of the women who'd responded. She was borderline cute -- not a girl you'd date, but a girl you could have a quick fling with, and I got the impression that was what she wanted too.

Ever fumble it up with a beautiful girl? You set one eye on her and instantly were dumbstruck, or thunderstruck – or hey, you gave it a shot and just plain struck out? It’s unbelievably common. Most men are unsure how to act around a girl they consider to be really, really valuable.

Right off the bat, there are two problems there: the first is that the guy is unsure how to act. If you’ve been reading our articles here, you should have a good idea of how to act, for sure; but we’ll do a quick refresher here for convenience’s sake.

Here's a surprisingly common problem that men run into with women: showing TOO much value.

Wait, how can that be a bad thing? The more value you have, the more attractive you are -- right?

Well, yes, to an extent that's true. However, the art of communicating value has a deeper, more subtle level that most men (even the majority of men who spend years learning how best to navigate the social arena) never reach.