Confidence

In straightforward parlance, a ‘warm-up approach’ is an approach you make to get your social gears lubricated for a day or night meeting new women.

The warm-up approach is a simple concept to get one’s head around, but a lot of men still don’t use it. It’s one of the best tools out there though for beating approach anxiety and upping the consistency of your outings.

Want an easy way to defeat your fear of talking to strange women and work up the nerve to go say hi? Warm-up approach.

How about a simple way to make your days and nights out go from a range of “sometimes they’re great” to “sometimes I don’t talk to anybody at all”, to, instead, a much more consistent “they’re almost always pretty good”? Warm-up approach.

Or, a really easy way to build social momentum early on in the night at bars, lounges, nightclubs, and parties, while making early approaches you can then capitalize on later by reopening women you met before or leveraging the preselection and social proof you built earlier to meet new girls? Warm-up approach.

The warm-up approach is a terrifically handy device for nabbing all these benefits and a bunch more... and all you’ve got to do to do so is start using it.

There’s a truly wonderful post (and equally wonderful comment section discussion) on LessWrong titled “Why startup founders have mood swings (and why they may have uses).” The authors describe the mood swings startup founders tend to go through, vacillating between euphoria and despair. I can certainly relate; in the course of running startups (such as Girls Chase), I’ve had plenty of opportunity to sit at both points on that spectrum. It’s kind of a taboo topic (nothing to make you sound unmanly like talking about mood swings), but hey, let’s tackle it.

The authors of the post above point to other examples when people are likely to experience similar mood swings:

• Early on in their first ever romantic relationship

• When deeply invested in furthering a devoted cause

• Whilst struggling to create a first great work of art or achieve something notable

And it stands out to me there’s another place endeavor I’ve experienced these same mood swings I’ve felt during my startup career, and that was during my first two or three years actively seeking improvement with girls.

I know a lot of other men go through this too, especially the men who have a burning desire to become ‘great’ with girls... or at least to improve their prospects markedly.

Yet many more men wash out of the seduction game early on, when the lows of the mood swing prove too much for them.

What I’d like to discuss in this article is why the mood swings get you, what you can expect when you apply yourself to improving with women, and how to stack the decks in your favor to prevent yourself from ‘washing out’.

A few weeks ago I read over a few of my posts from 2015. I noticed that most of them were about dealing with inferiority. Whether it was race, baldness, height, or build, the theme was “I feel inferior because ...”

Now my other posts were fine, they dealt with the symptoms of inferiority – but I didn’t write about how to get rid of the disease. Because of this, I wanted the first post I write for 2016 to be one that tackles this issue head on. Inferiority takes on many forms, it affects what decisions you make while talking to a girl, it affects how you plan your life, it affects how much success you will have and how you will feel about it.

“I’ve got a question for you.”

The cute older waitress smiles at me expectantly.

“Yes?”

“You see those three girls sitting at the table over there?”

She follows my eyes, sees the girl, and then nods at me.

“What do you think would happen if I went over there and said hi. Would that be weird?”

She smiles, giggles, and responds:

“No, I think that would be really awesome of you actually. Not a lot of men would do that.”

I smile. I don’t need her permission, but I’m curious. I continue,

“What do you think I should say?”

She thinks for a moment and laughs,

“I don’t know! I guess just introduce yourself or... yeah, I’m not sure!”

I smile again. I know exactly what I’m going to say.

Ever see the film Vicki Cristina Barcelona? If not, stop reading and go watch it. In my favorite scene, the sultry Spaniard Juan Antonio exchanges slews of sexy glances with the adventurous and flirty Cristina. All the while, Cristina’s uptight and reserved friend Vicki admonishes Cristina’s flirty behavior and flawlessly performs the role of a cautious and boring upper-middle class woman.

Recognizing Cristina’s overly obvious eye-fucking, Juan strolls over to their table. He looks lazily from one girl to the other, and then rests his eyes on Cristina and simply asks,

“American?”

His intonation barely registers as a question and is devoid of all fucks, drawing them both into his world. And despite some protest, he convinces them both to fly with him to Oviedo and spend the weekend with him. And, yes, he eventually smashes both of them.

I had to try it out myself. Not only did Juan’s bravado stir my Latin blood, but once I consider approaching a girl, very few reasons can stop me.

After paying my bill, I tell the waitress to wish me luck and walk over to the girls.

They all look up at me expectantly. I pause for an extra second, because why not, and then say simply, to no girl in particular,

”You from here?”

Hi there. I hope you are still rockin. Today we will get back to basics – because basics are so awesome!

A few days ago I received a message from a reader. It went like this:

“Hey man, I’m a big fan of your writing on Girls Chase. Your stories are legendary and they fit the mold of what I’d like to achieve. You’ve written extensively about intermediate and advanced topics. But I thought I’d write you and see if you would consider posting some more beginner material.”

[....]

“It seems to me like when you go to a club, with friends or all by yourself, you have a very clear idea of what you’re doing all the time. I would love to hear more thoughts on how you do it. What are you looking for when you first get to a bar? What’s your first priority? Are you relaxed when you get there or are you a little nervous? Do you use canned material or go with the flow? What is your intention when you first start talking to a girl?

[....]

“Think about it! And thanks for all your work... it has changed my life on a deep level.”

I cut out some parts of the message as not everything was relevant for this exact post. Now the message covered a lot of amazing topic suggestions. I might not cover them all but I will cover quite a few of them in my upcoming posts.

So the questions asked in this message were about my mindsets and intentions – so I will respond to them directly so that those of you who are curious about how I think can understand where I come from. A lot of seducers think like I do.

Let us begin.

This is an article about the journey you will experience as you proceed from a man who never walks up to strange women to introduce himself and flirt, to a man who does so all the time, and reaps the rewards, both in terms of women and in terms of how he thinks about women.

If you have read my two previous articles on this website (here’s one and here’s two), you might have noticed that there is a word that I mention frequently (directly or indirectly): and the word is cold approach. In my case, the preference is for street cold approach, though cold approach of any kind is the key.

Cold approach is at the heart of my game; in fact, it is my entire game. When I say it is my “entire” game, I do not only refer to my outer game, but to my inner game as well.

The power of cold approach is so big that I cannot put limits on it. It contains a transformative power that has the ability to change your relationship with women in a dramatic way, on all levels. There is a lot of talking about “inner game”. Well, despite being the cause of your actions, your mindset will also follow the progress you make in cold approach.

Now, let’s make an important clarification: everything is mind and everything comes from the mind. As a consequence, outer game is really a reflection of your inner game. It all starts with a decision, and the decision will happen in your mind. You’ll decide that you are entitled to hot girls, so you’ll go out and talk to them, and then through consistent action you’ll start seeing evidence of your own belief.

Therefore, action is not the cause, the cause is your decision. Action simply follows your decision, and that’s why inner game always comes before outer game. And yet, action is the only way to play this game. Action is born from your inner game, and yet it is the only way to change, improve, sharpen, and expand your inner game. That’s the paradox.

When I decided to start gunning hard for significantly improved social skills in 2004, that was when I had to come to grips with how hopelessly miserable my current social skills were, and how hopelessly far behind I was socially compared to everybody else.

Some part of me enjoyed being the total outsider, because I enjoyed the independence of the man apart, the one cut off from society. I figured this would make my eventual triumph all the more poetic. It was only when I set about trying to bring that triumph about that I came to realize it would be even tougher than I’d estimated.

What I quickly discovered was that even some of the most basic social rules were alien to me. What do people talk about? How do they join conversations and move between groups? How do they not trip over their own feet socially and look dumb and find themselves excluded?

I’d already developed a good wit and the ability to tell an entertaining story by that point, so I wasn’t flying completely blind. But general conversation – interacting with other human beings in a setting in which I was not the guy on stage, cracking jokes or spinning stories or showing off my musical talents, was unknown to me. And was most human interaction... I couldn’t lean on jokes or tales or busting out freestyles to help there.

So, this one goes out to the social newbs, starting off hopelessly behind everybody else, realizing the rest of mankind has a 10+ year head start on them in learning how to socialize.

Let me tell you what I did, and give you some suggestions about what you can do.