(1) Beginner

When I first began working in the self-help industry in earnest, I was, as most new to the industry are, overcome with a desire to help others. The pride I got when hearing I'd helped someone turn around his station in life with women, or turn around his life in general, was great. It's still wonderful to hear, but back then it was amazing.

It took me a while to recognize it, but there was another side of the coin to self-help too; it's the side I mentioned in "How to Master Anything" when talking about the "complainers" (as contrasted to the "fixers"), and it was the people you'd run into that you couldn't help. These were the ones who seemed like they wanted help, and they were there asking for it, but you just couldn't break through.

Eventually I did some research on it, and found out there was a distinct psychological term for this: it's called "victim mentality."

And it isn't the people you think who have it. It isn't some poor pathetic schmuck sitting around in his room moping about why life has to be so hard. Sure, that guy's got it too, but there are a lot of other people who have it:

• Parents
• Teachers
• Bosses
• Colleagues
• Models and actresses
• Jocks and playboys

... I've met people in almost every walk of life with victim mentalities. It's surprising when you encounter it, and you see it to different degrees... but it's there.

For me, recognizing my own victim mentality a long time ago was key to getting my life moving again in the right direction. And at the same time, I spent a decade in "neutral" because of my own refusal to see it and fight it, and I've met scores of people along the way similarly bogged down by this.

If you want to break free of it - if you really want the kind of life you want, with the kinds of things you want in it - this is another one of those situations where you'll find that the answer doesn't lie in the world changing to suit you... but rather, this answer lies within.

One question that confuses the hell out of a lot of guys (and also confused the hell out of me when I first learned all this sexual Jedi mind power stuff) is how long to wait before calling (or texting) a girl… and how to move things forward towards a date and beyond once you do call her.

You may have heard that you should not be too eager, and you may even have heard about the three day rule… get in touch with her after three days.

Then again, that one is so common now that a text or call after three days doesn’t really surprise anyone anymore…

What’s a man to do?

And what about dates… how can you really sweep a woman off her feet anymore, or should you even be concerned with that question?

What if you don’t want to drink alcohol… and even if you do, can’t “drinks” be too stiff or formal?

What’s the right way to go?

It's time for the 10th edition of the Carnival of Dating Advice! Bringing you a selection of the best articles on dating, relationships, sex, psychology, and more from across the web.

We've got eight articles for you in total this week, with an unusual number of pieces offering more or less profound looks into human psychology. In addition to these, we have for your sampling some hard hitting advice against blaming others, some unconventional advice on how long to wait before you start dating again after a breakup, some unexpected advice on the most powerful tool in the bedroom, and a couple of tips for women on knowing if that shy guy friend is into them and a rather humorous way to go about knowing if that man they're seeing is "The One."

On with the carnival...

This is the first official installment in my new series on social interactions. In case you're just tuning in, the series kicked off last week with "Social Skills 101: Pushing Past Your Comfort Zone." Now it’s time for us to really get into some solid, practical tips and tidbits you can start using as soon as you finish this article... this time on body language.

Chase just had a great post on putting together a sexy walk that went into detail on a very specific area of your body language (how you move through the world); and now I’m following it up with a broader-stroke post on general body language.

On this site, we often reference reading body language and using body language, and while it may not seem all that important, it in fact can make or break a pick up or general social interaction.

It can also get pretty complicated, so I wanted to get you an article on reading and using body language, and why it matters.

Here it is.

When I was 12 years old, I first started experimenting with my walk. I'd begun running social experiments a little earlier that year, and I figured I could tweak things about myself to give people the kind of impression I wanted to give them.

At first, I walked really fast. Everyone would comment on how fast I walked. I thought doing things quickly was good. But as I studied people more closely, I realized that slower was more powerful. So, 6 months after I started walking faster than anyone else, I slowed down... way down. Now everyone commented on how slow I walked... I walked slower than anyone else.

Over the years, I added pieces to my walk, refining and improving it: first to have a very powerful walk, then to have an intimidating walk.

It wasn't until my early 20s that I at last began developing a sexy walk, designed not to impress people, clear them out of my path on the street, or dissuade them from challenging me in bad parts of town, but, rather, to attract women.

On the article titled "Get a Girl Alone Today with These 7 Tips," Nick commented:

“Hey Chase, great article by way.

I have bought your book and read up on your blog posts( having lots of success because of it) about how to have a powerful walk.
Although, I am not sure if I am being too try hard or being to subtle that it is unnoticeable. It would be great if sometime in the future you could put up a video demonstration or even list a few examples of actors in cinema who have a powerful walk.

Thank you”

He's referring, of course, to the section of How to Make Girls Chase that discusses your walk. And Nick's right - something as nuanced as your walk needs video illustrations to show you how it's done.

And today's article is going to give you just that.

In the post on indirect game, Franco comments, in part:

“Maintaining a good personal Facebook or Social Networking appearance. I think this would require a blog post (or maybe even a series of blog posts), but interacting with women on Facebook (whether directly or indirectly through posts/pictures) is a big part of the way individuals connect and socialize with each other today. Do you have knowledge or advice in this area?”

If you're under 30 (or maybe even OVER 30, too) and you're living in the early 21st century, you've probably thought about how great it'd be if you could just meet girls on Facebook.

I mean... you can browse through profiles... pick the HOTTEST girls you see... send them a message... and then, if they write BACK - suddenly now you've got a new potential girlfriend or lover!

It's easy!

In a digital age, what better way is there to meet girls for the technically-inclined than to just find them on the Internet and send them a message? I've done it myself - and I'll be the first to tell you, I've met a few gorgeous women off of Facebook.

It works!

But there's one thing all the posts, articles, teachers, and guides that propose to teach you how to find girls on Facebook don't cover... and that is that it's way more work than meeting girls in real life, your odds of success are way lower, and it takes way more time.

Let me take you through my own personal adventures with Facebook - and why I ultimately decided to close my account and never log on again.

Does meeting women sometimes seem like rocket science to you? Do you get nervous with women and trip over your own two feet?

Wow… there is so much stuff to read, so many things to work on internally, so many things to consider at every step of the way when talking to girls…

And one single mistake can be fatal, and lose you a girl that was totally into you.

No, far be it from me to tell you that this skill is incredibly easy, and that you need to “just be yourself” and run “natural game”… if that worked, none of us would be here right now.

At the same time, there is also something that is worse than not knowing what to do… and that is “paralysis by analysis:” when the fear of doing the wrong thing leads you to do nothing at all, which is obviously also going to get you no results at all.

Or you think you need just a little bit more information before you can finally start going out and meeting women.

Or maybe all the information doesn’t paralyze you, but you do lose track of all the things you should be doing on a date and end up stuck in your head, or even more nervous and stiff because you’re thinking too hard about what to say next.

I’ve been there… I’m a pretty analytical person, and so I got stuck in that pattern too for a while.

And because I don’t want you stuck there for long too, here’s how to avoid it.