How to Get Out of the Friend Zone: A Man's Survival Guide | Girls Chase

How to Get Out of the Friend Zone: A Man's Survival Guide

Chase Amante

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how to get out of the friend zone

If you’ve ever struggled vainly to figure out how to get out of the friend zone, the following should be quite familiar.

“I really like you as a companion, and I don’t want to risk ruining our great friendship if we get involved.”

“I’m not really looking for a relationship right now… we should really just be buddies.”

“I just broke up with my boyfriend and I need to get back to being myself before being with somebody else.”

“I need some space to be alone right now… let’s just be friends.”

Have you ever heard any of the above from a girl you liked? (…most men have, at one point or another)

Or worse, were you ever friends with a girl you liked and never even made a move in the first place, out of fear of hearing the friends-speech?

Ricardus DominoAbout the Author: Ricardus Domino

Ricardus was one of the most prolific and respected coaches in the men’s dating advice industry. He’s dated some of the planet’s most beautiful women, ranging from a Miss World contestant, to a model for Coca-Cola, to one of “Brazil’s Next Top Models.” His specialty is daytime street stops. He is most remembered for his “Are you single?” opening line. Ricardus is currently retired from the dating advice industry.


Anonymous's picture

Hey chase,
Great article. I continue to relate to alot of your articles, especially this one.
Ive been friends with this girl for over 5 yrs. We were friends for a yr and then dated for maybe a couple weeks but we were just having fun and not worrying about anything. Then we went back to being friends, she moved away for school for a couple yrs, we lost touch, she moved back and then within the past yr have grown to be good friends. Our recent bonding however, has been due to us both being in long relationships and then getting cheated on; we both went through some hard times. Well stuff is much better now, were at good points in our lives, both dont want to be in a relationship, both are away at school.

So every once and a while l'll make a little nudge to her that im attracted to her and she does literally what you have already written about, "I really dont want to ruin our friendship as I really value it"; "I dont want to date, just be friends". Its funny cuz we are pretty comfortable and open talking about sex and what we like and sexy stuff like that. Weve both explained that we have no interest in dating anyone else either.

Now I'm not making a strong enough advance, but this is because I too don't want to ruin our friendship either. Thing is, I dont want to date her either, I want to be a special kind of friend. I want to do the friends with benefits thing. It would be perfect!

Im not afraid to ask her, but I admit I dont want to ruin our friendship.

What are you thoughts Chase?

Anonymous's picture

man, if deep inside u wanna kiss her really hard and..well, fuck her, the next time u get near her u say : hey i wanna kiss u and u grab her but u wait and see if she wants u or not...if she wants ya u'll know trust me...anyway thts how i do it ...tbh i never was neglected but i was pretty sure she was attracted by me before...


McLovin1701's picture

Hi Chase,

I would very much appreciate your advice on a very important matter. Sorry for the long e-mail, but I thought it best to give you all relevant details regarding this matter.

I have a friend called Lisa, whom I have known now for about 4 months. I met her through a mutual friend. About 2 months ago I bumped into her on a night out and asked if she wanted to go out on a date sometime - just the two of us. She said definitely, and she asked me for my number. That same night, she txt me at 4:30 am to say hello and that she had been thinking about me since earlier that evening. We txt each other a few times back and forth until I told her I needed to sleep as I had work the next morning. From that night on and for about a month after, we were in contact at least 3 or 4 times a day either by txt or phone call. I again asked her on several occasions, when she was free for our "date" but she did at that time have a lot going on.

She works 3 jobs and at that time was chasing after 2 different jobs that would have changed her life completely, had she been successful in getting either one. She also suffered the loss of her Grandfather and had to travel 150 miles back home for the funeral. To try and cut things short, I was there for her when she needed me and have been her rock as she calls it. She sometimes seems to put herself down when things don't go her way as well. I always seem to have the right words to cheer her up and put her back on the straight and narrow. I have been through a lot of similar life experiences in the past, as the ones she is currently going through and because of this I have been there to encourage her and lift her up when she has been down. Because of this, we have a strong emotional connection.

On a works Xmas night out, she met another guy who she said she really connected with, but she has not seen him again since, other than at work.

She has since been away on a family holiday over New Year and since coming back home, the contact has been much less frequent, although she kept in touch every couple of days or so. Whilst she was away, her nan fell ill and is still not out of the woods as yet. When she got back home, I asked if she were free the following weekend, but she was already going out with her girlfriends who were staying at hers for the weekend. On the night she was going out with the girls, she called me at around 7:30 to ask what I was up to. I told her that I had made plans for the evening to hit town with my best bud. We chatted for a while, and she mentioned that I still hadn't been round to her place yet and that it was long overdue, and that we had to arrange a visit sometime. She then said we should all meet up that night as she had really missed seeing me and wanted to make up for it. We met up and she introduced me and my pal to her friends and we all had a great time out.

At one point Lisa was flirting heavily with my mate (incidentally the mutual friend who first introduced us) and he was a little uncomfortable with this. I was at this point getting on really well with her friends and having a good chat with them a bit. Soon after, he made his excuses and left early, leaving me with Lisa and her friends. From that point on, Lisa was joined at the hip with me for most of the night, and her friends who I were getting on really well with kept disappearing to leave the two of us alone. Lisa was already quite drunk at this point, so I didn't make any moves as I thought it may be inappropriate as she was much more drunk than me.

Then the big accident !! Lisa decided to dance round a pole to show me her moves, and fell off, injuring herself in the process. She badly hurt her arm. I offered to take her to the hospital, but she wouldn't go. Her friends also advised her to let me take her, but she refused. For the next 2 hours I spent out with her, she was very quiet, and not wanting to dance with her friends or me. I did the chivalrous thing and made sure she was ok, and stayed with her whilst her friends went on the dancefloor. The whole time, she just wanted to sit there, but she grabbed my hand and wouldn't let go. I tried making conversation, but she just didn't want to talk. She seemed just happy to sit there holding my hand and leaning into me. At 3am, I decided to part company with the girls, leaving Lisa with them. They were going on to a club that was open till 6 !! - They are all about 10 years younger than me and my hardcore partying days are long past LOL.

I gave her my coat as it was freezing cold and walked with her to the club. Her friends walked some way ahead of us, and we were talking about general stuff - she had sobered up a little by then. All the time she was holding my arm tightly and she said that she was really glad I had met up. I made sure that her friends were at the club before leaving her, and kissed her goodnight. Both Lisa and her friends said I should stay out with them, but as I had work the next day, I made my case and left. The next morning she called to say that apart from her fall, she had really enjoyed seeing me and that next time it would be just the two of us. That was 2 weekends ago. I did follow up with a txt a couple of days later to see how she was and how things were with her nan. She mentioned that she was going back south to spend the weekend with her and would get in touch on the Monday. She did not get back in touch, so I sent her a txt asking how her nan was and how the weekend had gone. She replied immediately saying that her head was all over the place and that her nan was a little better for now. I asked if she were ok and if she wanted to sometime, we should catch up again when she felt up to it. She didn't reply.

Then I guessed by now I was wondering about how true her motives were. Several times both in person and via txt / call she has said that the date was long overdue and that we should hook up. Things had just always seemed to get in the way, with everything else going on in her life. I decided (maybe wrongly) to ask her to meet up with me for a chat, as I wanted to get to the bottom of things. She did say that she was very busy this week, but as it sounded important to me, she would make time and meet up. We went out for a coffee after she finished work this Tuesday. She asked me what was wrong, and I asked her outright if she firstly truly valued me as a friend, or if I was just another guy that she knows - She has LOTS of Male friends. I also said that as I had stated from the outset that I wanted to date her, that I had made my intentions known that I didn't want to be just a friend, and wanted more. She looked shocked and sad at this, and said that her busy life meant that she did not always have time for friends or even family and that she was not looking for any kind of relationship. She also said that she had never seen me as anything other than a close friend, and that if she had given me the wrong impression, she was truly sorry for hurting me, and that she does care deeply for me as a friend. I told her that I was deeply fond of her and cared for her a great amount. I also stated that if she only saw me as a friend, she maybe shouldn't have said and done things to make me think otherwise, as I had grown very attached to her.

She did say that because of previous life experiences that she does not usually let people into her life so quicky as either a friend or other as she has been badly hurt in the past, both by so called friends and lovers. She went on to say that friends come and go, and she was used to getting hurt, so she usually puts her barriers up in an attempt to save herself from hurt. I explained that I too was guilty of this as I also have been hurt in the past, but she had very easily slipped past my defences. She said the same. At this, I offered my hand across the table and she took it and held it for a moment. I told her that as she only wanted friendship that I would respect this, but did not want to lose her as a friend. I said I was worried that this meeting would potentially make things difficult for both of us and possibly end the friendship and didn't want this to happen. At that point I said that I had taken up too much of her time and that I really had appreciated her giving up time in her busy schedule. We walked back to her car, and I told her that I really did care and that if she still wanted to be friends, that I would rather have her in my life as a close friend than not have her in my life at all. We hugged and I said to her "don't be a stranger". She smiled at me with a tear in her eye, and drove off.

From the moment I first saw her I really liked her, and as we have got to know each other better, my feelings for her grow much stronger. I thought that as I initially asked her out on a date, that I was making my intentions very clear as to what I wanted from her. She is everything I look for in the ideal girlfriend. I'm 10 years older (I'm 38) and her last boyfriend was 22 years older than her !! I'm not the best looking guy, but we always get on so well and do seem to have a connection. Despite her busy life, she always makes time to call me or txt me, but apart from accidental meet ups or that one night we did arrange to meet, we haven't really spent a lot of time together. We have both suffered hard knocks in the past and both seem to suffer from a lack of confidence.

I just don't know what to think anymore, as I don't know whether she really means that she has no interest in me, or if she is just trying to save herself from potentially being hurt again. Although she also said she still wanted to be friends, I dont know whether she meant this or not, or whether she is now going to sever all ties with me.

I really do love her so much, and know that if she were to give me the chance, we could have something truly amazing together. Should I just let her go and let fate decide the next move ?

Michael Wynchester's picture

Stick to brevity. Express that you like her the next chance you get in all the right ways with the nonverbal indicators Chase discusses in a multitude of different articles. If you must, come on a little stronger than you feel comfortable with because odds are you think it's too strong, but she thinks it isn't coming on strong enough. Flirt with her then soon after end the conversations with vague excuses. It adds mystery and intrigue. Finally, set up dates with her and set mile markers like kiss her, take her home, get her in bed, make her your girlfriend, etc. If you can hit each of those mile markers on consecutive dates, you'll work your way out of friend zone into her heart.

Hope this helps

William's picture

Dear Chase,
I'd like your quick expertise on something. There's (as usual) a really great girl in my class at college: the most beautiful girl all the other guys dream to be with. I spent my first year barely talking to her, then all of a sudden (2 months ago), she came to me, started talking, smiling, laughing, etc. I wasn't sure what was happening, what she meant, and of course I didn't act fast enough, and it took me a week to ask her out for a coffee. When I did, she declined, I said "ok" like it didn't matter all that much (but hell it did...), then we parted. I didn't see her until a couple weeks had passed, and then she was not nearly as warm as she'd been before. I've talked to her only two or three times since then, and it seems back to square one, that is, when we hardly spoke to each other. I realize that's not much info, but in your opinion, is there still a chance for the great relationship it could have been, and if so, how would you proceed? No need to say your answer will be very valuable to me. Thanks.

BW's picture

It all boils down to this, IMO.

Every guy in the friend zone hates it. That relationship makes you feel emasculated and underappreciated.

So why do we fight to save it? Why do we let these girls have their way? To preserve a status quo that makes us feel like garbage?

Stand up for yourself. Where you want to take the relationship is just as valid as where she does. If you want this girl bad enough to sacrifice your personal desires, don't let anything stop you-even her.

Make your move. Make it again. And again. Every time you see her, make a move. Every time you don't take no for an answer, every time you stand up for yourself, you actually increase her attraction for you. She doesn't want a doormat. She wants a man who will overcome any obstacle-even her own objections-to get what he wants. That man is a leader. That man makes things happen. That man is who she wants to love.

If she cuts you out of your life, so what? You lost a relationship that made you feel like less of a man.

If she doesn't... Always give her a way out (no raping allowed, boys), but keep. Pushing.

I had a girl tell me flat out that she would -never- be attracted to me. That she had -no- interest in me whatsoever. But she kept calling, kept going out with me, kept going back to my place with me, kept keeping me in her life.

So I kept pushing. I got her into bed. I dodged her objections. I finally forced her to make a choice.

And now the girl I was best friends with calls me her soulmate.

There's a motivational speech that goes "our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. Your playing small does not serve the world. There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you."

Read the article on objections. Read the article on persisting in your insistence. Do not give up.

Anonymous's picture

This is the worst advice ever. As a woman, I have experienced this technique a hell of a lot and it has not worked once. There's a guy I cut out of my life five years ago for using this method and he's still using it and you know what? IT IS THE MOST UNCOMFORTABLE THING EVER. I agree that the guy has just as much say in where the relationship is headed as the girl, but you cannot just pretend that what she wants is irrelevant to your master plan. If she does not want anything more from you than to be a friend after a month of pushing then drop it and move on.

Another thing, pushing is not a technique that should be praised. It rarely ends well. Women are sensitive and the majority of us will feel too pressured to decline or reject AND THAT IS VERY VERY BAD. That means that there is a huge chance that she really doesn't want to participate at all but doesn't want to hurt your feelings because she obviously cares about you enough to keep you around.

I cannot tell you how many of my friends have confessed and been scarred by men who have used this method. And the really crappy thing is that in at least ten of those situations there was rape but the guy couldn't understand that because her "no" was a trivial obstacle because this method blurs the boundaries and can severely screw up a girl's confidence, self-esteem and self-worth.

Michael Wynchester's picture

Ricardus, my only recommendation here is to also include the self-negation technique.

I've seen it work enough that I feel confident suggesting it to others.

Here's how it works:
Using the techniques suggested in the article "How to Be a Sexy Man", develop intrigue by adding dimensions to yourself when you're around her. Then for each thing you add, stop doing, or negate, a habit you have around or with her that makes her think of you as a friend.

Pretty vague right? Let me make it simple with an example...

She knows you aren't very good at cooking typically. You've told her that once or twice and she has seen it for herself. This is maybe the easiest thing to self-negate.
Simply take a cooking class with her. While you two are having fun "spicing up" your food and friendship, you can use the environment to flirt with her and attract her because you are, by doing something she thought you could not do (cooking), causing her to start seeing you as a different person. (You can flirt by tasting her food then immediately joking that her food is awful by fake gagging, but not too loud or long, and when she acts offended taste it again and smile. You're set up for a hot situation, you just have to take the chances.)

In this case, you are self-negating a negative trait (not being able to cook) and replacing it with a positive *NEW* trait (being able to cook). Do this with enough things (typically 3-5 things) and she will recognize you as being more of a mystery because she sees it as this way: maybe she never truly got to know who you were growing to become. It sounds easy to do and it is. You just have to convince her she'll enjoy whatever activity. If you don't want to spend money on a cooking class, invite her to your house for the same effect. Use the excuse "I need you to make sure I don't accidentally burn down my house. Hahaha" or "I thought you might be able to teach me how to work the stove/oven. Hahaha" The important part is the laugh. If you're too serious, she'll notice and be less likely to accept.

Disclaimer: You actually have to work on improving yourself before you try to self-negate or you'll look like a fool when you add salt instead of sugar or mix red and yellow trying to make purple. But if she sees you as a different person, it adds intrigue to the equation essentially reopening your window for about half as long to Move Things FAST.

Good luck, and I hope you can escape the friend zone!


P.S. As Ricardus said, you really owe it to yourself to get the exclusive newsletter and get many more insights into getting the women you've always dreamt of having delivered straight to your inbox, so, this way, you never miss a thing. The people here will even start you off with their free report, “The Unconventional Guide To Phone Number Success” -- let me tell ya, you really should not miss getting it. You can sign up using the form at the end of Ricardus's post.

P.P.S. How's this for only a half-hour sleep?

Anonymous's picture

Great article...

Anonymous's picture

This video explains how to get out of the friendzone pretty well! So, if you guys are looking for help through vids, here's the link!

Thomas's picture

I have been recently friendzoned by a girl. I have known her and her brother for 8 years. I never had any relationship feeling for her until just 3 years ago. She had a boyfriend at the time, but, I asked her out anyway and she said yes. We had a great time but it really kind of stopped there, because her boyfriend proposed and they moved several states away.

The engagement fell off because he cheated on her, she moved back to my town (her parents live here) and she went through a couple of toxic relationships after that. I went to her 21st birthday party earlier this year, but, ultimately I've not been around her to know what's going on with her.

Until 6 weeks ago, I went over to use her internet since mine was out and she was so excited to see me, and started trying to hang out with me every day. After 1 week I asked her out and she agreed. She wanted to bring friends, but I admitted it was a date and she gladly uninvited those people without me asking. We went on the date and it went great.

I told her I liked her twice and she told me she knew, but, never told me how she felt. Now, during all this there is another guy (who ive known for a couple of years) who is hitting on her and she ran him off. She told him she's "not girlfriend material right now". So, I waited. I wanted to be there for when she ready for a relationship. Because I prefer the gentleman approach.

We continued to hang out and have very personal and serious conversations with occasional flirting but nothing really strong, just comments about each others wardrobe or me telling her how gorgeous she is, basic stuff. Until, a week ago she texts me that she went on a coffee date with a guy (that ive never met) and how much she likes him. I panicked and called her professing all of my feelings to her. She friendzoned me on account of knowing she would eventually hurt me if we dated, that it would not only ruin our friendship, but my friendship with her brother as well (he lives off and didn't know any of this was going on, that is until she called him and told him last week).

Anyway, she wants me to meet this guy. I've been invited over twice by her, because she wants my opinion of this guy, because she considers me her "best friend". But I keep declining. My best friends are giving me tons of support that helps me feel less worse. But, I need some hard advice on what to do to further my relationship with her.

Like I said before, I've known her for 8, had a brief crush on her 3 years ago, but, let it go completely, because my priorities were terrible back then. Everyone in public pegs us as a couple and it makes things so awkward. I've started caring about her well-being so much in the last 6 weeks... As opposed to the sexual attraction I had 3 years ago. I truly care for her and know that I love her My priority is her heart not her vagina. I want her to understand all of this and be more than a friend.

This is my first time to be friendzoned. It hurts so bad think that she might actually have feelings and she actually protecting herself. I'm worried that she might be scared to take this to the next level. Am I wrong for thinking that? What do I do about meeting this new guy of hers? Should I accept the friendship and continue to drop signs about how I feel, just to let her know I'll never stop loving her?

Rob's picture

I have never been friend zoned before so this is new to me, and very upsetting. While going to school I met a girl who was very friendly to me initially. She invited me to sit down when I was walking by. We know each other from our program where are going to be set classmates for close to 2 years so I didn't think it abnormal for her to reach out. She emailed me about an assignment at one point and I gave her my number and told her it would be easier to explain over the phone than email or text. So we started talking. When we first started talking she was just coming off a 7 year relationship ending so I didn't want to rush her or push her in any direction, I just wanted to go with the flow. Also when we started talking to each other and there was obvious flirtation and interest on both ends (eye contact, touching, hugging, comments etc.), but when I told her I liked her she got defensive and said that she she likes me and thinks I'm a great guy but we wouldn't be able to see each other because we will be in the same program for the next 2 years and things can get awkward if they go wrong, plus she said she wasn't looking for a relationship and that the program was her focus. I explained to her that I wasn't looking for a gf either because current responsibilites didn't make it a good idea and that the program is my focus as well and comes first and that I understood that perspective. I told her I did not expect her to jump into a relationship but that I felt we could get to know each other and not jeopardize the program by not labeling things. I told her that I would be comfortable not labeling anything and just seeing where things go without pressure. Regardless she seems hellbent on making the program the wedge between us or her excuse for preventing us from taking things to another level (not necessarily bf and gf, but more than what we are) and refuses to compromise that. She insists that she is interested in me in every sense of the word (sexually, personality, fun/funny etc.). She is always saying things like something that i did was cute, or sexy, that certain looks drive her nuts, i'm the funniest guy ever, etc. and we've actually had long intimate hugs and stared deeply into each others eyes, but everytime we get close to something that seems it's about to escalate she withdraws. Now shes saying that she thinks me seeing someone would be good for me (which confuses me), and she insists that she doesn't want to "date" anyone for a while, but is still giving off all the hints that she wants more... I mean her nickname for me is lover for christ's sake... Are there any suggestions as to how I should continue to approach this? She does not seem to be intentionally playing a game at all but doesn't seem willing to budge any.

Anonymous's picture

dear chase,
For some background info, the girl i want goes to school with me and i work with her every day, she has a boyfriend who she barely talks about but when she does it is always negative. I don't want to have her cheat on him with me (because i find that moraly wrong) but i want her to break up with this guy ( who obviously doesnt satisfy her) and be with me. We are friends but we have always made sexual jokes and so on ( she is a total flirt and seems to lead guys on). since we see each other everyday i cant really ignore her as a friend because i work with her so i was wondering what advice you have for me.
- thanks

Andy's picture

Hi, I was friendzoned by a girl when she came back from a holiday with her mum but before this we were kissing and cuddling and being intimate, although she had just come out of a break up when I met her and had suggested she needed time, however, I managed to make a move and things were going ok and there was lots of sexual attraction, chemistry and shared interests. I was adjusting to her need for a slow pace and listening to her needs.

But since that holiday she has distanced me, and she will not kiss or be affectionate, however still wants to meet up in her time and has given me gifts and some healing sessions (she is a healer). However when I then arrange the next hang out she says no most of the time, which is a game of course I do not like. I went along with this for a few weeks but realising she had completely friendzoned me by this point I stopped seeing her for awhile, only for her to email to ask if she could still come and see a film with me that she new I was seeing.

After the film she wants to meet the next day so I say yes as it was a special christmas event we both like, and we went with her friends who were husband and wife. Early on in the evening she was light hearted and she glanced in my eyes and there was that instant rush of attraction and connection (we were stood with her friends in the queue) We all had food afterwards and her behaviour became erratic and she started flirting with her friends husband and not giving me much eye contact.

I dropped her at home after the event and I then arranged another day for hanging out during the following week on a one-to-one basis as I knew she would be leaving to go home for christmas and I get a no, she is busy! All week, every day and evening, hence I won't see her until the new year.

She talked about being addicted to my energy and I'm not her usual type (I am shorter than her :) and I admit feeling addicted too but I thought that is the point of initial attraction. Anyway, the friendzone is killing my confidence and self esteem, as there is a constant feeling of rejection around her behaviour which I am finding hard to contain and act normal with. I need to take control back but I might have to just cut her out and come back to her later on. Your advice is greatly appreciated.

Anonymous's picture

Hey, so i definately need help with this girl! ive tried reading some articles but not sure were to lead. so basically this girl i liked back in 11th grade we used to hang out, she wasnt ready for a relationship. so i dropped it and havent had contact with her for 5 years, so randomly she tried to add me on facebook, i never did because i was in a relationship...anyways im single now and we got back into contact, we hung out for coffee, talked, had the same exact story life and i still like her, i even tried flirting when were out, she said shes interested and likes me but in the friend zone!! shes not the first person to ever text me, so i dontr text her really, been like a week nowe but i know her phones off, she says she isnt ready fopr a relationship because shes going through a tough time, im going through child custody and she has already went through that...but im ready to take the next step, how do i approach the problem? had many suggestions, talk to her, dont talk to her, etc. help?

Anonymous's picture

Hey Chase, I really need help. I've known this girl for a while now, like two months. I think I'm in her friend zone, but can't really tell. I've spent like hours with her and even like webcammed till like 4 oclock in the morning for three nights in a row. Unfortunatly, I was about to ask her on a date and then suddenly, I just happened to figure out one of her deepest, darkest secrets. This secret really makes her look bad, but I know she isn't like that and it never really changed my opinion of her. She found out and then suddenly things got weird. When she talks, she won't look directly at me and feels invaded....I think . I tried to comfort her, but she doesn't want to talk about it. I backed off immediatly. Also, other people had initially started to think something was going on between us two and are being really stupid about it. Saying stuff like, "Oh....We'll leave you two alone. " How should I deal with these people? And how do I get out of this situation?

Bizxy's picture

Hi chase
I know this girl i really like I'm not looking for something sexual or to serious cause I'm young no use in it really. But I think about her all the time the slightest thing will remind me off her we dated about 3 years ago i know long time but every time i talk to her the conversation just goes boring and ends i see her around school but don't talk to her we text sometimes but I'm not sure how to make my move i wanna make her like me as much as I like her. She's in a relationship most the time but nothing that last but I know if I can get her to date me it'll last i just don't know if I should confront her in school or just. Wait we don't text that much cause i just don't know what to talk about i want to make it work. I know I'm despite for her cause well i wound up her trying to break friend zone. Email me or something i need help.

Anonymous's picture

I recently had an encounter with a chick from work. We were flirting for about month. She opened up to me first, I wasn't really interested at first because I never really thought about it I guess, mostly due to her being a co-worker. She would always ask if I wanted to make out and stuff and finally one night she asked me over. It was her sisters house and we ended up in her nieces bed. Made out for 2 hours, touching and felling and all that. We had both agreed to no sex. Then she begged for sex. 3 things with this situation were bad:
1) We did it in her nieces bed
2) I lasted like 30 sec, because of 2 hours of getting jerked
3) Round 2 was not acceptable because we're in a little girls bed (trust me, it was awkward as hell)

Anyways, we snuggled and all that crap. The next day I asked if she would like to do it again, she replied yes and that she had a great time. Well here is where things turned. The next time I went to work and she was there I got the cold shoulder all day. Her body language shifted into total non attraction. I had to logically conclude it was because of my performance. So I eventually asked her what was up and she gave excuses that sailed me right into friend-zone. After studying some techniques on how to get girls I see all my mistakes. My question is: Is there way to stop this sinking ship or is it too late? I have restarted to square one and began working on confidence and body language. It seems to be getting the desired effects, however, she still won't open up like she did before. I'm still getting tests from her. And I'm pretty sure I'm passing them (NOT reacting to playful insults or things that should incite uncomfortableness, NOT doing everything she asks only when it is actually acceptable). So what now? Do I continue to touch her playfully to incite that factor? Do I just take my losses? I'm seriously stuck here.

Panda's picture

Hi Chase

First of all, thanks alot for the articel!
It has given me so much more understanding for what is going on
So here my problem... I have been very good friends with this girls for a year now.. i have never think that she could be girlfriend material, before we kissed by an accident, we were both drunk, and she also had a guy.. not a boyfriend just someone she liked and had something with.
But after we kissed i realized that it was not just on the friendbasis i liked her. I stared to develope feelings for her, and started to think i want to be more than just friends with her. But i don't know have to tell her, because im afraid of that she might tell me that she only wants to be firends. we are going on a trip her and I, and some friends the next 7 days... and i don't know if i should tell her it down there, or just wait

I hope you will reply as soon as you can, i could really use the help!

Rob's picture

Hi there,

So last december i meet this girl trough friends, we started dating and eventualy got into a relationship had sex multiple times. She tells me she recently got out of a 5 year relationship and it was her first love but tells me she is over it. Everything goes well she claims to be happy with me but after a month and a half she puts an abrupt end to our relationship and wants us to be just friends! When I tried to get a reason out of her decision she had a hard time telling me something stable it went from I am not ready for a relationship to I still love my Ex.

For about 2 months now we've been just friends and she admitted to me that the 1 month she spent with me was one of her bests in her life and she loves every moment shes passes with me. Yet she refuses to become anything more then friends, she dates other guys has sex with them I am all cool about it and I show no jealousy towards her, and i do the same thing on my side. When she learns of me dating other girls she becomes jealous and beings comparing herself to the other girl and tries to convince me that she is much better.

Her words says she does not want anything more then my friendship but her body language says the complete oppisite. For example when we are together watching a movie she cuddles with me and passes her hands in my hair like a couple does, when we go out she constantly grabs me by the hand and hugs me kisses me on the cheek and dances with me. my first tought was she wants sex but she told me that the sex we had we not that great!

Honestly I would move on but her constantly holding me back blocks me and I would normaly ignore her but she is more then worth my time!

Please help it would mean a lot to me

Thanks =)

Anonymous's picture

Hey chase,
I know your probably busy and chances are you won't be able to reply, but I really like this girl and I made a pretty bad impressions the first time we met and continued making bad impressions because I didn't like her at the time and wasn't trying to get her, but now I do like her and started talking to her again over the Internet. And I need up accidentally telling her that I liked her, she said it was cute but that she wanted to be friends instead, I don't know what to do now is there anything I can do or shoul I just give up?

Cpu64's picture

I'm trying to get friendzoned, but there's nothing online on the subject. It's always a bunch of tips for horny guys trying to bang some chick who isn't interested.
I want to get friendzoned by the girl I like. It sure bests getting ignored completely. Any interaction is better than nothing.

Anonymous's picture

Haven't gone out with this girl but we've been just friends for a month and she says that she don't like me like that what should I do cuz we know so much bout each other and I want to take our relationship to the new level

tee.verse's picture


Is there an article that focuses on the "Are you single" PU line? I remember reading about it and wasn't ale to find it. I realize this article is not about hat but I was curious. Thanks!

Anonymous's picture

Well... theres this girl, i've known her about 3 years now. At first i wasn't attracted to her, but after about 2 years i have found myself more and more attracted to her but she tells me that she doesnt want to ruin our friendship. We have alot in common and we have a deep connection with each other, we could spend whole days just talking to each other. When we are hanging out with our group of friends, she treats me as if i dont exists, rarely even looking at me in the eye. When we are alone, though, shes alot more friendly and flirty, she also acts more seductive with her body language. Is this because she is embarassed when with me? Or is it more likely thats she is just shy? What should i do??

Anonymous's picture

Hi Chase , i am really greatfull to all your advices.
I have been friend with a girl from 3yrs she had a bf but they brokeup. Then i helped her a lot to take her out of mourning period . we use to flirt a lot then got really close after her breakup and in 1mon she said she liked me a lot but it would take time to get feelings as a boyfriend . I agreed we statted dating , i got too serious n emotional with her and started thinking she is the love of my life. Everything was going great and awesome but then she kindoff lose interest in me and said we should just be friends. I was broke, but we remained friends.
Yesterday i didn text her then she asked herself for the first time like wat m doing and all. So should i keep avoiding her ? Its bit difficult what if she starts dating another guy ?

Anonymous198's picture

Hi Chase,

This is an odd situation with this girl, I've been seen her as a friend for almost a year, I was not interested in her at all but then she started asking me personal questions and trying to see me more... then when I asked her out she told me she had a boyfriend but agreed to meet me for diner as friends, we went out for a couple of weeks and then she told me she ended her relationship with her boyfriend... the next time we went out together I asked for a formal date and she told me the"just friends" line, still said that we could be something more in the future but she was not sure about it at the moment.

She still wants to hang out with me but my approach is like I should avoid her but then how I can make her change her mind and know when she finally want to date me and not just hang out? She even told me that I should try dating other girls instead... the worse thing I want to hear from her.

Thanks for any advice, I love your reading all your articles!

Anonymous's picture

Unless you want her as a friend, you should probably just move on. Just stop answering her calls/messages, disappear. Then maybe she'll miss you a ton and chase you.

Seems to be your best shot.

Not sure how chase would go about this but this is based on what I've read here on GC.

Anonymous's picture

Hello Chase,

I just wanted to share with you and the guys here a weird experience I had with a girl I liked a lot.

We went out on a first date, she brought her daughter since she couldn't have anybody to baby seat her, I took them to a ride on my sailboat and we were having fun all day long, I made my move and kissed her and everything was smooth we both enjoyed. At the end of the date her daughter felt asleep and we put her in the car, while I took her back to my boat, and I had the chance to seal the deal right there but I didn't thinking that kissing was just OK for a first date.

After that we spoke a couple of times over the phone I went on a trip, and made the mistake (I think) of getting poetical over the text and send her a couples of romantic messages, telling her how I thought of her and bla bla bla.

After I got back from my trip I went to her place expecting to take her out, but she had her family at home, dad, cousins and daughter, we did not have any chance to seal the deal but we just chat and have some family introduction in that spot, but somehow I managed to kiss her again before I left, then I was inviting her over text to spend the weekend with me, have some dinner and so on. Well this never happened since she text me a few days later saying that she just wanted to be friends cause there was a guy she used to date that appear on her life again and she had feelings for him, I like you but I will choose him instead. I manage the situation peacefully calmed did not complain and took it with sense of humor then pointed out why we couldn't be friends and spend 2 weeks trying to win her back at a point I became needy and then I just quit messaging or inviting her since she always reject my invitations saying that we could only be friends.

My question are: did I act too slow?, or just the circumstances were not on my side and she genuinely had feeling for the other guy?


kelvin's picture

This girl is a friend but in school we learn together and the most interesting part is that she lies on my body and we do. Things like we are in love but now she tells a friend that she wants us to be friends.what I do to keep her attention and to love me

Anonymous's picture

Hi. I just moved and got along really well with my neighbour from across the road. We hit it of really good. She even spent NYE with me. I felt she liked me to. I made a move one night with a kiss in the pool. I kissed her then she held back and was awkward. After that she knew I was acting differently and brought up the kiss. She said its a bit weird because your my neighbour and I just broke up with my boyfriend. I said I was sorry. She said that she enjoyed the kiss though. Just not at this stage of her life. I get mixed emotions because she invites me over for dinner or drinks still and I have slept in the same bed as her on several occodsaioms with no sex because I don't think I should make a move due to the first rejection. What do I do. Please help me get out of this dreaded friend zone. thanks

John C's picture

Chase, I have sort of a different issue. I have no problems hooking up, but after when I actually want to see more of the girl in question, they suddenly become unavailable. I am actually ready to be in a relationship, not looking for just random hookups anymore. Any advice?

Anonymous's picture

the key idea advice here is that please do not appear too needy because a lady decided to go out with is common for you to want to see your girlfriend often but please bear in mind that if a lady decides to go out with you probably the first month of the relationship is more of an adventure to her...think of it like she has allowed you to enter her world she has not given you complete control yet, so all you need to do is to be and remain alpha...i recommend "John Alexander-how to become an alpha male" just be the way you were before you started dating since that is what attracted her in the first place and then focus on making her want to be with you more and the only way you can do this is to be completely me this is the cure to your ailment

Anonymous1990's picture

Hey chase, I found ur article quite useful, but I seem to have the opposite problem. Two weeks ago,There's this girl I met on a cafe when all of my friends and her friends were all ditging together. We talked, for a bit, I didnt make any move to take the subject out of the friendzone. Although the next day I started to talk to her from fb, she gave me her number, and ever since I talked to her without the intention of just being her friend. We talked and we arranged to go to the cafe again about 2 weeks after I met her. I started tslking to her implying sexual interest, I touched her, maintained string eye contact, and she didnt seem to back off, 2 days after I called her, she didnt reply. After 10 minutes she answered me on msg and told me she couldnt talk now she was sick and told me that she only saw me as a friend. Was I movin onnto fast? What can I do , this happened to me twice

Anonymous's picture

Hey chase,
I started liking this girl who I know for over 10 years 2 years ago,right after she gave me some hints.She dated a friend of mine back in the day and is a little prude.
She told me things like:
-My mother is asking about us.
-My roomates think we are dating.
-My best friend thinks we should date
-I WOULD DATE a guy like you.
Now here is the deal,i told her that I like her and she went cold on me and now she is back around.What's up with that?

Anonymous's picture

Hey Chase,

There is this girl who I've known for about a month and I really like her. I told her last night through a text that I like her and she then told me that she likes me but as a friend. And to make things even more weird we live in the same dorm building and her room is literally 20 feet away. I have no idea what to do at all.

mr. Wound's picture

hey chase.
This girl that i love was my best fren, she loved me too. And due to some reason i fought with her 1 and half years ago. Now she has come back to me, but she says quite often- you are only a fren to me, i can't see you as my guy, you are not my future.
She knows that i love her very much but still she wants me to be her fren nothin more than that. She broke up with her boyfriend 6months ago.
I really love her, and she knows about it. She talks to all her frens very casually, hugs them. But when it comes to me she hesitates to sit close to me, hesitates to hold ma hand, rarely she hugs me only if i ask for it. And she fights with me for some random things, she gets pissed off very soon with me. But still she texts or talks to me normal. I miss her most of da times, sometimes i feel that she loves me deep inside. But i don't know why she tells that she wants me to be only a friend to her. Please help me, i don't want to loose her again in my life. I.m managin to be friend at some times and i try tellin her how i feel about her, when i try approachin regards to a serious relationship with her, she stops me by sayin you are not gonna be my lover, future, husband, etc. I.m stranded in her thoughts. Please help me.

Joy's picture

I've recently encountered a friend zone situation, it sucks and it really bothers me. Ater I had a friendship talk with the girl I was interested in little by little all my insecurities just started coming out. The last two days I have been brooding on how unlovable I am. Getting rejected at the beginning of an interaction is cool, but after spending time with someone and then facing it is a terrible experience which kills all "mojo," one of the articles here suggests how I should just meet more girls, which Im all for, but now that my confidence has been destroyed that has been a disaster making everything worse. How should I handle a situation like this and get back on the proverbial horse? How do I deal with feeling "forever alone" in situations like this?

Anonymous's picture

I dated this girl for about 2 months and she really seemed to be into me. But the other day out of nowhere she seemed to suddenly change her mind and said that she never really felt the way I do about her and she still has feelings for her ex so she ended it. When we were together though she seemed to really like me. We would text back and forth all day and we would talk on the phone almost every night. The only problem was I lived about an hour and a half away from her because i moved for a new job. I was still seeing her every week, we would take turns visiting each other. We never had sex though, she was young an she only had sex once so I respected when she said she wasn't ready and was fine waiting. She gave me no reason to believe that she wasn't very interested in me aside from not being ready for sex yet. When she ended it she told me she thinks about her ex all the time and her feelings for me grew to friendship. Is there any way I can salvage this and get out of this friend zone or whatever It even is?

Sarah's picture

Hello, men! I'm sorry to hear that you are not getting the traction you want with your female "friends." I'm here to tell you to move on. If they're not budging, they're never going to budge. If you feel uncomfortable making the first move, find someone you're more comfortable being open with.

In my experience, attraction doesn't come out of the blue. When a lady says she doesn't want to ruin a friendship, she means it. But she's also telling you that she's just not attracted to you - but doesn't want to hurt your feelings by saying it directly.

Drinking with a woman hoping that she'll make a move or that she'll let you make a move on her is not fair. A friend doesn't do that to another friend. How would you feel if someone did that to you? If that someone was a guy you thought was your friend and respected you? Someone that was stronger than you? You would feel violated and your trust would be broken.

LONG STORY SHORT: If you like someone, tell them directly and honestly. Mind games are dumb. If you don't want to be a "nice guy," then be an open guy. All relationships depend on COMMUNICATION so sharing your feelings honestly is the best way to do that.

And you know what? Your friend may be open to it. If she's not, she might help you meet someone else.

But here's the thing: Be honest with another person about wanting to actually be friends with them. Don't hang around just to resent someone for not wanting to sleep with you.

If you don't like what I say, then I'm sorry you don't like hearing a woman's take on the matter.

Phero Joe's picture

Hi Sarah,

I found your comment quite interesting, mainly because it is a woman's point of view... but because you are also one of the types of women men have specifically gotten out of the friendzone with. I mean women who had zero intention of dating someone, eventually break down and date the guy that really wants them.

Personally, I have gotten out of this situation multiple times, and it was always because I had not escalated quick enough... and therefore the woman lost attraction for me.

A guy meets a woman. He takes no time to start getting flirty and intimate.

The second guy meets a woman. They become friends. He develops feelings.

The first guy gets the girl in the end... so as men, we developed techniques that work on a bunch of different levels in order to persuade her mindset and feelings in order to like us back. I think that's a fairly reasonable thing to do, especially if its a woman we care about (although most of us who get to the level required, tend to move on just as quick to a woman who's interested).

I have talked to many older generation people who persisted after they were "rejected", and are still married today.

Just a guys point of view :)

- Phero Joe

Jen's picture

Spot on Sarah about listening to women who say they only want to be friends. Also Phero, I’m dealing with the second guy at the moment! Known him two years, we both like each other, he’s taken me out before and paid without explicitly saying they were dates, and we do couply things but have ended up in a long-term friend zone because he doesn’t seem to understand how to build up sexual tension. He only makes one move, I encourage, and that’s it! I’m waiting for him to do something else to build it up but it’s as if he gives up when I don’t immediately jump on him. It’s happened loads of times and it’s so frustrating because we are definitely into each other, to the point that when he does seem to be moving in on me I can barely believe it and start to put my own walls up! Now I think he thinks I don’t like him because I recently felt overwhelmed by him staring at me with these eyes across the room - that was his idea of making a move on that occasion. My energy responded with a wall up because he was halfway across the room and it felt really intense. Now he’s colder again, and it’s killing me. I honestly feel it’s not that he doesn’t like me, he just doesn’t know how to close the deal!

Yoseph's picture

Have you ever brought up scenarios or thought about them in the meanwhile? As of, what might you be able to influence sexually activity or how can I boost our intimate engagements along with? If you know tensions building up, yet you feel it getting “awkward” step in with something sexy and flirtation. They should feel comfortable to react. Equalizing their ability to connect on a sexual bases, making it an enjoyable situation that you encourage and accept regarding the nervousness. Like asking, “If you want more?” & I have something I’d like to show you.” This invitation demonstrates that you disregard the odd impressions left and care to proceed otherwise. If he is unable to reciprocate upon this action, he needs to find approval within himself. Therefore, you may find yourself wedged in between a rock and a hard place. Maybe a “peek” of the goodies could straighten things up....& Sometimes the “what’s bothering me” can be pretty cue. Maybe this will project different aspects of your relationship.

Fucked man's picture

i liked one girl for half of year and in that time she was thinking that i am an idiot and then, my friend was going out with her but there were just friend and he calls me and i came and she likes me as a friend and we start to going out with some her friends, Then that love just passed away from some time and i tell her that i liked her week agoo and she is starts to smilling and after 5 days she tells me that she love me but that we will be just friends and i am accept that. Then she starts to hug me all the time and loves me and i am start to like her again but i can't tell that to her because it will be to weird but shee noticed that and then i tell her the truth and she wasn't get mad on my or something like that and then i was with some girl that i didn't like because i liked my friendzone girl and guys, it's very hard for me right now to do something, this will sound little crazy but i don't want to be with her in relationship never i just want to fucking stop this fellings, the onlz way to forget her is that to never go out with her, NEVER, but i can't do that i really don't know what to do at the moment i will kill myself , and all the guys with this problem like me, you got my respect guys!!!

James 91710's picture

I like Sarah's perspective. No malice, no flowery language and no BS. Just a straight up woman's perspective that makes perfect sense. If they aren't attracted in you sexually, they aren't attracted to you sexually. Either keep the friendship as is or move on.

It's ok if f you allow the friendship to continue. Just don't let her take advantage of you. In other words, don't do any boyfriends duties unless you're getting boyfriend benefits. If she's truly a friend, she won't expect you to do boyfriend duties and if she slips up and does, be sure to put her in check.

It's a lot of work and probably better if you just charged her to the game and moved on. It's not a total loss, you will have learned a valuable lesson. Move on and then follow Ricardus' advice with the next girls. Move fast and don't let there be any doubt that you want to take her to bed.

Anonymous's picture

Hi there hope you still read these?

I met this woman in the Gym a year ago she & I finally plucked up courage to ask her out for coffee. Now we have been doing that since, I did ask her if she wanted a Realtionship at the start but she said just friends I have been burnt in the past from previous realtionships, that did get me down at first but it is a nice Realtionship but last week she asked me to go with her to a charity dinner with five others & said yes, then she said her ex is going to be in the group of five?

KEVIN Ryan's picture

I am in my 40's. I just broke up a year ago with a lunatic girl who actually destroyed my game. I am now quiet and not the usual ball busting guy I used to be. My best female friend and I have never both been single at the same time and I was always was attracted to her and her to me. If I still had my confidence I think we have a chance whether it be just sexual or a relationship who knows. How do I regain my confidence?

T's picture

by changing your mindset. Ok, game destroyed... but why?  Analyze it. Often this happens if you want to play a game where she changes or doesn't follow the rules or carries it off to fall into her frame. You are not invincible. Next time better fight. But most important (at least for me): Stop complaining head up high and pick up pace....


LennyB's picture

Maybe you guys can help me, because I'm going nuts. I like this one woman I met online (on a dating site of all places). She's mid-40s and I'm 5 years older. She has a young daughter and isn't in the best financial nor domestic state. She wants a strict "just friends" relationship. We type to each other online. Now almost every night she calls me around 10 PM and we talk about anything and everything on the phone for hours. She's mostly harping about how she was "traumatized" by a psycho boyfriend who turned her life upside down half a year ago (and most conversation defaults back to that). I feel like I'm her stress relief valve or free shrink or something. She can't get over this crap, says she never wants to marry (which frankly is OK with me so long as I get her in the end!) and only wants to be Friends...

I Can't get close to her. I almost had to beg to meet her in informal walk-and-talk form. I've since met her a total of 3 times in the real world. The last being the most "intimate" as in me buying her a quick lunch in a diner. When I insisted on paying for her she carried on uncontrollably! Hell, when I insisted that I drive her there she refused and said she doesn't trust anyone to drive her--and we took her car. I've also gushed to her about my life and she knows a Shitload more about me than I do about her (story of my life, of course, since I tend to overtalk--and the female tends to undertalk!).

She is incapable of any form of intimacy. I mean, the 2nd time we met I had to Force her just to hold my hand! I try to get physically a little close to her and she pulls away... I scream "Just give me a hug!"--nope, she can't do that...

I've questioned her actions and myself to death. Am I just some disposable therapist for her? Is she just using me while she's got a guy on the side somewhere? She denies all this (of course!). She says she's traumatized and needs time. Well, it's been like a month now, and I have to practically beg to arrange a simple, informal get-together...

She now needs a car and doesn't have a job. I offer to Help her and she refuses. (This goes back to me paying for her lunch--which she still holds against me!) She frankly tells me that this is a kind of "leverage" I'd be using against her because she'd have to pay it back sometime! I Try helping her, giving her advice. Telling her to think more about her future and her own daughter...she won't have any of it, of course... Yet I'm financially well off.

This screwed up crap is why I haven't dated in years, because females are mental cases! What the hell do I do in a situation like this? I don't even have her phone number--but she has mine, obviously. Is there no end to this? Is this shit going to go on until some Other guy comes along and grabs her away from me? That sort of thing's happened to me in the past with other women...and That drives me away from dating over long periods of time.

Steven bradwell's picture

Iv Met this girl 9 months ago she had a boyfriend at the time. I fell in love with her straightaway. There are no longer together now. she spent aweek at my House. we fell out a couple of times over the past months. anyways one of her friends ask me out the other day she text me after her friend ask me out staying she likes me more then just friends she knows I like her but she been badly treated by lads in the past and she to scared to get close to anyone I just do no what to do

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