If you’ve ever struggled vainly to figure out how to get out of the friend zone, the following should be quite familiar.
“I really like you as a companion, and I don’t want to risk ruining our great friendship if we get involved.”
“I’m not really looking for a relationship right now… we should really just be buddies.”
“I just broke up with my boyfriend and I need to get back to being myself before being with somebody else.”
“I need some space to be alone right now… let’s just be friends.”
Have you ever heard any of the above from a girl you liked? (…most men have, at one point or another)
Or worse, were you ever friends with a girl you liked and never even made a move in the first place, out of fear of hearing the friends-speech?
Many men hope that someday, she will magically fall in love with them… and that SHE will be the one to make the first move. And then they’ll be out of the friends zone and will stop being just friends.
That’s not going to happen, cowboy… this isn’t Friends and you’re not Ross – so take the initiative.
In fact, never rely on her if you want the two of you to get together – women almost always play the passive role in courtship.
She is the flower… you are the bee. Don’t expect the flower to walk right up to your hive.
But still, so many guys do.
But if she likes me so much… then WHY does she want to be just friends?
Ah, female logic!
Einstein has been quoted as saying that he can unravel many of the universe’s greatest mysteries… but he still doesn’t understand women.
The answer to this question is that LIKING and ATTRACTION are two completely different things. A woman needs to feel BOTH for you in order to get into a relationship with you.
What’s more - it’s even very possible for a woman to have a fling with a man she doesn’t like AT ALL… based SOLELY upon the fact that he knows how to attract women, and without ANY “liking” whatsoever.
Sometimes women can even get EXTREMELY attracted to men that make them ANGRY.
Now I’m not suggesting you piss women off as a pickup technique… but you are probably starting to realize that winning her friendship doesn’t get you closer to getting it on with her.
Can you think of a girl that you really like, but who’s really not your type? You might even think she would make the PERFECT girlfriend, but you just don’t FEEL it.
Women are the same way… so MAKE her feel it!
The most common reason why women DON’T feel more than friendship for a man is that he does not move the interaction with her in that direction soon enough.
Attraction has an expiration date. There’s a time frame in which things need to get romantic and sexual… otherwise they probably never will. And that escalation window is open from about the third hour you spend with her, all the way up to about the 20th.
Sure, there are exceptions… sometimes women hook up with guys within mere minutes of meeting them. And sometimes, two people hang out for years before they finally get together.
(If you’ve ever watched “The Office”, you know you don’t want to put yourself through that kind of pain though, trying desperately to discern how to get out of the friend zone and coming up short time and again.)
Most commonly, however, things need to move in an intimate direction on the first few dates, or they likely never will. She might think you don’t have the courage to move things forward, or that you don’t really feel attracted to her.
When a man is attracted to a woman, that attraction usually lasts. With women on the other hand, it seems to shut off around the 20 hour mark – unless you ACT!
Now that we know what causes guys to get stuck in the “friend zone”, it’s pretty obvious how to avoid it: simply do the exact opposite!
Make sure you demonstrate interest in her early on… don’t just treat her like a friend and hope that SHE will be the one to move things forward. It’s okay to tell her you like her… but be casual about it.
Learn the art of the genuine interest compliment… of course you don’t want to verbally kiss a woman’s feet, but a sincere compliment delivered from a position of strength can be VERY powerful.
Make your interaction physical – touch the small of her back as you lead her through the door, hold out your arm for her to hang on to, squeeze her shoulder as you’re sitting down next to her.
Finally, get your first kiss with a girl on the first date… if you just do this one thing, there is absolutely no risk of her thinking of you as somebody who wants to be “just a friend.”
How to Get Out of the Friend Zone: The Cure
Of course an ounce of prevention is worth a POUND of cure.
That said… if there is a girl that you’ve already made some mistakes with, and who considers you to be just a friend… that doesn’t necessarily mean that all hope is lost.
If you’re in the friend zone, you obviously failed to make your move early on… so she probably thinks that you were either not that interested, or you didn’t have the balls to make your move.
Neither one is good… so we need to plant the seed of a third possibility in her mind.
What if you only just realized that she might be interesting to you?
Give her the impression that SHE’S the one who’s starting to win YOU over!
Maybe she says or does something that really impresses you… if she does, tell her.
“Wow… that was really amazing. You’re just becoming more and more interesting!” And then drop it… just plant the seed and let it germinate.
Change up the way you interact with her… stop treating her purely as a friend – don’t suddenly hit on her, but give her ambiguous glances sometimes, or hold on to her hand a little bit too long when saying goodbye.
Touch her more than you used to… skin to skin contact is VERY powerful in generating attraction, because it causes the body to release oxytocin… I will explain this in more detail in a future article.
And finally, you will have to make your move. If the two of you spend an evening alone together and get somewhat tipsy, it might even “just happen”.
Just to be very clear – I’m NOT suggesting to get a girl drunk… that’s a really bad strategy for a million reasons.
But, she might feel inhibited to act at all sexual around “a friend” – and as we all know, alcohol allows people to let go of their inhibitions and to do what they really WANT to do deep down anyway. Sometimes it can be the light at the end of the tunnel showing a girl the way how to get out of the friend zone and get to where she’s been dreaming she could be (with you).
So when you meet a girl, don’t hold back. Make your move, Casanova… and make it early.
What do you have to lose… a friendship? If you’re honest with yourself, you’ll probably have to admit that starting a new friendship wasn’t your intention when you approached her.
Sure, sometimes you may meet a woman and you guys really hit it off as friends, and there is no chemistry beyond that. But if you ARE attracted to her… you have really so much to gain and so little to lose if you just go for it.
Onward and upward,