Beating Your Girlfriend at Her Own Blame Game | Girls Chase

Beating Your Girlfriend at Her Own Blame Game

Chase Amante

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blame gameIf you’re at all well-read or attentive on the subject of relationships, I’m sure you’ve noticed a ubiquitous trend: across cultures, across history, in nearly every relationship out there, women wear men down.

This used to be called ‘betaization’ in the seduction community, because it was the process of the male become the beta (#2) in the relationship to the female’s alpha (#1).

Give women time, and they pull this off with just about every guy.

Oh, sure, you see the exceptions – the guy who lords over his domain like a king, with a warm and doting long-term girlfriend or wife (or, sometimes, a submissive and cowering one).

But boy is it ever rare, rare, rare.

What makes it so rare? How is it that women so gradually and steadily work even the mightiest of men under their thumbs?

And if you’d like to remain the king of your castle... the lord of your domain... what can you do to prevent this – and how do you sidestep this taming process that nearly every man in a long-term relationship, given enough time, almost inevitably submits to?

Chase AmanteAbout the Author: Chase Amante

Chase woke up one day in 2004 tired of being alone. So, he set to work and read every book he could find, studied every teacher he could meet, and talked to every girl he could talk to to figure out dating. After four years, scads of lays, and many great girlfriends (plus plenty of failures along the way), he launched this website. He will teach you everything he knows about girls in one single program in his One Date System.



Peter33_yo's picture

and know this all too well. Just the article I needed.

Duc's picture

Hey Chase,

Excellent article, and among one of your best ones, on the level of (Don't Chase, but rather Persist).

Quick question. My ex-girlfriend contacted me 1 month ago asking how i was doing. She also emailed me asking whether i'd like to meet up with her in Los Angeles this month in September.

I live in Northern California and told her i was dating someone new, which is the case.

Anyways, when we parted over a year ago, she sort of blamed me for the break-up. She lives in Florida. She is an HB10, and has lots of rich guys courting her. I am of modest means, being a professional photographer and small business owner.

She is highly educated (has an MBA but hasn't put it to good use), and blond and very beautiful.

Do i continue to wait for her to chase me or should i send her an email, text, or call her after a little more time? And when?

I realize now that my absence has made her miss me. But the current gal i'm dating i would like to see if that materializes into a good and honest relationship, without blaming or judgment.

Me ex-gf is a very rigid personality and highly driven to the point of seeking perfection. And she is more insecure than most, always seeking affection and attention from others to make her whole.

As a photographer, some of the hottest women are the most insecure i have found out. Eye-opening when i realized this.

Thanks in advance.

jace's picture

I've been reading articles from this site for awhile now and i can say not even one article was a disappointment, excellent job for all the writter thats doing the articles of this site. (:

There's a problem im having troubles with and it's about the racism (and other bigotry) that's in my family. There's things that i don't like about the way some of my family members say about other ethnic groups and it hurts my stomach to hear them say that sort of stuff. I feel like calling them out but it'll probably make matter worst for me. I know this is a touchy subject,but I wonder if Chase take requests for an article, I would like to know what to do with your own family of that sort of mindset and also, how to deal with your family that disapprove the girl you're dating because of her ethnicity. If so, thanks.


Franco Lombardi's picture

Great article, Chase. I really hope most of your readers actually glance through your relationship articles as they are of the highest quality and unsurpassed.

I think one of the most important things a guy has to do to handle ANY situation like this is to stop and THINK before saying anything. Even if you have to stare at your girl silently for a moment as she awaits your response, you are MUCH better off at recognizing the problem in your head and giving the CORRECT response rather than running off of impulse and giving the wrong one. Given the nature of the way girls present these problems, your initial impulse will almost ALWAYS be some sort of angry retort or empathetic apology -- and almost every time, these are both the wrong answers.

So guys, next time you find your girlfriend getting upset or distressed about something and trying to offload it onto you, stop and THINK about what is happening first. Then take some time to come up with the correct response rather than blurting out the first one that comes to mind. It'll make a world of difference.



James Z.'s picture

Hmmm. This certainly explains something that happened to me just last year. I briefly dated this girl who lived 1.5 hours away. Over a series of text messages, she had wanted me to take her shoe-shopping on her day off. I was beginning to sense that the world revolved around her. She wanted me to take time off so that I can drive 3+ hours (round-trip) just to help her buy shoes on her day off. I told her to just go to a nearby sporting goods store and she eventually got the clue.

That is, until her next day off. I was working that day and did not want to take time off from work just to accommodate her. I also wanted to subtlety send a message that I'm a busy man and that life did not revolve around her. She got pissed at me for not initiating and asking her out on her day off. I basically had enough at this point and kindly ended things. I wasn't going to put up with this nonsense. She wasn't the greatest catch in the world, in terms of looks or body. So it was a big turnoff that she acted like a self-absorbed princess.

I could have handled it much better but my friend, who made introductions, has a rather controlling and annoying wife who got involved with our relationship. I figured if I wanted to keep seeing this girl, then I would have to put up with the domineering bitch of a wife. No thank you.

Anonymous's picture

I like this sample dialogue. My only issue is that I'd be worried about forgetting what I was going to say. Would you practice it in front of the mirror or something?

Black Mystery's picture

Hey Chase, great article. "The Blame Game" part of the article reminds me one more issue some of the beginners might be facing.
See, I came acrossed a girl with whom I did something that makes her actions and words tell me only one message- "Look, you are the one who wants me and I don't that much." But when you cut the contact with such girls when this reaches to it's peak they throw pieces of attraction on the ground enough to make men stay and once they stay they recover their investment back by implying same thing again- "You are the one.."
Chase(or Dave) what actually triggers this mentality in girls? Does it start from us, if we try to imply it "you are the one who need me" and hiding our true intentions and emotions? What are other reasons behind it and how to completely destroy this wall that's repel both like magnets does.
Thanks in advance.

Black Mystery

Hero's picture

Top notch stuff Chase. Thank you.

I'm dealing with blaming from my ex right now and this has given me some more insight on it.

lux7's picture

Top notch stuff, an amazing article!

Even after so long I've been reading this website, there's always some magic hidden pearl that comes across, and it's 95% of the times from Chase.

While the whole article had me nodding and uttering "ah-ah" there was one part I wasn't agreeing with, and it's this:

You: (...) And if we’re going to fight, I will treat this like a fight, and I do not care who is right and who is wrong, I will make sure that I win. (...)

This repeats the word "fight" a very often, and the final part "I will make sure I win" is extremely combative which might roil her and drag the whole issue much longer on an emotional tone and end up being counterproductive on moving towards rational arguing.

And the long term risk is that she might come to see you as a guy who's out to win fights rather than a guy who's out to seek the best route for BOTH of you.

I believe if you're strong enough and in control enough you can have a "we're a team" mindset even when she's blaming you.

Jj's picture

What does one do when all of this fails. I've picked this approach up as a kid to avoid similar scenarios from my parents, but I've seemed to have this fail with people who I guess lack the empathy to build that bridge.

Cam's picture

Not helpful. What female listens and logically thinks about what you say when there upset? I have never met one. If they used logic instead of emotions to make decisions the problem wouldn't exist. Phycology has proven men use logic and women use emotions to make decisions. Emotions are not logical and usually lead to poor decisions,that is why the problem exist. I invite you to try your method on my gf, seriously. Society is teaching women it is ok to make random decisions based on feelings. What good leader explained there decision with.....I feel? Cold hard logic always prevails. Emotions lead to blow ups and so this problem exist. There will
Always be a few exceptions but for the most part it's accurate. Nothing against women it's just how humans are. Don't get mad at me research it! And before any women get mad......Don't let your random and inaccurate emotions cause u anger. Think logically I'm just the messenger

nottoomuchtoask's picture

The fight/discussion option was the takeaway for me:

"Do you want to fix the problem? Or fight? I'm good either way. The first one will make it less likely to happen again. You'll feel better; we'll see more concerts. The second one you'll probably end up crying. I'm good either way. Just gotta know which."

It was always fight. Never offered it as a choice. I think it'd take her off script immediately.

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