You're Passing Up the Hottest, Coolest Girls | Page 2 | Girls Chase

You're Passing Up the Hottest, Coolest Girls

Chase Amante

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hottest coolest girlsWhen I first moved to California, I set up a number of dates in advance (thanks, online dating!) so that I’d be able to hit the ground running when I got there.

My first date I set up for one week after I’d arrived (I wanted a little time to unpack and make my place presentable first... plus, after a 5-day cross-country drive, I really just wanted to settle in for a few days and see some friends in town before I dialed up on girls).

When that first date showed up one week later, I was floored – she’d looked good in her pictures, but in person she was absolutely smoking hot. I fell instantly in love. But she never quite reciprocated those emotions to me, and when we ended up back at my apartment at the end of the date and I tried to kiss her, she rejected this, told me she was uncomfortable, and left.

My second date was the next night. For this date, I drove about 30 minutes north of town and met her near where she lived. She met me wearing a white, modest wedding-style dress (unbeknownst to me, she’d apparently just gotten married – when I saw it, I thought, “Is that a wedding dress? Nah... there’s no way,” but apparently, it was), sipping a plastic cup of champagne. She was very cute, with a quite attractive face and waist-length hair, but I wasn’t super impressed at the time. We slept together a few hours later, and I was pretty happy then, because not only did she have a pretty face and great hair, but her body was absolutely killer. I hadn’t really realized it when I saw her in her modest (wedding) dress.

The girl from the first date I saw a few more times over the years, and only years later did I realize that face-wise, she wasn’t really that cute. And body-wise, well, she was thin by American standards, but not so by international ones, and her breasts were non-existent.

She just dressed and acted sexy. Bright colors, big sunglasses that left more of her face to the imagination, alternately suggestive and aloof behavior, like what we talked about in “Elegance, Sexiness, and Average, Normal People.”

Yet, she’d been the one I was excited about, while the one who was the whole package I’d merely thought “meh” at the time about.

And I see so many guys doing this all the time, getting caught up on the wrong girls, and then getting bitter because of how those girls treat them.

It’s kind of a clown show that we all fall victim to.

Chase AmanteAbout the Author: Chase Amante

Chase woke up one day in 2004 tired of being alone. So, he set to work and read every book he could find, studied every teacher he could meet, and talked to every girl he could talk to to figure out dating. After four years, scads of lays, and many great girlfriends (plus plenty of failures along the way), he launched this website. He will teach you everything he knows about girls in one single program in his One Date System.



David Riley's picture

Hey Luc,

The answer is fundamentals not every guy is spectacular at holding a conversation. Even if a girl's boyfriend isn't just superficial he had to know how to get women interested in him. He had to know how not to put her on a pedestal and chase her. He would have had to spend time to know what makes him appear sexy to women. He would have had to develop a sexy walk and smile. He would have to had learned how to be decisive and make a move. He more than likely knew how to lead these toward sex with her. These are a lot of facts that guys tend to overlook when dealing with women.

Here's the mind blowing thing, men and women look for different traits to measure attraction. While a man looks at a girl and instantly thinks she's either cute or not and then chooses to approach. Women tend to look more at a man's personality. I'm not saying you can look like a bum because you still have to look decent. Women want to know are you an exciting guy or a regular everyday guy. Women want men who understand their emotions and can connect with them. Now this is where must guys stop, they build emotional connections. However, if you build an emotional connection with a women with a sexual connection. You end up as her friend.

Game is necessary for guys to not get caught up in the wrong girls. Game gives guys a better shot of dealing with women. Because a lot of times everyday guys are clueless about dealing with women. Women on the other hand have been studying how to deal with men for years. This is why a lot of times women may appear cold and heartless to guys who get rejected by them. On the contrary these women know what they want and a lot of guys don't fit that picture. Game gives guys a better shot of fitting the picture that helps them attract women.

Take care,

Just Dave

Chase Amante's picture


Another perspective to add to Dave's:

Let's say you're a cool, confident guy dress in unassuming clothing walking down the street. You're not superficial in the least. Two girls are walking in your direction: one in sweat pants who's kind of shuffling along, and the other in a bright red, tight-fitting dress, walking confidently and with a real swing in her hips. Who catches your attention and makes your heart skip a beat?

Same deal with girls. Just because she doesn't dress herself up doesn't mean a man who looks powerful, confident, dominant, and attractive doesn't have a visceral impact on her anyway. These reactions (as I noted about my own in the article with the girl in the skirt, even after spending all day thinking about how it's more ordinary girls who look flashy and more beautiful girls who look unassuming) are unconscious and automatic, and lie outside the realm of conscious control. And those are exactly the sort of reactions you want to tap in seduction.

(caveat: being well-dressed WILL actually make some of the more unassuming, naturally beautiful girls be cautious around you - they will actually treat you like a "player" just for being well-dressed and you'll have a bit more work cut out for you than had you met them in a somewhat dressed down mode. This is something you'll encounter from time to time. So there is some measure of "different strokes for different folks" - however, if you want a much more consistent batting average with women, you're normally better off dressing better than you are dressing more poorly)


luc's picture

I totally hear what you're saying and in good part agree -as long as you really don't go overboard with the alpha stuff-.

Though a few higher quality girls might have the same reaction you -we- have on those "heavy on makeup" girls, especially if they've had not so good previous experiences with fashionistas, don Giovannis and "splayed legs alphas".

Possibly one of the main differences is that a guy can approach and make sure he's got great personality beyond those good clothes and "(controlled) I'm the man mannerisms".

David Riley's picture

Hey Luc,

To further add to this comment, you are correct with the concept of being balanced. Because clothes don't make a man, but a man still needs to have character. I've picked up girls looking like a bum and looking sharp in a interview suit. My clothes may have changed from interaction to interaction, but my fundamentals did not. A lot of guys focus too much on either being "alpha" or "style". It's important to learn how to have a mixture of both.

Take care,

Just Dave

M.'s picture

first of all: very insightful article! I enjoyed reading, as I started noticing some patterns that applied to me at some point of my life, too.

But now to my question (if anyone is bothered to answer after such a long time): I am (as objectivley as I can judge myself) not a beautiful girl. Rather the contrary.
I don't have anything on me, that would woo a guy and make him look twice at me.

(skip this paragraph if you want to, conclusion: I'm plain ugly)
My hair is fine (don't have a lot of and also am not able to grow it long), my skin is a mess (suffered severe acne during my teens and have lot of scars, big pores, uneven skintone and so on - and of course I put in a lot of effort in skincare, but these are things no facecream in the world could fix), my eyes are small and dull, my lashes are none existent, my nose is bulbous, my lips are thin, my cheeks are full, my cheek bones are unnoticable.
I'm short (163cm) so naturally have short, stompy legs, my thighs touch, from behind you can't tell when my thighs end and where my butt begins and vice versa, I have flabby arms, even the skin on my body is a mess (acne got all over neck, shoulders and back) and I don't have breasts. My body measurements aren't ideal at all (83-67-83cm - can't be bothered converting it in inches right now, sorry). I'm too fat and too little curvy at the same time.
The only things I like about myself are my ears (picture perfect!), my tiny wrists and my nails. But I guess nobody looks at them, so it's irrelevant.
(rant over)

These are the reasons I used to put on tons of make up on a daily basis and felt obligated to wear short skirts, so my thighs are concealed and one could see the most amount of legs possible to give the illusion of being long legged. So pretty much your perfect example of a merely "hot" girl.

Now I'm at the point of being sick and tired of all that make-up and revealing clothes that make me feel uncomfortable. Problem is: I now get zero attention from guys, my confidence hit a new and dramatically low point (in the past I had at least some kind of "faked" confidence and felt quite good after I dolled myself up) and I feel myself getting bitter.
As your article reinforced my theory, that beauty is like the "entry ticket" for a female to get into a relationship, I feel like I have to die alone. Never having a long-term, meaningful relationship and possibly kids. Becoming the typical weird cat-lady.

Now I'd like to know, what do you think women who are quite the opposite of beautiful can do about themselves to get the attention of a male? How can I convince someone that I have other qualities to myself? I feel like, I'm never even getting the chance to display them...
(Obviously making the best out of my appearance won't help me, as guys see through the fassad of make up and clothing. These were the only things I have known to conceal my ugliness, I never learned anything else to do.
Getting plastic surgery would also disqualify me, as men prefer natural and not doc-made beauties.
Also I don't know if I will be able to lower my standards even further. All men (no matter if they are ugly, unsuccessful in life or what you call "betas", dumb as a brick and what not) prefer a women as beautiful as possible. So I would have to compete for the rest of my life with all the other women (so much stress...) and it will get harder every year as I age, which makes it even worse.)

I know it's a guys-only side, but I've got the impression you (now speaking to Chase only) are overall very good in observing human behaviour and see all those patterns I'm not able to see. So maybe you could help me out?
Anyone else is gladly invited to answer, too!
Hoping for an answer and thank you in advance!
Kind regards, M.

(ps: please excuse my english. It's not my mother tongue and I apologize if there are any annoying typing or grammar mistakes. Hope you can understand me anyways.)

Dud's picture

You're asking in the wrong place for traditional female beauty advice - but here's my twopenneth.

Just as Chase stresses fundamentals for 'ordinary' men so girls need them too.
The skin/eyes/hair problem sounds like an unbalanced diet. If you're vegetarian you need to add a little meat and fish and if you're a meat-eater you need more vegetables - aim for at least six portions of non-starchy vegetable per one portion of meat/fish.

If you have neat wrists you probably have (potentially) good ankles too. Your flabby arms, buttocks and ill defined legs all need muscle tone - short *strong* legs are very sexy - so you need to exercise them.
You could try the gym but better would be a combination of swimming and cycling - much better than running in my opinion. As a side effect swimming will impove your pectoral muscles and boost your breasts.

Once your cheeks fine down - as they will if you get the rest under control, you could experiment with putting your hair up to show your ears or find some other style to show them off.

You see, classic beauty is the external appearance of a fit, healthy individual. Get as fit and healthy as possible and you're making the most of what nature gave you.

Do all of this, then, in about a year - call me.

M.'s picture

I'm asking in the perfect place, as traditional female beauty advice failed me badly (as I described earlier) and I'm looking for an alternative :)

Unbalanced diet... well, yeah. I used to study nutritional sciences in university, but now that I changed subjects (to something more time consuming) I fail to follow basic nutrition guidlines. I sometimes just don't have the time to eat. So instead of eating junk food I skip eating all together some days. Probably not the best idea, but I learned that fasting in regular cycles is no harm. Well, probably is, though? Although I don't know how it would help my scars and my hair problem. Fine hair is based on genes and realisticly seen I won't ever wake up to magically thick hair just because of the right nutrition.

I used to go to the gym regulary (every second day on those machines + protein shakes) and all I did was gaining weight (probably muscles, though. If I did it right anyway) so my arms and thighs got even bigger with still no ass in sight! Was a real disappointment. But I guess I got discouraged way too soon. Should totally pick it up again! I just won't ever start swimming (don't like to expose my body even though I know no one would look twice, but I still would feel uncomfortable and also I don't want to get a swimmers back), but rather head back to gym and also would like to try TRX sometime.

I wear ponytails all the time when leaving the house already! My hair just doesn't look good worn loose, so it was never in my life an option.

Thank you very much for your advice!

Dud's picture

Skipping meals might put your metabolism in put-on-weight-to-avoid-starvation mode - and diet does affect hair, keep it as good as possible and let it grow. OK, it may never be as good as the adverts, just let it be the best it can. It takes time.
Scars sometimes look worse if you have a tan so experiment with covering up in the sun.
You don't want gym muscles and bulk - whole body fitness with emphasis on glutes and pecs is your target. If you can't manage the shape you want go for firmness - a taught ass feels great in the sack as does a swimmers' back...
So swimming, cycling, dance and walking (not running) are your route. Get used to the exposure - it will give you confidence and that's sexy too.
A long skirt with a slit makes you look leggier than a short skirt and if you move well it flows and adds elegance. Kitten heels and flats let you move smoothly - Avoid extreme heels and platforms which make you look cheap and as if you are forever climbing a hill.
Most guys don't get the point of makeup and would prefer girls to use less - a lot less.
So don't dress provocatively, don't try for 'hot.' Dress to be able to move well and evolve a personal style.
I like my girls to ooze class and confidence.
- That could be you.

Jimbo's picture

Don't do gym, starve yourself instead. By that I mean you're gonna have to live on vegetables and meat/fish until those fatty thighs and arms of yours shrink back to normal size. Once you're thin (not skinny), the natural curves will appear on their own if you naturally have any.

Go see a skin doctor for your skin conditions.

Btw plastic surgery isn't an automatic disqualifier for many guys, far from it. I've seen quite a few dudes in relationships with bimbo-like chicks who've obviously had surgery, at least on their boobs.

The reason guys don't want to get into relationships with girls who aren't naturally beautiful/sexy is because they know theirs isn't long-term. But if you make it known to the guy that you'll always dress sexy and keep yourself in shape, that'll push him more into sticking with you, especially if you have a chill personality.

Jimbo's picture

Other things I noticed correlate with flashy-hot -- besides (lack of) natural good looks -- are IQ and goodness of character. Smarter girls tend to dress and behave more conservatively, regardless of how beautiful/pretty/cute they are. Same for the "sweethearts", the girls with gooder hearts. Whereas dumber/meaner girls tend to be more confident to dress/behave in more primally alluring ways.

raj 's picture

great and insightful article !!

does this really mean all flashy women are naturally unattractive or can there be flashy and attractive ones ?? 

James D's picture

I only attract crazy girls / gold diggers / fakes/ actors

really how is this possible? 

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