Why Elliot Rodger Killed 6 People... and Himself | Girls Chase

Why Elliot Rodger Killed 6 People... and Himself

Chase Amante

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In case you haven’t seen it yet, a 22-year-old named Elliot Rodger went on a killing spree, stabbing to death three people, shooting three more, and then turning the gun on himself.

Before doing so, he posted a video on YouTube in which he talks about his rationale:

Out of curiosity, I watched it, though I usually prefer avoiding the news since there’s always another death, always another killing... yet in a rather mixed batch of emotions, covering everything from horror to rage to sadness to recognition, I knew exactly what I was seeing.

Because I think a lot of young males in Western society go through what Elliot went through – I know certainly I did – and while it’s easy (and undoubtedly true) to say that had he hung in there a few more years, his life would’ve gone dramatically differently, as would have the lives of his victims, it’s worth taking a moment to understand what was going on inside the man that prompted him to do things he could never take back...

... and also, for anyone bothered by thoughts of following a similar path, what he should have done instead.

Chase AmanteAbout the Author: Chase Amante

Chase woke up one day in 2004 tired of being alone. So, he set to work and read every book he could find, studied every teacher he could meet, and talked to every girl he could talk to to figure out dating. After four years, scads of lays, and many great girlfriends (plus plenty of failures along the way), he launched this website. He will teach you everything he knows about girls in one single program in his One Date System.

GET CHASE’S ONE DATE SYSTEM

Comments

340Breeze's picture

I am saddened that innocent people died in this tragedy. I don't know why this fu**er didn't just jump off of the empire state building by himself if he didn't want to live. Why the need to take others too?

And another sad part is that some of the resulting commentary on the internet states that "game" is a misogynistic practice and is to blame for what has led to the tragedy, even in light of the fact he killed more men than women, three of whom didn't even appear to be competition in the dating arena. The whole point of "game" is to learn to be the kind of man that women (who are inclined to feel any attraction for you )cannot control their emotions around and want you in their lives. In fact, one could make the argument that men with "game" that apply the principles to the rest of their lives are also desired by companies and even other men. Effortless confidence is like a flame and other people are simply drawn to it. There is just something amazing about watching someone perform at a high level with little apparent effort. It's like damn, I wish I could do that too! And in my view (there are probably exceptions), men that have their fundamentals down tight and are truly effortlessly confident by way of self-improvement and overcoming fear and other adversities do not live life in a negative head-space that would lead them to mass murder. Negativity, fear, victim-hood and doubt lead to anxiety which are not states that truly confident positive people seek to be in.

But using the social dynamics that were presented in the manifesto that led up to that fateful Friday expose a big part of the hidden truth behind a successful social life in this country. Fact is, unless you're a beautiful woman (and even then), you have to put forth a lot of effort in finding and maintaining new friends. If you're in an environment like work or school where your reputation can help with socializing, then as you display more confidence and individuality when you socialize, the process itself more effortless in part because if you're charming, then once your reputation spreads more people will start to proactively seek you out, especially if you have an area of expertise or extreme passion. It just happens... people aren't as confident and skillful as they like to display and that's a big part of why they're so drawn to confidence. But if you never take the effort, no one will remember you much. Or if you're silent, off-putting and creepy, or if you're clearly try hard, not many people will care.

I think some movies and TV shows do young minds an injustice in making them think that all they have to do is wait and one day maybe in the future some cool socially savvy stranger will come along...and make their lives easier. The media we consume do not present us (and particularly those of us who are introverted and shy) with the proper mental models that we really need to be as successful as we desire. I wonder if that's intentional??

And as we age and move away from social-circle type environments (we get jobs in new cities and have to adapt to being around new people we've never met before) our conversational ability really becomes paramount. The reality of the situation is (in my experience) to be successful socially in American society means one must adopt an extroverted attitude (in being able to quickly talk about myself, flaws, and feelings if necessary), be creative and have ideas of where to go hang out, be able to take risks FIRST, and be able to engage in interesting conversation FAST to keep people's interest. Especially in big cities, people aren't necessarily looking to emotionally connect with strangers, and not especially those that are dull.

Nearly no one in Washington says hi to me first. I have to take the social risk to initiate almost every time. On rare occasions (like once every two weeks) some random person or the other may on their own initiative say "hi, what's up" to me just to be cordial but they aren't really looking for conversation, they're just being friendly. Nor do people here really maintain my gaze. I like to make eye contact first and smile a little bit (to gauge someone else's response) before I go say hi, but I've found that since American people seem to be afraid of keeping eye contact with strangers, then I just have to go startle people who aren't maintaining my gaze and try having conversation with them. Sometimes it works sometimes it doesn't. But that's life. I don't know if that's because I'm a tall dark-skinned individual, and whether white people are intimidated by taller darker men here in America. (You're white so I'm betting you've undoubtedly heard conversations that other white people have about when they're unguarded about darker skinned (chocolate) individuals, what are your insights on this? I'm sure you have perspective on how white people think/feel/react to darker skinned people at least before an attempt of connection is made).

But on most occasions when I look around me, white people that are strangers to each other here in Washington don't really talk to each other either, unless it's some kind of crisis or they need help with something, or they're drunk. Almost everyone seems to be in their little independent bubble...usually.

And what's interesting is that I've traveled to South America and people there stare at each other. Like 5 or more seconds of staring. At first it was very disconcerting when people were "staring me down" I wasn't used to such blunt and direct attention from other human beings. But I maintained eye contact with everyone that I could, and then I started smiling at some of them, and some, not all smiled right back! Imagine! So it's clearly an American phenomenon where strangers seem to be afraid of holding eye contact with one-another. It's almost like no one wants to be the first one to express any emotion at all. WHY???

And even when I do get into good conversation with new strangers here in America, I've almost never been invited out first by anyone in America ever. The only people that have invited me anywhere first have been individuals that I later found to be rather talented at socializing; seducers if you will. They run their process with everyone, including me. In 99.999% of all other cases, I always have to do the inviting first. Always have to run my process to get results. And even then, some people still flake, cancel, or are conveniently busy, which is okay because I don't care all that much. I've found that in other corners of the globe, socializing with strangers and getting into interesting conversation with them FAST was easier for me, even as a tall dark individual. Sometimes I wonder if white Americans truly are intimidated by tall chocolate men or not, I don't know, don't really care too much, but it's not until recently I started to wonder if there is that fear factor (of chocolate) that keeps people quiet until spoken to, or jittery and on edge until they've been made to laugh. But I've spoken with other people, and what I found is that (excluding hispanics who are rather friendly to one another at least around here in Washington), they have expressed similar challenges as it pertains to making new friends here in America outside college, work, etc. But nothing is impossible, you just have to remain nonplussed in the face of defeat. Only way to stay sane.

But there truly is a law of asymmetric returns when it comes to socializing. There is no guarantee that if you take a risk and go say hi means that the result will be a productive conversation. Many times I've said hi to people and they give me a look like "why are you talking to me, what the hell do you want from me, don't you know that strangers don't say hi and smile at each other?" This is probably why alot of guys sometimes think that a girl who says hi first or makes prolonged eye contact or expresses any kind of warm emotion toward them means that the girl is attracted to them. Because the norm for me (and other people I've spoken to), is usually a big wall of indifference, and even sometimes cold behavior. And even when people aren't cold toward you, and you can tell they want to connect, it's been my experience that to be successful socially means that I have to take it upon myself to LEAD the convo first, and PROPOSE ideas and other interesting things first and be entertaining and to not appear if I care either way if they say yes or no to my invitations...

And to me it's sad because if you're like that Elliot kid who is socially anxious and desire getting friends (or women in his case), once you reach a level of social skill where you have little to no nervousness associated with speaking to strangers and engaging in conversation that gets interesting fast, you get bored with people FAST because those who display little to no emotion (stoic) or those who don't ask interesting open-ended questions just come off as being uninteresting. Many times it's just they're in their shell and want someone to come take them out of it, but it's like someone who gives no stimulation receives little to no attention in part because it's hard to determine who is being dismissive toward you and who is just shy and doesn't really say much unless asked direct questions...

And in my experience, unless I'm around truly confident people, most times unless I risk and speak in self-effacing ways, and show people I'm not there to compete with them, people try to impress me with what school they went to or where they live or what kind of car they drive or some other crap that has nothing to do with genuine connection. In fact, even when around confident outgoing people, I've found that I have had to take a risk and disclose personal maybe even embarrassing details about myself first, or pay them a genuine compliment that most other people who are in competition with them would never say... Once I do that then I've found I've made beautiful acquaintanceships and sometimes even friendships.

It's like people seem to have this big snob anxiety syndrome where people are anxious of being in the company of a potential judgmental SNOB (who is unimpressed with everything about them)...so people remain stoic and emotionless just in case you're a snob too. Real talk.

So I say all of this to say that I've struggled with finding excellent and meaningful connections that I value, and many people have expressed similar sentiments to me. The antidote for me has been just taking the risk and show people that I am not there to compete with them, I'm there to have real-talk conversation about any and everything, and to do the inviting first, effortlessly, and to remain nonplussed in the face of defeat.

They don't teach you that level of emotional control on TV. I wonder if that's intentional?

Cheers,

340Breeze.

David Riley's picture

Hey Breeze,

A lot of times you have to be your own here. Like you said people just can't sit idle and wait for things to happen in life. They have to make things happen. They have to go out and make friends. As people we're very social creatures and we seek community. Now some people are better at making friends then others. However, if people put forth a little effort and time, they'll achieve some success. People just desire to put forth effort anymore. They want things to just come to them. Like you mentioned they want some cool hero to show. The media does a lot to play with our emotions. They show us what we want to hear, rather than what we need to hear.

Just Dave

Nate's picture

I have just finished reading the entire 141 page manifesto that Elliot has written and I must say that it was a huge mistake. I have felt sick/depressed/disturbed ever since I finished. And yet, I could not stop reading it. It was eloquently written, easy to follow and understand, and I was stuck by how close this was to my actual childhood and my own upbringing.

Being that I am the same age Elliot who grew up in the same state was just the beginning. I realized that selfish delusional thoughts that guided his life were very similar to how I felt at certain points in my life. You said in your post "I know exactly how this guy feels, we've all been there" and yet, reading this dudes manifesto definitely took me right there. I have always been shy, not outgoing socially, and storve for fairness, or once thought the world was fair. I was doing so well now, I have one year of college left and I have turned everything around since freshman year. Now I have booty calls and I'm in a frat and I feel as though I don't care about being "cool" any more, or anything I feel as though I have matured to sense where I care more about society and improving the world then I care about my own social status, and yet... This manifesto reminded me sooooo vividly of that world that I used to care about, that is still out there.

I've been reading your articles to help improve with a side fling I have going on right now, (actually hung out with the girl last night and had a huge loss of confidence while the manifesto was in the back of my mind) now my point is that in all your articles you prove exactly what Elliot has been writing in his manifesto. It all made sense now! Elliot was doing everything that you EXACTLY told readers NOT to do. And so of course the girls were NOT interested in him! They picked up on his fear, coupled with being the creepy guy with disguised intentions AND inexperienced, he was always doomed to fail. So why am I so depressed even AFTER I have realized that he has done everything wrong? Even knowing that I have improved so much... His manifesto is still depressing because it depicts a society that showed zero empathy for others, especially introverts who are so misunderstood. And while it may not effect me directly it is a depressing fact about the world I live in. It will never be fair. Picking up a girl is the exact same thing as getting a job. You have to prove your worth to the employer and they are only going to judge you on your presentation, what you manipulate them into believing that you can offer with your superior social skills. And under a society like this the introvert will never succeed if he does not know how to use his strengths, because he will always be at a disadvantage from a society that values extroversion and social status more so then the intelligence and insight that a person may be able to bring. Sure we can work to improve ourselves, and that is what this site is mainly about! Getting the fundamentals down will help in all other aspects of life, especially the job hunt and overall what opportunities are proceed to to you from employers, females, peers.. However, its just depressing to be reminded that society has shaped this way at all. How different would my childhood have been in a different society. Oh well, our only option is to accept it for what it is and adapt...

David Riley's picture

Hey Nate,

Even though we all felt and could sympathize with Elliot, you have to understand that you are not Elliot. You chose to better yourself while Elliot did not. That is what led to his downfall. Learn from Elliot's mistakes, he lived in a dark world and in a dark reality. Like you said, he did everything that turned women off. That's why he wasn't successful, he gave into despair and depression. Don't let Elliot's sad reality bring you down. It was very tragic, but you have to realize you control your destiny. You chose your own happiness. You can see the world the way Elliot did, or see the world in a better way. Yes there is pain, but there is also happiness in life. Find something in life that you enjoy. Don't give up on trying make the world a better place. "The little things can make a big difference." Malcolm Gladwell You can chose to live a better more fulfilling life, pursue something that makes you happy.

Take care,

Just Dave

Paul96's picture

Such a brilliant article Chase, you are the wisest man I know. Wish there was a better way to show my appreciation then a simple 'thank you' haha.

David Riley's picture

Hey Paul,

The best thing you can do to show your appreciation is to become a success story by continuing to work hard.

Just Dave

Neal's picture

If you think about it, GirlsChase doesn't tell guys how to develop a personality that will cause women to ask you for your number, or get asked out on a date, etc. So it wouldn't have helped Elliot.

Trust me I know. I'm 26 year-old virgin from Chicago.

David Riley's picture

Hey Neal,

Your right Girlschase isn't for guys like Elliot who just want things to be handed to them. It's a website that makes the guy consciously make the choice to get better with women. Chase outlines in his articles that the individual has to put forth the effort. Not many men as able to see the results if they don't work everyday for them. You can't accomplish anything if your afraid of rejection and filled with approach anxiety. Many guys keep doing things the same way and don't make adjustments. These are the type of guys that don't see results. Other guys bite off more than they can chew. These guys also don't see results. Elliot had a very bad victim mentality and had a huge entitlement complex. These are the types of things that cause men to fail. Girlschase is for men who are determined and want to practice their skills.

Just Dave

Anon1's picture

A great article chase. Its a slap in the face as I am also 22 and a virgin.. and its humiliating. I have gotten so depressed that I look like I'm crying, even when I am not. As Artistole once said " To perceive is to suffer". But I am applying everything you have ever written and my favorite is the one getting out of depression, as its a struggle getting out. But I'm trying.. and I can't wait to have the lifestyle where I know I can get any girl I want! Thanks Chase

David Riley's picture

Hey Anon1,

That's what we want to hear, we love hearing about guys who want to work hard. We want each and every one of you to have success. Keep going and giving an honest effort and you'll see it soon. There are no shortcuts, you just have to keep getting better.

Stay focused,

Just Dave

Anonymous's picture

That leather whip sounds serious. I want one.

Erik The Red's picture

There are a tonne of comments on here, some quite lengthy, so I haven't read through all of them. I'm sure that confirmation of your point has been made several times. The point you make (when crafting your own theory) about not just sexual dissatisfaction but the sensation of being a burden is definitely founded. I've ended up at this site because of my lifelong lack of success with girls, leading in college to prolonged depression, even though I was a lot like you, according to your description: friends and family alike called me smart, funny, charming even. I've left parties having girls yell "you're the best man ever!" behind me. And yet I've sat bereft for so long...simply wondering, why? That's another issue...

What I'm driving at is that I know misery loves company, and so being depressed I felt like a social burden, so I got very isolated from people, but being even less social only reinforced the depression. It's a dangerous positive feedback loop. I looked into myself more, 'I must be the problem! What's wrong with me!' but as you expertly observe, that only decreases empathetic ability, further exacerbating the problem.

This page may be the ideal starting point for newcomers to the site...either this one, Overcoming Depression, or Don't Be Bitter. Particularly that last one.

P.S. I don't know if anyone reading this has heard of the movie Southland Tales, but it's an absurdist black comedy skin covering up a surprisingly clever commentary about modern American life, made by Richard Kelly (most known for Donnie Darko). The pornstar-turned-pop-sensation-and-TV-host Krysta Now records a song "Teen Horniness is Not a Crime" with lyrics such as "Teen horniness is not a crime; Open your heart and your mind; Cause the numbers don't lie; Observe the nerds who burned Columbine." The song's as over-the-top as the whole hilarious movie, but there's shreds of stunningly astute observation everywhere.

Mother // Father's picture

Is it really any surprise that someone cannibalizes his social structure when you need hundreds of articles to accomplish a core biological need?

David Riley's picture

Hello Mother // Father,

A few guys are naturally good with women, some guys have the idea, and other guys have to learn a lot. Unfortunately, there a guys like Elliot who thought they understand what women wanted but couldn't have been more wrong. He thought because he had money he was entitled to a woman. His whole thinking was off because of mainstream dating advice. The kind of advice that says woman only want men for money. Now money does help but it doesn't help if you want to genuinely build a solid relationship with women. Chase elaborated pretty highly on what was wrong with Elliot's thinking.

The interesting thing about modern dating is women read just as many articles as men. I've had ex girlfriends tell me they've looked up articles on "How to Win their Ex Back", just to have another shot with me.. Women have tons of resources. Girlschase is one of the few practical websites I've run across that have good advice on actually how to get a girl. Depending on how prior experience a guy has he really only needs one good article to be honest. The article that hit it home for me was "Don't Chase Women". In that article I saw everything I was ultimately doing wrong to get women. It really opened my eyes and cleared things up for me. So it really the article number ranges how experienced someone already is with women.

Just Dave

Anonymous's picture

Some times i feel like the way my family takes me as a joke and shows me no respect and When other people flex in my face i sometimes get mad and dont handle getting clowned well i take it personal from certain people

David Riley's picture

Hey Anon,

When I was a teenager and in high school I was a very scrawny kid. I remember working in a grocery store with a lot of cocky football players. I would get pushed around until I learned to stand up for myself. Overtime I would eventually go to be much taller and stronger than a lot of people who tried to push me around. When those same people see me now they get very intimated. However, I don't seek to push them around. I've actually forgiven all of them. I also know that me pushing them around would make me no worse than them.

I would highly encourage you to read more to become smarter. Work hard to achieve your dreams, and lift weights to increase your size. When people start seeing you develop more and more as a person, believe me the insults will stop. People try to pick on people who they believe won't fight back. Fighting back doesn't always have to be physical, a lot of the times it's mental.

Take care,

Just Dave

The "Other" Dave's picture

Mr. Amante - There must be SOMETHING wrong with a culture that would lead so many guys, most of them just like the men leaving their comments here, to think that they were inferior or defective. We are raising men to be JUST LIKE Elliott Rodger!

David Riley's picture

Hello "Other" Dave,

Indeed there is something very wrong with our culture and how we are raising young men. The first problem ideally starts with the attack on the masculine image. We are teaching young men that it's wrong to act like a man. We are redefining what a man is. Back in the day we looked up to the likes Clint Eastwood, George Clooney, Sylvester Stallone, Randy Savage, and James Bond. These were strong macho men, and the image of the male was very different. Even the dad's portrayed on TV were very different as well. They were respected individuals who were loved by their wives and children.

Now in the media males are look at as idiots who don't know anything. The man is no longer looked at as the leader but as a clown. This is shown through Homer Simpson and Peter Griffin. There are other examples as well. There are shows such as "How I Met Your Mother" and "Big Bang Theory" that emphasize weak male behavior. However society says this is okay because these men get girls. Young men grow up to see the "men" on TV sucking up to women. They assume that it's okay to suck and chase women. Romance Comedies are another example of this. You often see a "nice" guy end up with a girl by merely waiting around in being nice. Unfortunately, the real would doesn't work like that. A lot of men grow and become jaded when the fantasy doesn't work.

The second problem is mainstream dating advice which also doesn't work. Society tells us to be a gentlemen, take it slow, and don't show a girl your sexy side. This does nothing but make guys spend money on girls who aren't interested in them. The guy sees her laugh and smile and thinks he's getting somewhere. Then a guy who knows how to makes a move comes along and swoops up the girl. The girl then tells then poor guy she likes him as a "friend". This is what drives most men mad. They begin calling women whores and claiming they only like bad boys. This is essentially in a nutshell what happen to Elliot. He was doing everything that society told him to do and it got him no where. Society isn't being honest with men about what women want.

The third problem is men have no idea what women want. No one told these boys growing up to be assertive with women and lead the interaction. Instead they never say what they want with a girl and walk away empty handed. They listen to them all night loud about their problems, and the women don't give them any notice. No one told these boys that they actually have to move fast and communicate with women their intentions. The reality of most young men's situation "Other" Dave, is that these young men are living in ignorance. They are doing everything society tells them to do, and they are only walking away frustrated and empty handed. Unless that young man stumbles across this site like I did, or snaps out of the myths of society, he's going to keep going in a circle until he snaps.

Just Dave

Tim R's picture

Don't have a girlfriend at the moment, nearly 30 but beginning to take responsibility for myself - it is up to me to change things.

I don't know where it comes from, but although it isn't always explicitly said, there is an underlying culture that if you have never got laid, you are somehow less of a man (to a lesser extent women too). And, this hurts bad when you start believing it. I hope in the future that for both men and women that this idea is vanquished for both sexes.

For a long time I believe i harboured similar beliefs to rodger, lots of hate towards people in general, and towards women - felt inferior because others were getting women and I wasn't. Although this made me very depressed and angry, somehow I held on for a few more years and it did get a little bit better, year by year - even without taking much action.

Even though it shames me, I solicited the services of prostitutes to get over this fear of being inferior to others as to not having sex. This helped a bit, but I really don't recommend it to others. The confidence it gave me was slight, but it helped me release some of the control I allowed women to have over me. I actually am noticing that girls are interested in me nowadays and do want to go out with me, but currently the ones I am attracting are the ones low in self-esteem and depressed - which is due to me being in a similar state. So, I am actively resisting these girls in order to give myself extra energy to find and pursue a good life for myself. Mabye in the next 5 years I will still not have a girl, but even then that doesn't make me any less of a man.

So my advice to others is if you have these thoughts, please, find something you enjoy and just keep doing it. Things look pretty bad right now, but they WILL get better. Realize that you are not alone in your suffering, there are both men and women who have been/still are in your position.

Everyone is 100% worthy of their own love, no matter what you have done or what has happened.

Eli's picture

Of course people wonder why other people are so special? I've done it. I've wondered want makes Jay-Z do successful and look up the traits of successful people. Why would you assume no one does that? We live in a celebrity driven culture where suceful people are put on a pedestal? That doesn't make sense to me. People have been idolizing other people since the beginning of time.

Loner's picture

He’s got that cooped up, edgy “I’ve never been laid and I know you can tell” energy about him, but everybody’s got that until he’s taken his first lover. That’s how it goes.

Is it? Of all the rejections I went through before I even got my first kiss (which I got at age 27), more than one accused me of being a "player". I had two buddies ask me to go out with them, because "you always talk with the girls". Yes, I do... I do get along better with girls than with guys, it's always been that way. Yet the last thing I get out of that is anything sexual.

Thing is, when I watch this video, all I can think is, “God DAMN it, Elliot, if you’d just hung in there a few more years you would’ve been up to your EYEBALLS in pussy, I guarantee it!”

I should've made a bet about it with you a few years ago of you saying the same about me. At least it'd have made me rich.

If I’m not winning, the logical conclusion isn’t that it’s because the world is unfair and I’m doing what I’m supposed to to win and just being cruelly deprived of that...

But life is unfair. It always was, always will be. That's just how life is. I got dealt an awful hand: grew up without a dad, didn't have any friends after 6th grade, had my mother side with my bullies, got shamed for showing feelings (especially if it were feelings towards a girl), you name it. I give myself 1.5 more years, until I am 30, to either manage to turn this around finally, or I'll give up. It's not worth the hassle. And I'm not willing to live a life in solitude and without intimacy.

And when you really put the screws on and upgrade your life by emulating guys who know what they’re doing, you will find you so quickly outpace all but the very best of those guys you used to think had it all that you won’t believe it.

That would be nice indeed. Truth is, I'm doing that since over half a decade now. Yet I have the love life of a rock in a desert.

But I’d bet my bottom dollar there still ARE plenty of people who feel some degree of resentment toward others out there enjoying things they themselves are not enjoying.

I woudln't call it resentment, but I started getting really dragged down during spring/summer when I'm out and see all the happy couples on the streets and in the parks. I never had and will never have some lighthearted summer romance or whatever, simply by virtue of being past that age.

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