Make-Up Sex After Fights? 7 BIG Pros and 3 MAJOR Cons | Girls Chase

Make-Up Sex After Fights? 7 BIG Pros and 3 MAJOR Cons

Chase Amante

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Chase Amante's picture

By: Chase Amante

make-up sex
Make-up sex is wild, passionate, and pleasurable. Yet it comes equipped with 3 relationship "cons"… as well as 7 clear "pros."

Think back to your last session of hot make-up sex.

As you no doubt recall (and likely already knew), make-up sex is good.

It's among the best sex you'll ever have. It's incredible for women. It's incredible for men.

What makes make-up sex so deliriously good is the maelstrom of emotions that swirls about the sex. You've just had a big fight... perhaps broken up temporarily, or been just about to.

And then, after both partners had considered or flirted with or begun the process of a split, you pull back from the brink, and get right back into the relationship again -- and right back into one another, with make-up sex.

As a relationships guy, I've had a love-hate relationship with the love-hate roller-coaster that is make-up sex.

I used to recommend against it completely. Engage in make-up sex, as we will see, and you risk encouraging more, increasingly dramatic fights... you risk creating a subconscious driver in both relationship partners (i.e., you and your paramour) to pick fights and even raise the intensity of those fights any time either of you starts to long for good, hot, incredible sex.

Yet after years of telling folks off of make-up sex, I modulated my position. Somewhat.

I switched to "make-up sex can be quite good... IF you know what you're getting into."

We're going to cover three (3) MAJOR 'cons' to make-up sex today.

And then we'll cover the seven (7) big 'pros' to it, right after.

The goal is to make sure you know what you're getting into when you get into make-up sex.


Jake's picture

Hey Chase,

I ended up buying one Date at least in part because I'm really at a loss with what to do right now, and could seriously use some advice and thought you might be more active on that forum. Anyways, I ended up posting this on both forums, and while I know its a longshot, I wanted to comment here on the off chance you saw it and felt like helping out (although I'm sure you're busy). I've gotten some decent advice so far, and am grateful for it, but wanted to shop the question around some more. Here goes:

A little bit of background with where I'm at:
I've been dating a girl for a while now - amazing personality, really attractive, and super into me too. Now, I am into her as well, but the interest has always been a little lopsided. I started off the relationship saying that I only wanted an open one, but she never wanted to be with anyone other than me, and while she tried it for a bit, eventually she would break down when i would go out with other girls. I never wanted to hurt her, and at that point I felt like the pros of exclusively being with her outweighed the cons. So, I became monogamous with her. 

That was about three years ago, but while I've consistently had doubts about being in a relationship with her, I've reached the point where I know it'd be best for both parties if we separated. We fight very frequently (about smaller things though), have different desires for children, as well as very different religious stances. Her dad's a pastor, and she would need to have children and take them to church as well as marry me eventually in order for him to be happy - which is critical to her. I tried breaking up with her about a year ago, but she then talked about how much she needed me to feel safe and begged me to stay together with her while sobbing, and I couldn't do it. The way she talks about me sometimes is as if I am the only thing that keeps her alive, and thats a real sensitive spot for me. I had a brother commit suicide around 3.5 years ago, and that has since left me feeling as if I need to protect people. That combined with the remnants of love I still feel for her, and you can see why it is hard for me to simply say, "We're done." 

So, I've come to the conclusion that the best path to take is to get her to break up with me. As stupid/cowardly/unrealistic as it sounds, I genuinely feel as though if I don't get her to fall out of love with me, I'll never be able to leave the relationship, for fear of her ultimately being so distraught that she takes her life. I know that the vastttt majority of relationships end in disappointment/sadness that eventually fades, but given my history, I just don't see myself being able to break up with this particular girl at this particular point in my life. Now, I can't just be an asshole to her, as that would probably hurt her just as much as breaking up I think. Rather, I want her to lose attraction to me, physically and emotionally. But I don't quite know how to go about doing this, since she is so invested in me and has known me for about 4 years.

I know this question might seem a little silly, and to be honest, if I were reading this post from someone else, I might be inclined to think that they were just being a coward for not simply breaking up with their gf when they want to, but the amount that this girl is into me is really intense. I feel like the relationship needs to end, but I can't see myself accepting and coping with my brother's death/the remaining protective feelings anytime soon, so I could really use some help.

Thanks a ton for reading a long (and weird) post,



Chase Amante's picture


Well, there are a few recipes for falling out of love.

One is to just make yourself lame. But you've got to be able to stomach that long-term, and then deal with the disrespect it elicits without behaving in a strong way in the face of it, and there's a risk behaving this way long enough affects your real-world behavior.

So this isn't very practical.

However, there is another path:

  1. Gradually, continually increase the demands the relationship places upon her, while
  2. Gradually, continually withdrawing the rewards the relationship provides her, all while
  3. Responding to every argument by calmly-yet-empathetically suggest the two of you are not compatible and perhaps she'd be happier with another man better aligned with what she wants

For instance, what would happen if you told her you really do care for her, but after trying this monogamy thing for a few years, it just doesn't work? And that you do not want to lie to her and hurt her and cheat on her, but sooner or later you're going to behave like a young man again?

At the same time, be less available. Take longer to respond to texts/calls. Put less emotion into them. Spend less time with her every week. Be more distracted when you do (watch movies, play games, etc. Many girls in particular do not like men playing games around them and ignoring them).

She is in love with you because the cost-benefit ratio of the relationship is a favorable one for you now.

Change the ratio, and you change her assessment of how much she really wants to stay in it.


Jake's picture

Hey Chase,


Thanks a ton for the advice, I think I keep looking for a silver bullet that will make everything end smoothly, when one doesnt actually exist. I'm going to try to increase the demands/decrease the rewards, but am a bit cautious about the monogomy comment as I think that would hurt her tremendously. We fight every other day at least, so I maybe shoud just respond as you've suggested and see how that goes. We have plenty of differences that I can maybe try to subtly highlight as well (she's very religious, needs to have kids at some point, etc.). I honestly would rather just try to make myself lamer, but I don't really know how to do that subtly either. 


Regardless, thank you so much for taking the time to reply. It really means a lot to me.




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