For Getting Girls, What You 'Cost' a Woman Is Vital | Girls Chase

For Getting Girls, What You 'Cost' a Woman Is Vital

Chase Amante

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what you cost to date
Once you’ve made yourself an attractive man women want, the battle is half won. The next step: finding ways to lower your cost, to make it easy for women who want you.

Most of what men focus on when they think about doing better with women is what they have to offer women. They think about how they can sell themselves to women; what women have to gain from them. Their value. Being impressive, taking women on fun dates, getting muscular, showing off their successes, having cool stories to tell – all these are ways to better display what you have to offer to a woman.

Much of what we focus on on the attraction side for men at Girls Chase focuses on bolstering what you have to offer, too. With better fundamentals you become a man women are more and more interested in. And with better game you make it easier and easier to showcase your attractive sides and find ways to get girls to go come with you.

Yet there’s another side of the equation to any value offering. It is not just how valuable something is, but also what its costs are.

That’s ‘costs’ plural, because there are always multiple costs to anything you acquire or add to your life. Costs like:

  • Time: how much time does it take to get this thing?

  • Money: do you need to spend money to get it? If so, how much?

  • Image: are there costs to your image if you acquire this thing?

  • Motivation: do you have to exert willpower or fight inertia to get this thing?

  • Opportunity: by choosing this option, do you give up something else?

... and more.

When it comes to dating and seduction, every woman you meet faces these and other costs when she considers you.

Chase AmanteAbout the Author: Chase Amante

Chase woke up one day in 2004 tired of being alone. So, he set to work and read every book he could find, studied every teacher he could meet, and talked to every girl he could talk to to figure out dating. After four years, scads of lays, and many great girlfriends (plus plenty of failures along the way), he launched this website. He will teach you everything he knows about girls in one single program in his One Date System.



Lawliet's picture

Thank you Chase!
Attainability article! :) thank you for this!

Re: Knowing her type
Hey Chase, I've been rereading some comments you gave me, and you said that a girl's hair colour is usually what she's looking for. I'm guessing this only applies if she intentionally dyed it.

So if she's bottled blonde, she'll be looking for blonde.
If she's auburn blonde dyed, she'll be looking for a guy who also dyed it as well, no matter asian, white, or black.

Well, I'm not much of a fan in dying my hair. (dying scallop cells, bad pun ;))

But this got me thinking. If hair colour is an indication to what she looks for, does this apply to everything else?
I know we have some "Girl type" articles, but what are other surefire signs you've noticed tend to reveal what she looks for?

Examples like
Girl that works out in deadweights would want an arnold.
Or Skinny girls would go for skinny guys.
Short girls go for tall guys?

Maybe I can change myself to reflect the type of girls I seem to tickle my fancy.

Re: Beautiful Tall with perfect proportions
Now, speaking of types, there is this type that 99% men would fancy.
And that's having the nice face, perfect proportions and maybe tall or medium height, with long feminine hair, that exudes an air of elegant sexiness (you know, not the short girls who are giggly girls...there are some short girls that are lady-like tho).

Somehow most approach invitations I get are girls that don't fall into the category above.
Makes me wonder if my fundamentals are enough. Maybe I should workout and get muscles, more value to match them? But then there isn't much of a hierarchy is there...or at least I would like to think.

But beautiful people do have more choices and don't have to stick their necks out (Your beautiful women harder to get article)

Re: Email you sent
Finally, I've been trying to find the piece you said about attainability. "Walking head high, back straight, and only girls who are also head high and back straight will gravitate to you. Other girls may be put off by this display. Your fundamentals result in the type of girls you get"

Or on the lines of that.
Though I searched your site, your emails and couldn't find it anymore.

It makes me confused because I thought to make ourselves high status, we need to have a sexy walk.
Yet you say it turns some women away and only appeals to the top of the crop.

Forgive me if I've mistaken about you saying this.

Looking forward to hear your insights,

Chase Amante's picture


Yes, if she intentionally dyed her hair, she's telling you what she's looking for. It'll be easier or harder with her depending on what you look like.

"She's dyed" doesn't mean "she wants a guy who's dyed." It just means she's looking for a guy of a similar hue to the one she's emulating.

But yes -- anything she does to actively differentiate herself, she's telling you what she likes. Girls who work out hard in the gym like guys who work out hard in the gym. Girls who get an advanced education and a great career like men with advanced educations and great careers. Girls who turn themselves into gold diggers like men with a lot of gold. Etc.

People also do look to compensate for "less desirable" characteristics... short girls like tall guys even more than normal height or tall girls do, for example. Short people care WAY more about height than anyone else (guys and girls both), in general. Fat girls like fit, muscular guys more than girls who are just a healthy (non-gym) thin do. Unattractive women are enamored with good-looking men a lot more than naturally beautiful women are. Etc.

Sure, better fundamentals will always net you more attention and better receptions from more desirable mates. If you want more desirable women more interested in you, up your fundamentals.

I don't recall the passage about head held high, back straight... I've written so much at this point a lot of it I can't fully remember. Though I would say if you march around super confident looking, chest puffed way out, head thrown back, back super erect, yes, that can be a little intimidating to women who aren't feeling as confident. Usually a looser (while still confident) walk is best.


Zack's picture

Hi Chase,

great article, for sure, but I think you are getting ahead of yourself: us guys have the same concerns too which we have to deal with before addressing the costs a girl is restricted with. E.g., a guy wouldn’t be able to solve logistics, his girlfriend might find out, etc, basically all concerns listed above.

So, prior to the article above, an article about restrictions a guy have would be appropriate.


Chase Amante's picture


I think what you're asking for is, how to overcome your own reservations about shagging a girl? Is that correct?


n.qbhamidi09's picture

Hello Chase

I'd like to ask for your advice re a girl I wrote my number on a piece of paper for her. she has not called me.

I sometimes work as an event security guard for a hotel in Brisbane Australia. R works as a waitress along with many others there. R told me she was single so I asked her to catch up with me later on and gave her my number. I haven't heard from her. I worked there two more times and she just smiles. i didn't bring it up with her, don't know what to say  or do now. I work there once every three weeks. It is award for me to see her at work and knowing she has not called me or why.



Reza Alhamidi 


Her age: around 20 

Me: 31 years old 

Chase Amante's picture


Pretty common scenario. Girls will only contact you first if they are VERY interested and pretty proactive and/or you've given them very clear instructions on what to do. If any of those are missing, the strategy does not work.

In general you only want to be giving out your info to girls once you make very strong impressions and easily get women to chase after you. Otherwise, best to stick to taking their info yourself, so you can handle the follow-up.

I'd just talk with her again, get a little flirtation going on, ask her out again, and take her contact info yourself next time. Much better odds if you're contacting her than if you're waiting to hear back from her.


SZ's picture

I'm trying to figure out how I can make getting a better skillset with women important instead of just a hobby.

I've been on this site half a decade and it has helped me immensely, what sucks is that getting flaked has caused me to quit the game for some years and I'm angry about it.

While on this site I never made women a priority though, I made it a hobby. I never made it serious like that where I had to treat it like I was working out 5 days a week consistently.

Now I understand how much work has to be put in order to get real good with girls.

My thing is now that I'm older it's hard to think of this as important, well compared to other things.

Me being older and not having my shit together is different than when I was younger. Now I feel that I don't deserve to put all of my time into pick up, that I should just work and work, even if I get things handled, I don't want to feel guilty for using my time to get better with women instead of working on something else.


But I've put off pick up for a few years already and I'm not waiting to have whatever to keep sleeping with women.

I know you'll probably say that if it's not important to me then it's not important to me.

But sleeping with many women is important to me, what's messing up my thought process is how do I make pick up more than chasing tail?

I want to feel like it's more than just lays, I want a lot of lays, but when I'm out tryna get lays, going on dates, over and over again that I'm accomplishing a goal that will benefit me instead of wasting my time.

I'm trying to understand the real importance of pick up that makes it worth my time.

I'm not asking for you to convince me, but I'd like to know your thought process as to why pick up, going out all of the time where some outings might be useless, and sleeping with a lot of girls can improve my life like money, health, and working out.

I want to make it as important as that to learn this as a real skill instead of feeling like I'm being unproductive chasing pussy.

I have ideas I know why pick up is worth it;

You know how to pick up women forever, you can find a partner with ease, sexual needs are fulfilled, you're not settling.

What were your thought processes when you were going out all of the time and making this your big focus? Was it just to sleep with girls ? Or was it more?

I feel you had a grand idea on why you were doing this, that it was more than just lays, there was a real beneficial reason for you to not give up and to keep pushing through hard times, instead of giving up with your first OK girl.

I know it had to do with your business, gotta keep sleeping with chicks to keep the content fresh. But what about before that ?

Just wanted to hear your side and get some advice from you that me sleeping with many women, going out all the time, etc. Is for an important reason, not just having fun and something I shouldn't feel guilty about because this skill is very important to learn.


Chase Amante's picture


Reread this:

Picking Up Girls and the Game of Asymmetric Returns

I don't care about the individual outing. If I go out and girls don't respond well to me, I do a post-mortem and figure out what went wrong. Then tweak it next time.

What I care about is increasing my net for chances for things to go right. If I talk to twenty attractive girls, there's a pretty good chance I will meet one I can sleep with in that mix. Just because the other 19 didn't work out doesn't mean those conversations with them were "useless." They provided momentum. I likely had a good time with many of them (even if I don't sleep with a girl, if I have a nice conversation and flirt with her a bit, I still have fun). And regardless, they were each necessary stepping stones to me meeting the girl I eventually bedded.

I think about talking to girls as making pings to find out who's interested. There is NO way for me to know that before I've talked to her. Approach invitations can help, but plenty of times a girl will signal you to approach, then decide she doesn't like you on approach and shut down. Other times she won't signal you at all, only for you to approach and sparks start to fly.

At a motivational level, I enjoy talking to girls, I enjoy flirting with them, I enjoy seeing what I can get away with with them, and I enjoy intimacy with them. I like the adventure of going out, facing rejections, having things not go my way, then suddenly I am IN with a very pretty girl, and before you know it we are intimate. To me this is one of the greatest adventures. You feel like nothing is working, everything is down, then BAM! Great sex with an awesome girl.

When I was brand new and starting out, my beginning motivation was "There's this girl I like. But she is far more experienced with people and dating than I am. The ONLY way I can get her is if I level my skills up first." So the beginning was this "gotta level my skills up so I can get that girl" task. But the once I began to succeed with the women I was meeting, I forgot all about that girl, and it became "I've got to see if I can keep improving my skills." Once I was sleeping with the kind of women I wanted and they wanted relationships with me, I was even more torn, because here is something even better than what I set out to get... but now I am just sucked in, and I want to get my girl skills better still. Also at that point I had a great fear of backsliding: "If I stop now, I will lose all the gains I've made, and these girls who are really into me now will lose interest in me, cheat on me or break up with me, and I will not know how to replace them."

So there was this dual motivation, of a desire for better skills, plus a fear of losing what I'd learned if I did not climb to a high enough height with women first.

That's how it worked for me. But each person is motivated by different things. These things may or may not be motivating to you.

For me it was about "I want to be able to do whatever I want with women and have that ultimate freedom", and I knew that methodically improving in lots of little ways with women would get me there. That's exciting. Each time I went out -- even if I didn't meet a great girl or get laid or anything that night -- I still inched my way toward better skills. And it was also about reaching a high enough point where I'd be secure with women forever, and never have to worry about forgetting what I'd learned if I ever got out of the game.


SZ's picture

So I just read your email Chase about getting women with your lifestyle and I was just thinking that it's been so hard for me to meet a lot of women because I haven't worked or anything to meet a lot of women except go to clubs which kind of suck.

Had some questions:

1. Does it matter what age we do these lifestyle activities ? Can we can still get the same attraction? 

2. I'm kind of confused with working at these jobs. Wouldn't these girls not want to sleep with you if you're past a certain age doing these type of jobs? 

3. You mentioned making a popular social media channel, I got hyped reading this because I told you its been on my mind for a while.

I know you said I would have to get used to all of the attention, but I wanted to know how to get women with this too.

Thing is I worried about it because I felt I was putting myself out there too much and wouldn't be a mystery and a chick wouldn't want to get to know me unless I had lots of followers and money.

What I wanted to know from your side is how does this help with women ? And can I still do cold approach and go out solo to bars clubs, etc. with a popular social media channel? 

4. Also wanted to know what can I do so I don't feel too emabrassed doing social media ? I'm embarrassed of my living situation and wanted to know if there's anything I should do before I go online? or do I just say fuck it and do it? And with that sparring video I'm kind of emabrassed about, what should I do about all that before I get online ? I feel very weak minded right now, but want to be stronger.

5. Do you think age matters a lot when getting popular on social media and getting lays from it? Is there any age that's too old? 

6. Random question, how do we take girls from first dates, or any dates to Hotels and Motels? I heard girls flake with that, you might spend money for nothing, and they don't want to go there like that, but I know you said that as an option if you don't have your own place.



Chase Amante's picture


Try them out. How much age matters depends on a LOT of things -- go try the activity and see how you feel. Also, see if you see anyone your age or older there, and if so, how cool he seems / how much attention he seems to get.

Hector's the one to talk to about the popular social media channel, as he's actually done it. I know it can be done, but all my information on how to do it is secondhand. I will say for Hector, yes, he was still going out plenty and the two meshed well; he'd meet in real life girls who first followed him on Instagram (and by that point he's already a mini-celebrity to them).

I don't know about the embarrassment + social media thing; it's not an area I have experience.

Whatever age you're fat, unhealthy, and low energy, that's the age you're too old to do well with women. For some guys that's 25, for others it's 90. Depends on the guy.

First date to hotel pull works the same as any pull. Seed earlier in the date that you're staying at XYZ hotel. Give the hotel a luxurious sounding name if it's somewhere basic ("I think it's called The Edgewood? I'm terrible with names" --> if she questions it when you arrive: "Oh right, the Holiday Inn, that's what it's called"). Then when it's time to pull, use your pull. If there's a Jacuzzi in your hotel, that's best; really easy to pull to go use the Jacuzzi. If no Jacuzzi but a great view, use that. If neither of those, just pull for drinks/a nightcap. Buy a bottle of wine along the way if you need one.


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