Tactics Tuesdays: Kick Her Out or Leave (at Least Once)

This is truly astounding the first time you encounter it. It also works even if she's mostly over the relationship at that point! My experience happened around month 10 or so of the relationship of a year (that I should have ended a month or two before that, honestly... but didn't).  

Thanks to recent life bs I started getting needy and she started to fall out of the relationship and yada yada. Anyway, she decided to get busy with work when I came over one night (we only saw each other for a few hours each week, once a night, honestly we were more fuckbuddies than relationship at this point but whatever), well past the time I should have already ended the relationship but didn't.

She did tell me that she had some work stuff ahead of time but that it wouldn't take long. So I said cool, I'll just show up an hour late to give ya the time she needed. No big deal. 

I get there and she's on the phone. Says it's her boss. Okay... no red flags yet.

After about a half hour on the phone call (it was more personal than work related, and she even admitted to that later on) I took a shower at her place and decided that I was going to leave if she was still on the phone when I got out. 

Came out of the shower and she was still on the phone. So told motioned to her and said that I was gonna head out. No discussion whatsoever. 

She physically got in front of me and ended the phone call in about twenty seconds. She was trying every which way verbally to get me to stay and I was just over being there at that point. She also kept unbuttoning my shirt which was just hilarious. Had to bite my tongue to keep myself from laughing. 

Anyways, about a minute or two into that she's going down on me leading to sex. Fun night. 

And at this point, she was already over the relationship. Attraction was probably already in the shitter and everything! This technique works like gangbusters! 

Great article once again Chase, very insightful.

I recently had a girl from work that I had been seeing for around 2 months refuse to go for a second round of sex. She did this because she legitimately had to get up early in the morning. I persisted a lot but she wouldn't give in and at the end of the night I got annoyed and gave her a cold shoulder in bed. Later she told me she did not want to see me again partly because of this.

My question; how to handle this situation better in the future?

If you want to go for a second round of sex but she resists, do you then give up because she already gave you sex or do you still kick her out?

Hey Chase,

Thanks for this article. The ability to walk away is powerful message. It keeps that challenge too.
But at the core, it shows you don't accept mid-ass crap, and your time is special and should be respected.

Tying to the Respect article you wrote "You must earn respect AND demand it to be respected"

I experienced something lately and it also pertinent to setting precedents and framing.

As we know, it's a balancing act between "secure" vs. "challenge"
Too much of safety will be boring for her in dating or relationships
Too much of challenge and she'll auto reject.

It's vital to keep a temperature throughout this and calibrate accordingly.

If a girl is chasing you, sending you texts on her own, complimenting you, trying to impress you, how would you keep her chasing but not auto rejection and give up?

First thing comes to my mind is "Rewarding her"
But complimenting would throw the frame back into "You chase her"

Her: You're cute
Guy: So are you

Frame is back in her advantage.

How would you do it? Keep her chasing, dating, and sex, but never losing the frame and become the chaser once you've established this frame?
And not become unattainable by not rewarding her good behaviour.

Lastly of course is
How would you establish this frame with girls? From the process of approach her to dating to post sex.

Re: Some girls outright chase you and shamelessly do so, some don't but secretly like you...

I notice sometimes girls would chase me from the beginning.
Sometimes girls won't and basically the only thing to tell her interest is by compliance test.

There is not much indicator. But there seems to be TWO TYPES of personality.

On the other hand, some girls are directly flirting and personalized flirting (not the flirting butterfly) and will go so far to state their interest if they think you still don't get it. And even make sexual comments or talk about sex (as mentioned in my previous question comments)

All girls have this side. That's what I believe. It may or may not tie to experience, but what's most important is...
How do we trigger this side in girls? It's more fun to have a mating dance with someone that can dance also, not dead fish. ;)

Sure, we could have solid fundamentals, but the way we act could give the wrong frame and make her assume the superior position, and immediately show is over. No more chasing from her.
We have to be able to put forth as valuable but also making her chase AND not screw up attainability AND not screw up frame! But how?

What is your rule of thumb to get a girl's chasing side out (if that is her natural type approach in dating)?
Because I can see how easy it will be to accidentally set the wrong frame, and even though she chased all 3 of her ex bf, and 4 lovers,
she doesn't with you thanks to the wrong step.

Looking forward to hearing your thoughts.

Love to see examples of your experiences on this too if possible :)

Thanks,
Lawliet

p.s. just a curious thought, girls who chase you, I have a feel it ties into their own value (or how they perceive their self value).

If chase is their approach to getting men they want (go-getter), it may indicate they don't see themselves as value than one who idles and waits to be chased?

Also would this tie into higher possibility of infidelity ? (More choices when girls do the chasing and won't mind doing it)

So we end up with a girl who isn't necessarily that beautiful and more likely to take risk for her own pleasures, including her approach to get men.

Are they easy? I wouldn't say so. If they're happy, they're all submissive, they know how to play the game. but if they aren't happy, they will bite back.

What are your thoughts on this?
There's even a meme I saw saying "Girls who like me (picture of cute or ugly girls) vs. girls who I like (beautiful)" XD.

Dude, are you serious or just trolling?
Yes, it's good to show your partner you could leave or make her leave any time if she starts taking you for granted and treating you like shit.
Yes, it's important not to tolerate manipulative behavior (but may I remind you, you're manipulative yourself - and why do you want to stay with such manipulative bitches in the first place? Believe it or not, not all women are like that. We are different human beings just like you and we have different personalities.)
But the rest was utter garbage. Showing her "who's boss"? Not wanting to "deal with some woman's drama"? Telling her she should "behave herself", like some dog? Basically forcing her to have sex with you? Yeah, good luck keeping a girlfriend with that sexist attitude. In a loving relationship, both partners are equals, nobody is boss. In a loving relationship, people talk about conflicts instead of brushing them off as "woman's drama". And, most importantly, in a loving relationship, you only have sex if both partners want it. Sex is not a "price to pay" except when you're with a prostitute. Guess what, sometimes women just don't want to have sex, sometimes we really are tired and want to spend a quiet evening. So what's with the annoyed attitude? You're not entitled to her body. And if you're unable to spend even one evening without sex, just talking, are you sure she's your girlfriend? Because it sounds more like a fuck buddy.
I'll tell you what happens when you get all mad and macho and try to force her into having sex with you. Either she leaves and never talks to you again because apparently she was right with her assumption that all you want is sex. Or she loves you so much that she has sex with you against her will, just to stay with you. Which, technically, is rape, may I remind you.
How about treating women like actual human beings instead of playing all these macho tricks you write about in this sorry excuse for a blog? Or have fun with your manipulative, unhealthy, sick and twisted "relationships", I don't care.
To say it with the words of Harry Potter: "You'll never know love, and I feel sorry for you."

Reminds me of an episode of Married with Children where the guy told Kelly Bundy to "put out or get out." He took her out and showed her a good time, and then when he parked the car to make out, she was like "nah." So he told her to get out, left her in some rural area on the outskirts of Chicago. I remember thinking at the time when he did that, "Yeah, naturally.."

It's like, do these girls try to play dumb or what? Don't they know that their end of the bargain as a female consists mainly in putting out? See, that's why I don't blame or look down on the guys who patronize hookers. And that's also why I've been trying to be more clear lately to my girlfriend about what I expect from her. They need to have some contract informally laid out on them and that they'll verbally sign on. At the same time, I'm also willing to accept that this is a two-way street; meaning, the girl can also make me "sign" on the fact that I'm not just looking to "hit it and quit it" if she wants to, if she's really trying to avoid a one-night stand, and I'd tell her frankly "yay" or "nay".

By the end of that episode, Kelly's brother came across that guy and passed him his measles (or whatever disease he had) in retribution. And the guy did deserve it - not because he told her to put out or get out, but because he left her alone near the woods at night (that's no place to kick a girl out).

Great article.

I disagree with calling girlfriends "a woman". That's really demeaning and does not do any favor to you, her or the relationship.

And I'm not sure a top high quality woman would take that without at least pushing back.

Hey, Chase. This is off-topic, but still on-topic for the website overall. And I just remembered this.

Chase, a while ago, you wrote:

Men who allow themselves to be domesticated in relationships end up depressed and feeling trapped and bossed around; men who allow themselves to be domesticated prior to sleeping with girls end up landing in the friend zone, relegated to being just friends with a girl they liked (and are waiting on hand-and-foot).

I'll write a proper article on avoiding domestication and how both you and the women in your life will be happier for it,
but for now let's just say domestication is bad, and leads to frustrated, emotionally impotent men and bored women prone to looking elsewhere for more exciting men. It's lose-lose for both parties.

You said women did it to tie down a man and increase security in the relationship. It was an interesting take. And now I wonder if you did indeed write that article for it and I missed, or if not, do you plan on writing it some day?

Thanks