How to Be an Alpha Male -- Without Becoming a Stereotype | Girls Chase

How to Be an Alpha Male -- Without Becoming a Stereotype

Chase Amante

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how to be an alpha maleIf there's one pet peeve I have right now, it's the current way being an "alpha male" is talked about in most pick up and dating circles. I've gotten to the point personally where I cringe every time I hear some guy talking about "being alpha."

But I don't want to go on an anti-alpha tirade here, because at it's core, the alpha male ideology is very correct; it's just that the term itself has become so laden with cultural baggage that "the alpha male" has just about become a stereotype -- a clownish, cartoon caricature of what an alpha male used to be.

Every time I hear the term "alpha" these days, I imagine some bald, shirtless, gargantuan, vein-popping 'roid-head screaming, "Alpha... ALPHA!!!" at the top of his lungs, and a crowd of skinny nerdy guys standing around him, pointing at him in awe, and whispering to each other, "That's alpha. That's how you get the ladies."

This post is my effort to wrestle back the term "alpha male" from the shadow of itself it's become, and redefine once and for all what the term really means -- and exactly how to be an alpha male... without turning yourself into a cartoon character.

Chase AmanteAbout the Author: Chase Amante

Chase woke up one day in 2004 tired of being alone. So, he set to work and read every book he could find, studied every teacher he could meet, and talked to every girl he could talk to to figure out dating. After four years, scads of lays, and many great girlfriends (plus plenty of failures along the way), he launched this website. He will teach you everything he knows about girls in one single program in his Mastery Package.



Migz's picture

Excellent breakdown (or should I say AMOGing ;) of the flaws in the theory of "Alpha male is everything" proponents. Their social evolutionary theories, although quite elegant as well, are also wrong, even though they oftentimes cherry-pick scientific articles to "prove" their claims.

Yes, in the absence of a man who's able to build an emotional connection, women will pick the man with the most qualities, including game, but being higher value is not everything.

Another trend that is prevalent in PUA circles is the Flash game myth, where beginners believe there needs to be witty comebacks or super-cool lines or moves that make any observer or reader think: this guy is a pimp! Maybe you should describe an everyday pickup for you, and how mundane, quiet and cute it looks.

Chase Amante's picture

Well, dunno if I'd call a pick up of mine "cute"... ;)

But yeah, there's different things at play than just straight value. I'd argue a truly strong guy is a lot stronger than the "fake alphas" posing as mighty, but that's beside the point you're making, Migz.

A great illustration of your point is in the TV series Lost. From the outset of the series, Kate is more attracted to Jack, the heroic doctor who's leading the survivors and trying to make sure everyone's okay. And she gives him multiple opportunities to do something, even at one time early in the series stopping him in the jungle and telling him it's all right for him to check her out and asking him what he's thinking, right then. The moment's pregnant with her desire... and then he starts going on about what he was thinking about was getting back to the caves and setting up a camp.

Then you've got Sawyer, the trouble-making bad boy. He's not as great nor as accomplished a man as Jack is, in just about any sense, but he closes deals. And eventually, even though Jack was clearly the leader, Kate got with Sawyer -- because he was the one who took action and got her.

Most of the "fake alpha" guys are like Jack, too busy managing the group and trying to be well-liked to just pair off with a girl and make her feel special and get together with her. That's where the "real alpha" guys -- the Sawyers of the world -- come in.

Good point too on the flash game -- could be an interesting blog post sooner or later ;)


Jimbo's picture

I think you meant Jack is the real alpha and Sawyer the fake one.

Anonymous's picture

anywhere i go theres duechbags trying to cockblock. i laugh at this and give them no attention because its obviously what they want. i guess people just value different things.

Jimbo's picture

Nothing bugs a douchebag more than being ignored or not being given the time of the day. He'd rather have people show him explicit hate and hostility than ignoring him.

Anonymous's picture

How would an alpha male have conversations with his girl after being with her for a while? i meant, would he talk a lot or just be quiet and cool? i know he would be himself but at the same time too much talking is girly?

WufanGohan's picture

Yeah an interesting and actually reflective article I must say.

Not trying is what many betas don't know as the later stage, but an alpha male can also be a nomad whether you realise this or not.

This has been said to death but confidence in oneself is the most paramount requisite of an alpha male. That and the cavalier accompaniment. You aim to simply improve things and people - this can be taken into the further stages as well - not complain about or be affected by them at all.

Showing off like roaring is not always necessary, but both do make for good show tools especially when certain social situations beg for them.

But I think alphas and betas are determined by genetics so for those of you who are not comfortable or even capable of leading then just enjoy your lives as followers of the system. There's nothing wrong with that.

Do you think we natural leaders have it so easy? We are just being true to ourselves, and feeling right with no other way.

Jimbo's picture

"I think alphas and betas are determined by genetics."

Not much. I've been both leader and follower in my life depending on the social group and context.

libertyanyday's picture

No way. As much as we would like to think we are capable of chameleon like change......the truth is best told by those that view us. Leadership is not a learned trait/behavior, succinctly, those that inherently set their own goals without having to think about it.........they are true to themselves and their goals......the followers will naturally be drawn.

Nice Alpha's picture

Good call on not becoming a stereotype. Similar to this chapter in the alpha male guide:

Andrew's picture

Appreciated this article. I've been thinking about how social networking works into your analysis -- I think of Facebook, for example, as being damaging for someone looking to improve themselves and be a better man.

Any thoughts on how your very useful, practical advice on physical social groups and interactions would work in an online context like Facebook?

David Longhair's picture

Hi, I used to go on holiday trips with a bunch of Asians females mostly. There was this one guy Simon - average looking, attention seeking, always trying to help the girls, and he seemed to charm them by taking photos and stuff with them. I was more cool, laid back I don't usually say much - I just wanted to go on a holiday and chill. I wasn't expecting to get laid but I was expecting to have a couple of decent conversations with the girls. But Simon seemed to hate me. I'd say good morning to me and be pleasant. And when no one was looking he'd just plain ignore me. Eventually he seemed to be monopolizing and steering the dinner conversations in such a way that I couldn't even get a word in. I've traveled a bit and the last straw came when he started talking about some place he really wanted to go to. And one of the girls pipped up - "David has gone there". I was just about to speak when he changed the conversation and the whole group just looked to that dude for guidance. I had enough and told the group I'm tired and was heading back to my room. The girls at the start seemed friendly but in the end they stopped even looking at me. Been on 3 trips with them. That was the last one I'm going on. The last thing I remember was his grinning face at the airport. What should I have done? Apart from leaping over the table with my dinner knife and carving out his eyeballs?

Jimbo's picture

Exactly the same as he did to you: engage in a conversation with one (or two) of the girls and ignore the living hell out of him. He doesn't own them nor does he own the group. It's actually very common that two or three people of a group of, say, six spin off and start their conversation or their own thing.

sarnett86's picture

In another article you wrote of active reputation management and caring about what everyone else thinks. Doesn't Harrison Ford's penultimate alpha male status violate that law of not caring much about what others think?

Anonymous's picture

Hang on, you say dont be a social butterfly in this article, but in the article about "how to get a perfect 10" you say you have to be a social butterfly. Can you clarify on this please.

Attila's picture

Social butterflying in this case means hopping quickly from group to group as a butterfly flits from flower to flower in search of nectar(or pollen whichever), never really building actual bonds or connecting instead only making acquaintances that see you as just another guy trying to join the group. I suspect in the other article, the term social butterfly referred to a highly sociable individual.

Pauleywalnuts's picture

Hey brother. This article is SPOT ON. Your probably the most intelligent person on this subject I've found. Your clearly painted picture on a true alpha is realistic and truthful. BUT I have one huge BUT and I hope you can help.

Here's my deal. My whole life I've been what you described here. I am so anti try hard that its actually a bit too much. This is a SUPER weird story but it describes my point perfectly.

Put simply, I agree with your entire blog of girls chase you. That's been my entire life's goal. My whole approach is to make girls so attracted to me they can't keep their hands off.

The only bad part here is that sometimes I don't try enough. I try to do it all without trying, and I realize that this is an issue for me that I wants to fix. One of the main things. I probably don't do is be very aggressive with women up front. Since I never want to be try hard, I always try to make them come to me, and can't clearly define that line to tell myself, Paul just go touch her hips or something. That's where I have trouble and am wondering if you can offer advice?

Where is that line that I can go up to before I am being "try hard"

P.s. I know I said I had a weird story, so here it is. It illustrates my theory perfectly.

Like I said I've been doing the anti try hard thing my whole life. I'm a short dude, but very handsome, and Its been my life's goal to appear attractive in social settings. NOW I know that I am building attraction. However since I'm not super try hard, it usually the more aggressive girls that ill get, or ones who aren't afraid. I have a feeling like some girls are intimidated and may think ill reject them. Which I won't.

This is where my whole dilemma is. We know almost 90% of girls never tells guy how attractive or good looking he is, and I don't expect them to. However I've always felt like girls felt strongly about be but never did anything about it.

My validation of this story came when we visited my friends ex GFs house. She lived with a gay guy. This guy was drunk, and me and two of my friends went there. This gay dude was so smashed and acting so horny, that he was hitting on my friend and me. We let him go along w it bc it was entertaining, but this dude was obsessing over me. I remember asking my friend "why can't chicks act like this" . In a nutshell that's all I've ever wanted. He laughed, and I was surprised bc I know that's always been my goal.

Point is, I guess I should be doing more to make the first moves with girls, I just need to know where that line is, so I don't look foolish. And the whole attraction of that girls gay friend proves to me I have all the pieces in place, I just have to go out and take what I want. Just looking for some advice on where to draw the line.

Anonymous's picture

Actually from your comment it seems like you are trying waaay too hard to be an anti try hard. You are over thinking everything and making it so complicated. Stop thinking and start doing. Just start taking action with simple things. Start by going up to random girls and just saying hi and introducing yourself. Get comfortable interacting with women and building rapport. Just be genuine in your interactions and enjoy just meeting and talking to women. Stop being in your head about how you should be doing this and saying this and so on.

You have to constantly be taking action in order to improve yourself. Stop thinking what if this and what if that. Just do it. Not trying hard means not trying to impress others. It means just doing your own thing and if you want to talk about something you like go ahead. If you don't feel like talking then don't. It means if others don't like you then who cares. If they do then great. But on the other end you should be actively working very hard to improve yourself in every way. That means learning new skills, having interesting hobbies, and working to make yourself a better man every single day. It doesn't mean you sit around not doing shit all day.

Not trying hard comes from not giving a shit about the petty social bs others partake in. You just work on improving yourself and everyone else will notice and gravitate towards you effortlessly.

J's picture

So Chase, or anyone else with experience in this!

Last night I got chatting to a couple of girls at a bar, they were part of a larger mixed group and all was going pretty well; ended up getting one of their numbers so a fairly decent result.

However, my question is about the territorial "alpha" in their group, who I noticed took an instant dislike to my presence; I think getting the girl's number was the final straw!

He'd been looking indignantly at one of the girls, then back to me; clearly silently saying "who the **** is this guy". I remember at the bar he'd also jostled me while I was trying to pay and I'd already got the impression he was guarding his pathetic stick in the ground.

So I think I made the first mistake by addressing him first (as it was getting harder to ignore him as he was right in front of me and this girl, not saying anything just looking sneeringly at me) and when I said "you don't look impressed", he said "well..." then turned to the girl and said "how do you even know this guy" - "oh we got chatting at the bar", then he just raised his eyebrows dismissively, asked me my name (no doubt to assert his position by demanding information, not to be friendly) and said to me "if I were you, I'd just go over there"...

So, I remembered something Chase had written a while back - that everytime you spar with someone you're wasting effort and lowering yourself to their level, and since I'd got the girl's number I decided to move off; funnily enough fell straight into conversation with another group of ladies!

But... what would you have done in this situation? Is it even worth confronting someone like that? I know how many "PUAs" practise AMOGing but isn't it just easier sometimes to pick your battles and avoid confronting/addressing other men as much as possible? (Especially if you're way outnumbered by him and his mates)

Great articles by the way, a lot of really wise material!

Jimbo's picture

Yeah, a lot easier to just move on, and preferrably pick up some other chick right in front of them.

James Miller's picture

This article is spot on! AMOG'ing a group isn't the right way in showing that you are an alpha male. It Always looked to me like trying too hard. I would just enter the group, introduce myself and befriend everyone with my social skills. Dealing with an AMOG while staying alpha yourself isn''t that hard actually. You can both be alpha as long there is respect for one another.

I am in the seduction field as well, you might want to check out my website!

Anonymous's picture

"Most people are other people. Their thoughts are someone Else's opinions, their lives a mimicry, their passions a quotation." -Oscar Wilde

Hello, How is everyone doing today? I was randomly searching Google for something else and saw this site pop up. I decided to take a browse and found this Interesting Article to be quite appealing; Moreover, very accurate on each topic which certainly caught my attention. In my comment, It may be misinterpreted as "ignorance" however, I 100 percent assure you that I do not in any way mean it to sound that way. For example, women in say Ireland may know what a "True Alpha Male" is, and women in Florida may not. Truly in my personal opinion, the only way to live ones life is to travel the world and experience each and every culture.

I can mostly agree with the topics addressed in this post which certainly are well educated opinions; However, I must say without that oh so lovely "Blissful Ignorance" that in Miami FL, many women are very Fickle and Feeble minded but sadly it isn't their fault.

Can we truly blame these ladies for believing these delusions of a "Fake Alpha Male"? Perhaps they inadvertently believe this nonsense from "Fail Parents"? Parent's whom went to their corporate slavery jobs, came home exhausted, then gave not a single moment of attention to their Daughter; Which in turn, has left her extremely susceptible to much "Peer Pressure" as she progresses through middle school, high school, etc. when peer pressure consumes someone it in a sense makes you forget who you truly are for many years to come, which again as listed above goes hand in hand with Oscar Wildes Quote.

There is no true right but, there is a "Neutral Ground". Without proper "Parental Guidance" nor teachings of a neutral view of these delusional beliefs of "Fake Alpha Males" Can we truly blame women for this?

In my opinion I believe that without properly addressing "Parental Guidance" nor teaching of a somewhat "Neutral" view of these delusion beliefs that some women have. Again there is no right or wrong but there is a Neutral ground. If we (True Alpha Males) just stand here and let these "Fake Alpha Males" continue their childish nonsense we are then just letting Chaos breed more Chaos. Order must be addressed, but not to where Order is Absolute. One of the biggest questions I will raise here is how do we deal with these "Fake Alpha Males"?

I am 27 now and do not think this way anymore but, when I was younger I thought with my now 20 years Martial Skill of many different styles that when these phonies ran their mouth just to immediately and literally knock some common sense into their face and skull... In most of these cases with my well educated mind at such a young age, I could easily with my well educated mind prove to authorities that I felt my life was threatened which is a law in Florida called Stand your ground. It gave me a HIGH a two second "Adrenaline Rush" but to me was morally wrong and did not change the views of women. So what can we as True Alpha Males do about this? Just stand here and let it be?

With everything I have addressed so far,I raise this question to the "True Alpha Males"
After you have earned your degree and succeeded in life, Should you consider dating a lady back years later?

Keep in mind that she did not look at you with a single ray of light through all your younger years but now realizes after sleeping with randomly say 50-200 "Fake Alpha Males" that wow these fake males are going nowhere in life. She also has treated you like a piece of garbage as you succeeded in life and now realizes these phonie alpha males.

I strongly believe that you SHOULD NOT ever consider dating her let her live with her mistakes, even if she was your biggest crush or secret true love. She choose to make these mistakes and after a certain age I truly believe when someone makes a "mistake" that they're completely aware of it but presume they can get away with it. Of course, there are many levels of mistakes, but I am mainly just addressing the difference of Fake males to True Males.

Can we truly blame women for being this way? Did their parent's fail them? Should we consider dating them after all their mistakes? Remember that "Maturity" does not apply to this in any way, for consideration of taking her back.

I would like to hear other people's opinions on what I have wrote and am completely open to constructive criticism which may perhaps change my view on this matter on our hands. Thank you for reading my opinion :)

Jimbo's picture

Sometimes, appearances are enough. Giving the impression that you're powerful or have high-status is sufficient to arouse many women. That's why cocky behavior attracts them even though they don't even know what are you basing your cockiness on.

I think if a woman falls repeatedly for the douchebags and tryhards, then she should be damaged goods. She shouldn't pass on her douchebag-loving genes. It's the eugenic thing to do for men to shun the women who are most irresistibly attracted to those types, or if they sleep with them use a condom.

Anonymous's picture

Very interesting comment!

I do agree with your assessment that different women from different cultural backgrounds place a premium on different characteristics & traits they prefer for their men to have - this includes the way women like sex in different places/countries as well! (Chase has an article on this site which deals with dating women from different regions of the world; excellent read!).

With regard to your main point on whether or not you should consider women who once disregarded you, my simple answer is no. Not out of bitterness, but the natural order of things is that the more you better yourself (fundamentals), the better acquaintances, intresting new friends, and better quality women you tend to have as viable options. Why would you go back? Also, I imagine that just as it is difficult to find a real woman for us men, real women feel the same way in regard to finding real men. The odds are stacked against us!

The fact is that life is really a marathon & not a sprint. Those who start ahead may finish last & vice versa. But the quality of a real woman is that she is very aware of her senses and trusts her gut instincts, so even when your fundamentals aren't as solid as they should be, she'll still able to see your potential, and she'll RESPECTFULLY turn you down. All these other girls that treat you like sh*t are b*tches and should be treated as such; hit it & quit it. Apart from that stay away from them.

Once you graduate, start making money, and start travelling, you'll meet someone, you guys will hit it off and everything will be effortless. Maybe even that lady who RESPECTFULLY turned you down now fancies you and feels you're ready. That's when they open themselves up immediately!

robertjl's picture

So many great points here, Chase. You mentioned in the previous article (the one about being the alpha provider) that you've seen guys pay for drinks/meals and bed those women, because they feel dominated. Is there a tight rope we're walking here? At a certain point, doesn't she feel "bought"? And isn't paying for drinks something the lover doesn't do, since the lover is more her equal?

I guess this is where I'm confused. I was under the impression the lover should be her equal in things like money but be her dominant in the bedroom. Is it that some women you can buy drinks for and dominate them financially?


Jimbo's picture

They do because unfortunately too many men around them take their shit, accept being dominated by them, or worse yet fawn over them.

If everyone shunned the douchebag and no one gave him the time of the day, he wouldn't have anyone left to douchebag around.

Beta orbiters with no self-respect are the reason the obnoxious kind of alpha exists.

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